Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 6 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Exchange an AND for a BUT to open up possibilities
— From The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life, by Rozamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander.
Let’s assume that you are trying to escape the cold winter and you take a vacation to a nice, warm beach. But once you get there, instead of sunshine, you have non-stop rain. Ugh! What to do?
Whether professionally or personally, when things don’t go as planned, we tend to react either with “hopeless resignation” or “spluttering resistance,” or we get upset somewhere in between that spectrum. Roz and Benjamin Zander suggest, instead, developing the practice of “being present to the way things are, including our feelings about the way things are.”
But what exactly does that mean?
“Being present to the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are” with utmost resignation and hopelessness. Neither does it mean “you should drown out your negative feelings or pretend you like something you really can’t stand.” Much less that “you should work to achieve some ‘higher plane of existence’ so you can ‘transcend negativity’.”
“It simply means being present without resistance: being present to what is happening and present to your reactions, no matter how intense. And to get this done, merely exchanging an and for a but may do the trick.”
Look at these two ways of seeing the same thing differently:
(1) We are at the beach BUT it’s raining. This isn’t what we planned; it’s very disappointing. BUT, this is the way things are.
In this scenario, we’re stuck at the beach and stuck in our minds too, and we can’t help but resist, protest, complain, and huff and puff.
Now compare it to:
(2) We are at the beach AND it’s raining. This isn’t what we planned; it’s very disappointing. AND, this is the way things are.
In this other scenario, we’re at a rainy beach, yet we are not stuck in our minds, nor is there a need to complain. We let the rain be without resisting and thus, “are now free to turn to the question, ‘What do we want to do from here?’ And then all sorts of pathways begin to appear: the possibility of resting; having the best food… reading or conversation; going to the movies or walking in the rain; or catching the next flight [out].” Exchange an AND for a BUT to open up possibilities.
When things go wrong, or simply not as planned, we can throw a fit, curse our bad luck, or decide to find an easier path with less resistance and struggle. When you come to terms with what’s ahead of you and move on, you start walking down a path filled with possibility.
ACTION
TODAY: What didn’t go as planned? What are you struggling with? What is the story you’re telling yourself? Where can you exchange an AND for a BUT to lower resistance and open up possibility? We submitted a proposal AND didn’t win the contract. Or I needed to talk to my colleague AND he didn’t have time. Or I placed the order AND the shipment did not arrive on time. Remember that there’s no such thing as a shortage of ideas when you look for possibilities after you ask What do we want to do from here?
FUTURE: Take this one step further when you are feeling afraid or challenged. Seth Godin in his book Footprints on the Moon gives this example: “I want to write a new article, BUT I’m afraid,” versus “I want to write a new article, AND I’m afraid.” By acknowledging the fear, you take the first step towards dancing with it, and figuring out the many possibilities of what you want to do next.
Know someone who could use more ANDs and less BUTs? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!