by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 38 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Listening Skills Every Leader Must Develop – Part 2
— From Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
In yesterday’s post, we started to look at the nine listening skills every leader must develop. Despite them sounding and being so simple, those skills should not be dismissed, as they are what makes for a wonderful experience both for the listener and for the speaker.
Let’s continue learning the skills that John C. Maxwell offers in his book Relationships 101 so that we can become top-notch listeners:
5. Check your emotions. “Most people carry around emotional baggage that causes them to react to certain people or situations. […] Anytime that you become highly emotional when listening to another person, check your emotions—especially if your reaction seems to be stronger then the situation warrants. You don’t want to make an unsuspecting person the recipient of your venting.” Further, if something that the speaker says triggers a strong emotion in you, you should always allow others to finish explaining their points of view, ideas, or convictions before offering your own.”
6. Suspend your judgment. “Have you ever begun listening to another person to tell a story and started to respond to it before he or she was finished? Just about everyone has. But the truth is that you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. As you talk to others, wait to hear the whole story before you respond. If you don’t, you may miss the most important thing they intend to say.”
7. Sum up at major intervals. “Listening is most effective when it’s active. […] For example, if you can say, ‘Cheryl, that’s obviously very important to you.’ It will help keep you on track as a listener. Get beyond, ‘That’s interesting.’ If you train yourself to comment meaningfully, the speaker will know you are listening and may offer further information. A technique for active listening is to sum up what the other person says at major intervals. As the speaker finishes one subject, paraphrase his or her main points or ideas before going onto the next one, and verify that you have gotten the right message.”
8. Ask questions for clarity. “If you want to become an effective listener… [be someone] someone who gently asks follow up questions and seeks clarification. If you show people how much you care and ask in a non threatening way, you’ll be amazed by how much they’ll tell you.”
9. Always make listening your priority. “The last thing to remember when developing your listening skills is to make listening a priority, no matter how busy you become or how far you rise in your organization.”
Maxwell shares the example of Sam Walton, the founder of Wal-Mart. “He believed in listening to what people had to say, especially his employees. He once flew his plane to Mt. Pleasant, Texas, landed, and he gave instructions to his copilot to meet him about one hundred miles down the road. He then rode in a Wal-Mart truck just so that he could chat with the driver.”
Many of us consider ourselves good listeners and consider listening a pretty easy exercise. But let’s not take it for granted. There’s always room for improvement, and good listening skills can change our lives and that of the others around them, so let’s keep refining them!
I’ll leave you with this story of Jennie Jerome, Winston Churchill’s mother. When Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone were competing for the position of the prime minister of the United Kingdom, she had dinner with each of them.
Afterwards, she famously said “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.”
That is the power of listening. And that is why it behooves us to always be practicing and sharpening our listening skills.
ACTION
TODAY: Which of these skills comes most naturally to you? Which one do you need to work on a bit more? Take an opportunity today to practice at work or at home.
FUTURE: Practice the Disraeli skill of making the person who is speaking feel as if he or she is the smartest one in the world.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share it with your circles via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 52 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Listening Skills Every Leader Must Develop – Part 1
— From Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
Novelist E.W. Howe liked to joke by saying, “No one would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.” Sad but true, many people do not listen, they simply wait for their turn to speak. That is why the ability to develop and refine our listening skills is the basis to building positive relationships.
Listening starts with wanting to hear and paying attention, of course, but above all, Maxwell says, “A mistake that people often make… is trying very hard to impress the other person. They try to make themselves appear smart, witty or entertaining. But if you want to relate well to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer. Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting.”
In his book, Relationships 101, leadership guru John C. Maxwell, provides us with a list of nine skills to become better listeners. Some of these listening skills may seem very simple and intuitive, but don’t dismiss them because of that, they are part of the whole listening experience, both for the listener and for the one who is listened to:
1. Look at the speaker. “The whole listening process begins with giving the other person your undivided attention. As you interact with someone, don’t catch up on other work, shuffle papers, do the dishes, or watch television. Set aside time to focus only on the other person. And if you don’t have the time at that moment, then schedule it as soon as you can.”
2. Don’t interrupt. “Most people react badly to being interrupted. It makes them feel disrespected… People who tend to interrupt others generally do so for one of these reasons: [i.] They don’t place enough value of what the other person has to say. [ii.] They want to impress others by showing how smart and intuitive they are. [iii.] They’re too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking. […] Give people the time they need to express themselves.”
3. Focus on understanding. “Have you ever noticed how quickly most people forget the things they hear? Studies… indicate that most people can recall only 50 percent of what they hear immediately after hearing it. […] By the next day, their retention is usually down to 25 percent. One way to combat that tendency it’s to aim for understanding rather than just remembering the facts.”
4. Determine the need at the moment. Some people, upon listening, want to fix immediately what the other person is troubled about. Some others, however, simply want to communicate something as a way of sharing and getting it out. “Anytime you can determine the current need of the people you’re communicating with, you can put whatever they say into the appropriate context. And you will be better able to understand them.”
And there is still so much more that Maxwell shares to develop our listening skills! Please come back tomorrow as we will finish the list and learn a great story about the power of listening.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a time when someone took the time to listen to you. What did that person do that made you feel good? Replicate that when you are listening to others.
FUTURE: Take every opportunity you can to listen to others. It’s only by practicing that we refine our skills.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 10 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Top 4 Characteristics of Inspiring Leaders
— From Equipping 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
I love the quote by Benjamin Disraeli, former UK Prime Minister who said, “The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.” I believe this is an essential characteristic of an inspiring leader: to show each person in the team his/her superpowers.
Most times, just as we cannot see our flaws, we need someone to point out to us our superpowers. They are such an integral part of us, that we don’t see them as the wonderful gift that they are, and instead, dismiss their importance thinking everybody has them.
In his book Equipping 101, leadership guru John C. Maxwell writes about leaders who inspire others to excel, and calls them enlarging leaders: “Team members always love and admire a [leader and] player who is able to help them go to another level, someone who enlarges and empowers them to be successful.”
He goes on to point out four characteristics of enlarging and inspiring leaders:
1. They value their team members. “Your team members can tell whether you believe in them. People’s performances usually reflect the expectations of those they respect.”
2. They value what their team members value. “[Leaders] who enlarge others do more than value their fellow team members; they understand what their team members value. They listen to discover what they talk about and watch to see what they spend their money on. That kind of knowledge, along with a desire to relate to their fellow players, creates a strong connection between them.”
3. They add value to their team members. “Adding value is really the essence of enlarging others. It’s finding ways to help others improve their abilities and attitudes. A leader who equips and enlarges others looks for the gifts, talents, and uniqueness in other people, and then helps them to increase those abilities for their benefit and for that of the entire team. An enlarging leader is able to take others to a whole new level.”
4. They make themselves more valuable. “Enlargers work to make themselves better, not only because it benefits them personally, but also because it helps them to help others. You cannot give what you do not have. If you want to increase the ability of your team members, make yourself better.”
At a practical level, Maxwell offers three suggestions if you want to become a leader who inspires, empowers, and enlarges others:
- Believe in others before they believe in you.
- Serve others before they serve you.
- Add value to others before they add value to you.
It’s that simple: putting others first and truly seeing them for the gifted, wonderful people that they are—just as we like to be seen as well—is the essence of a leader who inspires others to excel and to grow together with the team.
Have you ever been a part of an awesome team? How did your leader inspire you to become better? I’d love to know! Let me know in the comments here, please.
ACTION
TODAY: Whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company or a volunteer at a small nonprofit, you can always inspire and enlarge others around you to bring out their gifts and talents and be their best. What goal are you looking to accomplish? Inspire your team by keeping in mind this quote from Bill Russell, the famous basketball player who said, “The most important measure of how good a game I played was how much better I’d make my teammates play.”
FUTURE: Whenever you are in a team setting, look for opportunities to empower, inspire, and enlarge others. Start by giving yourself and your teammates an A, and see all the wonderful possibilities that come out of that!
Who has inspired you today? Please share this post this them! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 27 seconds
TODAY’S IDEA: Accountability is a Choice – Part 1
— From The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months by Brian Moran and Michael Lennington
“Accountability is perhaps the most misunderstood concept in business and in life,” say Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington, authors of The 12 Week Year.
How so?
Moran and Lennington explain that when we hear the phrase to hold someone accountable, it’s usually in a negative context. Thus, we equate accountability with the negative consequences that are to follow due to some sort of poor performance or bad behavior.
They give the example of managers saying, “We need to do a better job of holding people accountable.” And they also give the example of individuals who, in their desire to perform better, have said, “I just need someone to hold me accountable.”
The problem, the authors state, is that “these types of statements reflect the mistaken notion that accountability is something that can and must be imposed; that’s not accountability, that’s consequences.”
I agree with them up to this point, but… What is accountability then?
“Accountability is not consequences, but ownership. It is a character trait, a life stance, a willingness to own your actions and results regardless of the circumstances.”
Then they go on to say that the essence of accountability is the notion that we all have freedom of choice. They explain it beautifully, so I will leave a small excerpt here for you:
“Freedom of choice [is] the foundation of accountability.
Accountability is the realization that you always have choice; that, in fact, there are no have-to’s in life. Have-to’s are those things we hate to do but do anyway because we have to… Everything we do in life is a choice. Even in an environment where there are requirements of you, you still have a choice, but there is a big difference when you approach something as a choose-to versus a have-to. When something is a have-to it’s a burden, it’s cumbersome, and, at best, you meet the minimum standards; however, the realization that you ultimately have a choice creates a very different scenario. When you choose to do something, you are able to tap your resources and give your best. It is a much more empowering stance. Ultimately, you choose your actions, your results, your consequences.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of how you have been understanding accountability up to this point. Was it in the same negative context that the authors say? Now that you have a new perspective, what do you choose to do? What will you get to do? Here’s a post from last month that talks about reprograming your brain to enjoy what would otherwise be considered hard habits.
FUTURE: When you find yourself saying “I have to,” remember that you always have a choice. Embrace ownership and your mind will shift for the better.
Know someone who would like to read this post and change their perspective about accountability? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 1
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 58 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 3
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
In the two previous posts in this miniseries, we’ve learned how to use The Diderot Effect in a positive way to our advantage, and how to create a chain of new habits by stacking them all together.
Since the secret to success lies in the selection of the right cues to kick things off, today we’ll be talking all about cues.
First, as obvious as it may seem, it’s important to realize that the timing of the cue must be relevant and realistic to the new routine you want to create. James Clear writes:
“When and where you choose to insert a habit into your daily routine can make a big difference. If you’re trying to add meditation into your morning routine but mornings are chaotic and your kids keep running into the room, then that may be the wrong place and time. Consider when you are most likely to be successful. Don’t ask yourself to do a habit when you’re likely to be occupied with something else.”
Second, the frequency of the cue should be the same as of the new habit you want to instill. “If you want to do a habit every day, but you stack it on top of a habit that only happens on Mondays, that’s not a good choice.”
To find the right trigger for creating your new habit stack, the author suggests brainstorming a list of your current habits. You can download a free “Habit Scorecard” from his website, or simply create a list with two columns.
On the first column, you write the habits that you do every day, no matter what. For example, “get out of bed, take a shower, brush your teeth, get dressed, brew a cup of coffee, eat breakfast, take the kids to school, start the work day, eat lunch,” etc. Your list is going to be much longer than that, but you get where this is going.
On the second column, you write the things that happen to you always. For example, “the sun rises, you get a text message, the song you are listening to ends, the sun sets,” etc.
With your two-column list handy, then you can start looking for the best places to insert the cues to form your new habits. It’s important to note that the cue must be highly specific and immediately actionable, says Clear, otherwise, you run into ambiguity, which is certain to derail your habits. Let’s learn a lesson from the author:
“Many people set cues that are too vague. I made this mistake myself. When I wanted to start a push-up habit, my habit stack was ‘When I take a break for lunch, I will do ten push-ups.’ At first glance, this sounded reasonable. But soon I realized the trigger was unclear. Would I do my push-ups before I ate lunch? After I ate lunch? Where would I do them? After a few inconsistent days, I changed my habit stack to: ‘When I close my laptop for lunch, I will do ten push-ups next to my desk.’ Ambiguity gone.”
And there you have it. The more specific, precise, and clear on your cues and your instructions to act, the more the new habit will stick, as there won’t be room for inconsistency or confusion. “The specificity is important… After I close the door. After I brush my teeth. After I sit down at the table… The more tightly bound your new habit is to a specific cue, the better the odds are that you will notice when the time comes to act.”
Leave yourself no choice but to act in favor of establishing your new habits by setting up specific, timely, and relevant cues where they will give you the highest possibility of success.
So, what cue will you use to trigger the action for your new habit? Where will you stack it? Let me know in the comments here. As for myself, just as the author, I’m developing a push-up habit, so my cue will be “when I take a long break from my pomodoros, after setting the break time in my timer, I will do 12 push-ups right next to my desk.”
ACTION
TODAY: Make your two-column list of habits and things that happen so that you can figure out where you can insert your cues to trigger the new habit you want to build.
FUTURE: Set cues and stack habits where you will have the biggest possibility of success. Og Mandino said, “If I must be a slave to habit, let me be a slave to good habits.”
Know someone who would benefit from learning about cues and habit stacking? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Productivity, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 1
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 13 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 2
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
Yesterday we learned about The Diderot Effect: how to use it positively to create new habits and to make sure they stick via habit stacking.
But I told you there was more to this, and this is what I want to share today. The concept is simple: if habit stacking increases the likelihood that your new habits will stick, then you can actually create a chain of new habits by stacking them all together, using one habit to cue the next one for the whole routine you want to implement.
The author offers the following routines as examples.
Morning routine:
- After I pour my morning cup of coffee, I will meditate for sixty seconds.
- After I meditate for sixty seconds, I will write my to-do list for the day.
- After I write my to-do list for the day, I will immediately begin my first task.
Evening routine:
- After I finish eating dinner, I will put my plate directly into the dishwasher.
- After I put my dishes away, I will immediately wipe down the counter.
- After I wipe down the counter, I will set out my coffee mug for tomorrow morning.
You get the idea. Very simple but immensely powerful.
There are also a few iterations of this basic stacking principle to further help you achieve a particular goal. One of those iterations, says Clear, is to “insert new behaviors into the middle of your current routines.”
For instance, he points out to a routine like this:
Wake up > Make my bed > Take a shower.
What if you wanted to instill in you the habit of reading every night? You could modify your habit stack by adding the following:
Wake up > Make my bed > Place a book on my pillow > Take a shower.
That one change would mean you’d have a book waiting for you to enjoy in the evening before you go to bed.
Another tip that Clear shares is that of creating rules to guide your future behavior. “It’s like you always have a game plan for which action should come next.” And he gives the following examples to illustrate this point:
- Exercise. When I see a set of stairs, I will take them instead of using the elevator.
- Social skills. When I walk into a party, I will introduce myself to someone I don’t know yet.
- Finances. When I want to buy something over $100, I will wait twenty-four hours before purchasing.
- Healthy eating. When I serve myself a meal, I will always put veggies on my plate first.
- Minimalism. When I buy a new item, I will give something away. (“One in, one out.”)
- Mood. When the phone rings, I will take one deep breath and smile before answering.
- Forgetfulness. When I leave a public place, I will check the table and chairs to make sure I don’t leave anything behind.
The most important thing is picking the right cue to initiate the action. Over time and repetition, the habit will be built. And by virtue of having stacked it, it has no choice but to stick.
And just as I promised that there would be more info on new habits today, tomorrow this miniseries will continue with how to set the cues for best results. So, please come back to continue learning about creating new habits and creating the optimal conditions for them to stick.
ACTION
TODAY: Look at your routines and determine when would be the best step to stack that new habit.
FUTURE: Start a document with your own set of rules to guide your behavior. As you run into a situation where you’d like to stack a habit, make a note of it in your document, so that you can have one repository of all these rules. You’ll eventually have them in your mind, yet initially, having this document as a backup will come in very handy.
Know someone who would like to read this?? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
