by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 38 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Listening Skills Every Leader Must Develop – Part 2
— From Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
In yesterday’s post, we started to look at the nine listening skills every leader must develop. Despite them sounding and being so simple, those skills should not be dismissed, as they are what makes for a wonderful experience both for the listener and for the speaker.
Let’s continue learning the skills that John C. Maxwell offers in his book Relationships 101 so that we can become top-notch listeners:
5. Check your emotions. “Most people carry around emotional baggage that causes them to react to certain people or situations. […] Anytime that you become highly emotional when listening to another person, check your emotions—especially if your reaction seems to be stronger then the situation warrants. You don’t want to make an unsuspecting person the recipient of your venting.” Further, if something that the speaker says triggers a strong emotion in you, you should always allow others to finish explaining their points of view, ideas, or convictions before offering your own.”
6. Suspend your judgment. “Have you ever begun listening to another person to tell a story and started to respond to it before he or she was finished? Just about everyone has. But the truth is that you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. As you talk to others, wait to hear the whole story before you respond. If you don’t, you may miss the most important thing they intend to say.”
7. Sum up at major intervals. “Listening is most effective when it’s active. […] For example, if you can say, ‘Cheryl, that’s obviously very important to you.’ It will help keep you on track as a listener. Get beyond, ‘That’s interesting.’ If you train yourself to comment meaningfully, the speaker will know you are listening and may offer further information. A technique for active listening is to sum up what the other person says at major intervals. As the speaker finishes one subject, paraphrase his or her main points or ideas before going onto the next one, and verify that you have gotten the right message.”
8. Ask questions for clarity. “If you want to become an effective listener… [be someone] someone who gently asks follow up questions and seeks clarification. If you show people how much you care and ask in a non threatening way, you’ll be amazed by how much they’ll tell you.”
9. Always make listening your priority. “The last thing to remember when developing your listening skills is to make listening a priority, no matter how busy you become or how far you rise in your organization.”
Maxwell shares the example of Sam Walton, the founder of Wal-Mart. “He believed in listening to what people had to say, especially his employees. He once flew his plane to Mt. Pleasant, Texas, landed, and he gave instructions to his copilot to meet him about one hundred miles down the road. He then rode in a Wal-Mart truck just so that he could chat with the driver.”
Many of us consider ourselves good listeners and consider listening a pretty easy exercise. But let’s not take it for granted. There’s always room for improvement, and good listening skills can change our lives and that of the others around them, so let’s keep refining them!
I’ll leave you with this story of Jennie Jerome, Winston Churchill’s mother. When Benjamin Disraeli and William Gladstone were competing for the position of the prime minister of the United Kingdom, she had dinner with each of them.
Afterwards, she famously said “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.”
That is the power of listening. And that is why it behooves us to always be practicing and sharpening our listening skills.
ACTION
TODAY: Which of these skills comes most naturally to you? Which one do you need to work on a bit more? Take an opportunity today to practice at work or at home.
FUTURE: Practice the Disraeli skill of making the person who is speaking feel as if he or she is the smartest one in the world.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share it with your circles via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 52 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Listening Skills Every Leader Must Develop – Part 1
— From Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
Novelist E.W. Howe liked to joke by saying, “No one would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.” Sad but true, many people do not listen, they simply wait for their turn to speak. That is why the ability to develop and refine our listening skills is the basis to building positive relationships.
Listening starts with wanting to hear and paying attention, of course, but above all, Maxwell says, “A mistake that people often make… is trying very hard to impress the other person. They try to make themselves appear smart, witty or entertaining. But if you want to relate well to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer. Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting.”
In his book, Relationships 101, leadership guru John C. Maxwell, provides us with a list of nine skills to become better listeners. Some of these listening skills may seem very simple and intuitive, but don’t dismiss them because of that, they are part of the whole listening experience, both for the listener and for the one who is listened to:
1. Look at the speaker. “The whole listening process begins with giving the other person your undivided attention. As you interact with someone, don’t catch up on other work, shuffle papers, do the dishes, or watch television. Set aside time to focus only on the other person. And if you don’t have the time at that moment, then schedule it as soon as you can.”
2. Don’t interrupt. “Most people react badly to being interrupted. It makes them feel disrespected… People who tend to interrupt others generally do so for one of these reasons: [i.] They don’t place enough value of what the other person has to say. [ii.] They want to impress others by showing how smart and intuitive they are. [iii.] They’re too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking. […] Give people the time they need to express themselves.”
3. Focus on understanding. “Have you ever noticed how quickly most people forget the things they hear? Studies… indicate that most people can recall only 50 percent of what they hear immediately after hearing it. […] By the next day, their retention is usually down to 25 percent. One way to combat that tendency it’s to aim for understanding rather than just remembering the facts.”
4. Determine the need at the moment. Some people, upon listening, want to fix immediately what the other person is troubled about. Some others, however, simply want to communicate something as a way of sharing and getting it out. “Anytime you can determine the current need of the people you’re communicating with, you can put whatever they say into the appropriate context. And you will be better able to understand them.”
And there is still so much more that Maxwell shares to develop our listening skills! Please come back tomorrow as we will finish the list and learn a great story about the power of listening.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a time when someone took the time to listen to you. What did that person do that made you feel good? Replicate that when you are listening to others.
FUTURE: Take every opportunity you can to listen to others. It’s only by practicing that we refine our skills.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 10 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Top 4 Characteristics of Inspiring Leaders
— From Equipping 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
I love the quote by Benjamin Disraeli, former UK Prime Minister who said, “The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.” I believe this is an essential characteristic of an inspiring leader: to show each person in the team his/her superpowers.
Most times, just as we cannot see our flaws, we need someone to point out to us our superpowers. They are such an integral part of us, that we don’t see them as the wonderful gift that they are, and instead, dismiss their importance thinking everybody has them.
In his book Equipping 101, leadership guru John C. Maxwell writes about leaders who inspire others to excel, and calls them enlarging leaders: “Team members always love and admire a [leader and] player who is able to help them go to another level, someone who enlarges and empowers them to be successful.”
He goes on to point out four characteristics of enlarging and inspiring leaders:
1. They value their team members. “Your team members can tell whether you believe in them. People’s performances usually reflect the expectations of those they respect.”
2. They value what their team members value. “[Leaders] who enlarge others do more than value their fellow team members; they understand what their team members value. They listen to discover what they talk about and watch to see what they spend their money on. That kind of knowledge, along with a desire to relate to their fellow players, creates a strong connection between them.”
3. They add value to their team members. “Adding value is really the essence of enlarging others. It’s finding ways to help others improve their abilities and attitudes. A leader who equips and enlarges others looks for the gifts, talents, and uniqueness in other people, and then helps them to increase those abilities for their benefit and for that of the entire team. An enlarging leader is able to take others to a whole new level.”
4. They make themselves more valuable. “Enlargers work to make themselves better, not only because it benefits them personally, but also because it helps them to help others. You cannot give what you do not have. If you want to increase the ability of your team members, make yourself better.”
At a practical level, Maxwell offers three suggestions if you want to become a leader who inspires, empowers, and enlarges others:
- Believe in others before they believe in you.
- Serve others before they serve you.
- Add value to others before they add value to you.
It’s that simple: putting others first and truly seeing them for the gifted, wonderful people that they are—just as we like to be seen as well—is the essence of a leader who inspires others to excel and to grow together with the team.
Have you ever been a part of an awesome team? How did your leader inspire you to become better? I’d love to know! Let me know in the comments here, please.
ACTION
TODAY: Whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company or a volunteer at a small nonprofit, you can always inspire and enlarge others around you to bring out their gifts and talents and be their best. What goal are you looking to accomplish? Inspire your team by keeping in mind this quote from Bill Russell, the famous basketball player who said, “The most important measure of how good a game I played was how much better I’d make my teammates play.”
FUTURE: Whenever you are in a team setting, look for opportunities to empower, inspire, and enlarge others. Start by giving yourself and your teammates an A, and see all the wonderful possibilities that come out of that!
Who has inspired you today? Please share this post this them! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Planning, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 35 seconds:
TODAY’S IDEA: Accountability is a Choice – Part 2
— From The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months by Brian Moran and Michael Lennington
Yesterday we learned that, unfortunately, when we think of accountability we tend to see it under a negative light. When we think or hear that someone must be accountable for something or that we need to keep people accountable, we are usually referring to consequences.
Accountability is ownership, and it is based on the fundamental concept that we all have freedom of choice.
And precisely because of this last point, the authors mention how easy it is to develop a tendency to look outside ourselves for things to change and improve: “we’re waiting on the economy to pick up, the housing market to turn around, or for our company to come up with a new product, more competitive pricing, or better advertising.”
We don’t have any control over that, yet “it’s easy to become a victim to outside circumstances, spending time and energy hoping and imagining what our lies would be like if the world around us were different, believing that these are the keys to improving our results.”
“The only things you control are your thinking and your actions. But those are enough if (and it’s a big if) you are willing to own them.”
Recently, I heard my friend Evan Horowitz, CEO of Movers+Shakers, say that the things that hold us back can be grouped into three categories:
- Out There: Competitors, employees, economy, industry, trends, customers, family, etc. These are things over which we have no control.
- In Here: Our time allocations, self-discipline, skills, risk-taking, emotional patterns, procrastination, perfectionism, etc. These are things over which we definitely have control and choice.
- Neither Here Nor There: In this category are those thoughts about which we have absolutely no control either and cannot choose to act with anything other than acceptance. So let’s not get hung up on trying to get more hours in the day, or how unfair life is that we do not have a rich uncle who has left us a big inheritance, etc.
Lastly, Moran and Lennington emphasize that accountability is anything but passive. On the contrary, it is active and empowering. “True accountability actively confronts the truth, it confronts with freedom of choice and the consequences of those choices. In this way accountability is extremely empowering, but you must be willing to confront reality and the truth of your situation.”
In closing, I’ll leave you with this great quote from the book:
“When you understand that true accountability is about choice and taking ownership of your choices, everything changes. You move from resistance to empowerment, from limits to possibilities, and from mediocrity to greatness.”
ACTION
TODAY: You are the only person that can hold yourself accountable. Reinforce the thought patterns of ownership in your mind every step of the way.
FUTURE: When you find yourself thinking about things that are out of your control, gently bring your focus to those things over which you indeed have a choice.
Know someone who would like to read this post and change their perspective about accountability? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 27 seconds
TODAY’S IDEA: Accountability is a Choice – Part 1
— From The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months by Brian Moran and Michael Lennington
“Accountability is perhaps the most misunderstood concept in business and in life,” say Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington, authors of The 12 Week Year.
How so?
Moran and Lennington explain that when we hear the phrase to hold someone accountable, it’s usually in a negative context. Thus, we equate accountability with the negative consequences that are to follow due to some sort of poor performance or bad behavior.
They give the example of managers saying, “We need to do a better job of holding people accountable.” And they also give the example of individuals who, in their desire to perform better, have said, “I just need someone to hold me accountable.”
The problem, the authors state, is that “these types of statements reflect the mistaken notion that accountability is something that can and must be imposed; that’s not accountability, that’s consequences.”
I agree with them up to this point, but… What is accountability then?
“Accountability is not consequences, but ownership. It is a character trait, a life stance, a willingness to own your actions and results regardless of the circumstances.”
Then they go on to say that the essence of accountability is the notion that we all have freedom of choice. They explain it beautifully, so I will leave a small excerpt here for you:
“Freedom of choice [is] the foundation of accountability.
Accountability is the realization that you always have choice; that, in fact, there are no have-to’s in life. Have-to’s are those things we hate to do but do anyway because we have to… Everything we do in life is a choice. Even in an environment where there are requirements of you, you still have a choice, but there is a big difference when you approach something as a choose-to versus a have-to. When something is a have-to it’s a burden, it’s cumbersome, and, at best, you meet the minimum standards; however, the realization that you ultimately have a choice creates a very different scenario. When you choose to do something, you are able to tap your resources and give your best. It is a much more empowering stance. Ultimately, you choose your actions, your results, your consequences.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of how you have been understanding accountability up to this point. Was it in the same negative context that the authors say? Now that you have a new perspective, what do you choose to do? What will you get to do? Here’s a post from last month that talks about reprograming your brain to enjoy what would otherwise be considered hard habits.
FUTURE: When you find yourself saying “I have to,” remember that you always have a choice. Embrace ownership and your mind will shift for the better.
Know someone who would like to read this post and change their perspective about accountability? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Creativity, Leadership, Mindset, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 46 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Giving Tuesday: Let’s Endeavor to Help Others
— From Endeavor: Thrive Through Work Aligned with Your Values, Talents, and Tribe by Scott Perry
I’m thrilled and very proud of my friend, Scott Perry, who just published his second book, Endeavor, with tremendous success. Bravo Scott! In his words, “This is not a self-help book. It’s a help-others book.”
And no better day to help others than today, Giving Tuesday, the international day of charitable giving during the holiday season.
The book is a quick read, and it focuses on developing or furthering what Perry refers to as an Endeavor:
“It’s more than a hobby, but not necessarily your job or role. It is a vocation found at the intersection of who you are, what you’re good at, and where you belong. An endeavor is work that you are meant to do now. An endeavor cultivates gratitude because you don’t have to do it, you get to do it. It also generates appreciation in others because it is a gift generously shared with those who need it. Endeavors shun the status quo. These efforts intend to transform. Endeavors strive to help people get from where they are to where they want to be.”
The book is beautifully written, and Perry takes the time to distill to the very essence some key concepts to bring clarity to one’s endeavor. So, in the spirit of Giving Tuesday, I want to share some of the thoughts that the author writes in the book about gratitude, generosity, grace, compassion, and empathy, as they are the basis for doing work that helps others.
Gratitude is the appreciation for what you have and receive. You may be grateful for a tangible object or an intangible concept. Regardless, when you mindfully and genuinely practice gratitude, there is science that points to profound benefits, not the least of which is a feeling of happiness.
Expressing gratitude acknowledges the goodness in your life. […] Gratitude encourages you to contextualize yourself, your circumstances, and your surroundings within a broader framework that acknowledges others. Appreciation inspires a feeling of belonging and supports an unselfish perspective. This all leads to a more sustainable approach to what is “enough.”
Generosity is the expression of kindness, understanding, and selflessness. […] It requires the recognition of others and therefore cultivates empathy and compassion. It leads to a feeling of “oneness” with others, which enhances the experience and emotional health of both the giver and receiver.
Developing your generous nature enables you to move beyond need and desire. Generosity helps you recognize that you are and have “enough.” You already possess an abundance of gifts. These gifts only have meaning through developing and sharing them.
Grace is the act of extending forgiveness or mercy. The word itself comes from the same root as that of gratitude and is embedded deeply into the practice of generosity. […] Grace is central to many of the world’s most impactful social movements. […] Nothing is more challenging than the pursuit and practice of grace. That’s why it’s so valued and worth your persistent effort. […] And grace begins with you. […] Be kind to yourself, and it will be much easier to extend kindness to others. Be full of grace.
Compassion is often conflated with empathy, but they are very different impulses. Empathy is the ability to feel and understand the state of mind of another. Compassion is feeling compelled to act on that recognition and to assist. Empathy requires effort; compassion demands action. Indeed, compassion is empathy in action. But there are still several important distinctions. Empathy is subjective; compassion is objective. Empathy is exhausting; compassion is energizing. […] Empathy is the gateway; compassion is the way.
So, what is your favorite charity and why? Let me know in the comments here.
I had the honor of appearing in Scott Perry’s wonderful podcast Creative on Purpose earlier this year. We had a fantastic conversation and would love to invite you to listen to it here.
ACTION
TODAY: This Giving Tuesday, pick a charity that resonates with your endeavor and give one (or more) of your three Ts: Time, Talent (skills) or Treasure (money). Being grateful for what you have and sharing it generously with others brings enormous benefits to both the giver and the receiver. (For more on the benefits of gratitude see this miniseries.)
FUTURE: If your time, talent and/or treasure allows, make it a habit of giving periodically. Your heart and soul will feel good, and the cause that you pick will benefit from your kindness and generosity.
Know someone who is a great giver? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
