by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 0 seconds. 
TODAY’S IDEA: Move forward imperfectly.
— From Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff.
Confession time: I am a recovering perfectionist. Yet the more I talk about this, the more I realize that besides the child, the introvert and the party animal inside all of us, there’s also the perfectionist inside us that sometimes rears its ugly head.
If this is your case, read on, your life is about to get so much better!
One of the concepts Acuff describes in his book is that of all-or-nothing: for us perfectionists, when we decide to start something we are all excited, gather the things we will need, and start with big dreams. At some point (usually sooner than later) something happens, there’s a hiccup somewhere, and because it’s no longer perfect, instead of continuing, we give up altogether.
Acuff calls this the day after perfect: “…when imperfection arrives we usually quit. That is why the day after perfect is so important. This is the make-or-break day for every goal. […] The day after perfect is what separates finishers from starters. […] Unfortunately, perfectionism dies slowly. It’s persistent and particularly dangerous because it masquerades as excellence… [People] think the opposite of perfectionism is failure. It’s not. The opposite is finished.”
The good news is the realization that perfectionism exists only in our minds, and thus we have tools (such as the ideas in this book) to control it. Let me leave you with this thought from the book:
“Move forward imperfectly.
Reject the idea that the day after perfect means you’ve failed.
That’s just not true.
You get to try again.
Today, tomorrow, next week.”
ACTION:
TODAY & FUTURE: Commit and recommit every day to move forward imperfectly. Tell someone close to you and whom you trust about this commitment. This way, when the day after perfect strikes and you’ve quit—or you’re thinking about quitting—this same person can remind you of your commitment.
SURPRISE!
I’d like to send you an electronic quote card (for you to print out) to remind you to move forward imperfectly. All you have to do is give me your name and email address in the form below so that I know where to send the card. You’ll get an email message with a PDF file for you to print, cut in four, and put each card in a visible place to remind you to reject the idea that the day after perfect means you’ve failed. No. No. No. Never again. We’re moving forward imperfectly!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 5 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Stop waiting and pick yourself
I’ve heard and read this idea many times, and I don’t know where it originated, but I’m so glad it’s been going around because it is so wise and so true!
Sometimes we find ourselves waiting for something: permission, or the right time to come, or to get the right title/designation, or for people to see us differently… or, or, or… who knows. But that is simply a hurdle of our own making on our way to where we want to go.
This reminds me of the description of “The Waiting Place” in Dr. Seuss’ beloved book Oh, the Places You’ll Go!: (click on the book
The Waiting Place…
…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
NO!
That’s not for you!
No more waiting around. No one but YOU has to choose YOU as a passionate and capable individual to do what you want to do. And no one but YOU has to believe in YOU that YOU can do it. Take the lead in your life. When you change your mindset and start believing that you are indeed capable, this triggers a whole process that enables you to have the confidence you need because you are not waiting for anyone to anoint you as worthy. Furthermore, you’ll be able to find the resources you need and to overcome the obstacles you’ll face without reverting to The Waiting Place.
Please note that I’m NOT saying that by you choosing yourself you’ll magically transform into what you want. No. No. No. You still have to put in the hours and do the work to make it happen. The difference is that you will believe and prove to yourself that you can do it. And every achievement along the way (no matter how small) and every milestone will further reiterate that you can—and you will—reach your goal.
Remember to keep asking yourself: If not you, who? If not now, when? The answer will always lead back to you and now. And I’ll be here cheering for your success!
ACTION:
TODAY: Pick yourself and (re)commit to what you want to do this year. What one thing can you do today (even if it’s just to take 30 seconds to write a plan on the back of a napkin) that will move you towards your goal(s)?
FUTURE: Funny enough, 33 days have passed since the beginning of the year and (counting today) there are 333 days left. So in the spirit of Count Von Count’s Number 3, let’s look at 3 things:
- Take time to reflect on where you have been “waiting.”
- Ask WHY three five times to see what’s got you stuck and determine to pick yourself as the one to get you out of the proverbial waiting mode. What do you need to do to snap out of the waiting funk?
- Once you’re no longer in waiting mode, (re)start or continue where you left off on your goals/rituals for this year.
One last thing: let me know if you’d like to be a part of a Facebook group for accountability and goals. I have heard from a few gurupies who are interested, so we may start small but mighty!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Habits, Networking, Time
TODAY’S IDEA:
Networking is everywhere.
–From Build Your Dream Network: Forging Powerful Relationships in a Hyper-Connected World by J. Kelly Hoey.
Nowadays, we all have a digital footprint, whether personal, professional or both. Think of it as your brand. Everything you do either confirms and reaffirms or questions and breaks your brand. Why not be intentional about building it every chance you get?
Kelly says that “networking is everywhere.” “Successful networking requires understanding the immense power of regular daily activities to connect with someone else” so as to build a meaning, powerful and mutually beneficial (personal or professional) relationship. This will cement your brand firmly in the other person’s mind.
From your email’s signature line and the voice mail that you leave for someone, to the headline that you use on LinkedIn and your headshot, as well as what you say when you participate on a Twitter chat, don’t let any opportunity escape where you can build a positive brand and a positive networking experience for you and for all involved! For instance, Kelly gives practical advice and focuses on the power of small actions as a way to make them count too (not all networking has to take endless hours), here are some examples of actions taken from the book.
“If you have…
- 45 seconds: take the stairs as a way to lengthen your conversation and get to know a colleague or a client that came to your office.
- 2 minutes: post a LinkedIn update that can lead to new business generation.
- 5 minutes: draft an email and reconnect with a sales prospect.
- 15 minutes: ride the subway or do a video chat with an investor.
- 20 minutes: grab a cup of coffee while you do an informational job interview.
- 60 minutes: write a weekly newsletter and update a social network.”
The book is a gem! It gives very practical advice on how to be intentional when it comes to networking; and on how to do it in a way that does not take away from your work and personal activities, but that, on the contrary, enhances those activities for your success.
ACTION:
TODAY: Set your intention for networking: Want new clients? A new job? Are you seeking a mentor/mentee? Select whatever you want and need to get done with the power of networking over the next 6-12 months (yes, human relationships take time to build…). Then, depending on the amount of time you have today, pick an action from the list of examples above, customize it to your needs and apply it to your intention. There’s no better time than NOW to get started, remember the Chinese proverb: “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
FUTURE: [I’m assuming that you are already setting time aside to network intentionally and with some frequency and regularity, if you are not, let me know and I’ll help you with some ideas.] The action that I recommend is to focus on creating a daily habit. Depending on how much time you have, schedule a little bit of time to network via small actions. Build the habit over a month or two and assess how much value it adds to your life, I’m sure it’ll be substantial! Imagine: if you touch base with one person per workday, that’s an average of 200-250 people a year whose relationship you’ve started to build, continue to strengthen, or rekindled the friendship or work relationship that existed in the past.
Give it a shot and let me know how it goes!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Habits, Mindset
TODAY’S IDEA:
Four tendencies to respond to expectations.
–From Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin
If you’ve been taking action on the past two posts on creating a BHAG and asking the daily question to make sure you are constantly improving, it may come in handy to know that you are likely to fall into one of four tendencies as you respond to the expectations that you are setting.
Gretchen Rubin first introduced “The Fateful Tendencies We Bring Into The World” as a chapter on her great book Better Than Before, where she studied habit making and breaking. In her words:
“How does a person respond to an expectation?” When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. Therefore, it’s crucial to understand how we respond to expectations. We face two kinds of expectations: outer expectations (meet work deadlines, observe traffic regulations) and inner expectations (stop napping, keep a New Year’s resolution). From my observation, just about everyone falls into one of four distinct groups.
- Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations.
- Questioners question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified.
- Obligers respond readily to outer expectations, but struggle to meet inner expectations they impose on themselves.
- Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.
[…] Our tendency colors the way we see the world and therefore has enormous consequences for our habits. Of course these are tendencies, but I’ve found to a degree that surprises me, that most people do fall squarely into one camp.”
This is fascinating because, once you know how you’ll respond to the expectations set by your goals, you will know what will trip you and what will make your habits stick.
For example, I am an obliger most of the time (curiously, Gretchen says that most people fall into this category). This means that I will not stop at fulfilling outer expectations (especially about work or commitments that I’ve made to others). But it also means that I have a hard time fulfilling or I am too lenient when it comes to me (promises/commitments to myself, the habits that I want to develop or get rid of). So what to do about this? Am I doomed?
No, thank goodness. The beauty of learning about the four tendencies is you’ll know what to do to support yourself in the weaker areas. Going back to me as an obliger, since I meet outer expectations, the best way for me to fulfill my inner expectations is to turn them into outer ones for accountability. What this means is that, for instance, if I want to exercise steadily, I need to tell a group of people or do it with a group or people. In this particular case, I have a group of friends and we all check in daily on a Facebook group to be accountable for our workouts. The result? Thanks to my group, so far this year (it’s January 28) I have worked out 26 days and missed only two. Prior to the group? It would have likely been the opposite: two workouts and 26 missed days…
ACTION
I highly encourage you to take Gretchen Rubin’s free online quiz to figure out what your tendency is when responding to expectations. Once you know, you can read a bit about your tendency and watch these short videos (upholder, obliger, questioner, rebel) that explain how to manage yourself better to set you up for success. And, of course, you can always get Gretchen’s newest book: The Four Tendencies to learn much more in depth about how you respond to expectations as well as the people that surround you.
Enjoy finding out about yourself. Leave a comment or share with me what your tendency is!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Mindset, Planning
TODAY’S IDEA:
“There is no limit to self improvement. Ask yourself daily, ‘how can I do better?’ and sound answers will appear.”
— From The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. (Read an excerpt here.)
The old saying “there is always room for improvement” is so true. Especially with ourselves, we’re always trying to fix something, improve something, make something better (…to continue along the lines of the conversation from yesterday’s post on BHAGs.)
The main thing, according to some experts, is not to be overwhelmed by the amount of things we want to improve on ourselves. For that, it is recommended to start with one thing, say a good habit that you want to create or a bad habit that you want to get rid of, and work on it until it’s ingrained or no longer existing. Then move on to the next thing in your progression toward your goal, and so on. That way you will be taking baby steps and making steady progress toward fulfilling your big, hairy, audacious goals.
The key, I believe, is patience and perseverance. If you’re anything like me, you want everything done or accomplished by yesterday, which means today everything is in place and perfectly put together. It’s taken me much heartache to learn that you cannot rush processes at a personal level, and I’m learning (sloooooowly…) to see the beauty in the journey, not the destination.
So keep the end in mind always (your BHAG) to know where you are going, but make sure you give yourself the time and effort that your goal needs to succeed. Ask yourself daily “how can I do better?” and you will discover that your mind will show you the many ways in which you can do so. And enjoy YOUR journey!
ACTION
Put to the test the many ways in which your mind tells you to do something differently/better and find out which ones work best for you. There is no shame in testing and trying out new things or habits. Adopt what works, discard what doesn’t, and always keep doing this: you will see daily improvements and if you keep a log or journal, you’ll be able to assess your progress.
Remember to be inspired by others but not to compare yourself to them. The only person you can compare yourself to is YOU. Are you better today than yesterday? Than a month ago? Than a year ago? Than 5 or 10 years ago? If the answer is yes, keep going and keep growing. If the answer is no, besides asking the 5 WHYs, give more thought to “how can I do better” and give it your all. You always get out of it as much as you put into it.
I’m thinking of starting a Facebook group for accountability on our goals and to create a community of like-minded, professional and growth-oriented people. Is this something that you’d be interested in? Please let me know! (Thanks a lot if you have already responded.)
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Leadership, Planning, Tools
TODAY’S IDEA:
Have Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals to keep you going and stimulate your progress.
— From Built to Last: Successful Habits of Visionary Companies by Jim Collins (read or listen to a sample).
Today is the last Friday in January, which means it is National Big Wig Day ™. This is a celebration of “the potential inside of all of us” and the opportunity to lead by example, as any bigwig would do! We are the bigwigs in our lives and today is a reminder that “regardless of title, we can make a difference and improve the lives of others.”
Bigwigs usually have “Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals” or what Jim Collins has coined as BHAGs (pronounced “bee-hags”) in his excellent book. Yet this does not have to be a concept exclusive to the most important and powerful persons/companies in the world. We can learn from them and use BHAGs too, because they are “a particularly powerful mechanism to stimulate progress… There is a difference between merely having a goal and becoming committed to a huge, daunting challenge—like a big mountain to climb.”
A BHAG must be “clear and compelling. […] It has a clear finish line, so [you know] when [you] have achieved the goal. […] A BHAG engages people—it reaches out and grabs them in the gut. It is tangible, energizing, highly focused. People ‘get it’ right away; it takes little or no explanation. […]
The essential point of a BHAG is better captured in such questions as: “Does it stimulate forward progress? Does it create momentum? Does it get [you] going? Does it get [your] juices flowing? Do [you] find it stimulating, exciting, adventurous? Are [you] willing to throw [your] creative talents and human energy into it?”
Whether you are going strong with your new year’s resolutions (woo-hoo!) or they have fizzled out (oops!), it’s time to set a BHAG so that, as February rolls around, you don’t lose your momentum. Remember to stretch yourself and shoot for the stars with your BHAG (whatever your stars are) so that you can either arrive at your stars or land very closely in that direction. Keep in mind this great quote by Michelangelo: “The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”
ACTION
Based on your new year’s resolutions rituals, goals, or intentions, pick one or two BHAGs (I suggest one personal and one professional) to get you through the rest of the year. Figure out how you will break each one down into manageable pieces month by month. Take some time during the weekend to do this and let’s get started next week on February 1st, deal?
I have my BHAG ready, will you join me with yours? I’m thinking of starting a Facebook group for accountability on our goals and to create a community of like-minded, professional and growth-oriented people. Is this something that you’d be interested in? Please let me know!
I’m cheering for your success!!
P.S. Just for fun, here’s the story behind the term bigwig. (I can’t get over the thought of scaffolding!)
