by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 52 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Four-letter words
— From REWORK: Change the way you work forever by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson
“There are four-letter words you should never use in business,” say Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson in their book Rework. No, they are not referring to those four-letter words.* They are talking about need, must, can’t, easy, just, only and fast.
At plain sight there’s nothing wrong with the words, I’m sure we’ve all used them. What we may not have noticed was the impact they had on the person on the receiving end. Yet we can probably remember one time or another when we were on the receiving end of those words ourselves, and how we didn’t like the way they made us feel…
The words by themselves are not inherently wrong. But sometimes, in the course of collaborating with others, “these words get in the way of healthy communication,” say the authors. “They are red flags that introduce animosity, torpedo good discussions, and cause projects to be late… When you use these four-letter words you create a black-and-white situation. But the truth is rarely black and white. So people get upset and problems ensue. Tension and conflict are injected unnecessarily.”
So, what’s wrong with these words?
Need and Must: “Very few things actually need to get done.” Instead of saying that something needs to get done or something must be done/added/changed/etc., the authors suggest saying “‘What do you think about this?’ or ‘How does this sound?’ or ‘Do you think we could get away with that?’” Need and must place an undue amount of pressure because the person on the receiving end naturally perceives or else after those words are used. Engage in a meaningful, inclusive dialogue with the other person, and you’ll both find a solution for whatever you are trying to accomplish.
Can’t: “When you say ‘can’t’ you probably can. Sometimes there are even opposing can’ts: ‘We can’t launch it like that, because it’s not quite right’ versus ‘We can’t spend any more time on this because we have to launch.’ Both of those statements can’t be true. Or wait a minute, can they?”
Easy, Just, Only and Fast: These words become a problem when they’re used to describe other people’s jobs without knowing what it entails: ‘that should be easy for you to do, right?’” Yet rarely the people on the receiving end describe their tasks as easy. And even if the actual task were technically easy, it may not be all that simple or fast to implement, or the person may not have the time to devote to it right when you want it. Easy, just, only, and fast, when applied in this context (oh, but it’s only a minor change, just to this part of the presentation, it’s nothing major, should be super easy and fast for you since you are the expert at this…) disempower and diminish the importance of the work of others; and do not give them room to provide the best solution according to their experience and expertise.
The authors also warn against these words’ cousins, the absolutes: everyone, no one, always and never. “Once uttered, they make it hard to find a solution. They box you into a corner by pitting two absolutes against each other. That’s when head-butting occurs. You squeeze out any middle ground.”
Lastly, we should also watch out for all these words when someone strings them all together because they come with many assumptions that may not have been fully pondered: “We need to add this feature now. We can’t launch without this feature. Everyone wants it. It’s only one little thing so it will be easy. You should be able to get it in there fast!”
ACTION
TODAY: When collaborating with others, think about the words you use and how you are coming across. Is there a better, gentler way to include the other person in the solution? Or, if you are the one on the receiving end, be empathetic, as the other person may not know the impact of these words (how about sharing this blog post with them?). Yet, once you are aware of what is happening, include yourself in the solution by sharing your knowledge.
FUTURE: Make it a habit of being aware of the way you think and the things you say. Sometimes, for the sake of efficiency, we tend to eagerly push through with best intentions, and don’t notice that that there may be damage left in our wake. Avoid using these four-letter words in the contexts described above and involve others in the solution: collaboration and willingness to reach the goal are key.
Know someone who uses these words without knowing the impact they have on others? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
* For our international gurupies** whose native language may not be English, or for those of you who are reading this through translation technology: “The phrase four-letter word refers to a set of English-language words written with four letters which are considered profane… The ‘four-letter’ claim refers to the fact that a large number of (but not all) English ‘swear words’ are incidentally four-character monosyllables.” (Source: Wikipedia)
** Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.
by Helena Escalante | Creativity, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 50 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Purpose is a force and passion is fuel
— From Creative On Purpose: An Innovative Approach to Professional Artistry by Scott Perry
If you’ve ever wondered what is the meaning of life and what you are supposed to do with it, very likely you’ve come across the myriad articles, books, and videos offering advice and help.
“Most of it is pretty bad,” says Scott Perry, author of Creative on Purpose. “Here’s the worst advice of all: ‘Follow your passion’.”
Stop right there. Whaaaaaaat?! This is exactly what most of us have been told all our lives.
“Passion is poorly equipped to act as an inner guide or a compass for directing your work. That is because that’s not what passion is for. That job belongs to Purpose.”
Perry states that just as gravity is a force that keeps us grounded and electricity is a force that powers mechanical things, purpose is a force too. If “scientists define ‘force’ as a push or pull upon one object resulting from that object’s interaction with another object;” then purpose “is the push or pull of one object (you), resulting from your interactions with other objects (others, events, surroundings, etc.).”
To figure out your purpose is something that takes a bit of time and that is not set in stone: it will grow and change with you “as your beliefs evolve, your skills develop, and your audience grows.” You’ll want to revisit and tweak your purpose many times throughout your life. Perry provides an illustrative diagram to help understand that our purpose is the intersection of three things:
- Who you are (your core values)
- What you do (your core talents and soft skills)
- Those you serve (people who share your values and are in need of your talents).
(Click on image to enlarge) Source: BeCreativeOnPurpose.com on April 12, 2018.
And where does that leave passion?
Passion, as well as profits, recognition and influence are the results of purposeful work and living. However, by themselves, Perry says, they are “improper motivators” because they lead to compromised decisions and may take you away from your core values and beliefs. Yet none of those results are inherently bad. On the contrary, they are valuable resources “that can be used to fuel and sustain purposeful living and work. They are not the ends, they are the means!”
If your work is driven by a strong and clear purpose, passion will result; and it will become a renewable resource to fuel your life and work.
ACTION
TODAY: When faced with a decision, ask, “what’s it for?” That simple question will start you on your way to making sure that all you do is aligned with your purpose.
2nd ACTION FOR TODAY: Please join Scott Perry and I as we chat about purpose, passion, and professional and personal growth during the Creative on Purpose Live streaming via Facebook. Simply click this link (https://www.facebook.com/CreativeOnPurpose/) at 1 pm EST and join the conversation, we welcome all your questions and comments. I look forward to seeing you there!
FUTURE: When faced with an action that may have important consequences, Perry suggests taking a second to pause and ask yourself: “What’s it for? What’s the real reason? Is it unselfish? Does it align with your values? Is it generous towards others?” Once you have pondered the answers you can determine if the results will be aligned with your personal or professional purpose, and then you can decide what’s next.
Know someone who could benefit from living and working with purpose? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Planning, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 50 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: The 4 Rs of listening
— From Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success–and Won’t Let You Fail by Keith Ferrazzi
In Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi highlights the importance of listening to be able to fully understand and help. He refers to the 4 Rs of listening by Dr. Mark Goulston, which are four different ways in which we listen to others:
Removed: “The kind of listening you do when you’re actually engaged in something else, like using your [smartphone]. You may parrot back what I’ve said, but you weren’t really paying attention.”
Reactive: “You are being somewhat more attentive. If I ask a question you reply with a straightforward answer. You’ve heard me, but you weren’t really mulling over what I’ve said.”
Responsible: “Takes place when you not only react to what I’ve said but reply with a further action or elaboration. This is the basis of all good conversation.”
Receptive: “This is the deepest form of listening. With this kind of listening you’re empathizing fully with what I have to say and feeling what I am feeling. This is the level of listening we all want to achieve [when we need help from others].” (Read Active Listening.)
“Only by listening carefully can you hope to achieve transformational change.”
There is a time and a place for each way of listening, we just have to figure out which one pairs up best with the occasion we’re in.
For instance, if I’m waiting at the Doctor’s office and I want to answer a few emails while I wait, I should plan and focus on removed listening. That way if, suddenly, I start paying attention to the TV on the wall, I can bring my mind back to my email before the nurse calls my name to go in, if not, I’ll have wasted my time and no emails will be answered. Or, if I’m in a meeting and I want to listen responsibly, when it turns out to be death-by-powerpoint (very funny video) and I’m tempted to make my to-do list for the weekend pretending I’m taking notes, I can go back to paying attention and asking intelligent questions as I had planned initially.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the best way to listen according to the situation. If you are waiting in line for your turn to be called, it’s perfectly fine to be removed and playing with your phone or answering email, since all you need to do is be attentive to hearing “neeeeext” from the clerk at the window for you to walk up. But this is not how you want to listen when your best friend needs advice; you need to be completely present and receptive. As you are going about your day into each different activity, figure out the way you’ll listen; and if you catch yourself deviating from it, simply take your attention back to the appropriate R for the occasion.
FUTURE: I learned a while back that it’s important to set an overall intention before going into a meeting, an event, etc., that way you stay focused on the goal. Let’s take that same practice a step further and also set a listening intention so that we can bring our best selves to the occasion, and let our ears and minds be where they need to be for the best possible outcome.
Know someone who needs better listening habits? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 3 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Magic is about to happen
— From A Year Without Fear: 365 Days of Magnificence: 5-Minute Mind-Set Shifts by Tama Kieves
Someone recently described life as “a work in progress” and it deeply resonated with me. At some point or another, one or more areas of our lives are indeed works in progress, with all the chaos that this might entail: ups and downs, decisions, craziness… and lots of learning for sure! Our work is, in the words of Michelangelo, to discover the statue inside us and chip away the stone to reveal it to the world.
This made me think about a very brief but oh-so-beautiful idea from Tama Kieves, one of my favorite authors, that I’ll share in its entirety with you:
“In a Macy’s department store, I saw a sign in front of a boarded-up construction area.
It read: MAGIC IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
It didn’t read: DISASTER IN PROGRESS AND A LOSER CAUSED IT.
So, let’s place that MAGIC sign in front of the unpleasant aspects of our lives.
Reconstruction guaranteed.”
Next time certain parts of your life are under construction, shift your mindset and think of it as something beautiful and magical that is about to happen.
“It’s still magic, even if you know how it’s done.” –Terry Pratchett
And if you are in the New York City area on April 19, come hear Tama Kieves at the Business Library: guaranteed to cause some magic in your life! (It’s free.)
ACTION
TODAY: Examine which areas of your life are “under construction.” Shift your mindset and apply the “Magic is about to happen” sign instead. What would you like the outcome (that is, you) to be/do/have once this magic masterpiece is completed? Set that intention and take one action today that will start or further lead you down that path.
FUTURE: Resolve to change the “under construction” or “work in progress” sign in your life and business to the “Magic is about to happen” one. Visualize and determine what you would like the outcomes to be/do/have once the construction finishes. Set your intentions/goals and work towards them, yet be open to them changing and turning into something much better. How many times do we say, well, I set out to do this, and as it turned out, I ended up with this other thing/result that is so much better… You want to be open for the same to happen to you!
Know someone who needs some magic in their lives? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 59 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Age excusitis Part 2 – “I’m too young”
— From The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. (Read an excerpt here.)
Yesterday we looked at the “I’m too old” variety of age excusitis. Today we’re looking at the other side: “the ‘I’m too young’ variety of age excusitis does much damage too. Youth is a liability only when the youth thinks it is. You often hear that certain jobs require ‘considerable’ physical maturity… That you’ve got to have either gray hair or no hair at all… is plain nonsense.” While it’s true that insecure people try to block younger folks’ career paths using age as an excuse, true leadership will give young people as much responsibility as they think they can handle.
To cure youth against age excusitis, Schwartz gives three recommendations:
- “Don’t be age conscious.” Your number of birthdays doesn’t matter, what counts is your ability to get the job done. “When you prove you are able to handle the job… you’re automatically old enough.”
- “Don’t take advantage of your new ‘gold bars’… show respect [for the other people around you, regardless of their age]. Ask them for their suggestions. Make them feel they are working for a team captain, not a dictator. Do this and [people] will work with you, not against you.
- “Get used to having older persons working for you [and alongside you].” More and more leaders are very young nowadays, be comfortable with that thought. If you don’t think this is true, simply take a look at all the 30 under 30 and the 40 under 40 lists and awards in all business categories, you’ll be blown away.
“Remember: your age won’t be a handicap unless you make it one.”
ACTION
TODAY: Do you suffer from this variety of age excusitis in any area of your life? Are you holding yourself back because you think you’re too young? Whoever offered you the job or extended the opportunity thought that you were old enough and capable enough to do so, otherwise they wouldn’t have done it. Honor their belief in you and your skills. Be aware when this excuse pops up in your mind and then ask why 5 times (or as many as needed) to get to the bottom of it. Once you know what is making you create an excuse (Fear of failure? Fear of success? Dig deep!), you’ll be able to realize that age doesn’t matter and you can move forward and create the change you want. Promise yourself that you won’t let age hold you back!
FUTURE: When age excusitis pops up in your head, or when you hear it from someone else, simply be aware and empathetic, as we all go through this once in a while. Look forward to new horizons; invest time in doing what you really want to do. Remember what Schwartz said: “It’s [too early] only when you let your mind go negative and think it’s [too early].” No matter what, believe in yourself. As Tama Kieves (renowned author and speaker) says, “Opportunities do not come to fill a lack. They come as an expression of a fullness you already have… If you want to attract opportunities to you, use the ones you have.”
By the way, if you are in New York City on April 19 (6-7:30 PM) you are invited to see the wonderful Tama Kieves at the Business Library (New York Public Library) talking about her latest book Thriving Through Uncertainty: Moving beyond fear of the unknown and making change work for you. It’s free. Reserve your spot.
And if you know someone who needs to be cured of age excusitis, please forward this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 55 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Age excusitis Part 1 – I’m too old
— From The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, Ph.D. (Read an excerpt here.)
No matter where we are in life, at some point we are going to suffer from age excusitis or hear someone else complain about it. If we’re the ones that use age as an excuse not to do something, it sounds perfectly logical to us… yet if we hear it from someone else, we immediately know that it is simply a masquerade for fear or unwillingness, and most of the time it comes to our utter astonishment that the other person sees him/herself that way because it’s not how we see them. Hmmmmm, why can’t we see it for what it is? What can we do about this malady?
“It’s unfortunate. This excuse has closed the door of real opportunity to thousands of individuals. They think their age is wrong, so they don’t even bother to try.” Luckily, David J. Schwartz, the author of The Magic of Thinking Big, says, “Age excusitis can be cured… I discovered a good serum that both cures this disease and vaccinates you so you won’t get it in the first place.”
He tells the story of Cecil, who wanted to change careers. Cecil said, “I’d have to start from scratch. And I’m too old for that now. I’m forty.” Schwartz told him “you’re only as old as you feel,” to no avail, as sometimes there are people who respond “but I do feel old!” So, Schwartz asked him, “Cecil, when does a man’s productive life begin?” Cecil said at about 20 years old. Then Schwartz asked when it ended, to which Cecil replied at about 70. Schwartz said, “a lot of folks are highly productive after they reach seventy, but let’s agree with what you’ve just said… You’re forty. How many years of productive life have you spent and how many have you left?” It was only then that Cecil understood he still had over half of his productive years ahead of him and realized that “how old we are is not important. It’s one’s attitude toward age that makes it a blessing or a barricade.”
“Curing yourself of age excusitis often opens doors to opportunities that you thought were locked tight.”
Schwartz tells another story of a relative of his who wanted to become a minister, but was 45 years old, had three kids and little money. Fortunately, “he mustered all of his strength and told himself, ‘Forty-five or not, I’m going to be a minister.” Five years later he was ordained and many years after that he said to Schwartz, “if I had not made that great decision when I was forty-five, I would have spent the rest of my life growing old and bitter. Now I feel every bit as young as I did twenty-five years ago.”
“When you [get rid of] age excusitis, the natural result is to gain the optimism of youth and feel of youth. When you beat down your fears of age limitations, you add years to your life as well as success. […] Defeat [‘too old’] by refusing to let it hold you back.”
ACTION
TODAY: Do you suffer from “too old” age excusitis in any area of your life? It is not necessarily tied to business life. Maybe you are ok there but feel, say, that you’re too old to take on a new sport, class, or hobby. Simply be aware of this excuse and ask why 5 times (or as many as needed) to get to the bottom of it. Once you know what is making you create an excuse, you’ll be able to realize that age doesn’t matter and you can move forward and create the change you want. Promise yourself that you won’t let age hold you back!
FUTURE: When age excusitis pops up in your head, or when you hear it from someone else, simply be aware and empathetic, as we all go through this once in a while. Look forward to new horizons, invest time in doing what you really want to do and apply Schwartz’s mindset: “It’s too late only when you let your mind go negative and think it’s too late.” Think instead, “I’m going to start now, my best years are ahead of me.” Remember that you are not your past and that you can create a wonderful path forward by giving yourself an A.
Have you ever dealt with age excusitis? How did you defeat it? Want to share your experience? I’m sure it’ll benefit us all! Please leave a comment or let me know via email. And if you know someone who needs to be cured of age excusitis, please forward this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
