12 Books of Greatness – Day 3
TODAY’S IDEA: 12 Books of Greatness – Day 3
The 12 days of Christmas refers to the period of celebration (secular and religious) from December 25 through January 5. And because it coincides with the period of time that I’m going to be out on vacation visiting my family, I thought I’d make a miniseries for you during this time with posts from 12 Books of Greatness.
I strongly believe that greatness starts within us, so all of the posts that I chose for these 12 days come from books that are tremendously insightful. My hope is that reading these posts will give you plenty of ideas and “a-ha!” moments to end 2018 strong and start 2019 on a high note!
12 Books of Greatness – Day 3
The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want
By Dave Kerpen
- Sharing accomplishments on social media? Be generous, authentic and enthusiastic
- One unkind word destroys years of praise
- There are only 3 things leaders must do to succeed
- Passion is nothing without persistence
- Make time your friend
- Don’t hold yourself accountable
- Make it a Honey Day
- Memorable networking in just 3 minutes
- Create your own personal or professional advisory board
- Platinum is everyone’s best friend
Links to other posts in this miniseries: Day 1, Day 2.
Know someone who would like this book or this miniseries on 12 Books of Greatness? Please share it with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
Sharing accomplishments on social media? Be generous, authentic and enthusiastic
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 55 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Sharing accomplishments on social media? Be generous, authentic and enthusiastic
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
In The Art of People, Dave Kerpen recalls sharing accomplishments via social media and the reactions from his friends:
“So excited! We won the WOMMIE award for word of mouth marketing excellence for the second year in a row!”
After this announcement, a casual friend of Kerpen sent him the following private message: “Enough already, Dave! I know you won an award or two, I know you’re excited about it all, but stop shoving all this self-promotion in our faces!”
That message stung “probably because there was some truth to it,” says Kerpen. His company had just won the award for the second year in a row, and he was very happy about it and had been sharing accomplishments (this and others) “proudly and liberally” on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Very likely, the person that messaged him saw the posts on all three networks and got tired of it.
Kerpen remembers being upset and confused. “I was genuinely proud of our work and wanted to share the good news… On the other hand, I certainly didn’t want to get attention for being an egomaniacal braggart.”
He took the feedback to heart. “[He developed] a more modest attitude toward posting to social media… [being] humble, grateful and not overly self-promotional in [his] social media updates.”
In the meantime, unknown to Kerpen, the word humblebrag was being added to the Dictionary to describe exactly what he had started to do when sharing accomplishments.
So, when the following year his company won the WOMMIE Award again, he posted: “So honored and humbled to have received the WOMMIE Award for the 3rd year in a row! Thanks to the whole team @Likeablemedia!”
And to this post, came a different reaction from another one of Kerpen’s friends: “Dude, what’s with the humblebrag? Just gloat man, no need to fake being humble when you are dominating the award circuit!”
Kerpen was exasperated: “It seemed that no matter what I did, I couldn’t share my joy about accomplishments without offending some people.” The author goes on to say, “The problem with sharing accomplishments on social media… is there is no tone or body language to help convey your meaning, and that means it’s very easy for people to lose the context and not get your intention right.”
So, what to do? Does this mean no more sharing accomplishments? Never ever?
For Kerpen, the answer to that question is no, with two important caveats:
1. Be unafraid but as authentic (noncontrived) as possible in sharing accomplishments on social media.
2. Heap lots of authentic praise on others via social media as well.
The first point is simple: You’re going to be judged by people no matter what, so just be your authentic self and stand behind that authenticity no matter what people may say.
The second point is important too: Be quick to praise others in social media (and face-to-face). Authentic praise and compliments make people feel good, help them feel more comfortable in sharing their accomplishments, and, most important, show the world that you’re not all about yourself and are just as apt to sing another person’s praises as your own.
And the author sets out a challenge for us: “Scroll through your social media news feeds looking for opportunities to praise, congratulate, and promote others: your friends, colleagues, and followers. Be generous in retweeting people. Promote the heck out of everyone.”
My take on this?
As long as you are sharing your accomplishments with generosity, gratitude, authenticity and enthusiasm, your true friends and the people that love you are going to be genuinely happy and excited for you. And if you return the favor in sharing that excitement and congratulating people on their accomplishments and important milestones, everybody wins and we make this world a happier and better place.
ACTION
TODAY: What do you have to celebrate today? Big win or small win, share what makes your heart smile! Your circles will be very happy for you, and if you tag me on social media (Facebook, Twitter) I will be delighted to read about your accomplishment and happy to share!
FUTURE: Kerpen, a master of social media suggests the following: “Take a look at your last twenty social media updates and do a quick audit. How much are you promoting yourself versus promoting others? Ideally, you want to strike a balance of no more than 30 percent promoting yourself and at least 70 percent promoting others. […] Audit your next twenty social media updates and compare them with the previous twenty. Have you helped people see you as someone willing to praise others and unafraid to share his or her own accomplishments?”
And speaking of sharing… please do! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
One unkind word destroys years of praise
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 33 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: One unkind word destroys years of praise
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
“Nicky, you’re getting lazy. You used to be our top sales guy, and now you’re barely making quota. Get your act together…” recalls Dave Kerpen, CEO of Likeable Local and author of The Art of People, of the way he chastised one of his employees in front of his peers.
(Gasp!)
As soon as Kerpen uttered those words, he says, “I realized I had made a grave mistake.” Nicky had been the top salesperson for the past two years and received ample praise from Kerpen, publicly, over that period of time. Yet, Nicky’s performance had slowed down…
“To make amends,” Kerpen says, “I privately messaged Nicky and set up a one-on-one meeting at which I walked through his history with the company, reminding him of his highlights and imploring him to return to his previously solid form. I also apologized profusely for calling him out in front of his coworkers. But it was too late, the damage had been done.”
After Kerpen’s laziness comment, things went downhill with Nicky. Kerpen goes on to recognize the devastating effects of his criticism: “Someone who had been my best, most successful salesperson ended up leaving the company. Although obviously part of that was his doing, I know how wrong I was to criticize him publicly, and I will always blame myself for Nicky’s undoing.”
The lesson here?
Never confuse criticism with feedback. When people say that they’re going to be “brutally honest,” in my experience, they are more interested in being brutal than honest. And performance feedback should only be discussed, in private, with the person or team performing, and no one else.
“Praise is powerful, contagious and totally inspirational. Criticism has exactly the opposite effect on people… especially public criticism, makes people feel embarrassed, afraid and even humiliated.” Criticism is never to be used as motivation or feedback, as it never has that desired effect.
Kerpen learned a very hard lesson, and devised this quick guide to giving feedback effectively:
1. Never give out criticism in front of other people. It never works. (It only leads to shame and fear.)
2. Instead, set up a time to have a one-on-one private discussion with the person with whom you want to share feedback.
3. Offer up a “praise sandwich”: Start with something you like about the person and/or the job he’s doing, continue with the negative feedback, and close by affirming how much you value the person and how confident you are in him.
4. Make sure to offer positive solutions to the issues at hand and get alignment on the solution of a choice.
5. Don’t dwell on the negative, and look for future opportunities to publicly praise the positive about the person as soon and as much as you can.
The bottom line? Kerpen says, “Praise, praise, praise and praise some more.” There is simply no downside to positive, authentic praise. If and when you feel the need to criticize, do it privately. Then go right back out and continue to praise.”
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the late Dr. Wayne Dyer: “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” People appreciate feedback that is delivered kindly and in the spirit of truly seeking to solve an issue, helping raise performance, and elevating and enlightening everyone and everything in the process.
ACTION
TODAY: Praise a stranger, or two or three… It’s a great exercise. But say something honest, don’t make it up. After you’ve done this, you’ll snatch a big smile out of them. Then go praise someone you know for something that they’ve done well. Sometimes it’s hard to do it with people we know because we think it will feel fake, but as long as it’s honest and heartfelt, it comes across the same way; people appreciate it, and it brightens up their day.
FUTURE: Apply Kerpen’s guidelines for feedback when you need to correct something. Remember that it’s always harder to be in the receiving end of the feedback than in the giving one. Empathy and kindness go a long way, make them your best allies.
How about sharing this post with someone you know who is in a position to praise and give feedback? Email, Facebook or Twitter.
There are only 3 things leaders must do to succeed
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 16 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: There are only 3 things leaders must do to succeed
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
“Are you kidding me, Dave? There may be no ‘I’ in team, but there sure as hell is an ‘I’ in leadership. Now quit [clowning] around and step up and become a leader!”
Wow… Dave Kerpen, social media guru and author of The Art People, recalls being admonished with those words by Robb High, a mentor of his, after Kerpen had mentioned his belief in “everyone being equal, working together as a team, and supporting one another.”
The answer from High? “That’s all fine, Dave. I’m all for teamwork. But every team needs a leader.”
Kerpen says, “In an effort to have everyone feel that his or her voice was heard and that everyone was important, I had failed to become an effective leader.” And while he recognized the importance of what High was saying, “the problem was that [Kerpen] had no specific idea how to become a leader.”
Have you ever been in this position?
“Chances are, you have chosen to become or have been asked to be a leader at some point in you life. But what does leadership mean? Does it mean leading by example? Yes. Does it mean inspiring others? Absolutely. Does it mean doing the right thing (after figuring out what the right thing is)? Yes. Leadership includes all of these things. In fact, leadership can mean many different things to many different people…”
Fortunately, the author met Verne Harnish, a renowned business guru and author of many books, including the well-known Mastering the Rockefeller Habits. Harnish told Kerpen there were “three and only three things on which great leaders have to focus… [By] doing those three things well, everything else will fall into place.”
These three things will help you lead whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 or the CEO of your home. The author and his wife have applied it, both, to their business and to their growing family of 5, and it has worked wonders for them.
So, what are those three things?
1. Setting and communicating the overall vision for your team. “This is most important but is often overlooked. What is your grand mission? Your purpose? Your overall vision for how things will be? It’s important to develop this because everything else can fall into place once you have it. Once the vision and mission are established, it is essential to overcommunicate it!” Everything else you and your team do must be in alignment with this always.
2. Making sure you have the right people in the right seats on the team. “Beyond you, it’s essential to make sure you have the most talented, most appropriate people surrounding and leading the way… There are only two questions to consider in making this determination about your people: How capable are they of doing their jobs? And, How aligned are they with your vision and values?”
3. Making sure you have enough resources and money to help the team succeed. “Whether this means applying for more funding, getting creative, or somehow figuring out MacGyver-style, it’s your job to make sure the team has everything it needs to succeed so that the team members don’t need to worry about it.”
ACTION
TODAY: Whether you lead a company, a large or small team, a group of volunteers or your household, make an (informal) audit to see how well you are doing in these three areas.
FUTURE: Based on the results of your audit, determine the changes (or not) you need to make. Do you have, and have you communicated your overall vision? Do you have the talented help you need where and when you need it? Do you have enough money and resources to succeed? Create a plan to begin or continue implementing these three things. And speaking of plans… if there’s something that you and/or your team need to get done before the year is up, sign up for Achieve in 90, my online program to guide you and keep you accountable during the last 90 days of the year.
Cheers to your success!
How about sharing this post with someone you know who is in a position of leadership? Email, Facebook or Twitter.