As part of the research A.J. Jacobs did when he was working on his gratitude project, he got in touch with author and researcher Scott Barry Kaufman at the University of Pennsylvania. Kaufman taught a course on positive psychology and gratitude, and told Jacobs the following:
Gratitude has a lot to do with holding onto a moment as strongly as possible… It’s closely related to mindfulness and savoring. Gratitude can shift our perception of time and slow it down. It can make our life’s petty annoyances dissolve away, at least for a moment.
Jacobs then, aptly says, “It’s hard to be grateful if we’re speeding through life, focusing on what’s next.”
While life tends to be a whirlwind for most of us, we should really give a second thought to slowing down and taking in both the small and big moments. In today’s video (below), A.J. shares that the very act of stopping to smell the proverbial roses is what seems to be one of the keys to gratitude.
However, as much as we’d like to change our crazy, fast-paced present for what sometimes seems to be a much more peaceful past, A. J. warns us not to long for a false illusion of a better time. “The good old days were not good at all,” he says.
And in the book he backs this up by emphasizing, “I firmly believe most nostalgia for the glorious past is delusional thinking.” He mentions that he used to write a monthly magazine column in which he would research “just how horrible the previous centuries were… disease-ridden, dangerous, cruel, racist, sexist, smelly, superstitious, and poisonous.”
He goes on to explain that he focused on food, but he also wrote about “childrearing (opium lozenges to calm kids), clothes (iron corsets to shape women’s waists, and jobs (nightmen, the eighteenth-century workers who would haul manure from houses).” And, both in the book as well as in the video, he shares a mantra that will make you cringe and be happy that we live in this day and age.
While there are indeed enormous challenges today that we must overcome, “the solution doesn’t lie in a return to yesteryear.” Nor does it lie in pinning our happiness to the other side of the spectrum—the future—via the so-called hedonic treadmill that he explains in the video.
Check out the 3rd video (4:03 min) in this miniseries to learn more about cultivating gratitude from A.J. Jacobs (here are videos 1 and 2 in case you haven’t seen them).
Which is your favorite way of practicing gratitude so far? Let me know in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: As you are still enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers with your family—or simply during a family meal—do what A.J. did last year: “We held a family competition to see who could come up with the most obscure person on our dinner’s supply chain. My 12-year-old son thanked the farmer who grew the cranberries for the sauce (Not bad). Another relative thanked the trucker who drove the cranberries to the factory (Decent). Someone thanked the designer of the logo on the stop sign so the truck didn’t get in an accident (Getting there). My nephew thanked the miner in South America who got the copper for the wiring in the traffic lights. (Pretty good).” How fun is that?!
FUTURE: Whenever you feel overwhelmed by all the negativity in the news, take one minute to recognize something that goes very well in your life and truly savor the gratitude for such a wonderful thing.
Know someone who would like A.J.’s tips? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
In yesterday’s post and video, A.J. Jacobs told us how his gratitude journey had started and he shared some of the most important findings on the science behind gratitude. Expanding a bit on that, in Thanks a Thousand, he mentions, “gratitude is the single best predictor of well-being, and good relationships, beating out twenty-four other impressive traits such as hope, love, and creativity.”
Seeing this, it behooves us to learn how we can be more grateful to reap all these benefits.
Where should we start? Check out today’s video below (3:48 min) to see A.J.’s suggestions and tips on how to be grateful.
First, he points out the importance of being aware and noticing. The background for this tip comes from the book, where he explains that according to evolutionary psychologists, “All humans are genetically programmed to pay attention to what goes wrong [because] in Paleolithic times, it had survival value.” A.J. says, “Your one-thousandth great-grandparents needed to be damn sure they remembered which mushroom was poisonous.”
The result of this negative bias, nowadays, is that, “we are awash in modern-day anxiety. We often see our lives as problem after problem, crisis after crisis [and] many of us live in what some psychologists call the ‘deficit’ mind-set, not the ‘surplus’ mind-set.” As a consequence, “we spend far too much time fretting about what we’re missing instead of focusing on what we have.”
How to revert this? It’s simple. Notice the things around you. A.J. explains this on the video. He also shares a life hack for falling asleep in gratitude, and finally explains the transformative power of being grateful for all those things that we take for granted.
Enjoy!
ACTION
TODAY: When you go to bed tonight, don’t count sheep. Do the exercise that A.J. shares and you’ll fall asleep with a smile!
FUTURE: Start a new gratitude ritual: on a daily basis, make a point of noticing one thing that you would otherwise take for granted. Think of the many benefits you receive from it. You’ll be grateful instantly!
Know someone who would love any of these tips? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
A prolific writer and human guinea pig of sorts, A.J. Jacobs likes to immerse himself fully into whichever topic piques his interest. He thoroughly researches, tests, and experiences said topic, and then delivers a book filled with interesting information along with much wit and humor.
His latest book, Thanks a Thousand: A Gratitude Journey tells the story of why and how he chose to thank everybody involved in producing his morning cup of coffee. He embarked on agratitude trail, spanning six degrees of gratitude—no holds barred—and the resulting project was so big that he ended having to put a limit of a thousand people to thank (!). Thus, the title of the book.
Why did it turn out to be so big an endeavor? Because, as Jacobs learned and witnessed first hand in his lovely gratitude project, we’re all interconnected and no one ever does anything by him/herself—there’s always someone (else) that lends a hand.
I had the good fortune of sitting down to have (what else?) coffee and chat with A.J. about his book and his adventures on gratitude. Since we’re celebrating Thanksgiving in the U.S., I thought of no better day than today to talk about gratitude and learn about the research behind it.
“Happiness does not lead to gratitude. Gratitude leads to happiness.” – David Steindl-Rast
Below is the first video (3:34 min). Over the next few days, I’ll be sharing with you other videos of our conversation as a way of extending the wonderful feeling of gratitude throughout the holiday weekend. I hope you enjoy the videos as much as I enjoyed the conversation with A.J.
I am grateful for you! Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving with your loved ones.
ACTION
TODAY: Enjoy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it. If not, make a point of being grateful for 3 persons or things that happened today in your life. But don’t just run by this list, instead stop and savor the moment and the memory.
FUTURE: Create a gratitude ritual that you can do on a daily basis. It doesn’t have to be complicated at all: it could be thinking about what you’re thankful for as you drink your morning cup of coffee, doing the three-thing/person practice right before you go to sleep, keeping a gratitude journal, or anything that works for you.
Are you grateful for someone’s presence in your life? Please share this post with them! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
In yesterday’s post, we saw three habits of generosity that author and leadership guru, John C. Maxwell, suggests we develop to be more effective leaders. Today we’ll talk about one more habit, as well as specific actions we can take to improve our generosity and add value to others’ lives.
Develop the habit of giving. In 1889, Andrew Carnegie wrote, “The life of a wealthy person should have two periods: a time of acquiring wealth and [a time of] redistributing it.” Maxwell agrees with this point of view and says, “The only way to maintain an attitude of generosity is to make it your habit to give—your time, attention, money, and resources.”
Tomorrow we celebrate Thanksgiving in the U.S. And as we reflect on the upcoming season of gratitude and generosity, here are a few questions that Maxwell poses to make us think about our generosity as leaders:
Are you a generous leader?
Do you continually look for ways to add value to others?
Are you giving money to something greater than yourself?
And to whom are you giving your time?
Are you pouring your life into others?
Are you helping those who cannot help you or give anything in return?
A few years back I heard the concept of the three Ts:Time, Treasure (money, material possessions), and Talent (wisdom, knowledge, expertise, advice, help). While it would be fantastic if we could give something from all those three areas, think of giving, at least, from one of them (time, money, or knowledge/help). Research suggests that making generosity a regular habit may influence long-term wellbeing and happiness, so there’s a clear win-win for both the giver and the receiver.
At this point, you are probably wondering if there’s any way of improving your generosity. Maxwell offers the following three things that you can do to add value to others:
Give something away. “Find out what kind of hold your possessions have on you. Take something you truly value, think of someone you care about who could benefit from it, and give it to [him/her]. If you can do it anonymously, even better.”
Put your money to work. “If you know someone with the vision to do something really great—something that will positively impact the lives of others—provide resources for [him/her] to accomplish it. Put your money to work for something that will outlive you.”
Find someone to mentor. “Once you reach a certain level in your leadership, the most valuable thing you have to give is yourself. Find someone to pour your life into. Then give [him/her] time and resources to become a better leader.”
To be generous you don’t have to be a billionaire, simply start where you are and give of what you have. Sow seeds of generosity on fertile soil, and they will take root and provide value now and many times over in the future as they are replanted and harvested by others.
If you celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow, I hope you will join me in this new lovely tradition that one of my favorite authors, Seth Godin, started: The Thanksgiving Reader. It’s been used by more than 100,000 people to date. And because I want even more people using it around the world, whether for Thanksgiving or for the upcoming Holiday Season, my sister and I translated it into Spanish (with Seth’s permission, of course) and you can download it here: The Thanksgiving Reader-ESPAÑOL.
ACTION
TODAY: Give some thought to improving your generosity by giving something away, putting your money to work, and/or finding someone to mentor. Alternatively, create your own “Project Generosity” with a specific goal and outline the steps you need to make it happen in a near future.
FUTURE: Put into action the thoughts from today. What steps do you need to take to accomplish the generous actions or improvements that you thought of? Whose generosity and help can you count on to make it happen? Don’t hesitate to do something bigger than yourself, simply consider doing it along with someone else: you’ll build a lovely experience and memory together.
Know someone who is very generous? Please share this post with that person. Thank you! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
“True generosity isn’t an occasional event,” he points out. “It comes from the heart and permeates every aspect of a leader’s life, touching his time, money, talents and possessions.”
Further, the author states that leaders don’t gather things just for themselves. Instead, they do it with the intention of sharing those things or giving them to others.
An effective leader, in Maxwell’s words, is someone that people want to follow. And one of the qualities of effective leaders is generosity.
So, how can we cultivate generosity to be an effective (or a more effective) leader?
Here are the habits that the author suggests we develop and nurture:
Be grateful for whatever you have. “It’s hard for a person to be generous when he’s not satisfied with what he has. Generosity rises out of contentment, and that doesn’t come with acquiring more.”
Maxwell shares a quote from one of the richest men in history, John D. Rockefeller, who said, “I have made millions, but they have brought me no happiness.” To which Maxwell replies, “If you’re not content with little, you won’t be content with a lot. And if you’re not generous with little, you won’t suddenly change if you become wealthy.”
Put people first. “The measure of a leader is not the number of people who serve him, but the number of people he serves. Generosity requires putting others first. If you can do that, giving becomes much easier.”
Don’t allow the desire for possessions to control you. Maxwell quotes a friend of his who says that people are divided into three groups: “Haves, have-nots, and have not paid for what they have.” The author points out that a growing number of people are “becoming enslaved to the desire to acquire.” This obsession comes out of a false illusion of control (owning) and the anticipated happiness that people hope the purchase will bring.
Happiness, as we know, comes from within. So, Maxwell says, “If you want to be in charge of your heart, don’t allow possessions to take charge of you.”
Regard money as a resource. Maxwell shares with us the unfortunate, yet popular view that when it comes to money, you can’t win. “If you focus on making it, you’re materialistic. If you try to but don’t make any, you’re a loser. If you make a lot and keep it, you’re a miser. If you make it and spend it, you’re a spendthrift. If you don’t care about making any, you’re unambitious. If you make a lot and still have it when you die, you’re a fool—for trying to take it with you.”
Fortunately, we don’t have to see money that way. There is, indeed, a way to win with money: “hold it loosely—and be generous with it to accomplish things of value.”
“Money is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. If it gets on top and you get under it, you will become its slave.” – E. Stanley Jones
Come back tomorrow for Part 2 where we will continue looking at habits to develop and practical ways to improve our generosity as a leader.
In the meantime let me know in the comments here: Who has done something generous for you lately?
And I’ll share my answer to that question with you: I am grateful for the generosity of my friend Andre Piazza, co-host of Octanage Podcast, for having me on his show this week. The podcast shares the life and success of entrepreneurs in Brazil and, thus, it’s in Portuguese. Yet since it’s been years that I don’t speak it, I’ve forgotten most of it, so Andre kindly allowed me to speak in Spanish instead. The result? An awesome bilingual podcast where we had a ton of fun! 🙂 If you understand either Portuguese or Spanish you’ll be able to follow along. Check it out!
ACTION
TODAY: Think about what generosity means to you. Who has done something generous for you? How can you pay it forward in the same way or differently?
FUTURE:John Bunyan wrote “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” What can you do for someone who can never repay you?
In the spirit of generosity, please share this post with someone who has shared something of value with you. Thank you! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been poring over all the leadership books I own, working on distilling some of the most important lessons on leadership for a keynote that I’ll be giving this month to a Fortune 500 Company.
This has been a super fun endeavor, and a titanic one at that, because I could talk about this topic for hours without end, and I only have one hour. Yes, 60 minutes, Q&A included. The time has become a beautiful constraint as it has forced me to focus only on the key points and pick the most relevant stories. The presentation is going to be awesome!
I will be sharing with you tidbits of my talk as future posts. Yet, in the meantime, I wanted to share with you today this excerpt about Gary Vee’s philosophy on leadership. It comes from Gary Vaynerchuck’s (“Gary Vee”) book called #AskGaryVee. Vaynerchuk is an entrepreneur that I deeply admire and respect, and I hope you enjoy reading his take on leadership as much as I do.
Cheers!
My philosophy on leadership is very simple: Everything in business stems from the top, whether you’re the boss of two people in a three-person team or the head of a Fortune 500 Company. And everything that happens in a company is 100 percent the CEO’s fault. After all, the CEO is the person who puts people into a position to make good or bad decisions. It’s no accident that when some companies change their CEO they go from winners to losers or vice versa. It may be the most important variable for success in running a business.
Being a leader today is a greater challenge than ever because of social media. It has completely changed the nature of the job. You used to be able to—no, leaders were expectedto talk from the top of a mountain. You’d make your proclamation and not worry much about hearing anything back, certainly not in real time. But now that our communication channels have given everyone a voice, whatever you say from on high may invite a reaction. You might get it in-house, or you might get it from the masses. […]
The only effective way to truly lead is to practice and model the behavior you want to see in others. […] I know my team is watching me. I can’t tell them to go the extra mile if I’m not willing to do it myself. If the DNA from any business stems from the top, the top has to ensure that its values, beliefs, and attitudes trickle down to shape the culture and encourage a productive, innovative, creative, and even happy environment.
One hallmark of a good leader is to ask questions. It’s the best way to show your team you recognize they’re more than just cogs in a wheel. “Hey, how are things going?” “How’s the new baby?” “What are you excited about lately?” “Do you have any ideas you’d like to discuss?” It’s also the best way to solve problems. Don’t ever start offering solutions before asking tons of questions: “Why are we two weeks behind?” “What do you think is the issue?” “What do you need?” And then for God’s sake, listen. Be compassionate. Be fair. Hire people who embody those characteristics, too. Celebrate successes, and when you have to reprimand, hark back to all the times you screwed up and remember that those mistakes have everything to do with who you are today. Great leaders aren’t born, they’re made.
[…] Look in the mirror and think about what you do well and how you could do even better. Leadership needs to be a big pillar in your development…
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the way in which you lead: yourself and others. In which areas are you awesome and in which do you need improvement? Ask the people that you lead for feedback, they will tell you where you’re strong and where you’re not.
FUTURE: Be intentional about your leadership and values on a daily basis: put the work into becoming the leader you want to be, so that others will want to follow you. Preach by example.
Know someone who rocks as a leader? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
TODAY’S IDEA: A.J. Jacobs on Gratitude – Part 3
