by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resolutions, Tools, Wellbeing, Willpower
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 59 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Only 19% of People Keep Their New Year’s Resolutions. How Do They Do It?
–From Careful: A User’s Guide to Our Injury-Prone Minds by Steve Casner
In the past post we learned the things that do not work to keep our New Year’s resolutions alive: thinking that it’s just a matter or commitment or willpower, deluding ourselves with wishful thinking, and flooding our minds with negative thoughts.
In this post we will learn the things that work well to be among the 19% of folks who were successful in keeping their resolutions going after 2 years.
But don’t expect something grandiose accompanied with great fanfare. According to Steve Casner, author of Careful, “It’s the little stuff that matters.”
And I agree with him on this. If you look at our lives, they are made of moments, small moments and small actions that—when compounded—create the milestones and the successes that we envisioned as our goals.
So, what are these small things, you ask?
Social support. “[This] was named as a strong contributing factor by the successful 19%, especially after 6 months had gone by.” Social support usually takes the form of enrolling ourselves or other people with psychological contracts.
A psychological contract “is a promise to do this or not do that, with the exception that it isn’t written down.” These are very common. We may know them better as pinky swears or pinky promises. You promise to someone else that you will do something, and/or they promise you that they will do something, for instance, your best friend going with you to the gym every morning at 6 am.
You don’t have a written contract with your friend or with yourself, but the idea of your friend waiting for you at the gym in the morning makes you jump out of bed and get ready to go, instead of hitting the snooze button. These types of psychological contracts are nothing new. The key is that they are made not to be broken, and when there is a social bond they are much harder—if not almost impossible—to break.
“Apparently, when we promise someone that we are going to do something, it seems we are rather inclined to do it,” says Casner. So, go ahead and find a friend, and pinky swear over your goals.
The author also mentions an ingenious way to remind us to do/not do things: the nagging power of children. “Described as an awesome renewable resource… [we should] enlist our kids to become nagging machines programmed to keep their parents [resolutions].” So, if you have kids, enlist them to help you out, it will be very effective, albeit it may drive you a bit crazy…
Reminders. “The 19% who made it to the 2-year mark consistently reported that they used reminders, and they reported using them at every stage of their success. During the first week, after a month, after six months, after two years, they used reminders. Reminders can be little things left anywhere in your environment that prompt you [about your resolution]. You can even use reminders to help you remember pinky swears that you’ve made.”
Reminders can be anything: wearing one of those flat rubber bracelets with an inscription to remind you of your goals, tying a string, changing a ring or watch to the opposite hand, post it notes, an alarm on your phone… really, anything that helps you avoid deviating from your resolutions works!
Rewards. These were mentioned by the New Year’s resolvers as a very helpful tool as well, especially after the first few weeks and also after the two years had passed. Rewards can also be anything you want them to be, big or small, free or expensive… it all depends on you and the milestones you have to go through to reach your goals.
And finally, nothing like practice, practice, practice. Do what you need to do to accomplish your resolutions. Do it over, and over, and over again, until it becomes so ingrained that you don’t even think about it.
As you can see these things are rather simple, yet they are not easy, otherwise a much higher percentage of the New Year’s resolvers would fulfill their goals. Just remember what Casner said earlier: “It’s the little stuff that matters,” and keep focusing on taking one step at a time.
ACTION
TODAY: If you’ve given up on your resolutions, think about them again—it’s not too late. Find a friend to help you, or pinky swear over something. Set reminders and a schedule of rewards for every milestone you’ll go through. Then get started and practice, practice, practice.
FUTURE: These little things that help people stick to a goal are not exclusive to New Year’s resolutions—they work for any goal. Use them when you set goals to help you accomplish them.
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by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Resolutions, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 55 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Today is National Ditch Your Resolutions Day
— From The Perfect Day Formula: How to Own the Day And Control Your Life by Craig Ballantyne
Whaaaaaaaaaaaat???????!!!!!!
Not happy with Quitters’ Day someone decided to have a National Ditch Your Resolutions Day… Really?????!!!!!
Yep. And that day is today, January 17, “popularly thought to be the day when a large number of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions.” (Source.)
According to the stats cited in this Inc. Magazine article, 91% of people fail to keep their resolutions. However, that is not appalling, given that resolutions—in my opinion—are just like wishes: very nice to have but not necessary.
If you want to be successful, the resolutions and wishes have to be substituted by goals and habits.
And a great author and role model for this is Craig Ballantyne. In his book The Perfect Day Formula, he sets out a 7-step plan to create Habits of Steel:
1. Figure out what matters… and focus on it. “Success requires us to do the first things first. Choose your time wisely. Figure out what really matters to you and then use the rest of the steps to build habits that allow you to focus your time on it.”
2. Identify steps to success and rules for your life. “No one will ever be perfect at keeping to their rules, but you will be better for trying, and you will have stronger habits that allow you to avoid the disappointment, guilt, and regret of wasted days.”
3. Create a checklist for new habits. “Connecting a positive action… with a daily trigger… is a great way to create new habits. Each habit needs to be broken down into action items for you to get started.”
4. Prepare the night before. “Winning habits begin with proper planning. Prepare your checklist. Lay out an easy-to-follow pathway for success. Set out any tools you will need to do for the first things first.”
5. Remove all obstacles. “ Removing obstacles, temptations, and bad habits is one of the most important changes you can make in life. Eliminating the negatives is often more important for success than relying on willpower for the creation of new habits.”
6. Take massive action. “We can control what time we wake up, what habits we start the day with, what temptations enter—and are eliminated—from our lives, and what systems we have in place for dealing with all of these. We can believe in ourselves or we can have doubt. It’s our choice.”
7. Learn and improve. “Few days will be easy. Most days will require you to fight tooth-and-nail to stick to your habits and achieve your goals. On those days, take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and struggles. They will make you stronger.”
Oh, and one last thing: Ballantyne says that a little incentive never hurts. “Give yourself a prize for taking action and following through. We repeat what we reward. It can be as simple as enjoying the beauty of a sunrise as you meditate.”
So, are you ready to celebrate National Ditch Your Resolutions Day by ditching your resolutions and turning them into habits? Imagine what your life will be like a year from now if you turned your resolutions or wishes into ingrained habits.
I’m cheering for you!
ACTION
TODAY: What resolutions would you like to turn into habits? Be very specific and then apply Ballantyne’s seven-step plan. For more on how to succeed at this, here’s a post I wrote last year: New Year’s Resolutions vs. SMART Goals.
FUTURE: Next year, don’t set resolutions. Instead, set goals that you can turn into habits.
Know someone who would like to ditch their resolutions for goals and habits instead? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 34 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Triggers Can Help Stop Procrastination
— From The Perfect Day Formula: How to Own the Day And Control Your Life by Craig Ballantyne
Craig Ballantyne, a successful entrepreneur and writer, recalls a time—back when he was in his twenties—that he was addicted to visiting sports and news websites. “Fortunately,” he says, “I recognized the problem and over time developed a simple, quick and easy solution to snap out of it and get back to work.”
In his book The Perfect Day Formula, Ballantyne writes that many people procrastinate their day away by incessantly checking email, visiting news websites, reading text messages, and then returning to their inbox to start all over again.
“Habits, both good and bad, are hard to change,” says Ballantyne. And he explains that every time we do something out of habit the wiring in our brains strengthens. Thus, it behooves us to make good habits stronger and to get rid of bad habits.
And exactly, how do we break the bad habits?
“The solution is in having a trigger that reminds you to get back on track. Triggers are little tricks that interrupt your bad habits.” And the author shares a few examples to help stop procrastination habits:
“Turning off your phone or disconnecting from the internet stops you from repeatedly checking your email or text messages. Brushing your teeth can get you back on track and help you avoid mindless eating at night. Turning on loud, energetic music can be the trigger you need to finally start the exercise session you’ve been delaying all morning. Pulling out your checkbook and putting on a collared shirt could be the trigger you need to finally sit down and deal with your monthly bills.”
As it pertains to Ballantyne’s internet addiction, when he caught himself in the bad habit, he would open up Microsoft Word in his computer. That was the trigger he needed to snap him out of procrastinating. And he still uses it today when he’s “tempted by trouble” and it does the trick every time to return him to his writing.
Once he’s in Microsoft Word, he says, “Each word typed [is] a victory. Each sentence a battle won… Every victory makes it easier to achieve the next. [He gets] on a roll and then it’s hard to stop working and easy to avoid procrastination.”
And that is the lesson today: “Action begets action. And it starts with a simple trigger.”
As you see, triggers don’t need to be fancy or elaborate, you don’t need to spend money or ask others for help. If you want to snap out of a procrastinating funk, all you need is to identify and implement a trigger to get you into action mode.
What’s your trigger?
ACTION
TODAY: Identify the habit that gets you to procrastinate your day away. Then select a trigger to get you back into action mode. When you catch yourself in the bad habit, simply apply the trigger and get back to work. Slowly, you’ll get rid of your bad habit.
FUTURE: Create the intention of being aware of your habits. When you catch yourself doing what you don’t want to do, implement the trigger start working again.
Know someone who would like the idea of triggers? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Planning, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 7 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Yes and No Are Choices We Make
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
In yesterday’s post, we learned that our reaction to what happens is our choice. This prompted me to go back to M.J. Ryan’s book, Habit Changers, where she taught a client of hers that yes and no are choices we make.
Ryan’s client was an executive director of a nonprofit. As part of the coaching process, the homework for the client was to apply what she learned in the session to her life. What Ryan noticed was that the client would agree to do it but she’d skip it, and the next time they’d meet, the client had not done it. This went on for several sessions.
Ryan pointed this out to the client, and the client instantly had an epiphany: “That’s why people are so upset with me as a leader! I do that with everyone—I say yes to whatever they ask because I want to please them, and then I don’t follow through because I’ve got too much to do!”
The author says that not being able to say no, “stems from a desire to make others happy and avoid conflict.” The unfortunate part is that “it ends up creating more conflict and disappointment than if you had said no in the first place.” And Ryan proposes this apt mantra: “You can’t say yes if you can’t say no.”
She goes on to say that, “when you say yes to something you can’t follow through on, you’re not actually being helpful—you’re just appeasing those around you and ultimately causing bad feelings.”
By remembering that yes and no are choices we make and repeating that mantra, Ryan’s client “discovered that the more she could say no when she felt it, the more her yes was wholehearted.” The client’s story, fortunately, has a happy ending: “her follow-through improved dramatically and so did her team’s respect for her word.”
No matter how much we want to please or appease, saying yes when we don’t know if we’ll be certain to make it happen is not the best strategy. It puts our word and reputation on the line. Learning to say no is one of the best skills we can learn.
Have you ever found yourself saying yes out of a sense of not wanting to hurt anybody’s feelings or to appease someone? I know I have because I’m a pleaser. While I’m definitely not proud of those moments, they serve me as reminders of how I need to see the person and the favor asked of me as two different things. My relationship with the person who is asking is one thing and that, fortunately, doesn’t change (family, friend, client, etc). The favor that he/she is asking me to do is a completely different thing, and this frees me up to say yes or no based on my workload. Giving an answer to the task someone asks me to do is easier if I separate it this way in my mind.
How have you been able to learn to say no? Let me know in the comments here!
ACTION
TODAY: Remember that yes and no are choices we make, from tiny ones to major decisions. What choices will you make today?
FUTURE: Keep reminding yourself that yes and no are separate from the relationship that you have with the person who asks you to do something. While being on the receiving end of no may not be what the person who asked was expecting, if you explain that you won’t be able to fulfill what is asked of you and you don’t want to disappoint, your answer will be appreciated and respected.
Know someone who would like to read this post? Please share it with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Resolutions, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 7 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Motion vs. Action: The Difference Means Your Success
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
How are your New Year’s resolutions coming along? As we’re getting started this year with their implementation, “it is easy to get bogged down trying to find the optimal plan for change: the fastest way to lose weight, the best program to build muscle, the perfect idea for a side hustle. We are so focused on figuring out the best approach that we never get around to taking action.”
“The best is the enemy of the good.” – Voltaire
Habit guru and author James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, refers to this as motion vs. action, that is, the difference between being in motion and taking action:
“The two ideas sound similar, but they’re not the same. When you’re in motion you’re planning and strategizing and learning. Those are all good things, but they don’t produce a result.
Action, on the other hand, is the type of behavior that will deliver an outcome. If I outline 20 ideas for articles I want to write, that’s motion. If I actually sit down and write an article, that’s action. If I search for a better diet plan and read a few books on the topic, that’s motion. If I actually eat a healthy meal, that’s action.
Sometimes motion is useful, but it will never produce an outcome by itself. It doesn’t matter how many times you talk to the personal trainer, that motion will never get you in shape. Only the action of working out will get the result you’re looking to achieve.”
At this point, you’re probably thinking that motion is a necessary precursor of action, as we actually need to learn and plan before doing something. I completely agree with you on that. Where the author cautions us not to get stuck is in the planning phase. “More often than not, we do it because motion allows us to feel like we’re making progress without running the risk of failure. […] It’s easy to be in motion and convince yourself that you’re still making progress. […] When preparation becomes a form of procrastination, you need to change something. You don’t want to merely be planning. You want to be practicing.”
And that is the key to creating a new habit that will lead you to your goals: practice, practice, practice. The more you repeat this new behavior, the faster you’ll be on your way to master your new habit.
What new habit are you trying to master? Was motion vs. action an eye-opener for you? It was for me! Let me know your thoughts in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: What new habit are you trying to master? What action do you need to take to make it happen? Set a schedule for your actions and/or pick a date to go from motion into action. Take action today, even if it’s the smallest one you can take so that you make it impossible to fail.
FUTURE: Whenever you are looking at mastering a new habit, remember that you will indeed be in motion initially, as it refers to learning and planning, but don’t let this paralyze you (analysis paralysis). Action is what will lead you to success: schedule it and set timelines to shift into action. Read more about this.
Know someone who is trying to master a new habit this new year and could benefit from learning about motion vs. action? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 12 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Pointing and Calling for Habit Success
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
Pointing and calling is a method in occupational safety for avoiding mistakes by pointing at important indicators and calling out the status. It is used in by train operators in Japan and in the New York City Subway system.
For instance, in Tokyo, “When the train approaches a signal, the operator will point at it and say, ‘Signal is green.’ As the train pulls into and out of each station, the operator will point at the speedometer and call out the exact speed. When it’s time to leave, the operator will point at the timetable and state the time. Out on the platform, other employees are performing similar actions. Before each train departs, staff members will point along the edge of the platform and declare, ‘All clear!’ Every detail is identified, pointed at, and named aloud.” (More about pointing and calling here.)
In his book Atomic Habits, author James Clear says that while pointing and calling may seem silly, “it works incredibly well… [and] is so effective because it raises the level of awareness from a nonconscious habit to a more conscious level. Because the train operators must use their hands, mouth, and ears, they are more likely to notice problems before something goes wrong.”
Have you ever found yourself stopping for a moment to call out what you need or what you have before you do something? You’re likely doing your own version of pointing and calling. I know I do: every time I’m about to leave on a trip I always say, I’ve got my keys, my wallet, my phone, my passport, the ticket…
“The more automatic a behavior becomes, the less likely we are to consciously think about it. And when we’ve done something a thousand times before, we begin to overlook things. We assume that the next time will be just like the last. We’re so used to doing what we’ve always done that we don’t stop to question whether it’s the right thing to do at all,” says Clear.
As we start this new year with new goals, we will need to build new habits and get rid of old or bad ones. Because of this, I thought I’d share the author’s ideas on the awareness and action (or inaction) that the pointing and calling technique creates:
“The first step to changing bad habits is to be on the lookout for them. If you feel you need extra help, then you can try Pointing-and-Calling in your own life. Say out loud the action that you are thinking of taking and what the outcome will be. If you want to cut out on your junk food habit, but notice yourself grabbing another cookie, say out loud, ‘I’m about to eat this cookie but I don’t need it. Eating will cause me to gain weight and hurt my health.’
Hearing your bad habits spoken aloud makes the consequences seem more real. It adds weight to the action rather than letting yourself mindlessly slip into an old routine… You’re getting yourself to acknowledge the need for action–and that can make all the difference.”
By pointing and calling, we will be able to break the unconsciousness of our habits. At that point, then we can decide, right before we act, whether we want to move forward with our old habits or not, and then we can act on the new ones.
ACTION
TODAY: Try pointing and calling before doing something. You’ll see how much more awareness this simple technique brings into your life.
FUTURE: As you try to break some old habits to give way to the new ones you want to create, add pointing and calling to your repertoire.
Know someone who would be interested in pointing and calling? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
