by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Miniseries, Planning, Resolutions, Tools, Wellbeing, Willpower
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 59 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Only 19% of People Keep Their New Year’s Resolutions. How Do They Do It?
–From Careful: A User’s Guide to Our Injury-Prone Minds by Steve Casner
In the past post we learned the things that do not work to keep our New Year’s resolutions alive: thinking that it’s just a matter or commitment or willpower, deluding ourselves with wishful thinking, and flooding our minds with negative thoughts.
In this post we will learn the things that work well to be among the 19% of folks who were successful in keeping their resolutions going after 2 years.
But don’t expect something grandiose accompanied with great fanfare. According to Steve Casner, author of Careful, “It’s the little stuff that matters.”
And I agree with him on this. If you look at our lives, they are made of moments, small moments and small actions that—when compounded—create the milestones and the successes that we envisioned as our goals.
So, what are these small things, you ask?
Social support. “[This] was named as a strong contributing factor by the successful 19%, especially after 6 months had gone by.” Social support usually takes the form of enrolling ourselves or other people with psychological contracts.
A psychological contract “is a promise to do this or not do that, with the exception that it isn’t written down.” These are very common. We may know them better as pinky swears or pinky promises. You promise to someone else that you will do something, and/or they promise you that they will do something, for instance, your best friend going with you to the gym every morning at 6 am.
You don’t have a written contract with your friend or with yourself, but the idea of your friend waiting for you at the gym in the morning makes you jump out of bed and get ready to go, instead of hitting the snooze button. These types of psychological contracts are nothing new. The key is that they are made not to be broken, and when there is a social bond they are much harder—if not almost impossible—to break.
“Apparently, when we promise someone that we are going to do something, it seems we are rather inclined to do it,” says Casner. So, go ahead and find a friend, and pinky swear over your goals.
The author also mentions an ingenious way to remind us to do/not do things: the nagging power of children. “Described as an awesome renewable resource… [we should] enlist our kids to become nagging machines programmed to keep their parents [resolutions].” So, if you have kids, enlist them to help you out, it will be very effective, albeit it may drive you a bit crazy…
Reminders. “The 19% who made it to the 2-year mark consistently reported that they used reminders, and they reported using them at every stage of their success. During the first week, after a month, after six months, after two years, they used reminders. Reminders can be little things left anywhere in your environment that prompt you [about your resolution]. You can even use reminders to help you remember pinky swears that you’ve made.”
Reminders can be anything: wearing one of those flat rubber bracelets with an inscription to remind you of your goals, tying a string, changing a ring or watch to the opposite hand, post it notes, an alarm on your phone… really, anything that helps you avoid deviating from your resolutions works!
Rewards. These were mentioned by the New Year’s resolvers as a very helpful tool as well, especially after the first few weeks and also after the two years had passed. Rewards can also be anything you want them to be, big or small, free or expensive… it all depends on you and the milestones you have to go through to reach your goals.
And finally, nothing like practice, practice, practice. Do what you need to do to accomplish your resolutions. Do it over, and over, and over again, until it becomes so ingrained that you don’t even think about it.
As you can see these things are rather simple, yet they are not easy, otherwise a much higher percentage of the New Year’s resolvers would fulfill their goals. Just remember what Casner said earlier: “It’s the little stuff that matters,” and keep focusing on taking one step at a time.
ACTION
TODAY: If you’ve given up on your resolutions, think about them again—it’s not too late. Find a friend to help you, or pinky swear over something. Set reminders and a schedule of rewards for every milestone you’ll go through. Then get started and practice, practice, practice.
FUTURE: These little things that help people stick to a goal are not exclusive to New Year’s resolutions—they work for any goal. Use them when you set goals to help you accomplish them.
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by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 48 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Leading is a Posture
— From Show Up Hard: A Road Map for Helpers in Crisis by Shannon Weber, MSW
I have enormous respect and admiration for Shannon Weber, author of the newly released book Show Up Hard. I am also immensely lucky to call her my friend.
She is one of 14 children and all her work and life can be described with one word: love. As an incredibly accomplished social worker (among other things and accolades, she used to run the crisis hotline in Houston, staffed by volunteers, and receiving 65,000 calls/year), she knows how important the role of love becomes in all our interactions, not just in times of crisis.
And in her book she also has a beautiful view on leading as a posture, which I’m excited to share with you today:
“Challenging times crave change,” says Shannon. Thus, she suggests we view ourselves as agents of change: “you are well equipped to reimagine yourself in a new role and create the lasting impact you seek to make. Switch from thinking about the job at hand to the role you can play. What if your job is not to be right or knowledgeable; what if your role is to create change?”
Then she goes on to say:
Leading is a posture of being in the world, a role we assume.
If you [i] have the potential to guide someone to a better place, or [ii] possess the ability to shine a light on a path ahead, or [iii] consider yourself a steward of the well-being of even one person—then you are a leader.
You are a steward of creating change. Leaders commit to the emotional labor of showing up to support change. Leaders commit to the long haul of seeing the process of change through.
Leading is both a privilege and a responsibility. Leading is also the responsibility of those with privilege.
A leader is not: a job title, a certain set of skills, a business card, an assignment, or an invitation from someone high up.
The posture of leadership can be adopted by anyone with the guts to believe that change is possible and with the courage to show up.
[…] We do our work of showing up for others within existing structures, institutions, and cultures. Even values-driven organizations can create unhealthy work environments…
Leading is often the work of the everyday and the mundane. Leaders are the people who give the very best part of themselves without expectation. Imagining oneself as a hero is easy: Fly in and save the day. Showing up when no one is watching, when the stakes are less high, when the task at hand is not as attractive—this is the work of creating change. Showing up is what it takes to lead, to be stewards.
Leaders choose to Show Up Hard. Leaders choose to go first.
And Shannon is a leader herself who has decide to change the world, starting right where she is, one love note at a time. She is the founder of LoveYou2.org where she has started a movement to spread love around the world. Here’s a mini-documentary about her project (2:43 min long) and her TEDx Talk where she talks about how it started and the enormous impact it has had. Also, Seth Godin, renowned author and marketing guru, mentioned another one of Shannon’s projects—giving capes to unsung heroes—in his blog asking, “What kind of impact does one act of kindness make? It can last for years.”
There will definitely be more posts about this book, so stay tuned! In the meantime, please let me know in the comments, how has your vision of leadership changed with this post? Do you see yourself as a leader now? You certainly are one! Are you ready to Show Up Hard? I’m cheering for you. 🙂 And in case you need some reminders, here are some beautiful ones that you can print from Shannon’s site.
“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu
ACTION
TODAY: Reimagine yourself in the role of an agent of change. What lasting impact are you seeking to make? Then commit to showing up hard.
FUTURE: Remind yourself that leading is a posture and that having a lasting impact is a daily job. You have to work consistently on the change you seek to make: you have to show up hard both when others are watching and when they are not—especially when no one is watching.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Celebration, Growth, Opportunity, Wellbeing
A reminder that EntreGurus is turning 1 — WOOHOO!! We’re having a virtual party and you’re all invited: click this link to join me. We’ll have fun chatting, I’ll answer any questions you have about EntreGurus, the books I read, or my experience blogging; and I’d love to see those of you that I know and get to know those of you who have recently joined the Gurupie community.
Looking forward to seeing you at the party and cheers to many more celebrations together!!
Throughout the past 365 days, I’ve shared with you many ideas, including a few centered on celebrating wins, both big and small. As busy people, we tend to move from one thing to the next faster than a lightning bolt, a rarely do we stop to smell the proverbial roses. Milestones are good points along the way to reflect on what has happened until then: they give us a vision of where we started and how much we’ve advanced, thus giving us a sense of accomplishment.
According to Colter Reed, blogger on personal growth and productivity, “If we only ever pay attention to the road ahead of us, we become too focused on the gap between where we are and where we want to be. We can become blind to what we’ve gained so far in our journey. All we see is a finish line that’s always out of reach.” Thus, the importance of celebrating our progress.
Reed specifically points out five things that happen when we celebrate our progress as we move along:
1. We acknowledge that we’ve already achieved something. If we don’t celebrate the (sometimes considerable) work we’ve already put in, it will quickly start to feel like it’s all been for nothing. The celebration when you cross the finish line should be the biggest, but not the only.
2. We make sure we like where this path is heading. In addition to celebrating, pause and reflect. You should be able to see early signs of what the final goal will be like. Don’t give up because the going gets tough, but feel free to modify or drop the goal if you determine it’s not someplace you want to go.
3. We reconnect with our motivation. When the going does get tough, it helps to reconnect with your why.
4. We feel good. You know why you write down things you already did just so you can check it off right away? Dopamine! It feels good! It’s our body’s natural way to reward progress.
5. We notice that progress takes time. By celebrating the gains we’ve made, we face the time it’s taken for us to get this far. We’re not going to close the gap in a day (until the day we do). Be patient and keep going!
And I would add an additional thing: We become grateful and recognize the help we’ve received all along . As we reflect on the path we’ve traveled, we recognize that every step of the way there was somebody there to help us, guide us, open up a door, point us in the direction we needed to go, encourage us, and so much more.
We don’t do anything alone, so it’s important to make the people who helped you part of the celebration. That’s why this party is for YOU. Because I couldn’t have done it without you, your wonderful emails, comments, suggestions, ideas, etc. Each of you have made EntreGurus what it is today and I’m immensely grateful.
Reflecting on the past year, here are some of the highlights and accomplishments of EntreGurus that YOU made possible:
And in terms of stats, here are some fun (and crazy!) numbers:
- Pages written: 601 (in a word document which is where I write everything before uploading it online).
- Words: 236, 216 (or an average of 647 per day — that’s why most posts are about a 3-min read at 200 words/min).
- Characters with no spaces: 1,118,034
- Characters with spaces: 1,348,993 — that’s 230,959 spaces!
- Paragraphs: 7,382
- Lines: 27, 385
None of this would have been possible without you, my dear Gurupies. It’s truly a joy and a privilege to be able to write for you and I’m so grateful you are a part of the EntreGurus family. Cheers to you and cheers to the wonderful authors and books that provide so many incredible and useful ideas.
Looking forward to many more milestones and celebrations together and I’ll see you at the party!
With heartfelt thanks,
Helena
by Helena Escalante | Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools, Wellbeing
A reminder that EntreGurus is turning 1 tomorrow!! We’re having a virtual party and you’re all invited: click this link to join me on Saturday, January 19 from 1 – 3 PM Eastern Time (time converter). Stay the whole time or come and go as you wish, we’ll have fun chatting, I’ll answer any questions you have about EntreGurus or my experience blogging, and I’d love to see those of you that I know and get to know those of you who have recently joined the Gurupie community. Looking forward to tomorrow!!
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 47 seconds
TODAY’S IDEA: Let’s banish the word JUST 
— From This Is Day One: A Practical Guide to Leadership That Matters by Drew Dudley
I have come to love the ideas from This is Day ONE by Drew Dudley. They truly resonate with me and with my personal philosophy that we all have wonderful gifts—superpowers, if you may—that make us special and that make a difference in the lives of others.
And today’s idea is no exception. It’s about banishing the word JUST from our vocabulary when it’s used by us or others to diminish what we do. The author explains it beautifully, so I’ll leave a brief excerpt here for you:
…[W]hen we evaluate ourselves and what we do [we] add qualifiers and limiting words. “Just” is one of the most prevalent and restrictive of them.
Our lives and organizations are filled with “I’m just a…” people. “I’m just a receptionist”; “I’m just a salesperson”; “I’m just middle management”; “I’m just a stay at home mom”; “I’m just part-time”; “I’m just a student.” It’s likely that each one of us has said something similar about ourselves or, at the very least, about something we were attempting to do: “I’m just trying to get to the end of this project”; “We just have to figure out a way to deal with this.”
Every time we use the word “just” to describe who we are or what we’re doing, we’re telling people that we are unimportant. Every time we say we’re “just” something, we’re giving people permission to expect less from us.
Our lives and workplaces are filled with extraordinary people who regularly diminish themselves in this way and in the process, may convince themselves that it’s true. As such, I believe that one of the simplest but most powerful things we can do to enhance our leadership is to refuse to allow people who we know are people of value to diminish themselves in front of us.
[…] Our lives and workplaces are filled with too many people who think like that. Who have convinced themselves that they have no right to think of themselves as leaders because of what job they’ve ended up doing, or where in the corporate hierarchy they appear to have peaked.
[…] A commitment to banishing the word “just” from our vocabulary and our workplaces can have a profound impact.
Beautiful and true, isn’t it? Let’s ban the word just from our vocabulary when it’s used against elevating or enlightening purposes. We’ll all be better for it!
ACTION
TODAY: It’s so common to use the word “just” in our language—or to hear it from others—that we may have a hard time noticing. Be intentional about becoming aware to catch yourself or others using it.
FUTURE: Be on the lookout for the time(s) when you find yourself using “just” or when you hear others use it. Let others know how important their role or their work is, and how much you appreciate what they do! You’ll make their day. If it’s you who uses the word “just,” be gentle and remind yourself that what you do is important. Bring to mind a couple of examples when people have told you that your work matters. You’ll feel better and it will be easier to start banishing “just” from your vocabulary.
Know someone who would like to banish the word just from their vocabulary? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Goals, Leadership, Mindset, Wellbeing
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
I hope you are off to a fantastic start! May 2019 be filled with happiness, success, and good health for you and your loved ones.
My family and I were watching a documentary called “The Last Man on the Moon” and there were a few quotes that struck me as incredibly insightful, beautiful, and inspiring, and I want to share them with you.
Gene Cernan, the astronaut protagonist, was remembering his time as a pilot in the U.S. Navy, when the space program was just starting. He was asked (informally) if he’d like to be a part of it. He thought to himself, “I’d love to do it, just give me the chance.” However, his internal hesitation came up immediately and he thought, “But by the time I get good enough, by the time I get qualified, by the time I meet all the requirements, there won’t be anything left to do. All the pioneering will be over.” And, at the end of his life, reflecting on his deeds and accomplishments, he emphatically stated: “Don’t ever shortchange yourself, you never, ever, know what fate has in store.”
After that, the documentary continued narrating and showing Cernan’s life. Once again, there was a scene where he’s looking back at his life, and says, “Don’t ever count yourself out, you’ll never know how good you are unless you try.” Then he encourages us to act:
“Dream the impossible and go out and make it happen. I walked on the moon, what can’t you do?”
With this in mind, my wish for you this year is that you get the chance to do something that you love. And if your internal hesitation pops up, don’t pay attention to it. Keep going because you never, ever, know what fate has in store for you. Give yourself the gift of trying, so that you can find out how good you are. Take action on your dreams and go out and make them happen.
Remember that you have to do something you’ve never done to get something you’ve never got.
I’m immensely grateful to you for being one of my wonderful Gurupies—a member of the EntreGurus family—and I’m cheering for you and wishing you a wonderful 2019.
What can’t you do this year? Imagine the possibilities!
With much love,
Helena
P.S. Love these quotes? Please share them to spread the inspiration and good wishes: email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Wellbeing
Wishing you and yours the happiest of holidays! May 2019 bring you much happiness, prosperity, good health and everything your heart desires.
A big and heartfelt THANK YOU for being with me on this journey and letting me share with you the ideas and a-ha moments that I gather from the books I love.
Cheers to YOU and to another year with lots of reading, insights, and goals accomplished!
Helena 🙂
Your Chief Bookworm Officer
