We all have an ego, and that’s a good thing. It pushes us to do bigger and better things, it fuels our desire to win, and drives us to succeed. But if we let it take the lead, it becomes a destructive force that “clouds our judgment and prevents us from seeing the world as it is,” say Leif Babin and Jocko Willink, authors of Extreme Ownership.
Further, if left unchecked, “ego clouds and disrupts everything: the planning process, the ability to take good advice, and the ability to accept constructive criticism… Often, the most difficult ego to deal with is your own.”
As philosopher and writer Michel de Montaigne said “I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself.” So, if ego has these two sides, how do we make sure that it doesn’t hijack us to take over but stays on the miracle side instead?
The authors say that it the ego must be in check at all times and we must operate with a high degree of humility. “Admitting mistakes, taking ownership and developing a plan to overcome challenges are integral to any successful team… strive to be confident, but not cocky.”
Babin relays a story of one of his clients: this was a manager faced with a superintendent subordinate who had more knowledge and experience than him. The subordinate had taken action—without running it first by the manager—that would cost the company lots of money.
Needless to say the manager was very upset. His ego had taken a hit because the subordinate had not cleared the action with him. With Babin’s help, the manager was able to check his ego and realize that the action may not have been deliberately done to hurt him or to see how much the subordinate could get away with. The manager said, “I’m sure he [the subordinate] thought he was doing the best for the immediate situation as it presented itself.” Over the ensuing conversation, Babin and the manager came to the conclusion that the subordinate acted in good faith, yet was unaware of the big picture. Thus, the subordinate’s action, taken without running it first by the manager, had cost the company hundreds of thousands of dollars.
It was the responsibility of the manager to explain the overall plan and mission to all subordinates, so that they could see the impact of their actions.
Had Babin and the manager not spoken, the manager would have likely confronted the subordinate and it would have resulted in a clash of egos. Instead, Babin recommended to the manager to take Extreme Ownership and not point fingers, but take full responsibility. Here’s what Babin said to the manager:
“This isn’t his fault, it’s yours. You are in charge, so the fact that he didn’t follow procedure is your fault. And you have to believe that, because it’s true. When you talk to him [the subordinate] you need to start the conversation like this: ‘Our team made a mistake and it’s my fault. It’s my fault because I obviously wasn’t as clear as I should have been in explaining why we have these procedures in place and how not following them can cost the company hundreds of thousands of dollars. You are an extremely skilled and knowledgeable superintendent. You know more about this business than I ever will. It was up to me to make sure you know the parameters we have to work within and why some decisions have got to be run through me. Now, I need to fix this so it doesn’t happen again.’ ”
Our egos don’t like to take blame, so it’s natural for anyone in a leadership position to find where the blame lies when something goes wrong in the work of a team. However, it’s incumbent upon us to check our egos and to make sure everyone knows how their actions fit in the big picture. The bottom line: “It’s about the mission and how best to accomplish it.”
Happy leading with ego in check!
ACTION
TODAY: Are you the leader of a team or part of a team? Do you and everyone on your team know how each individual’s work fits into the big picture? If not, explain to all or ask your leader. This will save you and your team much heartache!
FUTURE: As you embark on new projects, always seek to communicate to your team what the overall mission is and how each member fits within it. Take full responsibility and extreme ownership of everything that happens. Operate with humility and check your ego constantly, that way you’ll ensure it will drive you to succeed.
Know someone who needs to check their ego? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Lessons I learned from my mom about leadership and business
Happy Mother’s Day!
From a very young age, mothers teach us many of the most important lessons that we will need in life, and also in business. As we grow up, our mothers are our leaders, and we look up to them to learn and emulate. It’s only fitting that today we thank them for everything they’ve taught us and everything they’ve done for us. As a tribute to my mom, whom I love and adore, here are 9 of the myriad lessons she’s taught me and how I use them today for leadership and business.
1. “Always take a sweater,” and “always pack a bathing suit.”
No matter how well informed you are up front, always plan for the unforeseen, best- and worst-case scenarios.
2. “Always say please and thank you.”
Common courtesy goes a very long way anywhere you go.
3. “Don’t do good things that can be perceived as being bad.”
As a leader, the only things you have are your name and your reputation. Protect them. Don’t hang out with the wrong crowd, even if you’re just trying to be nice. When they do crazy stuff, it won’t matter if you didn’t do anything, you’ll be guilty by association.
4. “Take care of yourself, you only have one body.”
YOU are the most important thing you have. Take proper care of yourself: your health and your wellbeing are first and foremost, always.
5. “If your trip is going to be a whirlwind and you don’t know what the schedule will be like, go to the bathroom when you can, and eat when you can—even if it’s not the time for it. And don’t forget to take with you water and snacks.” In the face of uncertainty, make sure you are well, and your basic needs are taken care of. Then you can tackle everything else.
6. “Think twice before giving away your toys.”
Once you give something away (from a beloved toy to equity in your company) it’s going to be very hard to get it back, if ever. Think twice before you give anything away that is precious to you, but when you do, do it gladly and fully convinced that you made the best decision.
7. “If a decision backfires, don’t blame yourself. Know that you made it with all the information you had at the moment and with the best intention in mind.”
Take your time before you make an important decision to deeply ponder all aspects of it. Ask for expert points of view, and use whatever is helpful from those opinions in forming yours. Make sure the decision is ultimately yours, and make it fully convinced that the course of action you choose is the best one for your circumstances. This is the best way to be OK with yourself and to solve things if something goes wrong or backfires. Only when you are OK with yourself can you move forward with a clear conscience and a focused mind.
8. “You can always change your mind.”
You are not bound to anything and you can always change your mind to make your circumstances better. Part of that change may involve anything from small tweaks (returning an item to the store), to big, bold and sometimes uncomfortable challenges (such as changing jobs, lifestyles, partners, getting out of a contract, etc.). Don’t ever feel stuck: there are always options for the better if you just give yourself the opportunity to search and ask for them.
9. “I’ll always be here for you.”
It’s so important to have someone in your life that you can always rely on and who is 100% dependable and trustworthy. Be that person for your loved ones. Be that person for your friends. Be that person for your team. Be that person for your clients. You will find that, in return, they’ll do the same for you and strong bonds will emerge. Cherish and celebrate those bonds.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: Celebrate your mom, yourself if you are a mother, and other mothers around you—it’s the world’s toughest job! Check out this great (and funny) video below, and please share it via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
Dave Kerpen, author of The Art of People tells a story in which the members of his eight-person entrepreneurial group kept missing each of their goals.
This was a group that met monthly, and over the previous year, the members of the group had been working on achieving some personal goals. However, these eight successful and driven, otherwise super-achievers, were not hitting the mark.
As they were wondering what was happening for them to keep coming short of their goals, one of the members named Ben said, “We’re not hitting our goals because we’re not accountable enough. Starting today, we’ll each have a goal accountability partner. You are to check in with your partner at least once a week. First up, reassess all goals together and make sure they’re SMART goals (Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timebound). Then, instead of you updating the group at our monthly meeting with your progress, your partner will update the group on how well you’re doing and you will update the group on how well your partner is doing.”
What do you think happened over the next months? Yes, everybody hit their goals.
Instead of us holding ourselves accountable, Kerpen says, “we should be letting others hold us accountable for our successes and failures. Why? Because when you are accountable to another human being you trust and respect, it makes you want to work harder to achieve the goals you set.”
An additional advantage of being accountable to another person is that you realize how lame your excuses are: while in your mind a rainy day sounds reasonable enough not to go to the gym, your accountability partner won’t let you get away with it. Also, one accountability partner to help you and whom you can help is ideal, says Kerpen, because “when you’re accountable to too many people, it’s like being accountable to no one.”
This accountability-buddy system works particularly well in a business setting too. Kerpen gives us three keys to making this happen:
Assign accountability partners who trust and respect each other.
Check in at least once a week, ideally twice a week, with one another.
Whether for business or personal goals, this last point on checking in doesn’t have to take long, a quick email will do—the important part is to be accountable to the other person.
Happy accountability!
ACTION
TODAY: Think about the benefits of finding an accountability partner. What goals are you struggling with that you’d like to see achieved with your buddy’s help? Make a call or send an email, and invite that person to help you in exchange for you helping as well. You don’t have to have a larger group to report to, it can be just the two of you. And it doesn’t have to take too much time: you can check in every week via email and visit by phone, video or in person once a month.
FUTURE: An accountability partner will help you achieve your goals and you will do the same for him or her. But how about those times when you have a very specific goal in mind? Think about a combo accountability and guidance. Could you find a partner to keep you accountable who can answer specific questions and guide you too? Could you do this for him/her too with your experience and expertise? This may need a bit more digging to find the right person, but it could be immensely helpful for both because you are exchanging accountability and expertise at once.
How about sharing this post with your accountability buddy? Send it to him or her via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
Leaders are a little more progressive.
A little more innovative.
A little more creative.
They take that extra step.
Spend a little more effort.
Get a little more accomplished.
Get a few more results.
They get promoted a little sooner.
However, they can’t run too far ahead of the pack.
They need support from others to be successful. If they’re too far ahead, others can’t keep up. If others can’t keep up, they can’t help their leaders if they encounter trouble.
So, unless you want to go it completely alone, keep ahead, but not too far ahead.
Perhaps we need to reconsider the phrase and, instead, run with the pack. I’ll leave you with this African proverb as food for thought: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the many instances in your life where you lead, both professionally and personally. Where are you going way too fast? Where do you need to slow down and catch up with those that you are leading? Conversely, where are you going too slow? What are the changes that you need to make?
FUTURE: As you embark on new leadership projects, think of your followers and the community that you want to build around each project. What are the expectations among the people you will lead? How about you: what are your expectations? Are both sets of expectations compatible? What are the constraints? What are the opportunities? Where do you want to take the project and in what timeframe? Make sure you are all on the same page so that you can be successful together. Remember that you, as a leader make all the difference!
Know someone who is running too far ahead of the pack? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
Mastermind groups are a wonderful thing! I have been in a few and I’m currently in one, and I’m so grateful for all the support and great ideas have come out of my masterminds. If you are not familiar with a mastermind group, it’s a very simple concept: a group where the minds meet, which means two or more people get together to talk about a particular thing that each one is working on, and the other(s) provide, support, help, ideas, contacts, resources, etc.
In The Power of Focus, the authors describe a mastermind group as, “ideally made up of five or six people who want to develop excellent long-term relationships. The primary purpose of the group is to establish support for each other emotionally, personally and professionally. It also provides a unique forum for sharing ideas and information, as well as discussing meaningful topics and everyday challenges.”
The authors suggest four action steps if you want to create or enhance your mastermind group:
Select the right people. Limit your group to six people for maximum benefit and interaction. You don’t have to choose all participants at one (unless you want to, of course). The authors suggest starting with two and gradually build up. “Choose people who are likely to create synergy—ambitious, open-minded, goal-oriented individuals who have a positive outlook and bring a healthy, positive energy to each discussion.” Depending on your goals and the focus of the group, you may want to select similar participants (say, all salesmen under 40) or from varied backgrounds (men, women, regardless of age and industry) to add a broader focus and a deeper and richer perspective for discussion.
Everyone must make a commitment. “The level of commitment determines how successful your mastermind group becomes. Commitment requires regular attendance, a willingness to participate each time you meet, and an agreement to keep confidential anything that is shared in the group. […] The real benefits occur only when there is a high level of trust within the entire group.”
Decide when, where, how often, and for how long you want to meet. “Two to three hours every month is a good rule of thumb, or you can meet more frequently if you want.” In my case, my group meets virtually for an hour every Friday morning. The frequency, duration and (virtual) location of the meeting are up to you based on your goals.
What will you talk about? Be focused and make the most out of your precious time together. Here’s a suggestion from the authors: “Elect a chairperson whose main role is to keep the conversation flowing, and to allow everyone equal time. Start each meeting with a brief comment from everyone about the best thing that happened since the last meeting… Then ask two questions: ‘What’s happening in your business life (or job)?’ and ‘What’s happening in your personal life?’ Go around the table one person at a time. […] Another good question is, ‘What’s your greatest challenge at this time?’ Also, discuss and support each other’s individual goals. Inspire everyone to achieve what they want. Encourage them to think big and introduce them to people who can accelerate their progress.” The main goal is to provide support, encouragement and help each other level up. Here’s a worksheet that we sometimes use in my own mastermind group in case this is helpful to you.
ACTION
TODAY: If you have a mastermind group, think of how you can enhance it with the four points offered above. If you’d like to start a group, give some thought to the persons you’d like to invite and the goals for the group.
FUTURE: Make a commitment to stay in the group for a reasonable amount of time, and ask the others to make the same commitment too. At the end of that time evaluate whether the group is still of value. If it is, congratulations! If not, examine why not, and tweak to improve it. The tweaks can be in all aspects, from the location, duration, topics discussed, format, etc., all the way to the participants. If there is someone who does not want to be there or who is not as engaged or committed, perhaps it means that their time has come to fly away.
Know someone who could benefit from creating, belonging or improving a mastermind group? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
Today’s idea is brief, but very insightful. It comes from the book Habit Changers, by M.J. Ryan, where she shares this concept from Guy Kawasaki, renowned entrepreneur and author of 13 business books.
Baking a bigger pie is “a great metaphor for the art of collaboration. Many people think that collaborating simply means agreeing with others, but in reality it’s the process of jointly coming up with previously unthought-of solutions that expand the pie to satisfy everyone. It requires open and honest communication and a focus on creative and novel solutions.”
Whenever you are stuck, instead of “splitting the difference” or having to compromise on a result that leaves everyone wanting, simply ask: “how can we build a bigger pie?” Creating the habit of asking this will result in bigger and better ideas for the benefit of all involved.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: When you find yourself stuck, ask, ask, and ask again, “how can we build a bigger pie?” You’ll be surprised at the possibilities that this opens!
Know someone who needs to build a bigger pie? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
TODAY’S IDEA: Check the ego
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Lessons I learned from my mom about leadership and business
TODAY’S IDEA: Bake a bigger pie