by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resolutions, Tools, Wellbeing, Willpower
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 59 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Only 19% of People Keep Their New Year’s Resolutions. How Do They Do It?
–From Careful: A User’s Guide to Our Injury-Prone Minds by Steve Casner
In the past post we learned the things that do not work to keep our New Year’s resolutions alive: thinking that it’s just a matter or commitment or willpower, deluding ourselves with wishful thinking, and flooding our minds with negative thoughts.
In this post we will learn the things that work well to be among the 19% of folks who were successful in keeping their resolutions going after 2 years.
But don’t expect something grandiose accompanied with great fanfare. According to Steve Casner, author of Careful, “It’s the little stuff that matters.”
And I agree with him on this. If you look at our lives, they are made of moments, small moments and small actions that—when compounded—create the milestones and the successes that we envisioned as our goals.
So, what are these small things, you ask?
Social support. “[This] was named as a strong contributing factor by the successful 19%, especially after 6 months had gone by.” Social support usually takes the form of enrolling ourselves or other people with psychological contracts.
A psychological contract “is a promise to do this or not do that, with the exception that it isn’t written down.” These are very common. We may know them better as pinky swears or pinky promises. You promise to someone else that you will do something, and/or they promise you that they will do something, for instance, your best friend going with you to the gym every morning at 6 am.
You don’t have a written contract with your friend or with yourself, but the idea of your friend waiting for you at the gym in the morning makes you jump out of bed and get ready to go, instead of hitting the snooze button. These types of psychological contracts are nothing new. The key is that they are made not to be broken, and when there is a social bond they are much harder—if not almost impossible—to break.
“Apparently, when we promise someone that we are going to do something, it seems we are rather inclined to do it,” says Casner. So, go ahead and find a friend, and pinky swear over your goals.
The author also mentions an ingenious way to remind us to do/not do things: the nagging power of children. “Described as an awesome renewable resource… [we should] enlist our kids to become nagging machines programmed to keep their parents [resolutions].” So, if you have kids, enlist them to help you out, it will be very effective, albeit it may drive you a bit crazy…
Reminders. “The 19% who made it to the 2-year mark consistently reported that they used reminders, and they reported using them at every stage of their success. During the first week, after a month, after six months, after two years, they used reminders. Reminders can be little things left anywhere in your environment that prompt you [about your resolution]. You can even use reminders to help you remember pinky swears that you’ve made.”
Reminders can be anything: wearing one of those flat rubber bracelets with an inscription to remind you of your goals, tying a string, changing a ring or watch to the opposite hand, post it notes, an alarm on your phone… really, anything that helps you avoid deviating from your resolutions works!
Rewards. These were mentioned by the New Year’s resolvers as a very helpful tool as well, especially after the first few weeks and also after the two years had passed. Rewards can also be anything you want them to be, big or small, free or expensive… it all depends on you and the milestones you have to go through to reach your goals.
And finally, nothing like practice, practice, practice. Do what you need to do to accomplish your resolutions. Do it over, and over, and over again, until it becomes so ingrained that you don’t even think about it.
As you can see these things are rather simple, yet they are not easy, otherwise a much higher percentage of the New Year’s resolvers would fulfill their goals. Just remember what Casner said earlier: “It’s the little stuff that matters,” and keep focusing on taking one step at a time.
ACTION
TODAY: If you’ve given up on your resolutions, think about them again—it’s not too late. Find a friend to help you, or pinky swear over something. Set reminders and a schedule of rewards for every milestone you’ll go through. Then get started and practice, practice, practice.
FUTURE: These little things that help people stick to a goal are not exclusive to New Year’s resolutions—they work for any goal. Use them when you set goals to help you accomplish them.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share it via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Mindset, Resolutions, Tools, Willpower
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 34 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Debunking Myths about New Year’s Resolutions
–From Careful: A User’s Guide to Our Injury-Prone Minds by Steve Casner
January is almost over… How are your New Year’s resolutions or goals coming along?
In his book Careful, author Steve Casner mentions John Norcross, a prominent psychologist at the University of Scranton, who conducted a study on New Year’s Resolutions. Norcross found the following: “Almost 30% of these commitments get dropped in the first week of the year. By the end of January 45% had fallen off the wagon. After 6 months, 60% had thrown in the towel, and after 2 years only 19% remained strong.”
And you’re probably wondering (I know I am!), What do we need to do to be among the 19% that remains successful after 2 years?
Casner will walk us through Norcross findings to understand what works. But before that happens, it’s important to explain what doesn’t work in order to debunk some myths and misconceptions.
Success is simply a matter of commitment. Not true. “Norcross points out that while readiness and commitment to change are an important first step, they alone are not enough to achieve long-term success for the kinds of things that typically appear in our New Year’s resolutions.”
Success is all about willpower. Not true.“[People] know about the highly disciplined types who can just utter a phrase like ‘From now on I will be more fit,” and then have six-pack abs until the day they die. And they get discouraged if they don’t feel they have that kind of willpower.”
In the study, participants who were among the 19% who kept their resolutions past the two-year mark, reported using a bit of willpower, but just at the beginning. “Once people made it past the first few months, they didn’t report willpower being a significant factor in their success.”
Wishful thinking. In here, Casner refers to deluding one’s self with wishful thinking that gets in the way of action. This, Norcross found out, “was an indicator that someone would soon be falling off the wagon.”
The opposite as well was true. Norcross found out that “negative thoughts, such as self-blame, were also hallmarks of those doomed to be among the 81%.”
So, what worked for the 19% who were successful? Stay tuned for the next post as we will see in detail what are the things that matter to the success of staying put through our resolutions and goals and making them happen.
What has worked for you so far and what hasn’t? Let me know in the comments here, please. I’d love to know!
ACTION
TODAY: Think about your New Year’s resolutions for this year. Where are you at with them? What has worked and what hasn’t? If you are in the 45% who have dropped their resolutions about now (end of January) don’t despair, you can still pick them up and make them happen.
FUTURE: As you are about to drop a resolution, think whether you are engaging in the myths or misconceptions mentioned above. It may be that you are… Commit to giving yourself a fair chance to make your resolutions happen by picking them up again. Don’t give up on you!
Know someone who would like to pick up his/her New Year’s resolutions? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 48 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Leading is a Posture
— From Show Up Hard: A Road Map for Helpers in Crisis by Shannon Weber, MSW
I have enormous respect and admiration for Shannon Weber, author of the newly released book Show Up Hard. I am also immensely lucky to call her my friend.
She is one of 14 children and all her work and life can be described with one word: love. As an incredibly accomplished social worker (among other things and accolades, she used to run the crisis hotline in Houston, staffed by volunteers, and receiving 65,000 calls/year), she knows how important the role of love becomes in all our interactions, not just in times of crisis.
And in her book she also has a beautiful view on leading as a posture, which I’m excited to share with you today:
“Challenging times crave change,” says Shannon. Thus, she suggests we view ourselves as agents of change: “you are well equipped to reimagine yourself in a new role and create the lasting impact you seek to make. Switch from thinking about the job at hand to the role you can play. What if your job is not to be right or knowledgeable; what if your role is to create change?”
Then she goes on to say:
Leading is a posture of being in the world, a role we assume.
If you [i] have the potential to guide someone to a better place, or [ii] possess the ability to shine a light on a path ahead, or [iii] consider yourself a steward of the well-being of even one person—then you are a leader.
You are a steward of creating change. Leaders commit to the emotional labor of showing up to support change. Leaders commit to the long haul of seeing the process of change through.
Leading is both a privilege and a responsibility. Leading is also the responsibility of those with privilege.
A leader is not: a job title, a certain set of skills, a business card, an assignment, or an invitation from someone high up.
The posture of leadership can be adopted by anyone with the guts to believe that change is possible and with the courage to show up.
[…] We do our work of showing up for others within existing structures, institutions, and cultures. Even values-driven organizations can create unhealthy work environments…
Leading is often the work of the everyday and the mundane. Leaders are the people who give the very best part of themselves without expectation. Imagining oneself as a hero is easy: Fly in and save the day. Showing up when no one is watching, when the stakes are less high, when the task at hand is not as attractive—this is the work of creating change. Showing up is what it takes to lead, to be stewards.
Leaders choose to Show Up Hard. Leaders choose to go first.
And Shannon is a leader herself who has decide to change the world, starting right where she is, one love note at a time. She is the founder of LoveYou2.org where she has started a movement to spread love around the world. Here’s a mini-documentary about her project (2:43 min long) and her TEDx Talk where she talks about how it started and the enormous impact it has had. Also, Seth Godin, renowned author and marketing guru, mentioned another one of Shannon’s projects—giving capes to unsung heroes—in his blog asking, “What kind of impact does one act of kindness make? It can last for years.”
There will definitely be more posts about this book, so stay tuned! In the meantime, please let me know in the comments, how has your vision of leadership changed with this post? Do you see yourself as a leader now? You certainly are one! Are you ready to Show Up Hard? I’m cheering for you. 🙂 And in case you need some reminders, here are some beautiful ones that you can print from Shannon’s site.
“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu
ACTION
TODAY: Reimagine yourself in the role of an agent of change. What lasting impact are you seeking to make? Then commit to showing up hard.
FUTURE: Remind yourself that leading is a posture and that having a lasting impact is a daily job. You have to work consistently on the change you seek to make: you have to show up hard both when others are watching and when they are not—especially when no one is watching.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Planning, Productivity
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 33 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 7 Principles of Leadership
— From No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline: 21 Ways to Achieve Happiness and Success by Brian Tracy
Leadership and business guru, Brian Tracy, refers to 3,300 studies of leaders done by James MacPherson where the latter states that the first quality of leadership is vision.
“You become a leader when you accept responsibility for results,” says Tracy. “You become a leader when you begin to think, act and talk like a leader. You become a leader when you develop a vision for yourself and for your company, your life, or your area of responsibility […] and then share this vision with others and gain others’ commitment to make this vision a reality.”
And while there are hundreds of books written about leadership and vision, Tracy boils them down to one single word: success in the leader’s field. For instance, “a military leader has a vision of victory, from which he never deviates. A business leader has a vision of success for the business based on excellent performance, to which he or she is completely committed.”
But that’s not all. The author also points to the fact that in addition to a clear vision, “the leader must have a set of values and organizing principles that guide behavior and decision making.” Thus, he shares the following seven principles of leadership as a starting point:
1. Clarity: “This is perhaps your most important responsibility. You must be absolutely clear about who you are and what you stand for. You must be absolutely clear about your vision and where you want to lead your people.”
2. Competence: “You must set a standard of excellent performance for the organization [or project] as well as for every person and function [involved].”
3. Commitment: “The leader is absolutely committed to the success of the organization… This passionate commitment to the organization–—and to success and achievement—motivates and inspires people to do their best work and put their whole heart into [whatever they’re doing].
4. Constraints: “The job of the leader is to identify the constraints or limiting factors that set the speed at which the [organization achieves its goals]. The leader then allocates people and resources to alleviate those constraints and remove obstacles.”
And I would add to this one that leaders not just alleviate constraints, but help the team work creatively within the constraints to come out ahead. When how can we get rid of this constraint?, is no longer working or simply not feasible, the leader changes the mindset to how can we achieve our goal within or despite this constraint?
This reminds me of a quote by George Bernard Shaw that I love:
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world, while the unreasonable man persists in adapting the world to himself….therefore all progress belongs to the unreasonable man”.
5. Creativity: “The leader is open to new ideas of all kinds and from all sources.”
6. Continuous learning: “The leader is personally committed to reading, listening, and upgrading his or hers personal knowledge and skills… and encourages everyone in the organization to learn and grow as a normal and natural part of business life.” Hint: I know of a blog that can help you with that… 😉
7. Consistency: “The leader has the self-discipline to be consistent, dependable, reliable, calm, and predictable in all situations. One of the great comforts of business life is… to know that the leader is completely consistent and reliable… calm, positive, and confident—especially under pressure.”
As you can see, these seven principles of leadership are rather simple, yet not easy. While they are obvious and should be a given in leaders, they aren’t always! Have you ever met someone who embodied these seven principles in their leadership? Let me know in the comments here, I’d love to know.
ACTION
TODAY: Create your list of values and principles, the ones that you hold dear, live for, and fully believe in. What are they? Pour your heart into it.
FUTURE: Share your list with the people that surround you so that they can be aware of your principles. Ask them to do the same. You’ll have the most wonderful conversations about this and will get to know each other so well!
Know someone who would like to read these seven values of leadership? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Celebration, Growth, Opportunity, Wellbeing
A reminder that EntreGurus is turning 1 — WOOHOO!! We’re having a virtual party and you’re all invited: click this link to join me. We’ll have fun chatting, I’ll answer any questions you have about EntreGurus, the books I read, or my experience blogging; and I’d love to see those of you that I know and get to know those of you who have recently joined the Gurupie community.
Looking forward to seeing you at the party and cheers to many more celebrations together!!
Throughout the past 365 days, I’ve shared with you many ideas, including a few centered on celebrating wins, both big and small. As busy people, we tend to move from one thing to the next faster than a lightning bolt, a rarely do we stop to smell the proverbial roses. Milestones are good points along the way to reflect on what has happened until then: they give us a vision of where we started and how much we’ve advanced, thus giving us a sense of accomplishment.
According to Colter Reed, blogger on personal growth and productivity, “If we only ever pay attention to the road ahead of us, we become too focused on the gap between where we are and where we want to be. We can become blind to what we’ve gained so far in our journey. All we see is a finish line that’s always out of reach.” Thus, the importance of celebrating our progress.
Reed specifically points out five things that happen when we celebrate our progress as we move along:
1. We acknowledge that we’ve already achieved something. If we don’t celebrate the (sometimes considerable) work we’ve already put in, it will quickly start to feel like it’s all been for nothing. The celebration when you cross the finish line should be the biggest, but not the only.
2. We make sure we like where this path is heading. In addition to celebrating, pause and reflect. You should be able to see early signs of what the final goal will be like. Don’t give up because the going gets tough, but feel free to modify or drop the goal if you determine it’s not someplace you want to go.
3. We reconnect with our motivation. When the going does get tough, it helps to reconnect with your why.
4. We feel good. You know why you write down things you already did just so you can check it off right away? Dopamine! It feels good! It’s our body’s natural way to reward progress.
5. We notice that progress takes time. By celebrating the gains we’ve made, we face the time it’s taken for us to get this far. We’re not going to close the gap in a day (until the day we do). Be patient and keep going!
And I would add an additional thing: We become grateful and recognize the help we’ve received all along . As we reflect on the path we’ve traveled, we recognize that every step of the way there was somebody there to help us, guide us, open up a door, point us in the direction we needed to go, encourage us, and so much more.
We don’t do anything alone, so it’s important to make the people who helped you part of the celebration. That’s why this party is for YOU. Because I couldn’t have done it without you, your wonderful emails, comments, suggestions, ideas, etc. Each of you have made EntreGurus what it is today and I’m immensely grateful.
Reflecting on the past year, here are some of the highlights and accomplishments of EntreGurus that YOU made possible:
And in terms of stats, here are some fun (and crazy!) numbers:
- Pages written: 601 (in a word document which is where I write everything before uploading it online).
- Words: 236, 216 (or an average of 647 per day — that’s why most posts are about a 3-min read at 200 words/min).
- Characters with no spaces: 1,118,034
- Characters with spaces: 1,348,993 — that’s 230,959 spaces!
- Paragraphs: 7,382
- Lines: 27, 385
None of this would have been possible without you, my dear Gurupies. It’s truly a joy and a privilege to be able to write for you and I’m so grateful you are a part of the EntreGurus family. Cheers to you and cheers to the wonderful authors and books that provide so many incredible and useful ideas.
Looking forward to many more milestones and celebrations together and I’ll see you at the party!
With heartfelt thanks,
Helena
