by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 52 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 9 Listening Skills Every Leader Must Develop – Part 1
— From Relationships 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
Novelist E.W. Howe liked to joke by saying, “No one would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.” Sad but true, many people do not listen, they simply wait for their turn to speak. That is why the ability to develop and refine our listening skills is the basis to building positive relationships.
Listening starts with wanting to hear and paying attention, of course, but above all, Maxwell says, “A mistake that people often make… is trying very hard to impress the other person. They try to make themselves appear smart, witty or entertaining. But if you want to relate well to others, you have to be willing to focus on what they have to offer. Be impressed and interested, not impressive and interesting.”
In his book, Relationships 101, leadership guru John C. Maxwell, provides us with a list of nine skills to become better listeners. Some of these listening skills may seem very simple and intuitive, but don’t dismiss them because of that, they are part of the whole listening experience, both for the listener and for the one who is listened to:
1. Look at the speaker. “The whole listening process begins with giving the other person your undivided attention. As you interact with someone, don’t catch up on other work, shuffle papers, do the dishes, or watch television. Set aside time to focus only on the other person. And if you don’t have the time at that moment, then schedule it as soon as you can.”
2. Don’t interrupt. “Most people react badly to being interrupted. It makes them feel disrespected… People who tend to interrupt others generally do so for one of these reasons: [i.] They don’t place enough value of what the other person has to say. [ii.] They want to impress others by showing how smart and intuitive they are. [iii.] They’re too excited by the conversation to let the other person finish talking. […] Give people the time they need to express themselves.”
3. Focus on understanding. “Have you ever noticed how quickly most people forget the things they hear? Studies… indicate that most people can recall only 50 percent of what they hear immediately after hearing it. […] By the next day, their retention is usually down to 25 percent. One way to combat that tendency it’s to aim for understanding rather than just remembering the facts.”
4. Determine the need at the moment. Some people, upon listening, want to fix immediately what the other person is troubled about. Some others, however, simply want to communicate something as a way of sharing and getting it out. “Anytime you can determine the current need of the people you’re communicating with, you can put whatever they say into the appropriate context. And you will be better able to understand them.”
And there is still so much more that Maxwell shares to develop our listening skills! Please come back tomorrow as we will finish the list and learn a great story about the power of listening.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a time when someone took the time to listen to you. What did that person do that made you feel good? Replicate that when you are listening to others.
FUTURE: Take every opportunity you can to listen to others. It’s only by practicing that we refine our skills.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 10 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Top 4 Characteristics of Inspiring Leaders
— From Equipping 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
I love the quote by Benjamin Disraeli, former UK Prime Minister who said, “The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.” I believe this is an essential characteristic of an inspiring leader: to show each person in the team his/her superpowers.
Most times, just as we cannot see our flaws, we need someone to point out to us our superpowers. They are such an integral part of us, that we don’t see them as the wonderful gift that they are, and instead, dismiss their importance thinking everybody has them.
In his book Equipping 101, leadership guru John C. Maxwell writes about leaders who inspire others to excel, and calls them enlarging leaders: “Team members always love and admire a [leader and] player who is able to help them go to another level, someone who enlarges and empowers them to be successful.”
He goes on to point out four characteristics of enlarging and inspiring leaders:
1. They value their team members. “Your team members can tell whether you believe in them. People’s performances usually reflect the expectations of those they respect.”
2. They value what their team members value. “[Leaders] who enlarge others do more than value their fellow team members; they understand what their team members value. They listen to discover what they talk about and watch to see what they spend their money on. That kind of knowledge, along with a desire to relate to their fellow players, creates a strong connection between them.”
3. They add value to their team members. “Adding value is really the essence of enlarging others. It’s finding ways to help others improve their abilities and attitudes. A leader who equips and enlarges others looks for the gifts, talents, and uniqueness in other people, and then helps them to increase those abilities for their benefit and for that of the entire team. An enlarging leader is able to take others to a whole new level.”
4. They make themselves more valuable. “Enlargers work to make themselves better, not only because it benefits them personally, but also because it helps them to help others. You cannot give what you do not have. If you want to increase the ability of your team members, make yourself better.”
At a practical level, Maxwell offers three suggestions if you want to become a leader who inspires, empowers, and enlarges others:
- Believe in others before they believe in you.
- Serve others before they serve you.
- Add value to others before they add value to you.
It’s that simple: putting others first and truly seeing them for the gifted, wonderful people that they are—just as we like to be seen as well—is the essence of a leader who inspires others to excel and to grow together with the team.
Have you ever been a part of an awesome team? How did your leader inspire you to become better? I’d love to know! Let me know in the comments here, please.
ACTION
TODAY: Whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 Company or a volunteer at a small nonprofit, you can always inspire and enlarge others around you to bring out their gifts and talents and be their best. What goal are you looking to accomplish? Inspire your team by keeping in mind this quote from Bill Russell, the famous basketball player who said, “The most important measure of how good a game I played was how much better I’d make my teammates play.”
FUTURE: Whenever you are in a team setting, look for opportunities to empower, inspire, and enlarge others. Start by giving yourself and your teammates an A, and see all the wonderful possibilities that come out of that!
Who has inspired you today? Please share this post this them! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Planning, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 35 seconds:
TODAY’S IDEA: Accountability is a Choice – Part 2
— From The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months by Brian Moran and Michael Lennington
Yesterday we learned that, unfortunately, when we think of accountability we tend to see it under a negative light. When we think or hear that someone must be accountable for something or that we need to keep people accountable, we are usually referring to consequences.
Accountability is ownership, and it is based on the fundamental concept that we all have freedom of choice.
And precisely because of this last point, the authors mention how easy it is to develop a tendency to look outside ourselves for things to change and improve: “we’re waiting on the economy to pick up, the housing market to turn around, or for our company to come up with a new product, more competitive pricing, or better advertising.”
We don’t have any control over that, yet “it’s easy to become a victim to outside circumstances, spending time and energy hoping and imagining what our lies would be like if the world around us were different, believing that these are the keys to improving our results.”
“The only things you control are your thinking and your actions. But those are enough if (and it’s a big if) you are willing to own them.”
Recently, I heard my friend Evan Horowitz, CEO of Movers+Shakers, say that the things that hold us back can be grouped into three categories:
- Out There: Competitors, employees, economy, industry, trends, customers, family, etc. These are things over which we have no control.
- In Here: Our time allocations, self-discipline, skills, risk-taking, emotional patterns, procrastination, perfectionism, etc. These are things over which we definitely have control and choice.
- Neither Here Nor There: In this category are those thoughts about which we have absolutely no control either and cannot choose to act with anything other than acceptance. So let’s not get hung up on trying to get more hours in the day, or how unfair life is that we do not have a rich uncle who has left us a big inheritance, etc.
Lastly, Moran and Lennington emphasize that accountability is anything but passive. On the contrary, it is active and empowering. “True accountability actively confronts the truth, it confronts with freedom of choice and the consequences of those choices. In this way accountability is extremely empowering, but you must be willing to confront reality and the truth of your situation.”
In closing, I’ll leave you with this great quote from the book:
“When you understand that true accountability is about choice and taking ownership of your choices, everything changes. You move from resistance to empowerment, from limits to possibilities, and from mediocrity to greatness.”
ACTION
TODAY: You are the only person that can hold yourself accountable. Reinforce the thought patterns of ownership in your mind every step of the way.
FUTURE: When you find yourself thinking about things that are out of your control, gently bring your focus to those things over which you indeed have a choice.
Know someone who would like to read this post and change their perspective about accountability? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 27 seconds
TODAY’S IDEA: Accountability is a Choice – Part 1
— From The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than Others Do in 12 Months by Brian Moran and Michael Lennington
“Accountability is perhaps the most misunderstood concept in business and in life,” say Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington, authors of The 12 Week Year.
How so?
Moran and Lennington explain that when we hear the phrase to hold someone accountable, it’s usually in a negative context. Thus, we equate accountability with the negative consequences that are to follow due to some sort of poor performance or bad behavior.
They give the example of managers saying, “We need to do a better job of holding people accountable.” And they also give the example of individuals who, in their desire to perform better, have said, “I just need someone to hold me accountable.”
The problem, the authors state, is that “these types of statements reflect the mistaken notion that accountability is something that can and must be imposed; that’s not accountability, that’s consequences.”
I agree with them up to this point, but… What is accountability then?
“Accountability is not consequences, but ownership. It is a character trait, a life stance, a willingness to own your actions and results regardless of the circumstances.”
Then they go on to say that the essence of accountability is the notion that we all have freedom of choice. They explain it beautifully, so I will leave a small excerpt here for you:
“Freedom of choice [is] the foundation of accountability.
Accountability is the realization that you always have choice; that, in fact, there are no have-to’s in life. Have-to’s are those things we hate to do but do anyway because we have to… Everything we do in life is a choice. Even in an environment where there are requirements of you, you still have a choice, but there is a big difference when you approach something as a choose-to versus a have-to. When something is a have-to it’s a burden, it’s cumbersome, and, at best, you meet the minimum standards; however, the realization that you ultimately have a choice creates a very different scenario. When you choose to do something, you are able to tap your resources and give your best. It is a much more empowering stance. Ultimately, you choose your actions, your results, your consequences.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of how you have been understanding accountability up to this point. Was it in the same negative context that the authors say? Now that you have a new perspective, what do you choose to do? What will you get to do? Here’s a post from last month that talks about reprograming your brain to enjoy what would otherwise be considered hard habits.
FUTURE: When you find yourself saying “I have to,” remember that you always have a choice. Embrace ownership and your mind will shift for the better.
Know someone who would like to read this post and change their perspective about accountability? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Time, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 1
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 2
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 3
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 4
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 56 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 5
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
So far, in this miniseries we’ve been learning how to make new habits stick. Yet one of the things we haven’t talked about is how to stay focused on achieving your goals when you get bored.
James Clear, the author, recalls meeting an elite sports coach and asking him, “What’s the difference between the best athletes and everyone else? What do the really successful people do that most don’t?”
Clear remembers the coach answering first with the things you might expect: “genetics, luck, talent…” but then he said, “At some point it comes down to who can handle the boredom of training every day, doing the same lifts over and over and over.”
The coach’s answer surprised Clear, who had at that moment a shift in perspective:
“Mastery requires practice. But the more you practice something, the more boring and routine it becomes. […]
People talk about getting ‘amped up’ to work on their goals. Whether it’s business or sports or art, you hear people say things like, ‘It all comes down to passion.’ Or, ‘You have to really want it.’ As a result, many of us get depressed when we lose focus or motivation because we think that successful people have some bottomless reserve of passion. But this coach was saying that really successful people feel the same lack of motivation as everyone else. The difference is that they still find a way to show up despite the feelings of boredom. […]
The greatest threat to success is not failure but boredom. We get bored with habits because they stop delighting us. The outcome becomes expected. And as our habits become ordinary, we start derailing our progress to seek novelty. […] As soon as we experience the slightest dip in motivation, we begin seeking a new strategy—even if the old one was still working.”
So, what to do about boredom then?
You have to anticipate that it will happen and, when it does, accept it and welcome it into your life. Clear says, “You have to fall in love with boredom.”
There will be days when you don’t feel like doing your habit. And many others when you’ll think of not showing up, or not finishing, or quitting altogether, but “if you only do the work when it’s convenient or exciting, then you’ll never be consistent enough to achieve remarkable results.”
ACTION
TODAY: What habit are you bored with? How can you fall in love with that boredom? Go through a mental list of the immense benefits of sticking to it—despite the boredom—vs. quitting. Find that point where your mind shifts and you “fall in love with boredom,” that is, fall in love with the results. Perhaps instead of thinking “This is a great habit, BUT…” you can exchange the BUT for an AND to accept and welcome the boredom and the long-term results that sticking to the habit will bring.
FUTURE: With any habit, anticipate that boredom will occur. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Knowing what to expect will enable you to think of a plan and set up a rule to handle it. Take a look at this recent post from this miniseries on setting rules for guiding future behavior, and create your own: “When boredom strikes and I don’t feel like doing [YOUR HABIT], then I will [YOUR RULE].”
Know someone who is about to quit due to boredom? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Opportunity, Planning, Time, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 1
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 2
New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 11 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 4
— From Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
In the past three posts (1, 2, 3) we’ve been learning how to cue and stack our new habits to ensure we’re successful in making them last. Today, we will learn one more great technique from James Clear, habit guru, in his book Atomic Habits.
Clear tells the story of Ronan Byrne, an electrical engineering student in Ireland who knew he needed to exercise more but loved to binge-watch Netflix. Trying to connect these two seemingly opposite activities, he hacked his stationary bike in such a way that it would allow him to watch Netflix only if he was pedaling beyond a certain speed.
Clear says that what Byrne was doing is called temptation bundling, and this is a method to make the new habits we want to build more attractive and desirable. “Temptation bundling works by linking an action you want to do with an action you need to do,” and the latter may not always be something that’s easy or that you’re too keen on… “In Byrne’s case, he bundled watching Netflix (the thing he wanted to do) with riding his stationary bike (the thing he needed to do).”
“You’re more likely to find a behavior attractive if you get to do one of your favorite things at the same time. Perhaps you want to hear about the latest celebrity gossip, but you need to get in shape. Using temptation bundling, you could only read the tabloids and watch reality shows at the gym. Maybe you want to get a pedicure but you want to clean your email inbox. Solution: only get a pedicure while processing overdue work emails.”
Temptation bundling is one of the tactics used to apply a psychology theory known as Premack’s Principle. It states that “more probable behaviors will reinforce less probable behaviors,” thus we can condition ourselves to do the less probable or desirable behavior if it’s tied to doing something enjoyable and that we really want to do.
So far so good. Here’s where it gets better: What if we combine temptation bundling with habit stacking? Hmmmm, now we’re talking!
Clear gives us the formula to set the rules to guide our behavior and make our new habits stick:
- After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [HABIT I NEED].
- After [HABIT I NEED], I will [HABIT I WANT].
Here are some examples to illustrate it.
If you want to watch sports, but you need to make sales calls:
- After I get back from my lunch break, I will call three potential clients (need).
- After I call three potential clients, I will check ESPN (want).
If you want to check Facebook, but you need to exercise more:
- After I pull out my phone, I will do ten burpees (need).
- After I do ten burpees, I will check Facebook (want).
“The hope is that eventually you’ll look forward to calling three clients or doing ten burpees because it means you get to read the latest sports news or check Facebook. Doing the thing you need to do means you get to do the thing you want to do. […] Engineering a truly irresistible habit is a hard task, but this simple strategy can be employed to make nearly any habit more attractive than it would be otherwise.”
ACTION
TODAY: Make a list of things you need to do and one of the things you want to do. Crosscheck them for bundling opportunities.
FUTURE: Whenever you find yourself resisting something that you need to do, try pairing it with a very attractive opportunity to do something you want. The more anticipation you build the better and more motivated you’ll be to act.
Know someone who would benefit from temptation bundling to set up a new habit? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
