Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterday’s post, we learn to distinguish some of the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around to our advantage. Today we will finish looking at the list of negative patterns of thought that Jack Canfield mentions, and we will see how to replace them with the truth to get unstuck.
Here we go:
Guilt-Tripping. “Guilt happens when you think words such as should, must, ought to, or have to. Here are some examples: I ought to spend more time studying for my bar exam… I should spend more time at home with my kids… I have to exercise more… As soon as you feel like you should do something, you create an internal resistance to doing it.”
“Guilt is never productive. It will stand in the way of achieving your goals. So get rid of this emotional barrier to success… [by replacing] guilt-tripping with phrases such as I want to… It supports my goals to… It would be smart to… It’s in my best interest to…”
Labeling. This is “attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else. It is a form of shorthand that stops you from clearly making the finer distinctions that would help you be more effective. Some examples of negative labels are jerk, idiot, arrogant, and irresponsible.”
By using labels like these, “you are lumping yourself or someone else into a category of all the jerks or idiots you have ever known, and that makes it more difficult to deal with that person or situation as the unique person or experience they are.” To challenge this thought, Canfield mentions the importance of focusing on the situation or the reaction, and not on the person. Thus, I am stupid can be replaced with What I just did was less than brilliant, but I am still a smart person.
Personalizing. “You personalize when you invest a neutral event with personal meaning. Kevin hasn’t called me back yet. He must be mad at me. Or, We lost the Vanderbilt account. It must be my fault. I should have spent more time on the proposal.”
The truth is that we don’t know why people do what they do. “There are many other possible explanations for other people’s actions besides the negative reasons your automatic negative thoughts come up with. For example, Kevin may not have called you back because he’s sick, out of town, or overwhelmed with his own priorities.”
Having understood how these negative thoughts work and how to replace them with the truth, Canfield asks:
- What if you could learn to always talk to yourself like a winner instead of a loser?
- What if you could transform your negative self-talk into positive self-talk?
- What if you could silence your thoughts of lack and limitation and replace them with thoughts of unlimited possibility?
- What if you could replace any victim language in your thoughts with the language of empowerment?
- And what if you could transform your inner critic, who judges your every move, into a supportive inner coach who would encourage you and give you confidence as you faced new situations and risks?
The answer, fortunately, is that all of it is indeed possible, “with a little awareness, focus, and intention.”
Come back tomorrow to learn a 4-step process to turn our inner critic into our inner coach. It is simple, but the changes are profound, and once you learn it, you won’t be able to go back to the way you were before.
ACTION
TODAY: Continue to be aware of the negative thought patterns that we just saw today. Between these ones and the ones from yesterday, we have learned the most prevalent ones, so that we can recognize them when they pop up and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Given our conditioning and our culture, it’s important to build the habit of recognizing these negative patterns of thought and their consequences if left unchecked. Fortunately, Canfield will show us tomorrow a way to change them completely!
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