by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Mindset, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 27 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Compare well if you’re going to compare to others
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
If you’re going to compare to others, compare well, was the wise counsel that M.J. Ryan—leading expert on change and human fulfillment, and author of Habit Changers—gave to a young business owner who was in her twenties, and who was complaining about “not being ‘as far along’ on the success path as her peers.”
Ryan says that this is a very common feeling: “We look around, rank ourselves on some invisible scale of achievement, and usually find ourselves wanting. There’s always someone who’s done more, made more money, gotten more glory, no matter our age and stage.”
And despite what the experts say that we should not compare ourselves to others, Ryan points out that is impossible. “Part of what our prefrontal cortex exists to do is take in information and compare that to conclusions and judgments it has previously made.”
Ryan suggests not battling this tendency of our brain to compare ourselves to others but instead, as she told her young client, “be sure to compare well.”
I think this compare well mantra can serve us all. Ryan recalls the conversation:
“What do you mean [compare well]?” [The client] asked. “Well,” [Ryan] said, “What does success look like to you?” She had her answer immediately: “Being my own boss, having the freedom to do things when and how I want.” “So when you compare your situation to others given those criteria, what do you notice?” [Ryan] replied. “I’ve already got what I want!” [The client] exclaimed! “I’ve been so busy comparing myself against a yardstick I’m not even interested in that I didn’t even notice the success I’ve created.”
Going forward, since we will all compare, it behooves us to compare well. This way, as the author mentions, we will be in alignment with the success we truly want and comparing ourselves by the measurements we truly value.
ACTION
TODAY: Who have you been comparing yourself to? Decide instead to compare well: Ask yourself the two questions that Ryan asked her client: What does success look like to you? So, when you compare your situation to others given those criteria, what do you notice? Your answers will be revealing: (1) they’ll make you grateful for getting clarity and for being where you are; (2) they’ll set you in alignment with your definition of success; and (3) they’ll point you towards the path you must follow to achieve (or to continue to attain) the success you want.
FUTURE: Remember that if you are going to compare anyway, you must compare well! There is no need to compare someone’s sizzle reel (especially from social media) to your everyday life. Don’t let that deceive you or bring you down: we all make our best effort to look great online. Compare yourself well and only to yourself as you move in the direction of your goals.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share: Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Celebration, Collaboration, Growth, Leadership, Mindset
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 33 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Gary Vee’s philosophy on leadership
— From #AskGaryVee: One Entrepreneur’s Take on Leadership, Social Media, and Self-Awareness by Gary Vaynerchuk
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been poring over all the leadership books I own, working on distilling some of the most important lessons on leadership for a keynote that I’ll be giving this month to a Fortune 500 Company.
This has been a super fun endeavor, and a titanic one at that, because I could talk about this topic for hours without end, and I only have one hour. Yes, 60 minutes, Q&A included. The time has become a beautiful constraint as it has forced me to focus only on the key points and pick the most relevant stories. The presentation is going to be awesome!
I will be sharing with you tidbits of my talk as future posts. Yet, in the meantime, I wanted to share with you today this excerpt about Gary Vee’s philosophy on leadership. It comes from Gary Vaynerchuck’s (“Gary Vee”) book called #AskGaryVee. Vaynerchuk is an entrepreneur that I deeply admire and respect, and I hope you enjoy reading his take on leadership as much as I do.
Cheers!
My philosophy on leadership is very simple: Everything in business stems from the top, whether you’re the boss of two people in a three-person team or the head of a Fortune 500 Company. And everything that happens in a company is 100 percent the CEO’s fault. After all, the CEO is the person who puts people into a position to make good or bad decisions. It’s no accident that when some companies change their CEO they go from winners to losers or vice versa. It may be the most important variable for success in running a business.
Being a leader today is a greater challenge than ever because of social media. It has completely changed the nature of the job. You used to be able to—no, leaders were expected to talk from the top of a mountain. You’d make your proclamation and not worry much about hearing anything back, certainly not in real time. But now that our communication channels have given everyone a voice, whatever you say from on high may invite a reaction. You might get it in-house, or you might get it from the masses. […]
The only effective way to truly lead is to practice and model the behavior you want to see in others. […] I know my team is watching me. I can’t tell them to go the extra mile if I’m not willing to do it myself. If the DNA from any business stems from the top, the top has to ensure that its values, beliefs, and attitudes trickle down to shape the culture and encourage a productive, innovative, creative, and even happy environment.
One hallmark of a good leader is to ask questions. It’s the best way to show your team you recognize they’re more than just cogs in a wheel. “Hey, how are things going?” “How’s the new baby?” “What are you excited about lately?” “Do you have any ideas you’d like to discuss?” It’s also the best way to solve problems. Don’t ever start offering solutions before asking tons of questions: “Why are we two weeks behind?” “What do you think is the issue?” “What do you need?” And then for God’s sake, listen. Be compassionate. Be fair. Hire people who embody those characteristics, too. Celebrate successes, and when you have to reprimand, hark back to all the times you screwed up and remember that those mistakes have everything to do with who you are today. Great leaders aren’t born, they’re made.
[…] Look in the mirror and think about what you do well and how you could do even better. Leadership needs to be a big pillar in your development…
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the way in which you lead: yourself and others. In which areas are you awesome and in which do you need improvement? Ask the people that you lead for feedback, they will tell you where you’re strong and where you’re not.
FUTURE: Be intentional about your leadership and values on a daily basis: put the work into becoming the leader you want to be, so that others will want to follow you. Preach by example.
Know someone who rocks as a leader? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 6 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: What’s the difference between performance goals and learning goals?
— From Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success–and Won’t Let You Fail by Keith Ferrazzi.
When setting goals, it’s important to understand the difference between performance goals and learning goals. “Not knowing the difference can harm the way you think about the future,” says Keith Ferrazzi, author of Who’s Got Your Back.
“Certain goals, known as ‘performance goals,’ imply a finite result, like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow… far more important is developing a process and a roadmap that help you achieve that income in a given time. In other words, you should be thinking about the rainbow, not just the pot of gold.”
The process and the roadmap that the author is referring to are the learning goals. And when setting goals he recommends having both types.
Performance goals are the goals that we normally think of: specific outcomes such as losing 10 pounds, getting a new job, traveling to Hawaii, getting married, etc.
Learning goals “emphasize acquiring new skills and knowledge to push and expand your skills and career forward.” Learning goals are key to accomplish our performance goals.
Here are a few examples that the author offers to make even clearer the distinction between these two goals:
| PERFORMANCE GOAL |
LEARNING GOAL |
| Lose 10 pounds |
Learn to cook healthier meals |
| Increase Web traffic by 50 percent |
Find five new marketing tactics |
| Boost sales 10 percent |
Learn how to hone your best pitch |
Ferrazzi goes on to say that “performance goals can be motivating [but the] flip side is that, set inappropriately, they can be intimidating and sometimes debilitating when we fall short.”
Josh Kaufman, author of The Personal MBA states a similar thought in this post.
Kaufman says that when we set performance goals that are not directly under the control of our efforts we may become terribly disappointed if something happens that prevents us from attaining our goal.
For instance, he notes that if we set a performance goal of losing 20 pounds, and something happens that makes our weight fluctuate on any given day, we might feel very frustrated. Instead, if we make our performance goal something that we can indeed control, such as 30 minutes of exercise every day, we can then be satisfied with the outcome once we’ve performed the task(s) needed to fulfill our goals.
Further—and this is probably the most important thing to take away from today’s idea—Ferrazzi says, “With learning goals, failure is an impossibility.” He explains:
In the course of creating and carrying out your goals, of course you are going to make some mistakes. It’s part of learning. No one with ambitious career or life plans gets ahead without experiencing glitches and setbacks. […] But once you switch your attention to learning goals, the whole idea of “failure” starts to make less sense.
When you are constantly learning from everything you do, failure ceases to be an option.
With learning goals, since you are learning, putting into action, tweaking and adjusting to make the outcome better, and repeating often, you are naturally moving into the direction of your performance goal with actions that are under your control. That is why I love it when the author says that failure is an impossibility—it truly is!
ACTION
TODAY: What performance goal are you working towards where you’ve had mixed or variable success? Examine what you are doing and determine what learning goals and actions under your control you need to add to the mix so that you can get the results you desire.
FUTURE: When setting goals in the future, create the habit of doing so incorporating performance goals that you can control and learning goals that will make it impossible to fail.
Know someone who could benefit from reading this post? Please share it! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Celebration, Creativity, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 55 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Sharing accomplishments on social media? Be generous, authentic and enthusiastic
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
In The Art of People, Dave Kerpen recalls sharing accomplishments via social media and the reactions from his friends:
“So excited! We won the WOMMIE award for word of mouth marketing excellence for the second year in a row!”
After this announcement, a casual friend of Kerpen sent him the following private message: “Enough already, Dave! I know you won an award or two, I know you’re excited about it all, but stop shoving all this self-promotion in our faces!”
That message stung “probably because there was some truth to it,” says Kerpen. His company had just won the award for the second year in a row, and he was very happy about it and had been sharing accomplishments (this and others) “proudly and liberally” on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Very likely, the person that messaged him saw the posts on all three networks and got tired of it.
Kerpen remembers being upset and confused. “I was genuinely proud of our work and wanted to share the good news… On the other hand, I certainly didn’t want to get attention for being an egomaniacal braggart.”
He took the feedback to heart. “[He developed] a more modest attitude toward posting to social media… [being] humble, grateful and not overly self-promotional in [his] social media updates.”
In the meantime, unknown to Kerpen, the word humblebrag was being added to the Dictionary to describe exactly what he had started to do when sharing accomplishments.
So, when the following year his company won the WOMMIE Award again, he posted: “So honored and humbled to have received the WOMMIE Award for the 3rd year in a row! Thanks to the whole team @Likeablemedia!”
And to this post, came a different reaction from another one of Kerpen’s friends: “Dude, what’s with the humblebrag? Just gloat man, no need to fake being humble when you are dominating the award circuit!”
Kerpen was exasperated: “It seemed that no matter what I did, I couldn’t share my joy about accomplishments without offending some people.” The author goes on to say, “The problem with sharing accomplishments on social media… is there is no tone or body language to help convey your meaning, and that means it’s very easy for people to lose the context and not get your intention right.”
So, what to do? Does this mean no more sharing accomplishments? Never ever?
For Kerpen, the answer to that question is no, with two important caveats:
1. Be unafraid but as authentic (noncontrived) as possible in sharing accomplishments on social media.
2. Heap lots of authentic praise on others via social media as well.
The first point is simple: You’re going to be judged by people no matter what, so just be your authentic self and stand behind that authenticity no matter what people may say.
The second point is important too: Be quick to praise others in social media (and face-to-face). Authentic praise and compliments make people feel good, help them feel more comfortable in sharing their accomplishments, and, most important, show the world that you’re not all about yourself and are just as apt to sing another person’s praises as your own.
And the author sets out a challenge for us: “Scroll through your social media news feeds looking for opportunities to praise, congratulate, and promote others: your friends, colleagues, and followers. Be generous in retweeting people. Promote the heck out of everyone.”
My take on this?
As long as you are sharing your accomplishments with generosity, gratitude, authenticity and enthusiasm, your true friends and the people that love you are going to be genuinely happy and excited for you. And if you return the favor in sharing that excitement and congratulating people on their accomplishments and important milestones, everybody wins and we make this world a happier and better place.
ACTION
TODAY: What do you have to celebrate today? Big win or small win, share what makes your heart smile! Your circles will be very happy for you, and if you tag me on social media (Facebook, Twitter) I will be delighted to read about your accomplishment and happy to share!
FUTURE: Kerpen, a master of social media suggests the following: “Take a look at your last twenty social media updates and do a quick audit. How much are you promoting yourself versus promoting others? Ideally, you want to strike a balance of no more than 30 percent promoting yourself and at least 70 percent promoting others. […] Audit your next twenty social media updates and compare them with the previous twenty. Have you helped people see you as someone willing to praise others and unafraid to share his or her own accomplishments?”
And speaking of sharing… please do! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 39 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Your first day, every day
— From This Is Day One: A Practical Guide to Leadership That Matters by Drew Dudley
Drew Dudley, leadership guru with one of the most watched TED Talks (“lollipop moment”) has published a new book, This is Day One, and I love it!
In the book, Dudley recalls the story of Mustafa, his tour guide in Qatar who had the most wonderful and infectious energy of anyone he’s ever met: “he vibrated with energy.”
As they were dune bashing (“flying off sand mountains at 70 miles an hour”), Mustafa was “cackling with laughter” and having an incredible time, whereas Dudley was trying to brace himself as much as he could.
What follows is the exchange that took place at the scene, as Dudley describes it. I left it verbatim because the story is absolutely beautiful. It left me with an a-ha! moment and a powerful lesson—I hope it does the same for you!
[As] he pushed the accelerator toward the floor [we] were absolutely flying toward what appeared to me to be a sheer drop and Mustafa was having the time of his life.
Bracing myself against the dash, I looked over at Mustafa and shouted: “Mustafa! You’re having a better time than I am! You do this every day! How do you stay so excited about it?”
Mustafa looked over at me, and with a smile that showed every one of his teeth, bellowed back:
“Oh! It’s my first day!”
I just about crawled out the back window.
Look, I understand that everyone has to start somewhere, but if your job involved driving me off of a sand cliff (hell, if your job involves driving me off of any cliffs really), I’d rather prefer not to be assigned the new guy.
I’m going to assume that thought showed very clearly in my expression because Mustafa let out a laugh and hit the brakes. The 4×4 skidded to a halt maybe twenty feet from the edge of the dune.
At that point I had both feet on the on the dash and had pushed myself basically up to the roof. Mustafa put the vehicle in park and looked at me with pure amazement.
“Mr. Dudley,” he began, leaning in. “Don’t you realize? You want the new guy!”
My heart still in my throat, I managed a weak, “I’m not so sure, my friend.”
“Think about it, Mr. Dudley,” Mustafa replied. “Think about your first day of work! On your first day of work you show up early; you dress your best; you try everything you can to impress your boss. You are patient with your coworkers, even the ones you know right away you’re not going to like. You ask all the questions you have because there’s no shame in doing that when you’re new. You double-check everything that you do. You stay late. You are never more committed to your job than you are on your first day. You are never more convinced it is going to be the best job you have ever had than you are on your first day.”
He leaned closer and continued, “As soon as your second day of work begins, all of that starts to stop being quite so true, doesn’t it?
He leaned back with a broad smile.
“The first day that I ever came to work at this job was seventeen years ago, Mr. Dudley. But I had such an incredible experience that I promised myself something. I promised myself that I would NEVER have a second day of work.”
He paused to look me right in the eye.
“Mr. Dudley, it has been my first day of work for seventeen years. Five years ago I bought this company. All I ask of anyone who works for me is that they treat every day they come to work like it is their first day. The customers love it. It’s why we are the best tour company in the country.”
ACTION
TODAY: Go back in your memory and relive the excitement of your first day of work. Take that enthusiasm, energy, and can-do-it-all attitude with you throughout the day and see how this changes your approach to things.
FUTURE: Adopt the first day mindset and share it with those that surround you. If, as the saying goes, hindsight is always 20/20, imagine what your wisdom of hindsight plus the energy and excitement of the first day can do for you and your business today: simply magic!
Know someone with infectious energy and enthusiasm? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 15 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Reprogram your brain to enjoy hard habits
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
“You can make hard habits more attractive if you can learn to associate them with a positive experience,” says James Clear, author of Atomic Habits and habit, decision-making and continuous-improvement guru.
“Sometimes, all you need is a slight mind-set shift.”
For example, Clear points to the way we talk about everything we have to do in a given day: “You have to wake up early for work. You have to make another sales call for your business. You have to cook dinner for your family.”
Then he says, “Now imagine changing just one word: You don’t ‘have’ to. You ‘get’ to.”
“You get to wake up early for work. You get to make another sales call for your business. You get to cook dinner for your family. By simply changing one word, you shift the way you view each event. You transition from viewing these behaviors as burdens and turn them into opportunities.”
The author says, “The key point is that both versions of reality are true. You have to do those things, and you also get to do them. We can find evidence for whatever mind-set we choose.”
So, it’s up to us to intentionally choose the one view that we prefer. Personally, I like the one that is uplifting. This reminds me a lot of the book The Art of Possibility where the authors suggest exchanging an AND for a BUT to open up possibilities. So true!
It’s all about perspective. Clear shares a story of a man in a wheelchair who was asked if it was difficult being confined. His response? “I’m not confined to my wheelchair—I am liberated by it. If it wasn’t for my wheelchair, I would be bed-bound and never able to leave my house.”
“Reframing your habits to highlight their benefits rather than their drawbacks is a fast and lightweight way to reprogram your mind and make a habit seem more attractive.”
Clear points out to a few habits that are hard to keep and makes a few suggestions on how to see them from a new perspective:
- Exercise: “Many people associate exercise with being a challenging task that drains energy and wears you down. You can just as easily view it as a way to develop skills and build you up. Instead of telling yourself ‘I need to go run in the morning,’ say ‘It’s time to build endurance and get fast.’”
- Finance: “Saving money is often associated with sacrifice. However, you can associate with freedom rather than limitation if you realize one simple truth: living below your current means increases your future means.”
- Meditation: “Anyone who has tried meditation for more than three seconds knows how frustrating it can be when the next distraction inevitably pops into your mind. You can transform frustration into delight when you realize that each interruption gives you a chance to return to your breath. Distraction is a good thing because you need distractions to practice meditation.”
While these little mind-set shifts aren’t magic, Clear says that they can definitely work to help you change the feelings associated with a particular habit or situation.
Further, he says, if you create a motivation ritual, “You simply practice associating your habits with something you enjoy, then you can use that cue whenever you need a bit of motivation.” This could be as simple as playing the same song before you start working out to get in the mood for exercising, or doing a few jumping jacks or power poses before going to give a presentation to get your blood pumping and set your mind to “presenting mode,” etc. Do what works best for you: create your own motivation ritual and that will make it easier and better to stick to the habit you want to develop or strengthen.
“The key to finding and fixing the causes of your bad habits is to reframe the associations you have about them. It’s not easy, but if you can reprogram your predictions, you can transform a hard habit into an attractive one.”
Do you plan on starting a motivation ritual or you already have one? Let me know in the comments here, we can all learn from each other and get ideas that way!
ACTION
TODAY: When you find yourself feeling the burden of all you have to do, remember to exchange have for get. Try it, there’s nothing to lose and much to gain. The language you use will determine how you feel, use it to create the best mind-set for you.
FUTURE: Create a motivation ritual around those habits that are hard for you. Stick to it, one day at a time, for 90 days until the ritual is fully ingrained. Remember what Og Mandino said (I’m paraphrasing): if I am to become a slave to my habits, I might as well develop good habits.
Know someone who could use more GETs and less HAVEs? Or someone who could benefit from reframing? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
