by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Creativity, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Resources, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 15 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: No Skunking
— From Setting the Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business by Danny Meyer
Danny Meyer’s wonderful book Setting the Table is all about hospitality in the restaurant industry. However, the leadership style and the lessons that this great restaurateur shares can be applied to any kind of business, not just restaurants.
I was particularly struck about a passage in the book where he talks about the qualities of self-awareness and integrity going hand in hand: “It takes integrity to be self-aware and to hold one’s self accountable for doing the right thing.”
Specifically, he says, “self-awareness is understanding your moods and how they affect you and others. In a sense, it’s a personal weather report…” But no matter whether the personal mood is sunny or rainy, it’s crucial for people in business “to be aware of and accountable for their own personal weather reports.”
He goes on to say that “no one can possibly be upbeat and happy all the time, but personal mastery depends on team members being aware of their moods and keep[ing] them in check. If a staff member is having personal trouble and wakes up feeling angry, nervous, depressed, or anxious, he or she needs to recognize and deal with the mood. It does not serve anyone’s purposes to project that mindset into the work environment or on to one’s colleagues.”
Meyer’s term for that is skunking: “A skunk may spray a predator when it feels threatened, but everyone else within two miles has to smell the spray, and these others may assume that the skunk actually had it in for them. It’s not productive to work with a skunk, and it’s not enjoyable to be served by one either. In a business that depends on the harmony of an ensemble, a skunk’s scent is toxic.”
I think this analogy is perfect. My dog has been sprayed by a skunk twice (!), and it’s one of the most repulsive and disgusting experiences we’ve had. We’ve taken—and will continue to take—every precaution to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Skunking in the workplace should be avoided too, as it can spread widely if left unchecked, hurting the organization inside and outside as well.
And this is where we come full circle: it takes integrity to check with ourselves and determine what mood we’re in. If it’s a great one, fantastic, let’s spread the joy. If not, the first step is to acknowledge it and keep it in check, so that we can resolve it (or put it on hold temporarily) and change it for the mood that best suits our business endeavors. And remember: absolutely no skunking!
If this is of any help, I’ve found something that works for me: when I’m not in a good mood and I need to work, I give myself permission to change my mood temporarily. For instance, I tell myself that I will temporarily become happy and postpone my being upset or worried about whatever is making me unhappy when I get back from the office, because I need to be at my best during work and with clients. This usually helps, and by the time I’m back I don’t want to go back to being upset any longer, so I can see what was bugging me in a different light and focus on solving it favorably.
ACTION
TODAY: Take some time to do a personal weather report. Is your mood sunny and beautiful? Partially cloudy? Rainy? Cold and nasty? Be honest with yourself if you’re not in a good mood so that you don’t skunk others (not even inadvertently). How could your self-awareness and integrity help you in this instance? We’re all different: think of something that will work for you and the dynamics of your team.
FUTURE: Adopt the no skunking rule into your life and that of your teammates and business.
Know someone who has been skunked? Help them out by sharing this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 39 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Interruption is the enemy of productivity
— From REWORK: Change the way you work forever by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson
I am back from vacation with renewed energy! However, upon my return, jet lag hit me and I’ve been waking up between 2 and 4 am (!). Instead of fighting it, I embraced it and decided to use that momentum to start catching up. It was wonderful: I was “in the zone” while there were no interruptions, and then I started to dread the rest of the day.
But why?
I love being on a productivity roll and, as the day progressed, I knew I would naturally get interrupted and wouldn’t be as productive… and I have so much catching up to do!
Since I don’t like to dread the day ahead but instead look forward to it, I did what I know best: look for ideas or an answer to this in a book. In case you’ve ever been familiar with this I-have-so-much-to-do-and-don’t-want-to-get-interrupted feeling, I’m happy to share what I found out in Rework by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson.
“Your day is under siege by interruptions. It’s on you to fight back.”
“Interruptions break your workday into a series of work moments,” the authors say. “Forty-five minutes and then you have a call. Fifteen minutes and then you have lunch. An hour later you have an afternoon meeting. Before you know it, it’s five o’clock, and you’ve only had a couple uninterrupted hours to get your work done. You can’t get meaningful things done when you’re constantly going start, stop, start, stop.”
Instead, what they suggest is to get into what they call the alone zone: “Long stretches of alone time when you’re most productive. When you don’t have to mind-shift between various tasks, you get a boatload done.”
However, getting in the alone zone “takes time and requires avoiding interruptions.” The authors equate the alone zone to REM sleep: “You don’t just go directly into REM sleep. You go to sleep first and then make your way to REM. Any interruptions force you to start over. And just as REM is when the real sleep magic happens, the alone zone is where the real productivity magic happens.”
The good news for those who are not jetlagged—or simply not a morning person—is that “the alone zone doesn’t have to be in the wee hours.” Fried and Hansson offer these suggestions to implement throughout the day:
You can set up a rule at work that half the day is set aside for alone time. Decree that from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. people can’t talk to each other (except during lunch). Or make the first or last half of the day your alone-time period. Or instead of casual Fridays, try no-talk Thursdays. Just make sure this period is unbroken in order to avoid productivity–zapping interruptions.
And go all the way with it. A successful alone-time period means letting go of communication addiction. During alone time, give up instant messages, phone calls, e-mail, and meetings. Just shut up and get to work. You’ll be surprised how much more you get done.
Also, when you do collaborate, try to use passive communication tools, like e-mail, that don’t require an instant reply, instead of interruptive ones, like phone calls and face-to-face meetings. That way people can respond when it’s convenient for them, instead of being forced to drop everything right away.
As you can see, creativity and imagination come into play here to create an alone zone, whether for you or for your whole team. Put on your thinking cap and figure out the best way to accomplish this, you’ll get a lot done!
ACTION
TODAY: Do you find yourself in the situation of trying to carve out uninterrupted time for you either early or late in the day to get things done? Think creatively as to how you can implement an alone zone with certain regularity during your working hours to work on your priorities.
FUTURE: Take a look at this post about scheduling time. It may shed some light on how to run your schedule better according to the roles you play (maker or manager). Once you have established an alone zone that is working well for you, make it a habit and don’t deviate from it! You will become tremendously productive if you stick to it with consistency.
Know someone who dreads interruptions? Help them create an alone zone by sharing the ideas on this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 18 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 5
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday we saw the enormous difference that a full message makes when you include anger, fear, requests, and love to communicate it. Today we’ll see how it applies to a real-life example.
The first step, says Canfield, is to make a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself. “Include all of the things you tell yourself you should do, but you don’t.” The author gives the following as a real-life example:
You don’t exercise enough.
You’re gaining too much weight.
You’re a fat slob—a real couch potato!
You drink too much alcohol and eat too many sweets.
You need to cut down the carbs!
You need to watch less television and go to bed earlier.
If you got up earlier, you’d have more time to exercise.
You’re lazy. Why don’t you finish the things you start?!
Once you are done with your list, then practice changing it into a message that contains the four-step process outlined earlier: Anger, Fear, Requests, and Love.
Spend a minimum of 1 minute on each step. Make sure to be very specific in the requests stage. State exactly what you want yourself to do. “I want to eat better” is too vague. Be more specific, such as, ‘I want you to eat at least four servings of vegetables every day. I want you to stop eating French fries, sugar, and desserts. I want you to eat eggs and some kind of fruit for breakfast every day. I want you to eat whole grains like whole wheat and brown rice rather than white flour.’ The more specific you are, the more value you will receive from the exercise.”
The next step is to tell this to yourself. Remember that the author says you can write it or do it out loud. His preferred method is aloud, and he recommends that you do it with as much emotion and passion as possible.
Based on the above, here’s an example of what the list—transformed by the 4-step process—will look like:
Anger: I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body. You are such a lazy slob! You drink too much and you eat too much. You don’t have any self-discipline! All you do is sit around and watch TV. Your clothes don’t fit and you don’t look good.
Fear: If you don’t change, I am afraid you are going to keep gaining weight until you are facing a health risk. I am afraid your cholesterol is going to get so high that you might have a heart attack. I’m afraid that you could become diabetic. I am afraid that you are never going to change and then you are going to die young and never fulfill your dreams. I’m afraid that if you don’t start eating better and taking better care of yourself, no one is going to be attracted to you. You might end up living alone for the rest of your life.
Requests: I want you to join a health club and go at least three days a week. I want you to go for a 20-minute walk the other 4 days. I want you to cut out 1 hour of television a day and devote that to exercise. I want you to stop eating fried foods and start eating more fresh foods and vegetables. I want you to stop drinking sodas and start drinking more water. I want you to limit drinking alcohol to Friday and Saturday nights.
Love: I love you. I want you to be around for a long time. I want you to have a wonderful relationship. You deserve to look good in your clothes and to feel good about yourself. You deserve to have all of your dreams come true. I want you to feel alive and energetic rather than tired and lethargic all the time. You deserve to live life fully and enjoy every moment of it. You deserve to be totally happy.
It’s an incredible transformation, don’t you think?
“Do not let the seeming simplicity of this technique fool you,” says Canfield. “It is very powerful.” Yet in order to derive its benefit, you have to use it. No one else can do this for you.
I will let you now go so that you can do this exercise. My wish for you is that, as Canfield says, “[You] get all of you on your own side—working together for the greater good of your dreams and aspirations.”
ACTION
TODAY: Take 20-30 minutes to do this valuable 4-step process. Don’t underestimate its value, your life will change for the better. Canfield’s changed and so did mine.
FUTURE: This comes directly from the book, and I think it’s a fantastic action to keep in mind for the future: “When you hear a part of you judging yourself, simply reply, ‘Thank you for caring. What is your fear? … What specifically do you want me to do? … How will this serve me? … Thank you.’” That way you will have a productive and full dialogue with yourself, as opposed to simply a partial one. And you can always come back and do the 4-step process any time you need it.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday, and the day before, we learned to distinguish the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
But that is not all that Jack Canfield teaches in this miniseries.
Today, the author of The Success Principles™, will walk us through a four-step process that will help us transform our inner critic into our inner coach.
First, we must understand that our inner critic, the one that pops up in our heads with negative patterns of thought, is actually trying to protect and help us.
Whaaaaaaaat????!!
Canfield says, “Just as your parents disciplined you for your own good, your inner critic has your best interests in mind when it is criticizing you. It wants you to get the benefit of the better behavior. The problem is that it tells you only part of the truth.” Then he gives a great example to help us understand this:
When you were a little kid, your parents may have yelled at you and sent you to your room after you did something stupid like run out in front of a car. Their real communication was “I love you. I don’t want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that so that you can grow up into a happy and healthy adult.” But they delivered only half of the message: “What’s wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street when there are cars coming. You’re grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did.” In their fear of losing you, they expressed only their anger. But underneath the anger were three more layers of message that never got delivered—fear, specific requests, and love. A complete message would look like this:
Anger: I am mad at you for running out into the street without looking to see if any cars were coming.
Fear: I am afraid that you’ll get badly hurt or killed.
Requests: I want you to pay more attention when you are playing near the street. Stop and look both ways before you walk or run out into the street.
Love: I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are so precious to me. I want you to be safe and healthy. You deserve to have lots of fun and stay safe so you can continue to enjoy life to its fullest. Do you understand?
What an incredibly different message!! The key, Canfield says, is to “train your inner critic to talk to you the same way.” You can do this verbally, talking to you out loud, which is the authors preferred way. However, you can also do it by writing it down in a piece of paper. If verbally, the author imagines talking to a clone of himself sitting opposite of him. You can do the same exercise or visualize talking to yourself in any other way that suits you best.
Come back tomorrow, as we will see an example of how we can apply this to ourselves in real life.
The author explains that after completing this exercise for the first time, something shifted inside him. He recalls, “I was able to stop feeling like a failure and start engaging in the activities that made my dream a reality. I was able to move from someone who was using my energy against myself to someone who was using my energy to create what I wanted.”
My wish is that after tomorrow’s exercise you will feel the same way! See you mañana.
ACTION
TODAY: In preparation of tomorrow’s exercise, start making a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself.
FUTURE: Whenever you catch your inner critic judging yourself, come back to this 4-step process to turn the judgment into a full message so that you can truly derive the benefit of the internal dialogue.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterday’s post, we learn to distinguish some of the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around to our advantage. Today we will finish looking at the list of negative patterns of thought that Jack Canfield mentions, and we will see how to replace them with the truth to get unstuck.
Here we go:
Guilt-Tripping. “Guilt happens when you think words such as should, must, ought to, or have to. Here are some examples: I ought to spend more time studying for my bar exam… I should spend more time at home with my kids… I have to exercise more… As soon as you feel like you should do something, you create an internal resistance to doing it.”
“Guilt is never productive. It will stand in the way of achieving your goals. So get rid of this emotional barrier to success… [by replacing] guilt-tripping with phrases such as I want to… It supports my goals to… It would be smart to… It’s in my best interest to…”
Labeling. This is “attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else. It is a form of shorthand that stops you from clearly making the finer distinctions that would help you be more effective. Some examples of negative labels are jerk, idiot, arrogant, and irresponsible.”
By using labels like these, “you are lumping yourself or someone else into a category of all the jerks or idiots you have ever known, and that makes it more difficult to deal with that person or situation as the unique person or experience they are.” To challenge this thought, Canfield mentions the importance of focusing on the situation or the reaction, and not on the person. Thus, I am stupid can be replaced with What I just did was less than brilliant, but I am still a smart person.
Personalizing. “You personalize when you invest a neutral event with personal meaning. Kevin hasn’t called me back yet. He must be mad at me. Or, We lost the Vanderbilt account. It must be my fault. I should have spent more time on the proposal.”
The truth is that we don’t know why people do what they do. “There are many other possible explanations for other people’s actions besides the negative reasons your automatic negative thoughts come up with. For example, Kevin may not have called you back because he’s sick, out of town, or overwhelmed with his own priorities.”
Having understood how these negative thoughts work and how to replace them with the truth, Canfield asks:
- What if you could learn to always talk to yourself like a winner instead of a loser?
- What if you could transform your negative self-talk into positive self-talk?
- What if you could silence your thoughts of lack and limitation and replace them with thoughts of unlimited possibility?
- What if you could replace any victim language in your thoughts with the language of empowerment?
- And what if you could transform your inner critic, who judges your every move, into a supportive inner coach who would encourage you and give you confidence as you faced new situations and risks?
The answer, fortunately, is that all of it is indeed possible, “with a little awareness, focus, and intention.”
Come back tomorrow to learn a 4-step process to turn our inner critic into our inner coach. It is simple, but the changes are profound, and once you learn it, you won’t be able to go back to the way you were before.
ACTION
TODAY: Continue to be aware of the negative thought patterns that we just saw today. Between these ones and the ones from yesterday, we have learned the most prevalent ones, so that we can recognize them when they pop up and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Given our conditioning and our culture, it’s important to build the habit of recognizing these negative patterns of thought and their consequences if left unchecked. Fortunately, Canfield will show us tomorrow a way to change them completely!
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterday’s post, we realized the importance of being aware of our negative self-talk and constantly asking ourselves: Is this thought helping me or hurting me? Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away? Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Today, Jack Canfield, the author of The Success Principles™, will walk us through some of the most prevalent negative thoughts that might attack us at some point or another. By understanding them as untrue and irrational, we will promptly realize that they ought to be challenged and replaced with the truth when they pop up in our heads. Let’s dive right in!
Always-or-Never Thinking. “In reality, very few things are always or never. If you think something is always going to happen or you will never get what you want, you’re doomed from the outset. When you use all-or-nothing words such as always, never, everyone, no one, every time, and everything, you are usually wrong. […] When you find yourself thinking [in absolutes], replace them with what is really true. For example, you can replace You always take advantage of me with I get angry when you take advantage of me, but I know that you have treated me fairly in the past and that you will again.”
Focusing on the negative. “Some people focus only on the bad and never on the good in any situation… Learn to look for the positive. Not only will it help you feel better, but it will also be a critical component of your creating the success you want.”
Besides looking for the positive, the author says a great practice is to “play the Appreciation Game” and look for things to appreciate in every situation. “When you actively seek the positive, you become more appreciative and optimistic, which is a requirement for attracting more good and creating the life of your dreams.”
Catastrophic Predicting. “In catastrophic predicting, you create the worst possible scenario in your mind and then act as if it were a certainty. This could include predicting that your sales prospect won’t be interested in your product, the person you are attracted to will reject your request to go out on a date, your boss won’t give you a raise, or the plane you’re flying on will crash.”
Canfield suggests replacing, “She’ll probably laugh at me if I ask her out for a date,” with “I don’t know what she’ll do. She might say yes.” While uncertain, the truth is much more positive and hopeful than any kind of catastrophic predicting.
Mind-Reading. “You are mind-reading when you believe you know what another person is thinking even though he or she hasn’t told you. You know you’re mind-reading when you’re thinking thoughts such as He’s mad at me… She doesn’t like me… He’s going to say no… He’s going to fire me…”
The way to turn mind-reading around is to replace it with the truth: “I don’t know what he is thinking unless I ask him. Maybe he’s just having a bad day.” You can also check your assumptions by asking: “I’m imagining you might be mad at me. Are you?” Canfield gives us the catchy phrase, “When in doubt, check it out!”
Please come back tomorrow, as we’ll continue to analyze other common patterns of negative thoughts and learn how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
ACTION
TODAY: How many of these patterns of negative thoughts pop in your head on a daily basis? We all have them; don’t beat yourself up if you find that many, or all of them, appear often. Instead, simply be aware when they rear their ugly heads and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Make a habit of being aware and recognizing these patterns of negative thought when they make an entrance into your mind. Replacing them with the truth will always help defuse them, get you unstuck, and bring you back to reality.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
