Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 46 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Are you fighting gravity?
— From Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.
Designing Your Life is a fantastic book that guides the reader to build an intentionally meaningful and joyful life. It’s a fantastic and highly recommended read! (Hmmmm, miniseries, anyone?)
Both authors are engineers and, as such, they are very well versed in the design of solutions for problems. They teach this approach—“design thinking”—to help you design and live the life you want.
Yet one of the things that they have encountered time and again is people fighting gravity, so to speak. “Gravity problems” as they’ve dubbed them, are those problems on which you cannot take any action. These problems simply exist, yet we tend to get mired in them somehow.
“I’ve got this big problem and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“Oh, wow, Jane, what’s the problem?”
“It’s gravity.”
“Gravity?”
“Yeah—it’s making me crazy! I’m feeling heavier and heavier. I can’t get my bike up hills easily. It never leaves me. I don’t know what to do about it. Can you help me?”
While even the authors cite this is a silly example, it’s an accurate representation of how we sometimes spend our precious time on trying to solve the wrong problem:
- “The company I work for has been family-owned for five generations. There is no way that, as an outsider, I’m ever going to be an executive. What do I do about it?”
- “I’ve been out of work for five years. It’s going to be much harder for me to get a job and that is not fair. What do I do about it?”
- “I want to go back to school and become a doctor, but it will take me at least ten years, and I don’t want to invest that much time at this stage of my life. What do I do about it?”
The authors say that these “gravity problems” are not even problems. We may perceive them as such, but each one is “a situation, a circumstance, a fact of life. It may be a drag (so to speak), but, like gravity, it’s not a problem that can be solved.” It is the reality of things and when we argue or try to fight it, reality always wins. “You can’t outsmart it. You can’t trick it. You can’t bend it to your will. Not now. Not ever.”
So, should we just give up?
No!
What do we do about it?
One word: Reframe. “They key is not to get stuck on something that you have effectively no chance of succeeding at. We are all for aggressive and world-changing goals. […] But do it smart. If you become open-minded enough to accept reality, you’ll be freed to reframe an actionable problem and design a way to participate in the world on things that matter to you and might even work. “
The authors wisely say that the only response to a gravity problem is acceptance. And acceptance is what enables us to reframe situations and be able to solve the problems they create for us. Solving the problem will take many forms, and one of those—which is valid every time—is to simply change our minds.
So, let’s do a quick reframing of the above instances:
In the case of the family-owned company: you don’t stand a chance to be part of the C-Suite. Reframing: you can do the very best job you can do and decide to stay there and be happy, regardless of the title they give you. You can become the expert at running your division of the business. Or you can always look for a job elsewhere where you can grow if the title and position in the org chart are of utmost importance to you. Depends on your situation and your goals.
In the case of being out of work: you can’t change how recruiters think and perceive you and the gap in your resume. Reframing: you can change how you appear to recruiters. Take the volunteer roles you’ve been in and list some significant professional results, for example. That’s impressive!
In the case of med school: you can’t change the length of the studies. Reframing: you can remind yourself that much sooner than 10 years you can start treating patients as a resident in a hospital. Or you can become a physician’s assistant and do a few similar things to what doctors do, with much less training and cost. Or enter the wellness field from a non-clinical angle.
Once you reframe, then you are able to move into the direction of your choice. Prior to that, the battle has no solution and is all in your mind.
I’ll leave you with a quote from another one of my favorite authors, which encompasses the essence of reframing:
“Once you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer
ACTION
TODAY: Think for a moment: What sort of gravity problems are you fighting in your mind? Have they become so prevalent that they are part of your identity? (How many times have we heard someone introduce him or herself, as “I’m a frustrated teacher/lawyer/banker”? [Fill in the profession blank.]) Don’t fight gravity. Work with it instead. How can you reframe those problems?
FUTURE: As you look at new problems that emerge, give some thought to what’s going on in your mind. Are you approaching them as gravity problems, not knowing necessarily what you can do about them? How about acceptance and reframing? Easier said than done, indeed. Yet the burden is lifted almost instantly once we feel the relief acceptance brings; and we can take action to solve the problems once we have made a decision through reframing.
Know someone who’s fighting gravity? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!