Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 11 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: The 2 categories of fear that prevent you from succeeding
— From What If It Does Work Out?: How a Side Hustle Can Change Your Life by Susie Moore
Susie Moore is a life coach and stress management guru in New York. She is the author of What if it does work out?, a great, friendly book that helps readers put their passions and hobbies to work in order to generate multiple streams of income (above and beyond their 9 to 5 job).
In her book, Moore debunks myths and tears apart fears and hesitations with common-sensical advice and examples that leave the reader at ease and eager to try.
One of the biggest takeaways for me was learning where our fears come from and what they are really about. Once I understood this, I had the clarity to see how they can prevent us from achieving our goals and reaching the success we seek. On the other hand, the good news is that once you identify the origin of the fears, they seem to dissipate instantly, as you can see them for what they truly are: unfounded.
Moore cites Dan Baker, Ph.D. and Cameron Stauth, authors of What Happy People Know. According to their research, if we leave aside all fear that is not the protective kind (e.g., the fear that stops you from hitching a ride with a stranger), all other fears belong to the belief in one of the following two categories:
- I am not enough, or
- I do not have enough.
“As humans,” Moore says, “we have not evolved to take into account our new modern surroundings. Back in the day of the caveman these fears were real and the result of their being actualized was certain death. If you were not fit, healthy, and strong, the tribe would leave you behind in order to survive. And if you did not have enough—meaning if you did not collect food every day and have the materials to give you shelter and warmth—you would perish.”
But we’ve come a long way. Why are we still thinking the same?
Moore explains that while our circumstances have changed, our reptilian brain remains the same and simply has learned to adapt said fears. Thus, “being ‘enough’ in today’s world means being educated, connected, charming, smart, good-looking, thin, interesting . . . the list is endless, especially when you are busy comparing yourself to your peers. Having ‘enough’ in our society means possessing the luxuries that we see touted as equaling success but that can also trap us: a large home, fancy car, great wardrobe. It requires dropping cash we may not even have on stuff we don’t need to try and keep up with our friends.”
“Observe any fear that is strong or subtle in your life and you will be able to attribute it to one of these two [fears].” The author shares a few examples of these two categories of fears and the way they manifest themselves in our lives. See if you can identify with any of them.
Fear of “I am not enough”:
- “I can’t tell that person I like them; he or she won’t possibly be attracted to me!”
- “I can’t ask for more money at work. It’s not like I’m perfect at my job.”
- “Who am I to start a business?”
- “I can’t start a blog— no one wants to hear what I have to say.”
- “I don’t want to go to that party. I’m not good with new people.”
Fear of “I do not have enough”:
- “Money is hard to come by.”
- “John comes from a better family than I do . . . I’m kinda embarrassed to introduce him to my parents.”
- “Better to stick to the career I know than take a risk doing what I really would love to do and go broke.”
- “Tom makes a lot more money than I do and always has nice things. I feel like he’s better than me.”
- “I won’t buy those boots/that laptop/a gym membership—I hate parting with money.”
While not all these examples will instill fear in everyone, think of your own fears and examine what motivates them. “If your soul is stirred with a reason for not doing something that feels right and fair, great. If not—if your decisions leave you feeling insecure, small, and unsatisfied—fear has got you wrapped around its little finger,” says Moore.
She goes on to quote best-selling author James Altucher: “Rejection and the fear of rejection is the biggest impediment we face to choosing ourselves.” Remember to choose yourself today and every day.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a fear that you are facing today. What category does it belong to? Once you identify it, look back at the fear and you’ll see how it dissolves. You’ll then be able to move forward.
FUTURE: When you are facing a non-protective fear, think back to these two categories and examine what you are feeling. Once you are able to pinpoint the category to which the fear belongs, it will be easy to get rid of it and continue moving forward.
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