by Helena Escalante | Growth, Mindset, Tools
TODAY’S IDEA:
“Don’t try to impress an invisible jury of MBA professors.”
— From Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur, by Derek Sivers.
While Derek Sivers uses this idea in terms of being casual when hiring, and it’s fantastic that way, I think it can be extrapolated to so many other areas of life and business where perfectionism creeps up.
When you are performing an action or making a decision, and you hear the voice of your lizard brain stop and think for a moment who you are doing it for. If it’s for yourself, your family, friends, customers or clients, or for a particular intention that you’ve set, that is great. But if it’s to satisfy some invisible jury, or someone’s expectation that weighs heavily on you, or some crazy reason that someone made up to keep you abiding by the etiquette manuals of the Victorian Era… think again. You may be engaging in something that you don’t want to do and, more importantly, that you don’t need to do, simply because of an unrealistic and unnecessary expectation; or your desire to impress or placate someone that simply exists in your mind. This is what Steven Pressfield calls “resistance” or what Jon Acuff means by “perfectionism.”
I know it well because I am a recovering perfectionist. As trite as it sounds, I’ve been my own worst enemy my whole life. I always lived in fear of being inadequate because I judged my work as imperfect. I’d give up at the mere thought of starting something for fear or shame of people thinking my thoughts were crazy and my work would not be good… That invisible, very harsh jury made up of PhDs in Perfection by the University of Perfectville did not exist anywhere but in my mind.
So think twice next time you are about to do something and you hear the voice of perfectionism. Jon Acuff in Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done suggests a great exercise to nip in the bud what he calls our “secret rules” (limiting beliefs) by asking “Says who?”
ACTION:
Next time you hear the voice of perfectionism telling you to do or not to do something ask “says who?” and answer honestly. You will see that the invisible jury of MBA professors out to get you is just your lizard brain in disguise, and you’ll get rid of the critics in your mind!
How have you dealt with perfectionism before? What has worked for you? What hasn’t? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to learn from you!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
TODAY’S IDEA:
“The Platinum Rule always trumps the Golden Rule.”
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
We all grew up being taught the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” However, it’s very likely that at some point you did something that you thought was genuinely good and it turned out to be a mess. Yikes! Welcome to the world and to the human race. What about when someone did something that they thought was great and you were not so pleased? Ugh.
What’s the lesson here? Empathy. Dave Kerpen hits the nail in the head: “Everyone is different, and the truth is that in many cases what you’d want done to you is different from what your partner, employee, customer, investor, wife, or child would want done to him or her.” In light of this, he coined the Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as they would want done to them.”
This is the proverbial walking a mile in someone else’s shoes, yet it is so important and so true. Not until we see someone else’s perspective can we understand them. We yearn to be understood and appreciated: let’s do the same for others.
ACTION:
On any given day there are things people do that aggravate us in minor or major ways; and there are always things we do that aggravate people to a certain degree. Let’s keep this wonderful quote by Stephen M.R. Covey in mind:
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behavior.”
Hmmmmm, see the difference? Next time you are aggravated, stop and think what the intention must have been—or ask if you get a chance—and you’ll see this makes an enormous difference. Likewise, when someone doesn’t like something you did, try to explain the intention behind it and you’ll likely see the situation defuse as the other person sees where you’re coming from.
Slowly but surely, the empathy muscle will start building up when you see things from this perspective. This way you’ll also be able to take a proactive look ahead and figure out what other persons’ want or need and apply The Platinum Rule.
While this is not a recipe to avoid making mistakes, when you take a more empathic and compassionate look at our fellow human beings, you’ll see that, for the most part, we are all doing the best that we can with the mental toolkit that we have at our disposal at any given moment.
What tips can you share about empathy? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to know!
by Helena Escalante | Leadership, Planning, Resources, Tools
TODAY’S IDEA:
To get to the root cause of a problem, ask WHY five times.
I’ve read this idea in many books, and it’s brilliant! I believe it first started in the manufacturing plants of Toyota in Japan, and it soon spread widely, because it can be applied to virtually any situation, any industry, and even to personal issues where we need to get to the bottom of something.
The idea is as follows: to get to the root cause of a problem you need to ask why (an average) of five times to uncover the issue. For example, let me share a case with which I was familiar:
Problem: It seemed that an outreach campaign for a gym was not working: people were not going into the gym to use the equipment that was being promoted.
Why #1: Why are people not coming into the gym to use the equipment that is being promoted?
Answer: Because people don’t understand how to use it on their own.
Why #2: Why don’t people understand how to use the equipment on their own?
Answer: Because it’s a very particular kind of equipment that requires guidance at first to learn how to use it.
Why #3: Why don’t we offer the guidance that people need at first to use the equipment?
Answer: As a matter fact the gym offers appointments for people to come in and have their questions about the equipment answered.
Why #4: Why aren’t more people requesting to make an appointment to come in?
Answer: People do make requests to set up an appointment, but they are being turned down because trainers don’t have the time.
Why #5: Why don’t trainers have the time?
Answer: Because management never checked with them or their schedules before creating the campaign and simply expected trainers to handle the additional flow.
As you can see, it’s like peeling layers of an onion to get to the core issue. Now we see that the campaign is indeed working because people are requesting appointments to come in, but the gym—at its current staff levels—is not being able to handle the new-client inflow. It’s now up to the gym’s management to figure out the best way to solve this based on the information uncovered. Good thing we asked five times, we wouldn’t have known all this had we stopped at the first why!
This is a very simple but truly great method to get to the bottom of things. If you need more than five, keep asking why until you get to the core of the problem, that’s the only way in which you’ll find out what it is. Then you can move on to solve it, which is the best part!
ACTION:
Share this method today with your colleagues, clients and loved ones. Try testing it out on simple things and you’ll see how rewarding it is to solve some of those mysteries. Think about a problem that you faced in the past and mentally apply this method to see how you would have arrived to the bottom of it. Next time you need to solve an issue where the root cause is not clear, remember to use the five whys; and when you do, please let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear how it worked out for you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Mindset, Opportunity, Planning
TODAY’S IDEA:
“Plan for possibilities”
— From 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam
Whenever we are about to embark on something, it’s natural to ponder all the “what ifs” as worst-case scenarios. We are trained to look at what could possibly go wrong, which is not necessarily bad (as long as we don’t get hung up on it) because it helps us organize and plan to avoid pitfalls.
However, we rarely stop and ponder the bright side of it: “what if everything comes out well, and even better?” Laura says it’s important to plan for possibilities:
“Lots of people ponder what they’d do if things went wrong. Try to spend an equal [amount of time] pondering what you’d do if things went right. If the CEO of your company called you into her office tomorrow and said she was so impressed with your work that she wanted to put you in charge of your dream project, do you know what you would ask for? If you sat next to your dream client on a flight or a literary agent in a bar, could you toss a casual pitch over peanuts?”
Think about it. Training your mind to consider positive possibilities will lead you to see all the doors that await to be opened by you and for you.
ACTION:
Take a moment to think of something that you would love to have happen to you/a project that you are working on. What would be your ideal, dream-come-true, fluffy-unicorn, cream-cheese-frosting-and-cherries-on-top outcome? Make a list. Plan for those possibilities: what part of that can you control? Don’t focus on serendipity because you cannot count on it. Focus instead on things that you can indeed do to be remarkable and to move closer to your goals. What are they? (Writing, speaking in public, launching a project, getting a new client, branding yourself better…) Make a plan over the next month to do one of these things, and the following month another, and another… soon you will see that you are advancing towards those possibilities and that when you put your mind, heart and action to it, they are within reach.
So what wonderful possibilities are there in your future? Let me know in the comments!
by Helena Escalante | Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Willpower
TODAY’S IDEA:
When you’re dreading doing something and simply can’t find the determination, mechanical action can propel you forward.
— From The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. (Read an excerpt here.)
We’ve all been there: we’re stuck. We have to do something and we simply can’t muster the will to do it. Whether it’s waking up early, working out, writing a report, calling someone, going somewhere… something is making us dread it and we want to put it off but we can’t, so we wait to make a decision, but we can’t make a decision… and time passes by… and, at best, we feel bad with ourselves but, at worst, there may be repercussions if we don’t take action. Ugh.
So what can you do to snap out of the funk immediately? Rather than wait for inspiration to strike or willpower to show up, simply take mechanical action. Put the alarm clock far away from your bed so that you have to get up (mechanical action) to turn it off (yes, I implemented this one, and apparently I’m not the only one that thinks this is a good idea, check out this alarm clock that runs away from you!). Pick up the phone and and start dialing; start putting on your socks followed by your running shoes; turn the computer on; start writing an outline of your document or presentation in a piece of paper; get in the car and put the keys in the ignition… That movement (mechanical action), no matter how small, is the push we sometimes need to get going.
ACTION:
Today is Sunday, and the leisure of the day can help look at the circumstances where we get stuck a bit more objectively and detached than when we are right in the midst of them. So this makes it a great day to think about those things that we dread on Mondays, or that we are dreading this particular week, or dreading for a project, or ______ (fill in your particulars here). Where are you stuck or where do you normally get stuck? What’s ahead of you? What do you need to get done? What kind of mechanical action will you take? Try it and let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear how you get unstuck!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Networking, Planning, Productivity, Time
TODAY’S IDEA:
Be intentional with your networking efforts.
From Build Your Dream Network: Forging Powerful Relationships in a Hyper-Connected World by J. Kelly Hoey.
Networking… an activity that most people dread. Yet networking does NOT have to be dreadful and, on the contrary, it can be wonderful if you focus on making it intentional, meaningful and purposeful. The rules of networking are generosity and trust and, if we follow them, we’ll create meaningful connections.
Give yourself the opportunity to really connect with the people who can help you, and you will find a way to help them too, preferably before they help you. Goes without saying, but it’s very important to treat everybody kindly and respectfully. Be of service to them, offer something of value, enjoy their company if you can, celebrate their wins, open doors and make introductions for them, point them to a resource they need, or simply give them the gift of your enthusiasm and gratitude. Remember Zig Ziglar’s quote:
“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.”
Be intentional as to the people that you want to meet and “avoid random acts of networking.” Kelly Hoey advises to focus instead on “networking as a way to go about solving problems.” “People open doors, write checks, and extend opportunities—always have. Need something? Turn to your immediate, trusted network of friends for recommendations.”
Look back at a time when you first met the people who you now call friends, colleagues and acquaintances. How did you get to be where you are today in terms of a relationship with them? How long did it take? Solid relationships take time to build (months, years) and social media is no different. On the contrary, it’s where the principles of generosity and trust are of utmost importance nowadays as we tend to forget that behind every email and every social media account there is a person just like us.
ACTION:
Be intentional and make a plan for your networking efforts in the near future. Implement it and tweak as you go along until you are comfortable with it (and it becomes a win-win for both parties in the long run). Yes, your plan can be in the back of a napkin—it doesn’t have to be elaborate—the goal is to think this through so that you can take all the steps needed to make it happen. And by virtue of planning you’ll save lots of time and heartache. Here are some pointers:
- Who do you want to meet to reach a particular goal?
- What do you need to do to communicate and ultimately meet that person? (Meeting can be virtual.)
- Or who can help open doors to get you closer, or introduce you directly to that person?
- How can you show gratitude to the “door opener”?
- How can you be helpful or of service to the person you want to meet?
- When do you need to meet this person by? Is there enough time to build a relationship or do you need to take another route?
- How much time and effort are you willing to put into meeting and forging a relationship with this new person? (The answer will dictate what kind of relationship you can have, ranging from an email, to a friendship, to a job, etc.)
Let me know if you have any questions in the comments below, I’ll be happy to answer them and help you with your plan. Best of luck with your networking!
by Helena Escalante | Mindset, Opportunity, Planning, Productivity, Time
TODAY’S IDEA:
When an opportunity presents itself, it’s either “Hell, yeah!” or “NO.”
— From Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur by Derek Sivers
This idea comes has quickly become one of my favorites. It’s very simple, but powerful:
“When deciding whether to do something, if you feel anything less than “Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell, yeah!” then say no.”
By operating from this stand point, you will ensure that you do not overcommit or commit to things that you’d really rather not do simply because you didn’t want to disappoint the person who asked you for help…
“When you say no to most things, you leave room in your life to throw yourself completely into that rare thing that makes you say, “Hell, yeah!”
Be very careful and vigilant with your time, because it’s one of the finite resources that we have! Want to know how to make more time? Yesterday’s idea is very helpful.
ACTION:
Examine your commitments. Which ones are a “hell, yeah!”? Which ones will you get rid of, or perhaps diminish/soften the commitment? This exercise was a great eye-opener for me, I’d love to hear how it goes for you! Please let me know in the comments.
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Planning, Productivity, Time
TODAY’S IDEA:
Create a not-to-do list.
— From Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff.
In his very funny and witty style, Jon Acuff call this “Choose what to bomb.” We all have 24 hours in a day and the truth is that whenever we say “yes” to doing something, that means that we are saying “no” to something else. It’s that simple.
However, if you’re a people pleaser like me, this gnaws at your soul because you try to do everything. Sorry to break it to you but you CAN’T do it all. “The only way to accomplish a new goal is to feed it your most valuable resource: time. And what we never like to admit is that you don’t just give time to something, you take it from something else. To be good at one thing you have to be bad at something else.”
Being specific about what we are going to be bad at is called “Strategic Incompetence.” Is there something about your life or business that you can put on hold temporarily or give up permanently so that you can free up time for your goals?
My friend Lisa Guida also shared with me this idea of the not-to-do list a while back, and now that I see a similar concept in Jon’s book, I’m putting it into practice.
Here’s my list of major not-to-do’s:
- I don’t watch TV shows (but I do watch a movie every now and then with my husband, as that is something that we both enjoy).
- I don’t do other social media than Linked In, Twitter, and Facebook.
- I don’t iron clothes. (Long live the cleaners!)
- I avoid meetings as much as I can. I always try to find an alternative to attending a meeting (although I don’t always succeed, and yes, once in a while—when well run—they may be helpful and informative, but for the most part I find them to be a waste of time.)
And this last point brings me to a variation of this idea that Jon mentions: “If [saying no] makes you feel uncomfortable, or if stopping an activity is not possible, simplify instead.” Sometimes it’s just not realistic to avoid or get rid altogether of certain things/activities/people. Can you simplify? Can you do away with less?
I’m also thinking that on our daily to-do lists, we can add a not-to-do section with a few daily no’s, or daily simplifications, such as, no Twitter today, or no Twitter until 7 pm, or no Twitter except during lunchtime.
ACTION:
Define 3 things that will go in your not-to-do list, or find a way to simplify them. What did you decide to bomb? Why? Let me know in the comments!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Planning, Willpower
TODAY’S IDEA:
Will power lowers/depletes at the end of the day and needs to be recharged.
— Many books talk about the results of the studies around this concept. Read more about this here and here.
Several fascinating studies have found out that willpower is like a muscle, and that after resisting many temptations—big and small—it fatigues throughout the day. “If you’ve ever willed yourself to be diplomatic with an infuriating colleague or forced a smile through your in-laws’ extended visit, you’ve probably discovered that social interactions often demand self-control. Indeed, research shows that interacting with others and maintaining relationships can deplete willpower.” (Source.)
Why is this important to know? Because when you are trying to reach your goals that include resisting something (i.e. going on a diet and resisting dessert, or staying positive as you collaborate on a project with negative colleague, or if you have Mr. Picky Splithairs as a client…) you need to schedule those activities for times when you have ample willpower and/or allow time to “recharge” your willpower before and after the event where you’ll find yourself resisting.
ACTION:
Figure out the times and situations that make you deplete your reserves of resistance faster, and make a plan (doesn’t have to be elaborate) to avoid those situations altogether if you can, or recharge your “willpower reserves” before and after the depleting event. Remember that YOU set the rules here, so no worries if your ritual for recharging sounds weird, if it works for you, that’s all you need!
Let me know your plans in the comments below, I’d love to learn what works for you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Resolutions, Willpower
TODAY’S IDEA:
“Make rituals, not resolutions.”
— From Faster Than Normal: Turbocharge Your Focus, Productivity, and Success with the Secrets of the ADHD Brain by Peter Shankman. (Read an excerpt here.)
Whether you make new year’s resolutions or you simply resolve to do something any time throughout the year, you have probably experienced failure in that arena. Resolutions fail so much because, while well-intentioned, they are little more than wishful thinking. Rituals work because they become ingrained habits that lead us to the successful outcome we want.
In Peter Shankman’s words: “It’s a process—and not one that comes easily. It takes work, determination, focus and repetition. You need to know that you’re going to fail on occasion. But the end result is worth it, and the trick is to constantly focus on both how you feel when you do it and how you feel when you don’t.”
Peter has a simple four-step process to create rituals:
- Create a ritual that produces positive feelings for you
- Work backward from the reward to set the steps in place to make you succeed
- Build fail-safes, that is, processes in place so that if something fails, some other thing (a reminder, a process, or whatever else works for you) will kick in to help you continue to build your habit/ritual.
- Visualize yourself achieving the goal for which you are building this habit.
But remember that simple does not mean easy, because this is about building a new habit. The key is not to give up if you break the initial streak of continuity and consistency, that’s what Peter refers to as failing on occasion. Yes, you will be out with your friends and keeping up with your diet until you eat the double chocolate fudge ooey-gooey brownie with ice-cream and sprinkles. Don’t beat yourself up, just enjoy it and make sure you learn something from it. Could it be that the diet food is making you hungry and unsatisfied? Maybe you need to change to another diet or eat to satiety more of your allowed foods. Could it be that you are simply tired and your reserves of willpower are depleted? (See this idea). Maybe you can go to brunch or lunch with your friends as opposed to dinner. Use failure as a time for analysis and growth, as opposed to a time for being angry at yourself. Remember Einstein’s quote: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
ACTION:
Commit today to start creating a ritual that will help you achieve a desired goal. What will your ritual be? How will it help you actualize one (or many, why not?) of your goals this year? Can’t wait to hear about this!
