Links to other parts of this miniseries:
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 1
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 2
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 3
Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 4
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 18 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Turn your inner critic into your inner coach-Part 5
— From The Success Principles™: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield
Yesterday we saw the enormous difference that a full message makes when you include anger, fear, requests, and love to communicate it. Today we’ll see how it applies to a real-life example.
The first step, says Canfield, is to make a list of all the things you say when you are judging yourself. “Include all of the things you tell yourself you should do, but you don’t.” The author gives the following as a real-life example:
You don’t exercise enough.
You’re gaining too much weight.
You’re a fat slob—a real couch potato!
You drink too much alcohol and eat too many sweets.
You need to cut down the carbs!
You need to watch less television and go to bed earlier.
If you got up earlier, you’d have more time to exercise.
You’re lazy. Why don’t you finish the things you start?!
Once you are done with your list, then practice changing it into a message that contains the four-step process outlined earlier: Anger, Fear, Requests, and Love.
Spend a minimum of 1 minute on each step. Make sure to be very specific in the requests stage. State exactly what you want yourself to do. “I want to eat better” is too vague. Be more specific, such as, ‘I want you to eat at least four servings of vegetables every day. I want you to stop eating French fries, sugar, and desserts. I want you to eat eggs and some kind of fruit for breakfast every day. I want you to eat whole grains like whole wheat and brown rice rather than white flour.’ The more specific you are, the more value you will receive from the exercise.”
The next step is to tell this to yourself. Remember that the author says you can write it or do it out loud. His preferred method is aloud, and he recommends that you do it with as much emotion and passion as possible.
Based on the above, here’s an example of what the list—transformed by the 4-step process—will look like:
Anger: I am angry at you for not taking better care of your body. You are such a lazy slob! You drink too much and you eat too much. You don’t have any self-discipline! All you do is sit around and watch TV. Your clothes don’t fit and you don’t look good.
Fear: If you don’t change, I am afraid you are going to keep gaining weight until you are facing a health risk. I am afraid your cholesterol is going to get so high that you might have a heart attack. I’m afraid that you could become diabetic. I am afraid that you are never going to change and then you are going to die young and never fulfill your dreams. I’m afraid that if you don’t start eating better and taking better care of yourself, no one is going to be attracted to you. You might end up living alone for the rest of your life.
Requests: I want you to join a health club and go at least three days a week. I want you to go for a 20-minute walk the other 4 days. I want you to cut out 1 hour of television a day and devote that to exercise. I want you to stop eating fried foods and start eating more fresh foods and vegetables. I want you to stop drinking sodas and start drinking more water. I want you to limit drinking alcohol to Friday and Saturday nights.
Love: I love you. I want you to be around for a long time. I want you to have a wonderful relationship. You deserve to look good in your clothes and to feel good about yourself. You deserve to have all of your dreams come true. I want you to feel alive and energetic rather than tired and lethargic all the time. You deserve to live life fully and enjoy every moment of it. You deserve to be totally happy.
It’s an incredible transformation, don’t you think?
“Do not let the seeming simplicity of this technique fool you,” says Canfield. “It is very powerful.” Yet in order to derive its benefit, you have to use it. No one else can do this for you.
I will let you now go so that you can do this exercise. My wish for you is that, as Canfield says, “[You] get all of you on your own side—working together for the greater good of your dreams and aspirations.”
ACTION
TODAY: Take 20-30 minutes to do this valuable 4-step process. Don’t underestimate its value, your life will change for the better. Canfield’s changed and so did mine.
FUTURE: This comes directly from the book, and I think it’s a fantastic action to keep in mind for the future: “When you hear a part of you judging yourself, simply reply, ‘Thank you for caring. What is your fear? … What specifically do you want me to do? … How will this serve me? … Thank you.’” That way you will have a productive and full dialogue with yourself, as opposed to simply a partial one. And you can always come back and do the 4-step process any time you need it.
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