Neil Gaiman*
TODAY’S IDEA:
We all have impostor syndrome.
— From an anecdote in The Official Neil Gaiman Tumblr
Happy Valentine’s Day! Today is the day of love and friendship, and I hope you celebrate it with your loved ones.
As busy professionals, we are constantly juggling many priorities, and focused always on other people. We seldom stop to appreciate our efforts, to love and thank ourselves for what we do, and to celebrate our wins.
Why do we tend to neglect ourselves this way? Very likely because we suffer from impostor syndrome: we attribute our accomplishments to luck or some other factor as opposed to our efforts, and we fear that somehow, someway, we will be exposed as a “fraud” because we are not qualified or good enough to do what we do. Hmmm, sounds familiar?
The term impostor syndrome was coined by Pauline R. Clance who observed that “it’s not a syndrome or a complex or a mental illness, it’s something almost everyone experiences” and we need to “understand [that we] are not isolated in this experience.”
I know I battle impostor syndrome every single day (especially before hitting the send button on my daily emails!). And since I’m guessing that you might likely belong to this same club, I want to share this wonderful anecdote from Neil Gaiman, the famous English author, with you:
«Some years ago, I was lucky enough invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.
On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”
And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter**, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.»
This anecdote is beautiful because it illustrates that no matter who we are and what we’ve done, big or small, we ALL feel the same way. We’re in awe of others’ accomplishments and doubt ours. Let’s embrace our shared human nature today, Valentine’s Day, and besides celebrating our love for others, let’s celebrate, thank, and love ourselves too.
ACTION
TODAY: I completely understand that this idea of celebrating our accomplishments and loving ourselves makes some of us squirm. Make this as big or as small a celebration as you feel comfortable: throw a party, or just meditate for 3 minutes, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that today you take a bit of time to think and give yourself credit for the things that you have accomplished. If you suspend any and all judgment as you’re doing this, a flash flood of gratitude will come pouring in.
FUTURE: Make this a habitual practice: as much or as little, and as often as you can (I strongly suggest though, getting out of your comfort zone in terms of frequency and intensity). Surround yourself with a circle of trusted people where you can be open about your accomplishments and where they will celebrate your wins and cheer for you.
And remember that I’m here cheering for you too! 🙂
*Photo: Kyle Cassidy [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons
** Impostor vs. imposter? Both are correct!