by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 5 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Active listening
— From Dynamic Communication: 27 Strategies to Grow, Lead, and Manage Your Business by Jill Schiefelbein
The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Wise words back then that still ring true today.
But in a world where we have little time, and a myriad devices clamoring for our attention, what can we do to truly listen, understand, and take action (if needed) based on what we just listened to? Active listening is the answer that Jill Schiefelbein recommends in her book Dynamic Communication.
“With active listening, you listen to someone and then repeat what you comprehended in your own words back to them. Essentially, you’re paraphrasing. The idea is that you create mutual understanding so that there are no ambiguities in interpretation. […] The true magic of active listening lies in your ability to understand the conversation from the perspective of your communication partner and your willingness to genuinely invest time in listening to their full story.”
“[Active listening] means that you listen without formulating your response.”
The story behind how active listening was born provides greater depth of understanding as to why this method—which sounds so simple—is so relevant and effective. “In the 1980s, two researchers… studied communication between emergency medical services (EMS) [paramedics] and patients. After many observations and experimental situations, what resulted was the need for a listening strategy that would ensure that the patient was not only heard, but also understood, so the best care could be provided as quickly as possible.”
With this in mind, and wanting to provide the best possible, uninterrupted listening experience to our conversation partner(s), the author provides the following strategies for being a better listener:
“Check your ego—you cannot truly listen if you’re more worried about your own personal outcome in a conversation than creating a positive outcome for all involved.”
“Stop thinking about your response—if you’re formulating your response in your head while the other person is speaking, you’re not listening!”
“Acknowledge feelings—you don’t always have to agree with what the other person says or feels, but good listeners and strong communicators acknowledge that those feelings were heard.”
“Nonverbally show engagement—a slight tilt of the head, a forward lean of the body, head nods, small ‘uh-huh’ utterances, maintaining eye contact…all these things encourage engagement in a conversation and are indicators of listening.”
“Admit when you didn’t listen—or at least ask someone to repeat themselves. ‘I didn’t quite catch that. Could you please repeat?’ It’s better to have the full picture in a conversation than to make a judgment call or decision on something without all the puzzle pieces in play.”
“Use active listening—make sure you heard what the person intended. So many conflicts could be avoided in the workplace and so many teams would run more smoothly if people would just check for mutual understanding. Do it. You’ll see a difference in the productivity, the relationships and the outcomes.”
ACTION
TODAY: Start practicing active listening at work and at home to the extent possible. Notice how your communications and your interactions change for the better. Share the secret of active listening as a strategy that works, even in life-or-death situations!
FUTURE: Make a point of practicing active listening as much as possible in the situations that call for it (“pass the gravy” hardly qualifies). Be especially aware of when your mind is racing to give an answer before the other person has finished talking. Bring your mind back into the conversation. Pause when the other person finishes so that you can take it all in, and then respond. If the silence feels awkward, just tell the other person, “I’m thinking about my response based on all you’ve said, give me a second.” Very likely they will say yes and be patient and grateful that you are giving so much thought and attention to what they are saying.
Know someone who could use some active listening skills? Please listen first to what they’ve got to say and in your response include a mention to today’s post. Or forward via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
P.S. – Want to instill the love of books in children? My friend Ryan Jennings, is launching today the first 3 of his children’s books. They’re awesome because children can pick the adventure path they want to follow: fun, fun fun! Learn more about the books and if you want to download them, Ryan has generously made them available for free for us Gurupies* for a limited time—thanks, Ryan! Here are the links: The Kiwi and The Boy, The Electric Eel and The Girl, and The Polar Bear and The Boy. If you do download them for free, please be kind and leave a review on Amazon, as that way more people will learn about the books and how cool they are for the children in our lives.
*Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Creativity, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes.
TODAY’S IDEA: Win-Win or No Deal
— From The 100 Absolutely Unbreakable Laws of Business Success by Brian Tracy
Following along the same path as yesterday’s post on Thinking “both,” I wanted to focus on its application in business by looking at Bryan Tracy’s Law of Win-Win or No Deal from his book The 100 Absolutely Unbreakable Laws of Business Success. This law states that:
“In a successful negotiation, both parties should be fully satisfied with the result and feel that they have each ‘won’ or no deal should be made at all.”
Tracy says, “Remember, you always reap what you sow. Any settlement or agreement that leaves one party dissatisfied will come back to hurt you later, sometimes in ways that you cannot predict.” And he goes on to tell a story of a tough negotiator who was boasting “about a hard deal he had wrung out of a [distributor] of his company’s products. He had demanded and threatened and negotiated an agreement that paid him considerably more, both in up-front payments and in percentages of sales, than any of the other clients for which this company distributed.”
The author happened to know the people on the other side of the negotiation well, so he asked them to tell the story from their angle. They confirmed the discomfort and toughness of the negotiation and said “they had agreed to pay higher prices and royalties on everything they sold, but they had not agreed to sell any.”
The deal backfired: “the businessman had negotiated a ‘win-lose’ with him winning and the others losing. But those on the losing side had no incentive to fulfill the implied commitment to market the products. They had no incentive to go forward with this person, and no reason to ever want to do business with him again.”
In a zero-sum game, someone always loses. In business it does not have to be that way: aim always for a win-win or no deal. Be clear in your intentions that what you want is the best for both parties. Now, “this doesn’t mean that you [or the other party] have to accept any arrangement that you consider second best.” On the contrary, “when you are determined to achieve a win-win solution to a negotiation, and you are open, receptive, and flexible in your discussions, you will often discover a third alternative that neither party had considered initially but that is superior to what either of you might have thought of on your own.”
ACTION
TODAY: If you are negotiating something today—even if its’ the smallest thing—that’s great! Think win-win, communicate it to the other party, and find out what it is that each of you wants/needs from the deal to consider it successful. Work together to make it happen. If you don’t have any negotiations on your plate now, think about one in the past where you experienced a win-lose (no matter which side you were on). The good thing about hindsight is that it’s always 20/20 and, with that view, you can reconstruct the deal (at least in your mind) to make it a win-win. Learn from it: what would you have changed for the better? How would you have structured the deal differently? Think creatively.
FUTURE: Think win-win from now on professionally and personally. Commit to doing deals where the Law of Win-Win or No Deal applies. Actively seek to find ways to achieve what each party needs and wants out of the situation in a satisfactory way and without feeling that you have to settle for less.
Know someone who could benefit from reading today’s post? Please share it via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 1 second.
TODAY’S IDEA: Think “both”
— From: Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker (read a sample)
Why does it seem that some people live in a world of abundance and plenty and some others live in a world of scarcity and limitations? While we all live in this physical world, the difference, according to T. Harv Eker, is perspective. He says, “although you may not be able to have ‘everything’ as in all the things in the world, I do think that you can certainly have ‘everything you really want’.”
“Do you want a successful career or a close relationship with your family? Both!
Do you want to focus on business or have fun and play? Both!
Do you want money or meaning in your life? Both!
Do you want to earn a fortune or do the work you love? Both!”
People with a scarcity mindset feel as if they must choose one because they can’t have both. However, people with an abundance mindset think both, and understand that “with a little creativity you can almost always figure out a way to have the best of both worlds.”
And the beauty of both is that it not only applies to the things you want, but also to all areas of life. It’s a win-win for all involved. For example, when you are discussing outcomes with a client or coworker, think in terms of both of you getting what you want, as opposed to a zero sum game. Or, when you are negotiating the sale of your home, think of you as the seller, the buyer, and the real estate agents involved (if any) getting what each one wants. It is indeed possible.
For those that are still skeptical, Eker asks, “what is more important, your arm or your leg? Could it be that both are important?” Let’s go back to perspective: yes, both are important because each—in its own way—plays an important role. Why chose either/or when you can find a way to have both? It may not always be easy, and it may take a while before you get to have both, but keeping your goal in mind will help you get there.
Another very important area to which both applies is money and happiness. They are NOT mutually exclusive. “People who are rich in every sense of the word understand that you have to have both. Just as you have to have both of your arms and your legs, you have to have money and happiness.”
“From now on, when confronted with an either/or alternative, the quintessential question to ask yourself is ‘How can I have both?’ This question will change your life… it will take you to a universe of possibilities and abundance.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a way to get both from a project you have to get done or from a situation that you are going through. What can you do? How can you plan for it? Who is involved and who can help you?
TOMORROW: Make a point of thinking both from now on. Be creative and think of ways in which you and all involved in your projects can have what each of you wants/needs. A simple but effective technique is to take a piece of paper and draw 2 vertical lines to have 3 columns. On the left column, write what you want/need. On the right column write the second thing you want/need or what someone else wants/needs. In the middle column write the path that will enable you to get both. Remember that there is no shortage of ideas.
Know someone who could benefit from both reading this and using both in his/her life? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 49 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: No bad teams, only bad leaders
— From Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin
Leaders make all the difference. That is why we see companies and organizations get in trouble or get out of it when a new leader comes in. And it runs the gamut from the leader of a nation to the leader of a children’s game. Whoever is at the helm sets the stage to foster radical change or fully preserving the status quo, and everything in between of such a wide spectrum.
Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, former U.S. Navy SEALs and experts in leadership, say that there are no bad teams, only bad leaders. “Leadership is the single greatest factor in any team’s performance. Whether a team succeeds or fails is all up to the leader. The leader’s attitude sets the tone for the entire team. The leader drives performance—or doesn’t. And this applies not just to the most senior leader of an overall team, but to the junior leaders of teams within the team.”
In Extreme Ownership, Willink and Babin emphasize that “leaders must accept total responsibility, own problems that inhibit performance, and develop solutions to those problems.” Only in this way will the team members see that the role they play and the efforts they contribute can improve the team’s work and bring about the highest performance.
Further, the leaders must be aware that in terms of setting and enforcing standards and expectations, “it’s not what you preach, it’s what you tolerate.” This is important because “no matter what has been said or written, if substandard performance is accepted, and no one is held accountable—if there are no consequences—that poor performance becomes the new standard.”
By accepting total responsibility and accountability, leaders set an example of excellence, high standards and performance that leads the team to become the best version of itself.
Likewise, at a personal level, you have what you tolerate. If you tolerate lateness or being out of shape, then that is what you have. If you tolerate love and good will that is what you have. The way you lead yourself is also the way you lead the various teams in your life. Take extreme ownership of your personal and professional life and lead yourself to becoming the very best YOU that you can be.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the two most important projects that you lead right now: one at a professional level and one at a personal level. What are you tolerating? What can you improve as a leader? How can you take extreme ownership of both projects? Take at least one step today towards improving your leadership (even if that step is just writing down your thoughts to put them into action later).
FUTURE: Make a list of all the projects that you lead in your life (both personal and professional). What are you tolerating in each? Count both the good and the not-so-good standards and behaviors you tolerate. How can you take extreme ownership and improve your various teams so that they can reach their goals and excel at what they do? Share the concepts of extreme ownership and the importance of being a good leader who sets and enforces standards with them, so that they can be empowered by those principles as well!
Know someone who should enforce better standards in the team he/she leads? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Planning, Productivity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 39 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Spring cleaning
— From Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
Happy Spring! And Happy Fall to our gurupies in the Southern Hemisphere! (Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.)
This is a time for cleaning, not just our homes, but also our schedules and our minds. Let’s get rid of all those commitments and thoughts that no longer fit us, and substitute them for those that inspire, enlighten and empower us to reach our goals.
In Essentialism, Greg McKeown says, “Think about what happens to your [closet] when you never organize it… it becomes cluttered and stuffed with clothes you rarely wear. Every so often it gets so out of control you try and purge [it]. But unless you have a disciplined system you’ll either end up with as many clothes as you started with because you can’t decide which to give away; end up with regrets because you accidentally gave away clothes you do wear and did want to keep; or end up with a pile of clothes you don’t want to keep but never actually get rid of because you are not quite sure where to take them or what to do with them.”
“In the same way […] so do our lives get cluttered as well-intended commitments and activities we’ve said yes to pile up. Most of these efforts didn’t come with an expiry date. Unless we have a system for purging them, once adopted, they live on in perpetuity.”
The best approach for our personal and professional closet, as well as our physical one too (why not?), is as follows:
- Explore and evaluate. “Instead of asking, ‘Is there a chance that I will wear this someday in the future?’ you ask more disciplined, tough questions: ‘Do I love this?’ and ‘Do I look great in it?’ and ‘Do I wear this often?’ If the answer is no, then you know it’s a candidate for elimination.” In your life, be it professional or personal, the equivalent is asking, “Will this activity or effort make the highest possible contribution towards my goal?”
- Eliminate. “Let’s say you have your clothes divided into piles of ‘must keep’ and ‘probably should get rid of’.” Are you really ready to get rid of them? We usually start hesitating… “If you’re not quite there, ask the killer question: ‘If I didn’t already own this, how much would I spend to buy it?’ This usually does the trick.” In life, the killer question is: “If I didn’t have this opportunity, what would I be willing to do to acquire it?” And if you want to take it up a notch once you have explored your options, the next question is, “What will I say no to?” Of course, it is much harder to say no to opportunities (and sometimes very good ones) than to give your clothes away to charity, but then again, keep going back to the question in Number 1.
- Execute. “If you want your [closet] to stay tidy, you need a regular routine for organizing it.” In business an in life, “once you’ve figured out which activities and efforts to keep—the ones that make your highest level of contribution—you need a system to make executing your intentions as effortless as possible.” Among the many ideas that McKeown suggests for executing the discipline of keeping our personal and professional closets neat and tidy is asking the following questions with each project you are about to undertake: “How will we know when we are done?” “What are all the obstacles standing between me and getting this done?” and “What is keeping me from completing this?” Also, replace the idea of “this has to be perfect or else” with “done is better than perfect.” In the case of an “obstacle” being a person, say a colleague, who is swamped and has not given you what you need, the author says that being kind and helpful is always the best bet. Ask, “What obstacles or bottlenecks are holding you back from achieving X, and how can I help remove these? Instead of pestering him, offer sincerely to support him.”
ACTION
TODAY: Make a list of the commitments that are in your personal and professional life’s closet. Then go through the questions in No. 1 and No. 2 above to determine whether it’s best to keep them or not.
FUTURE: Just as you would give your gently worn clothes to a charity for someone to get a second life out of them, those projects that you undertook at some point deserve to be given a new life under someone else’s attention, work and enthusiasm. I think of those projects as puppies: you love them dearly and they are adorable, but it’s impossible to keep them all; so you make sure that they go to a loving home where they will live a happy life and lack nothing. Same here. Don’t drop all your unwanted projects abruptly (unless you want and there are no consequences). Instead, find a loving home for them. Your conscience will be at peace and the people involved in the project will be grateful. A loving home could be a colleague to chair the committee, a fellow in your industry to take care of a client you can no longer serve, another parent to take your place at your child’s school bake sale, another member of your charity’s board to coordinate this year’s gala, etc.
Know someone who needs to do a bit of Spring cleaning? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 40 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: The Rosenzweig Technique
— From Footprints on the Moon by Seth Godin
The Rosenzweig Technique is named after Franz Rosenzweig, “an author who served in the First World War. He wrote his ideas on postcards and sent them to his mom for safekeeping. He turned them into a book years later.”
Last Summer, a bunch of friends and I exchanged postcards through the mail according to a slightly modified version of The Rosenzweig Technique. It was inspiring, fun and, most of all, we all found ourselves giddy when going to our mailboxes to pick up the correspondence for that day. I’m inviting you to do the same today! While you may or may not write a book out of this, the postcards are a great exercise to share ideas with yourself as you are writing them, and then to reflect over those ideas when you receive them.
Let me share technique as Seth Godin describes it:
“Get a stack of blank postcards… address each of them to yourself, probably at home.
The challenge is simple: Four times a day, fill a postcard with an idea, a message to yourself from today to tomorrow. And then mail it.
A few days later, handwritten ideas from your past yourself will begin to arrive.
Each day, when you get home from work, you’ll get three or four (or even five) ideas worth reading.
As each arrives, your job is to take that germ and write it up, expand it, put it into the word processor on your computer. It’s the end of the day, so there’s no need to worry about checking your email.
Do this for five weeks, for 35 days, for 140 cards. Do it without cease, without hesitation, without regard for whether it’s perfect or not.”
The modified version that I did with my friends was as follows:
- Send a postcard on Day 1 to four people in the group.
- Send a postcard on Day 2 to another four people in the group.
- Keep sending postcards as the days progress to groups of four until everyone has sent a postcard to every member of the whole group.
- Then start again and send more postcards to the first group of four, and so on, until the cycle is complete for 35 days.
While the thoughts that each one of us shared in the postcards were completely spontaneous and random, and we had no control as to when they would be delivered (we live in different countries), the postcards that I got in the mail always seemed to arrive at the right time with the right message on them. I remember, for instance, that I was stuck with a project one day and received a postcard that said, “move forward imperfectly.” Boom!
ACTION
TODAY: Decide if you want to embark in doing The Rosenzweig Technique over the next 35 days. I highly recommend it because of the insights, inspiration and ideas that you can share and receive with yourself/ your friends. Plus, the reflection that this brings as you are writing about the postcards that you receive is invaluable: you’re guaranteed to get more insights, solve a few challenges here and there, and expand your mind. However, if four ideas/thoughts a day for 35 days is too much, feel free to modify the technique however you see fit (for example, one idea per day). Don’t work for the specifics of the technique, instead, make the technique work for you! If you are ready, go get your postcards and your stamps and get started today.
FUTURE: Do you want to do The Rosenzweig Technique with me? I’m starting on March 21 to commemorate Spring, and I’d love to do the modified version again, this time with my fellow gurupies*! 🙂 If you are interested, send me an email (no later than March 19) letting me know that you are in, and I will send you all the details. It doesn’t matter where you live, postcards are used to traveling all over the world. This should be a lot of fun and we will all learn a ton from each other and from our own reflections. Hope you will join me — really looking forward to this! Sorry, this has already been done. We had a blast! If we decide to do it again I’ll post about it so that you can join. 🙂
* Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.
Know someone who would like to join the upcoming exchange-of-postcards group? Let that person know via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
