by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time:Â 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAYâS IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
â From The Success Principlesâ˘: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday, and the day before, we learned to distinguish the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
But that is not all that Jack Canfield teaches in this miniseries.
Today, the author of The Success Principlesâ˘, will walk us through a four-step process that will help us transform our inner critic into our inner coach.
First, we must understand that our inner critic, the one that pops up in our heads with negative patterns of thought, is actually trying to protect and help us.
Whaaaaaaaat????!!
Canfield says, âJust as your parents disciplined you for your own good, your inner critic has your best interests in mind when it is criticizing you. It wants you to get the benefit of the better behavior. The problem is that it tells you only part of the truth.â Then he gives a great example to help us understand this:
When you were a little kid, your parents may have yelled at you and sent you to your room after you did something stupid like run out in front of a car. Their real communication was âI love you. I donât want you to get hit by a car. I want you to stay around so that so that you can grow up into a happy and healthy adult.â But they delivered only half of the message: âWhatâs wrong with you? Were you born without a brain? You know better than to run out into the street when there are cars coming. Youâre grounded for the next hour. Go to your room and think about what you just did.â In their fear of losing you, they expressed only their anger. But underneath the anger were three more layers of message that never got deliveredâfear, specific requests, and love. A complete message would look like this:
Anger: I am mad at you for running out into the street without looking to see if any cars were coming.
Fear: I am afraid that youâll get badly hurt or killed.
Requests: I want you to pay more attention when you are playing near the street. Stop and look both ways before you walk or run out into the street.
Love: I love you so much. I donât know what I would do without you. You are so precious to me. I want you to be safe and healthy. You deserve to have lots of fun and stay safe so you can continue to enjoy life to its fullest. Do you understand?
What an incredibly different message!! The key, Canfield says, is to âtrain your inner critic to talk to you the same way.â You can do this verbally, talking to you out loud, which is the authors preferred way. However, you can also do it by writing it down in a piece of paper. If verbally, the author imagines talking to a clone of himself sitting opposite of him. You can do the same exercise or visualize talking to yourself in any other way that suits you best.
Come back tomorrow, as we will see an example of how we can apply this to ourselves in real life.
The author explains that after completing this exercise for the first time, something shifted inside him. He recalls, âI was able to stop feeling like a failure and start engaging in the activities that made my dream a reality. I was able to move from someone who was using my energy against myself to someone who was using my energy to create what I wanted.â
My wish is that after tomorrowâs exercise you will feel the same way! See you maĂąana.
ACTION
TODAY: In preparation of tomorrowâs exercise, start making a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself.
FUTURE: Whenever you catch your inner critic judging yourself, come back to this 4-step process to turn the judgment into a full message so that you can truly derive the benefit of the internal dialogue.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 27 seconds.
TODAYâS IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
â From The Success Principlesâ˘: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterdayâs post, we learn to distinguish some of the most prevalent negative thoughts and how to turn them around to our advantage. Today we will finish looking at the list of negative patterns of thought that Jack Canfield mentions, and we will see how to replace them with the truth to get unstuck.
Here we go:
Guilt-Tripping. âGuilt happens when you think words such as should, must, ought to, or have to. Here are some examples: I ought to spend more time studying for my bar exam⌠I should spend more time at home with my kids⌠I have to exercise more⌠As soon as you feel like you should do something, you create an internal resistance to doing it.â
âGuilt is never productive. It will stand in the way of achieving your goals. So get rid of this emotional barrier to success⌠[by replacing] guilt-tripping with phrases such as I want to⌠It supports my goals to⌠It would be smart to⌠Itâs in my best interest toâŚâ
Labeling. This is âattaching a negative label to yourself or someone else. It is a form of shorthand that stops you from clearly making the finer distinctions that would help you be more effective. Some examples of negative labels are jerk, idiot, arrogant, and irresponsible.â
By using labels like these, âyou are lumping yourself or someone else into a category of all the jerks or idiots you have ever known, and that makes it more difficult to deal with that person or situation as the unique person or experience they are.â To challenge this thought, Canfield mentions the importance of focusing on the situation or the reaction, and not on the person. Thus, I am stupid can be replaced with What I just did was less than brilliant, but I am still a smart person.
Personalizing. âYou personalize when you invest a neutral event with personal meaning. Kevin hasnât called me back yet. He must be mad at me. Or, We lost the Vanderbilt account. It must be my fault. I should have spent more time on the proposal.â
The truth is that we donât know why people do what they do. âThere are many other possible explanations for other peopleâs actions besides the negative reasons your automatic negative thoughts come up with. For example, Kevin may not have called you back because heâs sick, out of town, or overwhelmed with his own priorities.â
Having understood how these negative thoughts work and how to replace them with the truth, Canfield asks:
- What if you could learn to always talk to yourself like a winner instead of a loser?
- What if you could transform your negative self-talk into positive self-talk?
- What if you could silence your thoughts of lack and limitation and replace them with thoughts of unlimited possibility?
- What if you could replace any victim language in your thoughts with the language of empowerment?
- And what if you could transform your inner critic, who judges your every move, into a supportive inner coach who would encourage you and give you confidence as you faced new situations and risks?
The answer, fortunately, is that all of it is indeed possible, âwith a little awareness, focus, and intention.â
Come back tomorrow to learn a 4-step process to turn our inner critic into our inner coach. It is simple, but the changes are profound, and once you learn it, you wonât be able to go back to the way you were before.
ACTION
TODAY: Continue to be aware of the negative thought patterns that we just saw today. Between these ones and the ones from yesterday, we have learned the most prevalent ones, so that we can recognize them when they pop up and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Given our conditioning and our culture, itâs important to build the habit of recognizing these negative patterns of thought and their consequences if left unchecked. Fortunately, Canfield will show us tomorrow a way to change them completely!
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
TODAYâS IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
â From The Success Principlesâ˘: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Welcome back! In yesterdayâs post, we realized the importance of being aware of our negative self-talk and constantly asking ourselves: Is this thought helping me or hurting me? Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away? Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Today, Jack Canfield, the author of The Success Principlesâ˘, will walk us through some of the most prevalent negative thoughts that might attack us at some point or another. By understanding them as untrue and irrational, we will promptly realize that they ought to be challenged and replaced with the truth when they pop up in our heads. Letâs dive right in!
Always-or-Never Thinking. âIn reality, very few things are always or never. If you think something is always going to happen or you will never get what you want, youâre doomed from the outset. When you use all-or-nothing words such as always, never, everyone, no one, every time, and everything, you are usually wrong. [âŚ] When you find yourself thinking [in absolutes], replace them with what is really true. For example, you can replace You always take advantage of me with I get angry when you take advantage of me, but I know that you have treated me fairly in the past and that you will again.â
Focusing on the negative. âSome people focus only on the bad and never on the good in any situation⌠Learn to look for the positive. Not only will it help you feel better, but it will also be a critical component of your creating the success you want.â
Besides looking for the positive, the author says a great practice is to âplay the Appreciation Gameâ and look for things to appreciate in every situation. âWhen you actively seek the positive, you become more appreciative and optimistic, which is a requirement for attracting more good and creating the life of your dreams.â
Catastrophic Predicting. âIn catastrophic predicting, you create the worst possible scenario in your mind and then act as if it were a certainty. This could include predicting that your sales prospect wonât be interested in your product, the person you are attracted to will reject your request to go out on a date, your boss wonât give you a raise, or the plane youâre flying on will crash.â
Canfield suggests replacing, âSheâll probably laugh at me if I ask her out for a date,â with âI donât know what sheâll do. She might say yes.â While uncertain, the truth is much more positive and hopeful than any kind of catastrophic predicting.
Mind-Reading. âYou are mind-reading when you believe you know what another person is thinking even though he or she hasnât told you. You know youâre mind-reading when youâre thinking thoughts such as Heâs mad at me⌠She doesnât like me⌠Heâs going to say no⌠Heâs going to fire meâŚâ
The way to turn mind-reading around is to replace it with the truth: âI donât know what he is thinking unless I ask him. Maybe heâs just having a bad day.â You can also check your assumptions by asking: âIâm imagining you might be mad at me. Are you?â Canfield gives us the catchy phrase, âWhen in doubt, check it out!â
Please come back tomorrow, as weâll continue to analyze other common patterns of negative thoughts and learn how to turn them around by replacing them with the truth.
ACTION
TODAY: How many of these patterns of negative thoughts pop in your head on a daily basis? We all have them; donât beat yourself up if you find that many, or all of them, appear often. Instead, simply be aware when they rear their ugly heads and replace them with the truth.
FUTURE: Make a habit of being aware and recognizing these patterns of negative thought when they make an entrance into your mind. Replacing them with the truth will always help defuse them, get you unstuck, and bring you back to reality.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post or this miniseries via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Tools
Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Estimated reading time:Â 3 minutes, 15 seconds.
TODAYâS IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
â From The Success Principlesâ˘: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
In this miniseries, business guru Jack Canfield, will teach us how to transform our inner critic into our inner coach. This is very importantâand life changingâbecause research indicates that we talk to ourselves, on average, about 50,000 times a day. And while thereâs nothing wrong about talking to ourselves, the unfortunate part is that 80% of that self-talk is negative (!).
We tell ourselves such things as: âI shouldnât have said⌠They donât like me⌠Iâm never going to be able to pull this off⌠I donât like the way my hair looks today⌠That other team is going to kill usâŚI canât dance⌠Iâm not a speaker⌠Iâll never lose this weight⌠I canât ever seem to get organized⌠Iâm always lateâŚâ
âArgue for your limitations, and sure enough, theyâre yours.â â Richard Bach
Research also shows that our thoughts affect our physiology and biochemistry. Weâve all heard stories of people who âstutter, spill things, forget [their] lines, break out in a sweat, breathe shallowly, feel anxious or scared,â as a result of a negative thought.
And we also know from lie-detector tests that our bodies react to our thoughts changing âtemperature, heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle tension, and how much [our] hands sweat.â
Changes in the body do not occur as a response only to lies or negative thoughts. They also take place as a response to any thought. âPositive thoughts affect your body in a positive way, making you more relaxed, centered and alert. Positive thoughts cause the secretion of endorphins in the brain and reduce pain and increase pleasure.â
So, how can we change the negative thoughts for positive ones?
Canfield says, âThe key to dealing with any kind of negative thinking is to realize that you are ultimately in charge of whether to listen to or agree with any thought. Just because you think itâor hear itâdoesnât mean itâs true.â
Drawing on the work of Dr. Daniel G. Amen, M.D., clinical neuroscientist, psychiatrist, and author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, Canfield shows a simple path to turn the negative toughs into positive ones: First, you must become aware of the negative thoughts; next you have to challenge them; and, finally, you have to replace them with affirming and positive thoughts. We will learn how to do this further into this miniseries.
For now, Canfield urges us to constantly ask ourselves:
Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away?
Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Additionally, he says we must âlearn to challenge and talk back to the thoughts that are not serving [us] in creating greater success and happiness.â
And, exactly, how do we do this?
Come back tomorrow to learn how! As a starting point, Canfield will walk us through some of the most prevalent negative thoughts that might attack us at some point or another. By understanding and recognizing them as untrue and irrational, we will promptly realize that they ought to be challenged and replaced.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE:Â Be aware of all the self-talk that goes on in your head. Youâll realize that there is a constant conversation going on! Whenever thereâs a negative or an unsettling thought, ask yourself the three questions that Canfield poses above:Â Is this thought helping me or hurting me? Is it getting me closer to where I want to go, or taking me further away? Is it motivating me to action, or is it blocking me with fear and self-doubt?
Check out tomorrowâs installment to learn to distinguish negative thoughts and how to turn them around to your advantage.
Know someone who might like this post? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Other parts of the miniseries:
Winning the war for timeâPart 1
Winning the war for timeâPart 2
Estimated reading time:Â 3 minutes, 29 seconds.
TODAYâS IDEA: Winning the war for timeâPart 3
â From Learning to Lead: Bringing Out the Best in People by Fred Smith (1915-2007)
So far weâve been learning how to win the war for time, from Learning to Lead by Fred Smith. In yesterdayâs post, Smith shared his views on investing time as well as earning and demanding respect for our time from others. Today weâll look at ourselves.
An important point that Smith makes in the war against wasting time is that of our personal habits: âNot all time losses can be blamed on other people. Some things are entirely within us.â
It is helpful if we review our habits every so often, as they can sometimes âdeteriorate without our realizing it, until they are hurtful instead of helpful.â
The first mention in the list of worst-offenders is orderliness. At first glance, this looks like a virtue, yet it is necessary to clarify the distinction between being organized versus being orderly: âPeople who are too fastidious turn orderliness into an end rather than a meansâand that takes a lot of time. Itâs much more important to be organized.â
Another habit that is not helpful for our time is that of perfectionism. We must guard against perfectionism and be aware when it appears. âVery few things in this world are worth perfecting, and it takes an enormous amount of time to perfect anything.â
Smith makes a distinction: âIf youâre perfecting something because you feel⌠that it needs perfecting, thatâs one thing. But if youâre doing it so people will say how good you are⌠or because youâre afraid of criticism, thatâs wasteful. You must decide the degree of perfection your work requires.â
If you are a recovering perfectionist like I am (#NotProud), check out this post on moving forward imperfectly.
Another bad habit is that of overcomplicating the execution of our gifts, thus delaying delivery time on them. âMost people do not really appreciate what they can do best because itâs too much fun! They have [a concept] of work that says itâs supposed to be difficult. This makes a personâs specialty feel like leisure or entertainment, not âworkââand that becomes a trap. Fast isnât always bad.â
Besides these time-wasting habits, the author explains what he calls the three temptations that also drain a lot of time. They are:
- Procrastination: âA lot of procrastination is based on our fear of action. We review and review and review. [âŚ] Time means nothing if you donât have the energy to focus.â
- Rationalization: âTrying to prove to yourself you werenât wrong. It would be so much easier to say, âI messed up.â [âŚ] That would save a lot of time.â
- Indecision: âMany people can make good decisions but they wonât. Because that means putting their ego on the line.â
Also, it goes without saying, but our health is paramount to be able to use our time well. âIf a person is sick twenty days a year, thatâs an obvious time loss.â While we cannot control getting sick or injured, we can definitely take good care of ourselves to enjoy, overall, a healthy existence, and for our bodies to heal promptly when needed.
As another point in the war plan for time, Smith mentions the need for time out. âI guard two things in life: savings and time alone. I simply must have two days every so often to talk to nobody.â And besides taking the time to be alone, relaxed and refreshed, âtime with just a few special people is also strategic.â
Weâve come to the end of this miniseries on winning the war for time. These are the ways in which Smith maximizes the opportunities, not just to save time, but also to use it wisely, profitably, and get a return on his investment. Which one of them resonated the most with you? Let me know in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: Examine your personal habits to see if they enable you to use time wisely or if they contribute to your losing time.
FUTURE: Change those habits that are no longer helpful to you. Here are 5 Strategies for eliminating bad habits and 6 Techniques for Installing Good Habits.
Know someone who is always battling time? Please share this post or the whole miniseries with that person. Thank you! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Other parts of the miniseries:
Winning the war for timeâPart 1
Winning the war for timeâPart 3
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 37 seconds.
TODAYâS IDEA: Winning the war for timeâPart 2
â From Learning to Lead: Bringing Out the Best in People by Fred Smith (1915-2007)
In yesterday’s post, we learned the importance of having clarity on our philosophy on time: Fred Smith, leadership guru, taught us some powerful questions to ask ourselves in his book Learning to Lead to determine why we want to get more out of time.
Today, weâll see why Smith questions the idea of spending time and, instead, prefers to see time as an investment.
He says, âThere are two ways to approach time. One is technological: minutes as units. The other is the philosophical: minutes as meaning. [âŚ] Too often people donât know the difference between a fast track and a frantic track.â Smith enjoys a fast-track life, but he doesnât relish being frantic. Thatâs an incredibly important distinction.
âItâs just as foolish to use every minute for activity as it is to spend every nickel youâve got.â
The author goes on to say, âSome people think they have to spend time, use it up one way or anotherâwhile others invest it.â His philosophy is to invest it, which means looking for a return on what he does. âSome of that return will be in dollars or other visible achievement, but some will be more internal. Investing time wisely does something for you. Over a period of time it brings an appreciation, a patina to life; it generates maturity and fullness.â
A key thing to consider, as Smith points out, is that âOpportunity is not a mandate to do. Your mandate comes from what you have chosen to try to accomplish.â And he illustrates this by saying, âIf a farmer has a bushel of corn and several different fields in which to plant it, he will pick the most fertile field.â
This is a great concept to keep in mind nowadays, when we all live with FOMO, the Fear Of Missing Out, and thus try to do too much as we donât want to miss any opportunities.
Another important point that Smith makes is that of earning respect for our time.
Just as we respect and value other peopleâs time and effort, we should expect and demand that people respect ours the same way.
People respect us when we address their problems quickly. âThereâs something professional about that,â writes the author. âIf through reading as well as living we have developed the intuition, knowledge and experience to be helpful to others, and if we have the courage to go right at the issue and not be afraid of conflict, people will see we mean business with our time.â
In practical terms, the best way to do this is to âtrain people to think in terms of scheduleâ by saying things that will signal such respect for our time and that of others.
For instance, âYou can set definite times for meetings. Even if the calendar is open, you donât say, âWell, come any time Tuesday.â Instead you say, âIâll be glad to see you. How long do you think youâll need?â or âHow long will it take us to accomplish what youâve got in mind?ââ
Also, Smith says, âYou can telegraph your view of time by cutting the conversation off promptly at the end. âIs there anything else that we should talk about, or are we finished?â This establishes the reason why weâre talking: to accomplish something.â
I like Smithâs approach to time because I think itâs sensible and practical. Come back tomorrow for another installment of this miniseries. Smith will be guiding us through personal habits to avoid wasting time, among other topics.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of times when you have spent more time than you wanted in a meeting or a project. What is the common denominator among all those times? How do you give people access to your time? How can you change that access? Work on the language you use with yourself and with others to think in terms of schedule.
FUTURE: Once youâve figured out how to improve the ways in which you handle your time with others, begin to test. Slowly but surely, youâll be getting used to the language that works best in each occasion, to the point where you wonât make the mistakes of the past again. Test and rehearse many times until it all comes naturally.
Know someone who is always battling time? Please share this post with that person. Thank you! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
