As this year comes to an end, I’ve started thinking about the New Year, and the new habits that I want to establish for myself. With that in mind, I’ve taken a dive into books about habit formation.
I came across a new term, The Diderot Effect, via a story that James Clear, habit guru and author of Atomic Habits, tells in his book. In a nutshell, it goes like this: French philosopher, Denis Diderot, was the co-founder and writer of Encyclopédie, during the time of the Enlightenment. Despite this, he lived in poverty most of his life. His daughter was about to be married and, seeing that he could not pay for the wedding, he struck a deal with Russian Empress Catherine the Great, who bought his personal library for an enormous sum at the time and paid him a salary to act as her librarian.
Suddenly Diderot had money. He paid for his daughter’s wedding and bought himself a scarlet robe. His robe, apparently, was so beautiful, that it made every other one of his common possessions seem even more humble and out of place. Thus, he started replacing and upgrading his stuff: rugs, sculptures, furniture, etc.
“Diderot’s behavior is not uncommon. In fact, the tendency for one purchase to lead to another one has a name: the Diderot Effect… [and it] states that obtaining a new possession often creates a spiral of consumption that leads to additional purchases. You can spot this pattern everywhere. You buy a dress and have to get new shoes and earrings to match. You buy a couch and suddenly question the layout of your entire living room. You buy a toy for your child and soon find yourself purchasing all of the accessories that go with it.”
However, this does not necessarily have to be seen in a negative light. Clear writes, “Many human behaviors follow this cycle. You often decide what to do next based on what you have just finished doing. Going to the bathroom leads to washing and drying your hands, which reminds you that you need to put the dirty towels in the laundry, so you add laundry detergent to the shopping list, and so on. No behavior happens in isolation. Each action becomes a cue that triggers the next behavior.”
Why is this important?
Because, “when it comes to building new habits, you can use the connectedness of behavior to your advantage. One of the best ways to build a new habit is to identify a current habit you already do each day and then stack your new behavior on top.”
The author calls this habit stacking, and offers the following formula for it:
“After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].”
Here are a few examples from Clear that will make it clear (Ha! I couldn’t resist…):
Meditation. “After I pour my cup of coffee each morning, I will immediately meditate for one minute.”
Exercise. “After I take off my work shoes, I will immediately change into my workout clothes.”
Gratitude. “After I sit down to dinner, I will say one thing I’m grateful for that happened today.”
Marriage. “After I get into bed at night, I will give my partner a kiss.”
Safety. “After I put on my running shoes, I will text a friend or family member where I am running and how long it will take.”
“The key,” the author says, is to “tie your desired behavior into something you already do each day.” And this is how you ensure that the new habits you create will stick.
But there is more to this! Come back tomorrow for Part 2, as we will see the augmented, edited, and revised version of new-habit formation for even better results. You’ll love it!
In the meantime, what are some new habits that you’d like to establish in the New Year? Let me know in the comments here!
See you tomorrow. 🙂
ACTION
TODAY: Think about how The Diderot Effect can work in your favor. What new habits would you like to establish?
FUTURE: Whenever you want or need to establish a new habit, try habit stacking to ensure that it sticks. Come back for the next installments in this miniseries, as I will share some of Clear’s simple-yet-effective methods to make this happen.
Know someone who wants to make sure the new habits stick? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
I’m thrilled and very proud of my friend, Scott Perry, who just published his second book, Endeavor, with tremendous success. Bravo Scott! In his words, “This is not a self-help book. It’s a help-others book.”
And no better day to help others than today, Giving Tuesday, the international day of charitable giving during the holiday season.
The book is a quick read, and it focuses on developing or furthering what Perry refers to as an Endeavor:
“It’s more than a hobby, but not necessarily your job or role. It is a vocation found at the intersection of who you are, what you’re good at, and where you belong. An endeavor is work that you are meant to do now. An endeavor cultivates gratitude because you don’t have to do it, you get to do it. It also generates appreciation in others because it is a gift generously shared with those who need it. Endeavors shun the status quo. These efforts intend to transform. Endeavors strive to help people get from where they are to where they want to be.”
The book is beautifully written, and Perry takes the time to distill to the very essence some key concepts to bring clarity to one’s endeavor. So, in the spirit of Giving Tuesday, I want to share some of the thoughts that the author writes in the book about gratitude, generosity, grace, compassion, and empathy, as they are the basis for doing work that helps others.
Gratitude is the appreciation for what you have and receive. You may be grateful for a tangible object or an intangible concept. Regardless, when you mindfully and genuinely practice gratitude, there is science that points to profound benefits, not the least of which is a feeling of happiness.
Expressing gratitude acknowledges the goodness in your life. […] Gratitude encourages you to contextualize yourself, your circumstances, and your surroundings within a broader framework that acknowledges others. Appreciation inspires a feeling of belonging and supports an unselfish perspective. This all leads to a more sustainable approach to what is “enough.”
Generosity is the expression of kindness, understanding, and selflessness. […] It requires the recognition of others and therefore cultivates empathy and compassion. It leads to a feeling of “oneness” with others, which enhances the experience and emotional health of both the giver and receiver.
Developing your generous nature enables you to move beyond need and desire. Generosity helps you recognize that you are and have “enough.” You already possess an abundance of gifts. These gifts only have meaning through developing and sharing them.
Grace is the act of extending forgiveness or mercy. The word itself comes from the same root as that of gratitude and is embedded deeply into the practice of generosity. […] Grace is central to many of the world’s most impactful social movements. […] Nothing is more challenging than the pursuit and practice of grace. That’s why it’s so valued and worth your persistent effort. […] And grace begins with you. […] Be kind to yourself, and it will be much easier to extend kindness to others. Be full of grace.
Compassion is often conflated with empathy, but they are very different impulses. Empathy is the ability to feel and understand the state of mind of another. Compassion is feeling compelled to act on that recognition and to assist. Empathy requires effort; compassion demands action. Indeed, compassion is empathy in action. But there are still several important distinctions. Empathy is subjective; compassion is objective. Empathy is exhausting; compassion is energizing. […] Empathy is the gateway; compassion is the way.
I had the honor of appearing in Scott Perry’s wonderful podcast Creative on Purpose earlier this year. We had a fantastic conversation and would love to invite you to listen to it here.
ACTION
TODAY: This Giving Tuesday, pick a charity that resonates with your endeavor and give one (or more) of your three Ts: Time, Talent (skills) or Treasure (money). Being grateful for what you have and sharing it generously with others brings enormous benefits to both the giver and the receiver. (For more on the benefits of gratitude see this miniseries.)
FUTURE: If your time, talent and/or treasure allows, make it a habit of giving periodically. Your heart and soul will feel good, and the cause that you pick will benefit from your kindness and generosity.
Know someone who is a great giver? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
In his book Out Think, author G. Shawn Hunter shares lessons in business leadership and teamwork via interviews with renowned leaders. In one of his interviews, the author recalls asking Lincoln Crawley, Managing Director of ManpowerGroup (a leading staffing and recruitment company) if he could recall a watershed learning event in his career.
Crawley pointed to a time, about 15 years earlier, when one question made an enormous difference. He was trying to win a service contract for the firm for which he worked back then. He was the lead for this project, and he felt like David competing against Goliath in his industry. Everything pointed to him losing, as he was out-infrastructured (yes, I just made that word up…) and there was no way his firm could replicate the infrastructure of his competitor in the time required for the proposal.
“In discussions, during the proposal process, the people around Crawley described the technical and financial the company faced as insurmountable,” writes Hunter.
However, Crawley had a conversation with an external mentor, where the latter said he understood the issues and concerns raised, and then asked, “If it were possible, what would the solution look like?”
That one question is what unleashed possibility.
“That simple phrase, ‘if it were possible,’ gave the team permission to speculate and open up a whole new conversation. It was an invitation to dream.”
Crawley and his team then got to work, came up with a plan, and gave it to the prospective client.
The result?
They won the contract.
“I’ve taken those few words with me all through my career,” Crawley says. The author goes on to note that this phrase has been especially important when Crawley “can’t see his way around a particularly difficult situation [or] when the competitor seems unbeatable.”
Asking, “If it were possible, what would it look like? [Puts] you in a completely different environment where you’re not now talking about why you haven’t done something,” Crawley states. Instead, “You’re actually talking about how can we make this happen. It changes the conversation.”
Crawley pointed out a curious thing during the in the interview with the author: He didn’t fully recognize the power of asking this question in the face of a challenge until many years later, when he had a team of his own.
“Only then,” writes the author, “did he recognize that these four words opened up the capabilities and imagination of his team.”
To conclude, Hunter writes, “When we see that our teams are stymied, we should try asking them to use their imagination.”
The phrase, “If it were possible…?” is the one question every leader must ask when facing a challenge. It produces a mind-shift that enables both, the leader and the team, to focus on what’s possible. And by focusing on the possibility set amongst the constraints, and not on the obstacles themselves, this question lets the answers and solutions flow freely.
ACTION
TODAY: What challenge are you facing where you seem to be stuck? Ask yourself and your team, “If it were possible what would it look like?” and let your imagination run wild. A few answers will be crazy and undoable, but you’ll also come up with one or more that will reveal how it can, indeed, be possible.
FUTURE: Make it a habit of asking, “If it were possible…” whenever you are facing a challenge that seems insurmountable.
Know someone who would like this one question? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
In parts 1, 2, and 3 of this miniseries we’ve been learning from A.J. Jacobs how to be more grateful and the importance of actively practicing gratitude towards our wellbeing. In today’s video (below), A.J. shares the importance of teamwork and seeing ourselves and what we do as part of something bigger, and he tells two great stories to illustrate this point. “We don’t do anything completely by ourselves,” he says. And that is true: we always have help and we can—and should—get it when we get stuck.
In the book, Jacobs mentions how we’re all interconnected and illustrates this point by mentioning the enormous efforts and logistics behind his cup of coffee:
“By the time I take a sip, the [coffee] bean has been on a nine-month-long journey of 2,500 miles across the equator. It has traveled by motorcycle, truck, boats, vans, pallets, shoulders, and forklifts. It’s been stored in buckets, bags, tubs and metal containers the size of a small apartment. It’s come down a tree, descended a mountain, docked in ports, navigated Customs, been loaded into a warehouse, rattled around in trucks.”
The author went on to thank virtually everybody in this supply chain. And when he realized that a lot of these efforts required steel, he decided to follow that trail and thank the people involved in making steel at the ArcelorMittal steel mill in Indiana.
“My coffee wouldn’t exist without steel. The ships and trains and trucks that carry the beans are made of steel, as are the stop signs and bridges and docks on their routes. Steel is in coffee scoopers and roasting machines, refrigerators and spoons […] brewing machines, and so much else necessary for my favorite drink.”
What struck Jacobs and made him realize that the loop was closing, was a conversation that he had during one of his final interviews with an engineer involved in forging steel. The engineer said, “Well, I’m grateful to coffee.” And then he went on to explain, “You have to thank the coffee itself. Because the steel workers drink a lot of coffee.”
Jacobs wrote that he loved the engineer’s point: “So meta, so recursive, and so true. You need coffee to make coffee. Coffee begets coffee.”
And he closes with a beautiful quote (both in the book as well as in the video) that recognizes how we are all interconnected. Our paths overlap and intersect everywhere. If we take the theory of the six degrees of separation—or the six degrees of gratitude that A.J. applied—we will see that it is, indeed, a very small world and that we need each other’s help all over the map to produce something as simple as a cup of coffee.
Today’s video (4:21 min) is the last in this miniseries on gratitude. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Let me know which was your favorite part in the comments here.
And if you are in New York, please join me on December 4 at the Business Library for a fireside chat on gratitude and business with the wonderful A.J. Jacobs. Here are the details.
ACTION
TODAY: Something fun to do: As part of the recent launch of his Thanks a Thousand book, A.J. decided to send 1,000 handwritten thank you notes to his readers. If you’d like him to send you one, simply go to ajjacobs.com/thanks.
FUTURE: Pick something that you really like and go on a gratitude trail. It doesn’t have to be as extensive as A.J.’s, yet you can make it as interactive and fun as you wish. Involve your loved ones, friends or colleagues. They’ll have fun too and you’ll build beautiful memories together. Spread gratitude and it’ll come back to you many times over.
As part of the research A.J. Jacobs did when he was working on his gratitude project, he got in touch with author and researcher Scott Barry Kaufman at the University of Pennsylvania. Kaufman taught a course on positive psychology and gratitude, and told Jacobs the following:
Gratitude has a lot to do with holding onto a moment as strongly as possible… It’s closely related to mindfulness and savoring. Gratitude can shift our perception of time and slow it down. It can make our life’s petty annoyances dissolve away, at least for a moment.
Jacobs then, aptly says, “It’s hard to be grateful if we’re speeding through life, focusing on what’s next.”
While life tends to be a whirlwind for most of us, we should really give a second thought to slowing down and taking in both the small and big moments. In today’s video (below), A.J. shares that the very act of stopping to smell the proverbial roses is what seems to be one of the keys to gratitude.
However, as much as we’d like to change our crazy, fast-paced present for what sometimes seems to be a much more peaceful past, A. J. warns us not to long for a false illusion of a better time. “The good old days were not good at all,” he says.
And in the book he backs this up by emphasizing, “I firmly believe most nostalgia for the glorious past is delusional thinking.” He mentions that he used to write a monthly magazine column in which he would research “just how horrible the previous centuries were… disease-ridden, dangerous, cruel, racist, sexist, smelly, superstitious, and poisonous.”
He goes on to explain that he focused on food, but he also wrote about “childrearing (opium lozenges to calm kids), clothes (iron corsets to shape women’s waists, and jobs (nightmen, the eighteenth-century workers who would haul manure from houses).” And, both in the book as well as in the video, he shares a mantra that will make you cringe and be happy that we live in this day and age.
While there are indeed enormous challenges today that we must overcome, “the solution doesn’t lie in a return to yesteryear.” Nor does it lie in pinning our happiness to the other side of the spectrum—the future—via the so-called hedonic treadmill that he explains in the video.
Check out the 3rd video (4:03 min) in this miniseries to learn more about cultivating gratitude from A.J. Jacobs (here are videos 1 and 2 in case you haven’t seen them).
Which is your favorite way of practicing gratitude so far? Let me know in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: As you are still enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers with your family—or simply during a family meal—do what A.J. did last year: “We held a family competition to see who could come up with the most obscure person on our dinner’s supply chain. My 12-year-old son thanked the farmer who grew the cranberries for the sauce (Not bad). Another relative thanked the trucker who drove the cranberries to the factory (Decent). Someone thanked the designer of the logo on the stop sign so the truck didn’t get in an accident (Getting there). My nephew thanked the miner in South America who got the copper for the wiring in the traffic lights. (Pretty good).” How fun is that?!
FUTURE: Whenever you feel overwhelmed by all the negativity in the news, take one minute to recognize something that goes very well in your life and truly savor the gratitude for such a wonderful thing.
Know someone who would like A.J.’s tips? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
TODAY’S IDEA: New Habits: How to Ensure They Stick – Part 1
