Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 24 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: My response is my responsibility
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
We all have our hot buttons that, when pushed, inevitably cause problems in the form of us getting upset, or saying things we shouldn’t, etc. And whether we point fingers and blame (“you made me mad”) or not (“I get so mad when XYZ happens”), the truth is that the only response we can control is ours.
M.J. Ryan, the author of Habit Changers, addresses this in a masterful mantra: “My response is my responsibility.” She goes on to say: “That doesn’t mean that the other person didn’t do whatever it is I’m worked up about, but rather that I alone am responsible for my reaction.”
The author shares how she deals with this: “If I get worked up, I need to deal with my reaction within myself until I’ve cooled down enough to decide whether this is an issue that needs to be addressed with the other person. Because it is only when I am calm that I can talk about it in a way that does no damage to me, the other person, or our relationship. Otherwise, I’m likely to say or do things that are mean or destructive because the ‘fight’ of the fight-or-flight response has taken control of my brain.”
Ryan’s suggestion is to give this a try if we find ourselves playing the blame game at home or work. She says, “You are responsible for your response, and it’s up to you to be as skillful in responding as possible.”
So true!
ACTION
TODAY: Give yourself some time to think about how profound a mindset shift this mantra brings. Identify your hot buttons and put past scenarios of times when they’ve been pushed against this mantra. What happens? I bet they melt away.
That’s what happened to me with one particularly ridiculous hot button of mine. It was a stupid, irrational and unfounded hot button (are any hot buttons smart, rational and well-founded??), and when it got pushed… Oh, no! It would drive me nuts! Once the realization that my response is my responsibility really sank in, then I felt truly embarrassed: how foolish of me to react in the way I have been reacting all this time! But this helped me become very aware of that particular button and be mindful of my reaction to it should it come up again in the future.
My hope is that sharing this story will help you set the intention to remember this mantra when one of your hot buttons gets pushed. That way you will be able to react better.
FUTURE: Make a mental note of being aware of the times when your hot buttons get pushed. Then keep the mantra in mind until you’ve cooled down and can skillfully respond.
Know someone who might benefit from this idea? Please share this post: Email, Facebook, Twitter. Thank you!