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TODAY’S IDEA: Compare well if you’re going to compare to others
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
If you’re going to compare to others, compare well, was the wise counsel that M.J. Ryan—leading expert on change and human fulfillment, and author of Habit Changers—gave to a young business owner who was in her twenties, and who was complaining about “not being ‘as far along’ on the success path as her peers.”
Ryan says that this is a very common feeling: “We look around, rank ourselves on some invisible scale of achievement, and usually find ourselves wanting. There’s always someone who’s done more, made more money, gotten more glory, no matter our age and stage.”
And despite what the experts say that we should not compare ourselves to others, Ryan points out that is impossible. “Part of what our prefrontal cortex exists to do is take in information and compare that to conclusions and judgments it has previously made.”
Ryan suggests not battling this tendency of our brain to compare ourselves to others but instead, as she told her young client, “be sure to compare well.”
I think this compare well mantra can serve us all. Ryan recalls the conversation:
“What do you mean [compare well]?” [The client] asked. “Well,” [Ryan] said, “What does success look like to you?” She had her answer immediately: “Being my own boss, having the freedom to do things when and how I want.” “So when you compare your situation to others given those criteria, what do you notice?” [Ryan] replied. “I’ve already got what I want!” [The client] exclaimed! “I’ve been so busy comparing myself against a yardstick I’m not even interested in that I didn’t even notice the success I’ve created.”
Going forward, since we will all compare, it behooves us to compare well. This way, as the author mentions, we will be in alignment with the success we truly want and comparing ourselves by the measurements we truly value.
ACTION
TODAY: Who have you been comparing yourself to? Decide instead to compare well: Ask yourself the two questions that Ryan asked her client: What does success look like to you? So, when you compare your situation to others given those criteria, what do you notice? Your answers will be revealing: (1) they’ll make you grateful for getting clarity and for being where you are; (2) they’ll set you in alignment with your definition of success; and (3) they’ll point you towards the path you must follow to achieve (or to continue to attain) the success you want.
FUTURE: Remember that if you are going to compare anyway, you must compare well! There is no need to compare someone’s sizzle reel (especially from social media) to your everyday life. Don’t let that deceive you or bring you down: we all make our best effort to look great online. Compare yourself well and only to yourself as you move in the direction of your goals.
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