Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 5 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Active listening
— From Dynamic Communication: 27 Strategies to Grow, Lead, and Manage Your Business by Jill Schiefelbein
The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Wise words back then that still ring true today.
But in a world where we have little time, and a myriad devices clamoring for our attention, what can we do to truly listen, understand, and take action (if needed) based on what we just listened to? Active listening is the answer that Jill Schiefelbein recommends in her book Dynamic Communication.
“With active listening, you listen to someone and then repeat what you comprehended in your own words back to them. Essentially, you’re paraphrasing. The idea is that you create mutual understanding so that there are no ambiguities in interpretation. […] The true magic of active listening lies in your ability to understand the conversation from the perspective of your communication partner and your willingness to genuinely invest time in listening to their full story.”
“[Active listening] means that you listen without formulating your response.”
The story behind how active listening was born provides greater depth of understanding as to why this method—which sounds so simple—is so relevant and effective. “In the 1980s, two researchers… studied communication between emergency medical services (EMS) [paramedics] and patients. After many observations and experimental situations, what resulted was the need for a listening strategy that would ensure that the patient was not only heard, but also understood, so the best care could be provided as quickly as possible.”
With this in mind, and wanting to provide the best possible, uninterrupted listening experience to our conversation partner(s), the author provides the following strategies for being a better listener:
“Check your ego—you cannot truly listen if you’re more worried about your own personal outcome in a conversation than creating a positive outcome for all involved.”
“Stop thinking about your response—if you’re formulating your response in your head while the other person is speaking, you’re not listening!”
“Acknowledge feelings—you don’t always have to agree with what the other person says or feels, but good listeners and strong communicators acknowledge that those feelings were heard.”
“Nonverbally show engagement—a slight tilt of the head, a forward lean of the body, head nods, small ‘uh-huh’ utterances, maintaining eye contact…all these things encourage engagement in a conversation and are indicators of listening.”
“Admit when you didn’t listen—or at least ask someone to repeat themselves. ‘I didn’t quite catch that. Could you please repeat?’ It’s better to have the full picture in a conversation than to make a judgment call or decision on something without all the puzzle pieces in play.”
“Use active listening—make sure you heard what the person intended. So many conflicts could be avoided in the workplace and so many teams would run more smoothly if people would just check for mutual understanding. Do it. You’ll see a difference in the productivity, the relationships and the outcomes.”
ACTION
TODAY: Start practicing active listening at work and at home to the extent possible. Notice how your communications and your interactions change for the better. Share the secret of active listening as a strategy that works, even in life-or-death situations!
FUTURE: Make a point of practicing active listening as much as possible in the situations that call for it (“pass the gravy” hardly qualifies). Be especially aware of when your mind is racing to give an answer before the other person has finished talking. Bring your mind back into the conversation. Pause when the other person finishes so that you can take it all in, and then respond. If the silence feels awkward, just tell the other person, “I’m thinking about my response based on all you’ve said, give me a second.” Very likely they will say yes and be patient and grateful that you are giving so much thought and attention to what they are saying.
Know someone who could use some active listening skills? Please listen first to what they’ve got to say and in your response include a mention to today’s post. Or forward via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
P.S. – Want to instill the love of books in children? My friend Ryan Jennings, is launching today the first 3 of his children’s books. They’re awesome because children can pick the adventure path they want to follow: fun, fun fun! Learn more about the books and if you want to download them, Ryan has generously made them available for free for us Gurupies* for a limited time—thanks, Ryan! Here are the links: The Kiwi and The Boy, The Electric Eel and The Girl, and The Polar Bear and The Boy. If you do download them for free, please be kind and leave a review on Amazon, as that way more people will learn about the books and how cool they are for the children in our lives.
*Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.