by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Celebration, Creativity, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 55 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Sharing accomplishments on social media? Be generous, authentic and enthusiastic
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
In The Art of People, Dave Kerpen recalls sharing accomplishments via social media and the reactions from his friends:
“So excited! We won the WOMMIE award for word of mouth marketing excellence for the second year in a row!”
After this announcement, a casual friend of Kerpen sent him the following private message: “Enough already, Dave! I know you won an award or two, I know you’re excited about it all, but stop shoving all this self-promotion in our faces!”
That message stung “probably because there was some truth to it,” says Kerpen. His company had just won the award for the second year in a row, and he was very happy about it and had been sharing accomplishments (this and others) “proudly and liberally” on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Very likely, the person that messaged him saw the posts on all three networks and got tired of it.
Kerpen remembers being upset and confused. “I was genuinely proud of our work and wanted to share the good news… On the other hand, I certainly didn’t want to get attention for being an egomaniacal braggart.”
He took the feedback to heart. “[He developed] a more modest attitude toward posting to social media… [being] humble, grateful and not overly self-promotional in [his] social media updates.”
In the meantime, unknown to Kerpen, the word humblebrag was being added to the Dictionary to describe exactly what he had started to do when sharing accomplishments.
So, when the following year his company won the WOMMIE Award again, he posted: “So honored and humbled to have received the WOMMIE Award for the 3rd year in a row! Thanks to the whole team @Likeablemedia!”
And to this post, came a different reaction from another one of Kerpen’s friends: “Dude, what’s with the humblebrag? Just gloat man, no need to fake being humble when you are dominating the award circuit!”
Kerpen was exasperated: “It seemed that no matter what I did, I couldn’t share my joy about accomplishments without offending some people.” The author goes on to say, “The problem with sharing accomplishments on social media… is there is no tone or body language to help convey your meaning, and that means it’s very easy for people to lose the context and not get your intention right.”
So, what to do? Does this mean no more sharing accomplishments? Never ever?
For Kerpen, the answer to that question is no, with two important caveats:
1. Be unafraid but as authentic (noncontrived) as possible in sharing accomplishments on social media.
2. Heap lots of authentic praise on others via social media as well.
The first point is simple: You’re going to be judged by people no matter what, so just be your authentic self and stand behind that authenticity no matter what people may say.
The second point is important too: Be quick to praise others in social media (and face-to-face). Authentic praise and compliments make people feel good, help them feel more comfortable in sharing their accomplishments, and, most important, show the world that you’re not all about yourself and are just as apt to sing another person’s praises as your own.
And the author sets out a challenge for us: “Scroll through your social media news feeds looking for opportunities to praise, congratulate, and promote others: your friends, colleagues, and followers. Be generous in retweeting people. Promote the heck out of everyone.”
My take on this?
As long as you are sharing your accomplishments with generosity, gratitude, authenticity and enthusiasm, your true friends and the people that love you are going to be genuinely happy and excited for you. And if you return the favor in sharing that excitement and congratulating people on their accomplishments and important milestones, everybody wins and we make this world a happier and better place.
ACTION
TODAY: What do you have to celebrate today? Big win or small win, share what makes your heart smile! Your circles will be very happy for you, and if you tag me on social media (Facebook, Twitter) I will be delighted to read about your accomplishment and happy to share!
FUTURE: Kerpen, a master of social media suggests the following: “Take a look at your last twenty social media updates and do a quick audit. How much are you promoting yourself versus promoting others? Ideally, you want to strike a balance of no more than 30 percent promoting yourself and at least 70 percent promoting others. […] Audit your next twenty social media updates and compare them with the previous twenty. Have you helped people see you as someone willing to praise others and unafraid to share his or her own accomplishments?”
And speaking of sharing… please do! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 33 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: One unkind word destroys years of praise
— From The Art of People: 11 Simple People Skills That Will Get You Everything You Want by Dave Kerpen
“Nicky, you’re getting lazy. You used to be our top sales guy, and now you’re barely making quota. Get your act together…” recalls Dave Kerpen, CEO of Likeable Local and author of The Art of People, of the way he chastised one of his employees in front of his peers.
(Gasp!)
As soon as Kerpen uttered those words, he says, “I realized I had made a grave mistake.” Nicky had been the top salesperson for the past two years and received ample praise from Kerpen, publicly, over that period of time. Yet, Nicky’s performance had slowed down…
“To make amends,” Kerpen says, “I privately messaged Nicky and set up a one-on-one meeting at which I walked through his history with the company, reminding him of his highlights and imploring him to return to his previously solid form. I also apologized profusely for calling him out in front of his coworkers. But it was too late, the damage had been done.”
After Kerpen’s laziness comment, things went downhill with Nicky. Kerpen goes on to recognize the devastating effects of his criticism: “Someone who had been my best, most successful salesperson ended up leaving the company. Although obviously part of that was his doing, I know how wrong I was to criticize him publicly, and I will always blame myself for Nicky’s undoing.”
The lesson here?
Never confuse criticism with feedback. When people say that they’re going to be “brutally honest,” in my experience, they are more interested in being brutal than honest. And performance feedback should only be discussed, in private, with the person or team performing, and no one else.
“Praise is powerful, contagious and totally inspirational. Criticism has exactly the opposite effect on people… especially public criticism, makes people feel embarrassed, afraid and even humiliated.” Criticism is never to be used as motivation or feedback, as it never has that desired effect.
Kerpen learned a very hard lesson, and devised this quick guide to giving feedback effectively:
1. Never give out criticism in front of other people. It never works. (It only leads to shame and fear.)
2. Instead, set up a time to have a one-on-one private discussion with the person with whom you want to share feedback.
3. Offer up a “praise sandwich”: Start with something you like about the person and/or the job he’s doing, continue with the negative feedback, and close by affirming how much you value the person and how confident you are in him.
4. Make sure to offer positive solutions to the issues at hand and get alignment on the solution of a choice.
5. Don’t dwell on the negative, and look for future opportunities to publicly praise the positive about the person as soon and as much as you can.
The bottom line? Kerpen says, “Praise, praise, praise and praise some more.” There is simply no downside to positive, authentic praise. If and when you feel the need to criticize, do it privately. Then go right back out and continue to praise.”
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the late Dr. Wayne Dyer: “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” People appreciate feedback that is delivered kindly and in the spirit of truly seeking to solve an issue, helping raise performance, and elevating and enlightening everyone and everything in the process.
ACTION
TODAY: Praise a stranger, or two or three… It’s a great exercise. But say something honest, don’t make it up. After you’ve done this, you’ll snatch a big smile out of them. Then go praise someone you know for something that they’ve done well. Sometimes it’s hard to do it with people we know because we think it will feel fake, but as long as it’s honest and heartfelt, it comes across the same way; people appreciate it, and it brightens up their day.
FUTURE: Apply Kerpen’s guidelines for feedback when you need to correct something. Remember that it’s always harder to be in the receiving end of the feedback than in the giving one. Empathy and kindness go a long way, make them your best allies.
How about sharing this post with someone you know who is in a position to praise and give feedback? Email, Facebook or Twitter.
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Creativity, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Resources, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 15 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: No Skunking
— From Setting the Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business by Danny Meyer
Danny Meyer’s wonderful book Setting the Table is all about hospitality in the restaurant industry. However, the leadership style and the lessons that this great restaurateur shares can be applied to any kind of business, not just restaurants.
I was particularly struck about a passage in the book where he talks about the qualities of self-awareness and integrity going hand in hand: “It takes integrity to be self-aware and to hold one’s self accountable for doing the right thing.”
Specifically, he says, “self-awareness is understanding your moods and how they affect you and others. In a sense, it’s a personal weather report…” But no matter whether the personal mood is sunny or rainy, it’s crucial for people in business “to be aware of and accountable for their own personal weather reports.”
He goes on to say that “no one can possibly be upbeat and happy all the time, but personal mastery depends on team members being aware of their moods and keep[ing] them in check. If a staff member is having personal trouble and wakes up feeling angry, nervous, depressed, or anxious, he or she needs to recognize and deal with the mood. It does not serve anyone’s purposes to project that mindset into the work environment or on to one’s colleagues.”
Meyer’s term for that is skunking: “A skunk may spray a predator when it feels threatened, but everyone else within two miles has to smell the spray, and these others may assume that the skunk actually had it in for them. It’s not productive to work with a skunk, and it’s not enjoyable to be served by one either. In a business that depends on the harmony of an ensemble, a skunk’s scent is toxic.”
I think this analogy is perfect. My dog has been sprayed by a skunk twice (!), and it’s one of the most repulsive and disgusting experiences we’ve had. We’ve taken—and will continue to take—every precaution to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Skunking in the workplace should be avoided too, as it can spread widely if left unchecked, hurting the organization inside and outside as well.
And this is where we come full circle: it takes integrity to check with ourselves and determine what mood we’re in. If it’s a great one, fantastic, let’s spread the joy. If not, the first step is to acknowledge it and keep it in check, so that we can resolve it (or put it on hold temporarily) and change it for the mood that best suits our business endeavors. And remember: absolutely no skunking!
If this is of any help, I’ve found something that works for me: when I’m not in a good mood and I need to work, I give myself permission to change my mood temporarily. For instance, I tell myself that I will temporarily become happy and postpone my being upset or worried about whatever is making me unhappy when I get back from the office, because I need to be at my best during work and with clients. This usually helps, and by the time I’m back I don’t want to go back to being upset any longer, so I can see what was bugging me in a different light and focus on solving it favorably.
ACTION
TODAY: Take some time to do a personal weather report. Is your mood sunny and beautiful? Partially cloudy? Rainy? Cold and nasty? Be honest with yourself if you’re not in a good mood so that you don’t skunk others (not even inadvertently). How could your self-awareness and integrity help you in this instance? We’re all different: think of something that will work for you and the dynamics of your team.
FUTURE: Adopt the no skunking rule into your life and that of your teammates and business.
Know someone who has been skunked? Help them out by sharing this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 6 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: School is never out
— From 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class: The Thought Processes, Habits and Philosophies of the Great Ones by Steve Siebold
Steve Siebold, mental toughness guru, asked himself twenty years ago why some people were more successful and fulfilled than others. “Were they smarter? More educated? More talented?” He wondered… But, “the answer is no,” he says.
In his book 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class, Siebold mentions that he has indeed come across a genius or two over the years. But the answer to his questions is much simpler in 99% of the cases: Great people “become great because they are more mentally tough. Through time and effort, they have learned to take control of their thoughts, feelings and attitudes in the game of life and, in turn, life has rewarded them handsomely.”
Much to my delight, the author then goes on to say, “You can do the same thing if you’ll commit yourself to never ending personal growth and development.” (Hint: I know of a blog that will help you with that… 😉 ) “Champions invest time in getting better. School is never out for the great ones.”
Further, I laughed when Siebold asked, “Have you ever been to the bookstore and wondered who reads all those business and self-improvement books?” I think I know someone… Now, seriously, he continues, “The people who need it most wouldn’t even consider it, and the people who need it least wouldn’t consider missing it. A never-ending cycle of self-education is the centerpiece of world-class consciousness. All it takes to get started is the decision to do it.”
And I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” – Dr. Seuss. From I Can Read with My Eyes Shut!
ACTION
TODAY: Siebold suggests asking yourself a few critical thinking questions: “Am I really committed to going pro? Am I willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill my vision?” Then make the decision, today, to never stop growing and always keep learning.
FUTURE: Once you’ve made the decision, remember that success leaves clues. Who has done what you want to do? How can you learn from this person? Never stop learning in your area of interest. Remember what Earl Nightingale said: “If a person will spend one hour a day on the same subject for five years, that person will be an expert on that subject.”
Know someone who is a lifelong learner? Please share this with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Mindset, Opportunity, Resources, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 19 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Alchemy
— From 80/20 Sales and Marketing: The Definitive Guide to Working Less and Making More by Perry Marshall
In his book 80/20 Sales and Marketing, sales and marketing guru Perry Marshall refers to another book—Paul Zane Pilzer’s Unlimited Wealth—where Pilzer says that the essence of economics is alchemy.
Whaaaaat??
Yes, alchemy: “Lead into gold; creating something from nothing. Turning sand into Pentium chips. Turning a grassy field into a farm and crops. Transforming immaterial ideas into software and websites. Converting chaos into order.”
Marshall goes on to explain, “Even agriculture is alchemy. DNA, water and sunlight transform dirt into corn and grass. Corn and grass turn sperm into cows. DNA is instructions for turning minerals into living creatures and food. DNA is information. It’s an idea, a plan written in digital code.”
“Ideas are the basis of all creative acts. Thus, the most important resources for modern alchemists—you and me—are knowledge, imagination, and inspiration.”
The author recalls having a conversation with Richard Koch, author of The 80/20 Principle, where the latter said, “it’s human energy that creates the magic.”
How is this possible?
Think about it for a moment: “centuries ago, most people in the world went to bed hungry… many women died in childbirth, populations succumbed to famine and smallpox. Today, people at the poverty line enjoy more comforts than kings and queens of long ago.”
That’s alchemy.
And this should be the reason, says Marshall, “to be optimistic about the future, instead of getting seduced by the negativity and panic of the news media.”
Examples of alchemy abound: “An interior decorator walks into every room and considers how she’d re-do the furnishings, paint and decorations. A contractor drives by a dilapidated house, re-arranges everything in his mind and says, ‘I fixed it!’”
“Everywhere you go, every business you walk into, you think of ways to improve their traffic, their conversion, their economics.”
Perry then points out that, “YOU are a builder, a developer, an improver, an alchemist. You can’t walk into a pub or visit a website or buy a product or let the lawn service guy into your house without considering this.”
It’s true. We are all alchemists and our power resides in our ideas—and their execution—wherever we go.
Marshall closes beautifully by saying, “You are an alchemist. Create. Invent. Imagine… in such a way that the world is a better place because you have lived.”
ACTION
TODAY: Find out what your alchemy is. What kind of ideas do you come up with and execute? What’s your superpower? Be generous with it and you’ll reap the benefits.
FUTURE: Keep a notebook of your ideas. Author James Altucher has a habit of writing down 10 new ideas every day. This is brilliant. The more ideas you write, the greater an alchemist you will become.
Know someone who is an alchemist? Please share this post: Email, Facebook, Twitter. Thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Tools, Wellbeing
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 24 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: My response is my responsibility
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
We all have our hot buttons that, when pushed, inevitably cause problems in the form of us getting upset, or saying things we shouldn’t, etc. And whether we point fingers and blame (“you made me mad”) or not (“I get so mad when XYZ happens”), the truth is that the only response we can control is ours.
M.J. Ryan, the author of Habit Changers, addresses this in a masterful mantra: “My response is my responsibility.” She goes on to say: “That doesn’t mean that the other person didn’t do whatever it is I’m worked up about, but rather that I alone am responsible for my reaction.”
The author shares how she deals with this: “If I get worked up, I need to deal with my reaction within myself until I’ve cooled down enough to decide whether this is an issue that needs to be addressed with the other person. Because it is only when I am calm that I can talk about it in a way that does no damage to me, the other person, or our relationship. Otherwise, I’m likely to say or do things that are mean or destructive because the ‘fight’ of the fight-or-flight response has taken control of my brain.”
Ryan’s suggestion is to give this a try if we find ourselves playing the blame game at home or work. She says, “You are responsible for your response, and it’s up to you to be as skillful in responding as possible.”
So true!
ACTION
TODAY: Give yourself some time to think about how profound a mindset shift this mantra brings. Identify your hot buttons and put past scenarios of times when they’ve been pushed against this mantra. What happens? I bet they melt away.
That’s what happened to me with one particularly ridiculous hot button of mine. It was a stupid, irrational and unfounded hot button (are any hot buttons smart, rational and well-founded??), and when it got pushed… Oh, no! It would drive me nuts! Once the realization that my response is my responsibility really sank in, then I felt truly embarrassed: how foolish of me to react in the way I have been reacting all this time! But this helped me become very aware of that particular button and be mindful of my reaction to it should it come up again in the future.
My hope is that sharing this story will help you set the intention to remember this mantra when one of your hot buttons gets pushed. That way you will be able to react better.
FUTURE: Make a mental note of being aware of the times when your hot buttons get pushed. Then keep the mantra in mind until you’ve cooled down and can skillfully respond.
Know someone who might benefit from this idea? Please share this post: Email, Facebook, Twitter. Thank you!
