Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 29 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Self-centeredness and empathy
— From Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
Have you ever played with a two-year-old child? “He naturally chooses the best toys for himself and insists on his own way,” says leadership guru John C. Maxwell in his book Relationships 101.
Is this self-centered? Yes, but not in a bad way. “People are not self-centered on purpose; it’s just in the nature of humans to think of their own interests first.”
At some point we are all taught to share our toys and food, to be kind and play nice with others, and to be compassionate and empathic. Yet it’s the empathy part that sometimes trips us, because it’s hard to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.
“One way to overcome our natural self-centeredness is to try and see things from other people’s perspectives,” says Maxwell. He goes on to quote Art Mortell, author of World Class Selling, who shared his experience: “Whenever I’m losing at chess, I consistently get up and stand behind my opponent and see the board from his side. Then I discover the stupid moves I’ve made because I can see it from his viewpoint. [The challenge] is to see the world from the prospect’s viewpoint.”
Maxwell explains that, no matter our profession, the challenge for all of us is to see the world that way. And he shares the following thoughts “to remind us of what our priorities should be when dealing with other people.”
A SHORT COURSE IN HUMAN RELATIONS
The least important word: I.
The most important word: We.
The two most important words: Thank you.
The three most important words: All is forgiven.
The four most important words: What is your opinion?
The five most important words: You did a good job.
The six most important words: I want you to understand you better.
ACTION
TODAY: Watch this video on empathy.
FUTURE: There is a powerful exercise that I did a few years back that opened my eyes, my heart and jumpstarted my empathy. Seth Godin says that “Empathy takes effort.” Thus, the exercise is simple but not easy – yet I hope you do it and find it as valuable as I did! It’s as follows: pick a group of people who believe something you don’t believe. Now write down their narrative from their standpoint. It doesn’t have to be a long essay, say 250-300 words will do. Write it in their words and from their point of view, as if you were part of that group. There is no right or wrong, and nobody will see this exercise but you. When I did this exercise, I chose to see the world through my competitors’ clients. It was after this that I started seeing my competitors as collaborators and colleagues, and I was able to reach out to them and create some powerful alliances. You will learn much from this exercise and truly understand someone else’s point of view.
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