by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 18 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 5
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday we saw the enormous difference that a full message makes when you include anger, fear, requests, and love to communicate it. Today we’ll see how it applies to a real-life example.
The first step, says Canfield, is to make a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself. “Include all of the things you tell yourself you should do, but you don’t.” The author gives the following as a real-life example:
You don’t exercise enough.
You’re gaining too much weight.
You’re a fat slob—a real couch potato!
You drink too much alcohol and eat too many sweets.
You need to cut down the carbs!
You need to watch less television and go to bed earlier.
If you got up earlier, you’d have more time to exercise.
You’re lazy. Why don’t you finish the things you start?!
Once you are done with your list, then practice changing it into a message that contains the four-step process outlined earlier: Anger, Fear, Requests, and Love.
Spend a minimum of 1 minute on each step. Make sure to be very specific in the requests stage. State exactly what you want yourself to do. “I want to eat better” is too vague. Be more specific, such as, ‘I want you to eat at least four servings of vegetables every day. I want you to stop eating French fries, sugar, and desserts. I want you to eat eggs and some kind of fruit for breakfast every day. I want you to eat whole grains like whole wheat and brown rice rather than white flour.’ The more specific you are, the more value you will receive from the exercise.”
The next step is to tell this to yourself. Remember that the author says you can write it or do it out loud. His preferred method is aloud, and he recommends that you do it with as much emotion and passion as possible.
Based on the above, here’s an example of what the list—transformed by the 4-step process—will look like:
Anger: I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body. You are such a lazy slob! You drink too much and you eat too much. You don’t have any self-discipline! All you do is sit around and watch TV. Your clothes don’t fit and you don’t look good.
Fear: If you don’t change, I am afraid you are going to keep gaining weight until you are facing a health risk. I am afraid your cholesterol is going to get so high that you might have a heart attack. I’m afraid that you could become diabetic. I am afraid that you are never going to change and then you are going to die young and never fulfill your dreams. I’m afraid that if you don’t start eating better and taking better care of yourself, no one is going to be attracted to you. You might end up living alone for the rest of your life.
Requests: I want you to join a health club and go at least three days a week. I want you to go for a 20-minute walk the other 4 days. I want you to cut out 1 hour of television a day and devote that to exercise. I want you to stop eating fried foods and start eating more fresh foods and vegetables. I want you to stop drinking sodas and start drinking more water. I want you to limit drinking alcohol to Friday and Saturday nights.
Love: I love you. I want you to be around for a long time. I want you to have a wonderful relationship. You deserve to look good in your clothes and to feel good about yourself. You deserve to have all of your dreams come true. I want you to feel alive and energetic rather than tired and lethargic all the time. You deserve to live life fully and enjoy every moment of it. You deserve to be totally happy.
It’s an incredible transformation, don’t you think?
“Do not let the seeming simplicity of this technique fool you,” says Canfield. “It is very powerful.” Yet in order to derive its benefit, you have to use it. No one else can do this for you.
I will let you now go so that you can do this exercise. My wish for you is that, as Canfield says, “[You] get all of you on your own side—working together for the greater good of your dreams and aspirations.”
ACTION
TODAY: Take 20-30 minutes to do this valuable 4-step process. Don’t underestimate its value, your life will change for the better. Canfield’s changed and so did mine.
FUTURE: This comes directly from the book, and I think it’s a fantastic action to keep in mind for the future: “When you hear a part of you judging yourself, simply reply, ‘Thank you for caring. What is your fear? … What specifically do you want me to do? … How will this serve me? … Thank you.’” That way you will have a productive and full dialogue with yourself, as opposed to simply a partial one. And you can always come back and do the 4-step process any time you need it.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday, and the day before, we learned to distinguish the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
But that is not all that Jack Canfield teaches in this miniseries.
Today, the author of The Success Principles™, will walk us through a four-step process that will help us transform our inner critic into our inner coach.
First, we must understand that our inner critic, the one that pops up in our heads with negative patterns of thought, is actually trying to protect and help us.
Whaaaaaaaat????!!
Canfield says, “Just as your parents disciplined you for your own good, your inner critic has your best interests in mind when it is criticizing you. It wants you to get the benefit of the better behavior. The problem is that it tells you only part of the truth.” Then he gives a great example to help us understand this:
When you were a little kid, your parents may have yelled at you and sent you to your room after you did something stupid like run out in front of a car. Their real communication was “I love you. I don’t want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that so that you can grow up into a happy and healthy adult.” But they delivered only half of the message: “What’s wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street when there are cars coming. You’re grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did.” In their fear of losing you, they expressed only their anger. But underneath the anger were three more layers of message that never got delivered—fear, specific requests, and love. A complete message would look like this:
Anger: I am mad at you for running out into the street without looking to see if any cars were coming.
Fear: I am afraid that you’ll get badly hurt or killed.
Requests: I want you to pay more attention when you are playing near the street. Stop and look both ways before you walk or run out into the street.
Love: I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you. You are so precious to me. I want you to be safe and healthy. You deserve to have lots of fun and stay safe so you can continue to enjoy life to its fullest. Do you understand?
What an incredibly different message!! The key, Canfield says, is to “train your inner critic to talk to you the same way.” You can do this verbally, talking to you out loud, which is the authors preferred way. However, you can also do it by writing it down in a piece of paper. If verbally, the author imagines talking to a clone of himself sitting opposite of him. You can do the same exercise or visualize talking to yourself in any other way that suits you best.
Come back tomorrow, as we will see an example of how we can apply this to ourselves in real life.
The author explains that after completing this exercise for the first time, something shifted inside him. He recalls, “I was able to stop feeling like a failure and start engaging in the activities that made my dream a reality. I was able to move from someone who was using my energy against myself to someone who was using my energy to create what I wanted.”
My wish is that after tomorrow’s exercise you will feel the same way! See you mañana.
ACTION
TODAY: In preparation of tomorrow’s exercise, start making a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself.
FUTURE: Whenever you catch your inner critic judging yourself, come back to this 4-step process to turn the judgment into a full message so that you can truly derive the benefit of the internal dialogue.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterday’s post, we learn to distinguish some of the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around to our advantage. Today we will finish looking at the list of negative patterns of thought that Jack Canfield mentions, and we will see how to replace them with the truth to get unstuck.
Here we go:
Guilt-Tripping. “Guilt happens when you think words such as should, must, ought to, or have to. Here are some examples: I ought to spend more time studying for my bar exam… I should spend more time at home with my kids… I have to exercise more… As soon as you feel like you should do something, you create an internal resistance to doing it.”
“Guilt is never productive. It will stand in the way of achieving your goals. So get rid of this emotional barrier to success… [by replacing] guilt-tripping with phrases such as I want to… It supports my goals to… It would be smart to… It’s in my best interest to…”
Labeling. This is “attaching a negative label to yourself or someone else. It is a form of shorthand that stops you from clearly making the finer distinctions that would help you be more effective. Some examples of negative labels are jerk, idiot, arrogant, and irresponsible.”
By using labels like these, “you are lumping yourself or someone else into a category of all the jerks or idiots you have ever known, and that makes it more difficult to deal with that person or situation as the unique person or experience they are.” To challenge this thought, Canfield mentions the importance of focusing on the situation or the reaction, and not on the person. Thus, I am stupid can be replaced with What I just did was less than brilliant, but I am still a smart person.
Personalizing. “You personalize when you invest a neutral event with personal meaning. Kevin hasn’t called me back yet. He must be mad at me. Or, We lost the Vanderbilt account. It must be my fault. I should have spent more time on the proposal.”
The truth is that we don’t know why people do what they do. “There are many other possible explanations for other people’s actions besides the negative reasons your automatic negative thoughts come up with. For example, Kevin may not have called you back because he’s sick, out of town, or overwhelmed with his own priorities.”
Having understood how these negative thoughts work and how to replace them with the truth, Canfield asks:
- What if you could learn to always talk to yourself like a winner instead of a loser?
- What if you could transform your negative self-talk into positive self-talk?
- What if you could silence your thoughts of lack and limitation and replace them with thoughts of unlimited possibility?
- What if you could replace any victim language in your thoughts with the language of empowerment?
- And what if you could transform your inner critic, who judges your every move, into a supportive inner coach who would encourage you and give you confidence as you faced new situations and risks?
The answer, fortunately, is that all of it is indeed possible, “with a little awareness, focus, and intention.”
Come back tomorrow to learn a 4-step process to turn our inner critic into our inner coach. It is simple, but the changes are profound, and once you learn it, you won’t be able to go back to the way you were before.
ACTION
TODAY: Continue to be aware of the negative thought patterns that we just saw today. Between these ones and the ones from yesterday, we have learned the most prevalent ones, so that we can recognize them when they pop up and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Given our conditioning and our culture, it’s important to build the habit of recognizing these negative patterns of thought and their consequences if left unchecked. Fortunately, Canfield will show us tomorrow a way to change them completely!
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterday’s post, we realized the importance of being aware of our negative self-talk and constantly asking ourselves: Is this thought helping me or hurting me? Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away? Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Today, Jack Canfield, the author of The Success Principles™, will walk us through some of the most prevalent negative thoughts that might attack us at some point or another. By understanding them as untrue and irrational, we will promptly realize that they ought to be challenged and replaced with the truth when they pop up in our heads. Let’s dive right in!
Always-or-Never Thinking. “In reality, very few things are always or never. If you think something is always going to happen or you will never get what you want, you’re doomed from the outset. When you use all-or-nothing words such as always, never, everyone, no one, every time, and everything, you are usually wrong. […] When you find yourself thinking [in absolutes], replace them with what is really true. For example, you can replace You always take advantage of me with I get angry when you take advantage of me, but I know that you have treated me fairly in the past and that you will again.”
Focusing on the negative. “Some people focus only on the bad and never on the good in any situation… Learn to look for the positive. Not only will it help you feel better, but it will also be a critical component of your creating the success you want.”
Besides looking for the positive, the author says a great practice is to “play the Appreciation Game” and look for things to appreciate in every situation. “When you actively seek the positive, you become more appreciative and optimistic, which is a requirement for attracting more good and creating the life of your dreams.”
Catastrophic Predicting. “In catastrophic predicting, you create the worst possible scenario in your mind and then act as if it were a certainty. This could include predicting that your sales prospect won’t be interested in your product, the person you are attracted to will reject your request to go out on a date, your boss won’t give you a raise, or the plane you’re flying on will crash.”
Canfield suggests replacing, “She’ll probably laugh at me if I ask her out for a date,” with “I don’t know what she’ll do. She might say yes.” While uncertain, the truth is much more positive and hopeful than any kind of catastrophic predicting.
Mind-Reading. “You are mind-reading when you believe you know what another person is thinking even though he or she hasn’t told you. You know you’re mind-reading when you’re thinking thoughts such as He’s mad at me… She doesn’t like me… He’s going to say no… He’s going to fire me…”
The way to turn mind-reading around is to replace it with the truth: “I don’t know what he is thinking unless I ask him. Maybe he’s just having a bad day.” You can also check your assumptions by asking: “I’m imagining you might be mad at me. Are you?” Canfield gives us the catchy phrase, “When in doubt, check it out!”
Please come back tomorrow, as we’ll continue to analyze other common patterns of negative thoughts and learn how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
ACTION
TODAY: How many of these patterns of negative thoughts pop in your head on a daily basis? We all have them; don’t beat yourself up if you find that many, or all of them, appear often. Instead, simply be aware when they rear their ugly heads and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Make a habit of being aware and recognizing these patterns of negative thought when they make an entrance into your mind. Replacing them with the truth will always help defuse them, get you unstuck, and bring you back to reality.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 15 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
In this miniseries, business guru Jack Canfield, will teach us how to transform our inner critic into our inner coach. This is very important—and life changing—because research indicates that we talk to ourselves, on average, about 50,000 times a day. And while there’s nothing wrong about talking to ourselves, the unfortunate part is that 80% of that self-talk is negative (!).
We tell ourselves such things as: “I shouldn’t have said… They don’t like me… I’m never going to be able to pull this off… I don’t like the way my hair looks today… That other team is going to kill us…I can’t dance… I’m not a speaker… I’ll never lose this weight… I can’t ever seem to get organized… I’m always late…”
“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.” – Richard Bach
Research also shows that our thoughts affect our physiology and biochemistry. We’ve all heard stories of people who “stutter, spill things, forget [their] lines, break out in a sweat, breathe shallowly, feel anxious or scared,” as a result of a negative thought.
And we also know from lie-detector tests that our bodies react to our thoughts changing “temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle tension, and how much [our] hands sweat.”
Changes in the body do not occur as a response only to lies or negative thoughts. They also take place as a response to any thought. “Positive thoughts affect your body in a positive way, making you more relaxed, centered and alert. Positive thoughts cause the secretion of endorphins in the brain and reduce pain and increase pleasure.”
So, how can we change the negative thoughts for positive ones?
Canfield says, “The key to dealing with any kind of negative thinking is to realize that you are ultimately in charge of whether to listen to or agree with any thought. Just because you think it—or hear it—doesn’t mean it’s true.”
Drawing on the work of Dr. Daniel G. Amen, M.D., clinical neuroscientist, psychiatrist, and author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, Canfield shows a simple path to turn the negative toughs into positive ones: First, you must become aware of the negative thoughts; next you have to challenge them; and, finally, you have to replace them with affirming and positive thoughts. We will learn how to do this further into this miniseries.
For now, Canfield urges us to constantly ask ourselves:
Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away?
Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Additionally, he says we must “learn to challenge and talk back to the thoughts that are not serving [us] in creating greater success and happiness.”
And, exactly, how do we do this?
Come back tomorrow to learn how! As a starting point, Canfield will walk us through some of the most prevalent negative thoughts that might attack us at some point or another. By understanding and recognizing them as untrue and irrational, we will promptly realize that they ought to be challenged and replaced.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: Be aware of all the self-talk that goes on in your head. You’ll realize that there is a constant conversation going on! Whenever there’s a negative or an unsettling thought, ask yourself the three questions that Canfield poses above: Is this thought helping me or hurting me? Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away? Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Check out tomorrow’s installment to learn to distinguish negative thoughts and how to turn them around to your advantage.
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by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Other parts of the miniseries:
Winning the war for time–Part 1
Winning the war for time–Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 29 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Winning the war for time–Part 3
— From Learning to Lead: Bringing Out the Best in People by Fred Smith (1915-2007)
So far we’ve been learning how to win the war for time, from Learning to Lead by Fred Smith. In yesterday’s post, Smith shared his views on investing time as well as earning and demanding respect for our time from others. Today we’ll look at ourselves.
An important point that Smith makes in the war against wasting time is that of our personal habits: “Not all time losses can be blamed on other people. Some things are entirely within us.”
It is helpful if we review our habits every so often, as they can sometimes “deteriorate without our realizing it, until they are hurtful instead of helpful.”
The first mention in the list of worst-offenders is orderliness. At first glance, this looks like a virtue, yet it is necessary to clarify the distinction between being organized versus being orderly: “People who are too fastidious turn orderliness into an end rather than a means—and that takes a lot of time. It’s much more important to be organized.”
Another habit that is not helpful for our time is that of perfectionism. We must guard against perfectionism and be aware when it appears. “Very few things in this world are worth perfecting, and it takes an enormous amount of time to perfect anything.”
Smith makes a distinction: “If you’re perfecting something because you feel… that it needs perfecting, that’s one thing. But if you’re doing it so people will say how good you are… or because you’re afraid of criticism, that’s wasteful. You must decide the degree of perfection your work requires.”
If you are a recovering perfectionist like I am (#NotProud), check out this post on moving forward imperfectly.
Another bad habit is that of overcomplicating the execution of our gifts, thus delaying delivery time on them. “Most people do not really appreciate what they can do best because it’s too much fun! They have [a concept] of work that says it’s supposed to be difficult. This makes a person’s specialty feel like leisure or entertainment, not ‘work’—and that becomes a trap. Fast isn’t always bad.”
Besides these time-wasting habits, the author explains what he calls the three temptations that also drain a lot of time. They are:
- Procrastination: “A lot of procrastination is based on our fear of action. We review and review and review. […] Time means nothing if you don’t have the energy to focus.”
- Rationalization: “Trying to prove to yourself you weren’t wrong. It would be so much easier to say, ‘I messed up.’ […] That would save a lot of time.”
- Indecision: “Many people can make good decisions but they won’t. Because that means putting their ego on the line.”
Also, it goes without saying, but our health is paramount to be able to use our time well. “If a person is sick twenty days a year, that’s an obvious time loss.” While we cannot control getting sick or injured, we can definitely take good care of ourselves to enjoy, overall, a healthy existence, and for our bodies to heal promptly when needed.
As another point in the war plan for time, Smith mentions the need for time out. “I guard two things in life: savings and time alone. I simply must have two days every so often to talk to nobody.” And besides taking the time to be alone, relaxed and refreshed, “time with just a few special people is also strategic.”
We’ve come to the end of this miniseries on winning the war for time. These are the ways in which Smith maximizes the opportunities, not just to save time, but also to use it wisely, profitably, and get a return on his investment. Which one of them resonated the most with you? Let me know in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: Examine your personal habits to see if they enable you to use time wisely or if they contribute to your losing time.
FUTURE: Change those habits that are no longer helpful to you. Here are 5 Strategies for eliminating bad habits and 6 Techniques for Installing Good Habits.
Know someone who is always battling time? Please share this post or the whole miniseries with that person. Thank you! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
