by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 8 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 3 Things all good listeners do – Part 1
— From What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful by Marshall Goldsmith
In his wonderful book What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, leadership thinker and executive coach Marshall Goldsmith states that “80 percent of our success in learning from other people is based upon how well we listen. In other words, success or failure is determined before we do anything.”
How is this possible?
Goldsmith explains that most of us think about listening as a passive activity, as if we don’t have to do anything but sit back and hear someone out. Nothing could be further from the truth, he says. “Good listeners regard what they do as a highly active process—with every muscle engaged, especially the brain.”
There are three things that all good listeners do, and this is what we will learn in this miniseries. Note that nothing in here is rocket science, on the contrary, every single one of those three things is quite simple. Yet simple, as we know, doesn’t necessarily mean easy. It’s a matter of actively doing it and developing the habit, yet it is well worth it to master listening, as it is one of the most-prized leadership skills.
1. Think before you speak
Again, easier said than done. “You can’t listen if you’re talking. So keeping your mouth shut is an active choice.” We all know that person who can never keep quiet and who has to inject his or her opinion into everything and have the last word, don’t we? Ugh!
Goldsmith refers to Frances Hesselbein as the champion of thinking before speaking. Hesselbein is an exemplary businesswoman who, among many things, led the Girl Scouts and transformed it from a wilting organization into a flourishing one. (Learn how she did this.)
“If you asked her if [listening] was a passive gesture, she would assure you that it requires great discipline, particularly when she is upset about what she’s hearing.” Goldsmith continues, “After all, what do most of us do when we’re angry? We speak (and not in the carefully measured tones of a diplomat). What do we do when we’re upset? We talk. What do we do when we’re confused or surprised or shocked? Again, we talk.”
He points out that when bad news is delivered, “[talking] is so predictable that we can see the other party almost cringe in anticipation of our harsh unthinking autoreflex response.”
“Not so with Frances Hesselbein,” says Goldsmith. “You could tell her the world was about to end and she would think before opening her mouth, not only about what she would say but how she would phrase it.”
“Whereas most people think of listening as something we do during those moments when we are not talking,” superb listening, turns out, is a two-part maneuver, and thus the importance of the last element in the previous paragraph: how to phrase it.
“There’s the part where we actually listen. And there’s the part where we speak. Speaking establishes how we are perceived as a listener. What we say is proof of how well we listen. They are two sides of the same coin.”
Goldsmith defies us to argue that this approach is anything but a highly active, decisive choice. I agree. “Telling your brain and mouth not to do something is no different than telling them to do it.”
Come back tomorrow to continue learning about the other things that good listeners do. If you can master what this miniseries teaches, you will be a great listener in no time.
ACTION
TODAY: Think before you speak. Need I say more? Check out these other posts on listening.
FUTURE: Think before you speak. Always.
And only after you’re done thinking before you speak 😉 please take a moment to share this post — thank you! Email, Facebook, Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools, Wellbeing
Links to other parts of the miniseries:
5 truths about attitudes
7 Axioms to understand the impact of attitude
8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 1
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 24 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 2
— From Attitude 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
In this last part of the attitude miniseries, John C. Maxwell continues to share his choices for changing an attitude that no longer serves us. The key, as Maxwell states in Attitude 101, is to realize that, “Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change.”
With that in mind, let’s take a look at the remaining five choices to change an attitude (here are the previous three choices):
Choice 4: Have the desire to change. “No choice will determine the success of your attitude change more than desiring to change. When all else fails, desire alone can keep you heading in the right direction. […] People can change, and that is the greatest motivation of all.”
Choice 5: Live one day at a time. “Any person can fight the battle for just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we tremble. It is not the experiences of today that drive people to distraction; it is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore live but one day at a time—today!”
Choice 6: Change your thought patterns. “That which holds our attention determines our actions. We are where we are because of the dominating thoughts that occupy our minds. […] Our feelings come from our thoughts, therefore we can change them by changing our thought patterns. Our thought life, not our circumstances, determines our happiness.”
Choice 7: Develop good habits. “An attitude is nothing more than a habit of thought. The process of developing habits—good or bad—is the same. It is easy to form the habit of succeeding as it is to succumb to the habit of failure. Habits aren’t instincts; they’re acquired actions or reactions. They don’t just happen, they’re caused. Once the original cause of a habit is determined, it is within your power to accept or reject it.”
Choice 8: Continually choose to have a right attitude. “Once you make the choice to possess a good attitude, the work has only just begun. After that comes a life of continually deciding to grow and maintaining the right outlook. Attitudes have a tendency to revert back to their original patterns if they are not carefully guarded and cultivated.” To avoid reverting, Maxwell notes that there are three stages of change we must be aware of, and when they present themselves, we can deliberately choose the right attitude:
- Early Stage: “The first few days are always the most difficult. Old habits are hard to break. You must continually be on guard mentally to take the right action.”
- Middle Stage: “The moment good habits begin to take root. […] During this stage new habits will form that can be good or bad… the more right choices and habits you develop, the more likely other good habits will be formed.”
- Later Stage: “Complacency is the enemy… don’t let down your guard until the change is complete. And even then, be vigilant and make sure you don’t fall into old negative habits.”
I’ll leave you with one last quote from Maxwell that aptly summarizes everything that we’ve been learning about attitude:
“You are the only one who can determine what you will think and how you will act. And that means you can make your attitude what you want it to be.”
ACTION
TODAY: Yesterday you took time to think about an attitude that you want to change. Go through the remaining five choices above and determine to adopt them. Make a plan for implementing them so that you can create a new attitude that will help guide you on your way to success.
FUTURE: Keep coming back to this list of choices anytime you want to change an attitude that is no longer helpful in your quest for success. Find an accountability buddy and start choosing to implement change.
Please share this whole miniseries with someone who might be interested! Email, Facebook, Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools, Wellbeing
Links to other parts of the miniseries:
5 truths about attitudes
7 Axioms to understand the impact of attitude
8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 37 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 1
— From Attitude 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
Two days ago we learned the importance of a good attitude in everything we do, and yesterday we learned the impact that attitude has for us and for the people that surround us. So far so good. But what happens when we ourselves have an attitude that we want to change or lead someone who has a bad attitude?
Continuing with this attitude miniseries, John C. Maxwell, in his book Attitude 101, answers this question for us by saying, “Attitude is not permanent. If you’re not happy with yours, know that you can change. If someone you lead has a bad attitude, then you can help them to change—but only if they truly want to change. Anyone can become the kind of positive person for whom life is a joy and every day is filled with potential if they genuinely desire to.”
Cool! So how do we do this?
Maxwell goes on, “We are either the masters or the victims of our attitudes. It is a matter of personal choice. Who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Tomorrow we will become what we choose today. To change means to choose to change.”
With choice being the key, Maxwell offers the following eight choices to have a great attitude:
Choice 1: Evaluate your present attitude. This process will, naturally, take some time. The main idea is to separate yourself from your attitude: “The goal of this exercise is not to see the ‘bad you’ but a ‘bad attitude’ that keeps you from being a more fulfilled person.” This is the same as being aware when you have a cold that you are not a cold. Only when you identify the problem can you then cure it and, for that purpose, Maxwell gives us the following points as guidance:
- Identify problem feelings: “What attitudes make you feel the most negative about yourself?”
- Identify problem behavior: “What attitudes cause you the most problems when dealing with others?”
- Identify problem thinking: “We are the sum of our thoughts… What thoughts consistently control your mind?”
- Secure commitment: “The choice to change is the one decision that must be made, and only you [or the person willing to change] can make it.”
- Plan and carry out your choice: “Act on your decision immediately and repeatedly.”
Choice 2: Realize that faith is stronger than fear. “The only thing that will guarantee the success of a difficult or doubtful undertaking is faith from the beginning that you can do it. […] Change depends on your frame of mind. Believe that you can change. Ask your friends and colleagues to encourage you at every opportunity. And if you are a person of faith, as for God’s help.”
Choice 3: Write a statement of purpose. “In order to have fun and direction in changing your attitude, you must establish a clearly stated goal. This goal should be as specific as possible, written out and signed, with a time frame attached to it. The purpose statement should be placed in a visible spot where you see it several times a day to give you reinforcement.” To attain your goal you must do these three things:
- Write specifically what you desire to accomplish each day. What are the obstacles your must overcome? What resources will you need?
- Verbalize to an encouraging friend what you want to accomplish each day. “Belief is inward conviction and faith is outward action.” Your accountability buddy should both encourage you and keep you on track.
- Take action on your goal each day. “The difference between a wise man and a foolish one is his response to what he already knows: A wise man follows up on what he hears, while a foolish man knows but does not act. To change you must take action.”
Please come back tomorrow to read the rest of the choices, you don’t want to miss Maxwell’s insights!
ACTION
TODAY: Make some time to think about an attitude that you want to change. Remember that choice is key. Are you truly willing to change? Then start putting into practice these three choices.
FUTURE: Come back tomorrow to read the rest of the choices! You’ll learn where feelings come from, how to change them, and the link between habits and attitudes, among other things.
Please share this post with your encouraging friend from Choice 3! Email, Facebook, Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools, Wellbeing
Links to other parts of the miniseries:
5 truths about attitudes
8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 1
8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 2
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 0 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 7 Axioms to understand the impact of attitude
— From Attitude 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
Yesterday we learned five truths about attitudes. We also learned that a good attitude does not guarantee success, but a bad one definitely guarantees failure.
At this point, very likely, you are nodding affirmatively because you know a good attitude vs. a bad one when you see it. But, can you describe what attitude is? John Maxwell, author of Attitude 101, says, “Attitude is an inward feeling expressed by behavior. That is why an attitude can be seen without a word being said. Haven’t we all noticed ‘the pout’ of the sulker, or the ‘jutted jaw’ of the determined? Of all the things we wear, our expression is the most important.”
“For some, attitude presents a difficulty in every opportunity; for others it presents an opportunity in every difficulty.”
Maxwell was intrigued by the fact that attitude can make or break individuals, so he put together seven axioms to help us better understand how attitude impacts a person’s life.
1. Our attitude determines our approach to life. “We are individually responsible for our view of life. […] But almost daily we witness jobs that are held but hated and marriages that are tolerated bur unhappy, all because people are waiting for others, or the world, to change instead of realizing that they are responsible for their own behavior.”
2. Our attitude determines our relationship with people. “All of life is impacted by our relationships with people, yet establishing relationships is difficult. You can’t get along with some people, and you can’t make it without them. That’s why it’s essential to build proper relationships with others in our crowded world.” It is very important to lead with empathy: to have an attitude that places others first, that sees people as important, that walks a mile in their shoes, and that reflects their point of view.
3. Often our attitude is the only difference between success and failure. “There is very little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.”
4. Our attitude at the beginning of a task will affect its outcome more than anything else. “Most projects fail or succeed before they begin… The right attitude in the beginning ensures success at the end. You are acquainted with the saying ‘All’s well that ends well.’ An equal truth is ‘All’s well that begins well.’ […] Many times we have been guilty of viewing our future challenges as the sunset of life rather than the sunrise of a bright new opportunity.”
5. Our attitude can turn our problems into blessings. “In Awake, My Heart, J. Sidlow Baxter wrote, ‘What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity? Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty and every difficulty has an opportunity.’ ”
6. Our attitude can give us an uncommonly positive perspective. “An uncommonly positive perspective is able to help us accomplish some uncommon goals.” Maxwell cites the story of David and Goliath. Upon seeing the giant warrior Goliath, his opponents thought He’s so big we’ll never kill him. Whereas David, a young shepherd, looked at him and thought, He’s so big I can’t miss. Individuals who approach life from an entirely positive perspective are not always understood, as they won’t settle for what is “normal or accepted” in terms of limitations. “Certainly they have limitations. Their gifts are not so plentiful that they cannot fail. But they are determined to walk to the very edge of their potential and the potential of their goals before accepting defeat.”
7. Your attitude is not automatically good because you are a religious person. Maxwell mentions that sins “are all matters of attitude, inner spirit, and motives. Sadly, many people of faith carry with them inner-spirit problems.” The problems are further accentuated when they confuse a poor attitude with righteousness, and nothing could be further from the truth.
ACTION
TODAY: Take a moment to evaluate your attitudes against these seven axioms. Within the spectrum of each axiom, where do you fall? Jot down some actions that you can take to turn your attitude into a more positive one.
FUTURE: As with any other skill, a positive attitude can be learned. Be mindful of the truths we talked about in yesterday’s post and in today’s axioms, and keep them in mind. Practice makes (not perfect but) permanent. And the more you practice, the more you will enjoy the ride. Maxwell says, “The future not only looks bright when the attitude is right, but also the present is much more enjoyable. The positive person understands that the journey of success is as enjoyable as the destination.”
Please share this post with someone who has a bright and wonderful attitude, they’ll be grateful! Email, Facebook, Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Tools, Wellbeing
Links to other parts of the miniseries:
7 Axioms to understand the impact of attitude
8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 1
8 Choices to change an attitude – Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 19 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: 5 truths about attitudes
— From Attitude 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know by John C. Maxwell
“Good attitudes among [team] players do not guarantee a team’s success, but bad attitudes guarantee its failure,” says leadership guru John C. Maxwell in his great little book Attitude 101. That is why the Harvard Business Review published an article entitled Hire for Attitude, Train for Skill a few years back, as this has become quite a prevalent philosophy among leaders who are putting teams together where sufficient knowledge and skills can be acquired on the job for optimal performance.
Maxwell continues, “As an individual, your attitude has a profound impact on your life. As a leader, you cannot ignore the attitudes of the people you lead and expect to achieve success—whether you’re leading a business, a family, a sports team, or a group of volunteers. A person’s attitude colors their view of failure and defines their approach to success.”
In short, “Attitude can make or break you.”
To this effect, Maxwell shares five truths about attitudes to illustrate how they affect a team:
1. Attitudes have the power to lift up or tear down a team. Maxwell cites Denis Waitley’s book The Winner’s Edge: “The winner’s edge is not in a gifted birth, in a high IQ, or in talent. The winner’s edge is in attitude, not aptitude.” Nowadays, says Maxwell, talent alone (or talent with experience) is not enough.” If you’re looking for outstanding results the formula is: Great Talent + Good Attitudes = Great Team.
2. An attitude compounds when exposed to others. While talent, experience, and willingness to practice are unique to each individual, attitude is contagious. “People have a tendency to adopt the attitudes of those they spend time with—to pick up on their mindsets, beliefs and approaches to challenges.”
3. Bad attitudes compound faster than better ones. “There’s only one thing more contagious than a good attitude—a bad attitude.” Need we say more?
4. Attitudes are subjective, so identifying a wrong one can be difficult. “People always project on the outside how they feel on the inside. Attitude is really how a person is.” Maxwell shares a few of the most common rotten attitudes so that we can recognize them and nip them in the bud when we see them:
- An inability to admit wrongdoing.
- Failing to forgive.
- Petty jealousy.
- The disease of “me” (overpowering belief in their own importance).
- A critical spirit.
- A desire to hog all the credit.
5. Rotten attitudes left alone, ruin everything. “Bad attitudes must be addressed. You can be sure that they will always cause dissension, resentment, combativeness, and division on a team. And they will never go away on their own… [but] because people with bad attitudes are so difficult to deal with and because attitudes seem so subjective, you may doubt your gut reaction when you encounter [them]. After all, if it’s only your opinion that he has a rotten attitude, then you have no right to address it, right? Not if you care about the team. Rotten attitudes ruin a team.”
Abounding on this last point, dealing with a person that has a negative attitude can be tricky. It’s important to learn first the way in which attitudes affect an individual. And that is the subject of tomorrow’s idea. Stay tuned!
ACTION
TODAY: We all have had the experience of dealing with the proverbial bad apple. How has this person’s attitude affected you and your team? What have you learned from that attitude? Conversely, think of a person whose attitude brightens up a room and changes the mood from black and white into bright, vivid color. How has this person’s attitude affected you and your team? What have you learned from that attitude?
FUTURE: Resolve to have a positive attitude always, especially when things go wrong. Remember President Jefferson’s quote: “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”
Please share this post with someone who has a bright and wonderful attitude, they’ll be grateful! Email, Facebook, Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Mindset, Miniseries, Opportunity, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 21 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Believe you can succeed and you will – Part 2
— From The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. (Read an excerpt here.)
Yesterday we started talking about the importance of having a deeply rooted belief in our capacity to make our goals happen. Yet when we think of that, it’s natural for our lizard brain to pay a visit and remind us of our disbelief and all those times when we have failed.
Schwartz also talks about disbelief: “The ‘okay-I’ll-give-it-a-try-but-I-don’t-think-it-will-work’ attitude produces failures. Disbelief is negative power. When the mind disbelieves or doubts, the mind [comes up with] ‘reasons’ to support that disbelief. Doubt, disbelief, the subconscious will to fail, the not really wanting to succeed, is responsible for most failures.”
“Think doubt and fail. Think victory and succeed.”
Mankind has been to the moon and back. Mankind has built a tunnel under the English Channel. Mankind has built the Great Wall of China. Mankind has been able to connect all of us via the Internet. Mankind has developed nanotechnology. And the best part is that mankind is made up of normal people, just like you and I, who deeply believed they could achieve their goals.
Ok, so we’re at a point where we want to believe or, at least, we’re willing to give it a try, right? Schwartz gives us the following three steps to develop the power of belief:
1. Think success, don’t think failure. “At work, in your home, substitute success thinking for failure thinking. When you face a difficult situation, think, ‘I’ll win,’ not ‘I’ll probably lose.’ When you compete with someone else, think ‘I’m equal to the best,’ not ‘I’m outclassed.’ When opportunity appears, think ‘I can do it,’ never ‘I can’t.’ Let the master thought ‘I will succeed’ dominate your thinking process. Thinking success conditions your mind to create plans that produce success. Thinking failure does the exact opposite.”
2. Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. “Successful people are not supermen. Success does not require a superintellect. Nor is there anything mystical about success. And success isn’t based on luck. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves and what they do. Never—yes, never—sell yourself short.”
3. Believe big. “The size of your success is determined by the size of your belief. Think little goals and expect little achievements. Think big goals and win big success. Remember this too! Big ideas and big plans are often easier—certainly no more difficult—than small ideas and small plans.”
In closing, I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite success authors and sales guru, Zig Ziglar:
“I believe success is achieved by ordinary people with extraordinary determination.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think about your goals today, and determine what is stopping you from achieving them. Fear? Resistance? Disbelief? Doubt? Bring to mind the memory evoked yesterday about a time when you attained a goal because you firmly believed you would. The goal could be finishing school, finding a job, getting married, turning in a project on time, taking your niece to the circus, flossing… big or small, we’ve all committed to something in the past because there was no doubt on our minds that we would do it, and we did.
With that memory in mind, firmly commit to believe in yourself as of this moment, and figure out what you will tell your lizard brain when disbelief and doubt show up (they will, but you can tame them and make them go away: thank them for wanting to participate and tell them there is no room for them). Here’s a great post by Seth Godin on Quieting the Lizard Brain.
FUTURE: Whenever you’re hesitating, remember that you have everything within you to succeed. Your belief and your determination will help you find the ways to achieve whatever you need to reach your goals. It may not be easy, but your belief will bring about the resolve and find the resources to make it happen.
Know someone who could benefit from reading this post? Please share! You can do so via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you.
