Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 59 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: How to get rid of unfounded fears
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
For our human ancestors millions of years ago, fear was a helpful sign that alerted them to possible danger. A saber-tooth tiger was indeed a life or death situation back then. Nowadays, thankfully, our situations are rarely life-threatening.
While fear is a valid and helpful response when it’s real, “[We’ve] evolved to the stage where almost all our fears are now self-created,” says Jack Canfield in The Success Principles. Thus, as it pertains to unfounded fears, Canfield points out that, “We frighten ourselves by fantasizing negative outcomes to any activity we might pursue. Luckily, because we are the ones doing the fantasizing, we are also the ones that can stop the fear by facing the actual facts, rather than giving into our imaginations. We can choose to be sensible.”
This is welcome news, especially once we learn the acronym for fear that psychologists like to use:
F = Fantasized
E = Experiences
A = Appearing
R = Real
Canfield offers a simple—yet very effective—method to get rid of our unfounded fears. It starts with better understanding how we bring those fears into our lives.
Step 1 is to make a list of the things you are afraid to do. “This is not a list of things you are afraid of, such as being afraid of spiders, but things you’re afraid to do, such as being afraid to pick up a spider.” Canfield gives some examples so that you can see what this looks like in different areas:
I am afraid to:
- Ask my boss for a raise
- Ask Sally for a date
- Go skydiving
- Leave my kids home alone with a sitter
- Leave this job that I hate
- Ask my friends to look at my new business opportunity
- Delegate any part of my job to others
Step 2 is to restate each fear using the following sentence:
I want to ________________, and I scare myself by imagining ________________.
Canfield points out that the key words are I scare myself by imagining. And he offers the following examples, based on the previous list, so that we can see how it is, indeed, that we are the ones that create our fears.
- I want to ask my boss for a raise, and I scare myself by imagining he would say no and be angry with me for asking.
- I want to ask Sally for a date, and I scare myself by imagining that she would say no and I would feel embarrassed.
- I want to leave this job I hate in order to pursue my dream, and I scare myself by imagining I would go bankrupt and lose my house.
- I want to and ask my friends to look at my new network marketing business opportunity, I scare myself by imagining they will think I am only interested in making money off them.
- I want to delegate parts of my work to others, and I scare myself by imagining that they won’t do it as well as I would.
Step 3 is to “actually disappear your fear [by asking] yourself what you’re imagining that is scary to you and then [replacing] that image with its positive opposite.” So, taking an example from the above list:
I want to ask my boss for a raise, and I scare myself by imagining he would say no and be angry with me for asking, would be replaced with the image of you talking to your boss, who is receptive to your idea, and then seeing yourself in that new position creating value for your company. This doesn’t mean that you will indeed get the raise, but you will lose the fear of asking for it. And by asking for it, you then have a chance of getting your raise, vs. not getting it by not even asking for it. Remember the quote from Wayne Gretzky:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
As you can see, the minute we realize that we are the ones creating our fears, they become much smaller and even disappear by knowing that we are the ones that generate those scary thoughts. Once we replace those thoughts with a positive opposite, we strengthen our desire to do what once scared us and we can move forward with our goals.
ACTION
TODAY: Make the list of things you’re afraid to do and then restate it with I scare myself by imagining. Visualize the positive opposite and say goodbye to your unfounded fears as you open up the opportunity to move closer to your goals.
FUTURE: Make it a habit of getting rid of your unfounded fears this way. Every time you realize you are afraid of something and it doesn’t make sense, use this method. It works very well!
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