Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday, and the day before, we learned to distinguish the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
But that is not all that Jack Canfield teaches in this miniseries.
Today, the author of The Success Principles™, will walk us through a four-step process that will help us transform our inner critic into our inner coach.
First, we must understand that our inner critic, the one that pops up in our heads with negative patterns of thought, is actually trying to protect and help us.
Whaaaaaaaat????!!
Canfield says, “Just as your parents disciplined you for your own good, your inner critic has your best interests in mind when it is criticizing you. It wants you to get the benefit of the better behavior. The problem is that it tells you only part of the truth.” Then he gives a great example to help us understand this:
When you were a little kid, your parents may have yelled at you and sent you to your room after you did something stupid like run out in front of a car. Their real communication was “I love you. I don’t want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that so that you can grow up into a happy and healthy adult.” But they delivered only half of the message: “What’s wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street when there are cars coming. You’re grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did.” In their fear of losing you, they expressed only their anger. But underneath the anger were three more layers of message that never got delivered—fear, specific requests, and love. A complete message would look like this:
Anger: I am mad at you for running out into the street without looking to see if any cars were coming.
Fear: I am afraid that you’ll get badly hurt or killed.
Requests: I want you to pay more attention when you are playing near the street. Stop and look both ways before you walk or run out into the street.
Love: I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are so precious to me. I want you to be safe and healthy. You deserve to have lots of fun and stay safe so you can continue to enjoy life to its fullest. Do you understand?
What an incredibly different message!! The key, Canfield says, is to “train your inner critic to talk to you the same way.” You can do this verbally, talking to you out loud, which is the authors preferred way. However, you can also do it by writing it down in a piece of paper. If verbally, the author imagines talking to a clone of himself sitting opposite of him. You can do the same exercise or visualize talking to yourself in any other way that suits you best.
Come back tomorrow, as we will see an example of how we can apply this to ourselves in real life.
The author explains that after completing this exercise for the first time, something shifted inside him. He recalls, “I was able to stop feeling like a failure and start engaging in the activities that made my dream a reality. I was able to move from someone who was using my energy against myself to someone who was using my energy to create what I wanted.”
My wish is that after tomorrow’s exercise you will feel the same way! See you mañana.
ACTION
TODAY: In preparation of tomorrow’s exercise, start making a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself.
FUTURE: Whenever you catch your inner critic judging yourself, come back to this 4-step process to turn the judgment into a full message so that you can truly derive the benefit of the internal dialogue.
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