by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 52 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Four-letter words
— From REWORK: Change the way you work forever by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson
“There are four-letter words you should never use in business,” say Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson in their book Rework. No, they are not referring to those four-letter words.* They are talking about need, must, can’t, easy, just, only and fast.
At plain sight there’s nothing wrong with the words, I’m sure we’ve all used them. What we may not have noticed was the impact they had on the person on the receiving end. Yet we can probably remember one time or another when we were on the receiving end of those words ourselves, and how we didn’t like the way they made us feel…
The words by themselves are not inherently wrong. But sometimes, in the course of collaborating with others, “these words get in the way of healthy communication,” say the authors. “They are red flags that introduce animosity, torpedo good discussions, and cause projects to be late… When you use these four-letter words you create a black-and-white situation. But the truth is rarely black and white. So people get upset and problems ensue. Tension and conflict are injected unnecessarily.”
So, what’s wrong with these words?
Need and Must: “Very few things actually need to get done.” Instead of saying that something needs to get done or something must be done/added/changed/etc., the authors suggest saying “‘What do you think about this?’ or ‘How does this sound?’ or ‘Do you think we could get away with that?’” Need and must place an undue amount of pressure because the person on the receiving end naturally perceives or else after those words are used. Engage in a meaningful, inclusive dialogue with the other person, and you’ll both find a solution for whatever you are trying to accomplish.
Can’t: “When you say ‘can’t’ you probably can. Sometimes there are even opposing can’ts: ‘We can’t launch it like that, because it’s not quite right’ versus ‘We can’t spend any more time on this because we have to launch.’ Both of those statements can’t be true. Or wait a minute, can they?”
Easy, Just, Only and Fast: These words become a problem when they’re used to describe other people’s jobs without knowing what it entails: ‘that should be easy for you to do, right?’” Yet rarely the people on the receiving end describe their tasks as easy. And even if the actual task were technically easy, it may not be all that simple or fast to implement, or the person may not have the time to devote to it right when you want it. Easy, just, only, and fast, when applied in this context (oh, but it’s only a minor change, just to this part of the presentation, it’s nothing major, should be super easy and fast for you since you are the expert at this…) disempower and diminish the importance of the work of others; and do not give them room to provide the best solution according to their experience and expertise.
The authors also warn against these words’ cousins, the absolutes: everyone, no one, always and never. “Once uttered, they make it hard to find a solution. They box you into a corner by pitting two absolutes against each other. That’s when head-butting occurs. You squeeze out any middle ground.”
Lastly, we should also watch out for all these words when someone strings them all together because they come with many assumptions that may not have been fully pondered: “We need to add this feature now. We can’t launch without this feature. Everyone wants it. It’s only one little thing so it will be easy. You should be able to get it in there fast!”
ACTION
TODAY: When collaborating with others, think about the words you use and how you are coming across. Is there a better, gentler way to include the other person in the solution? Or, if you are the one on the receiving end, be empathetic, as the other person may not know the impact of these words (how about sharing this blog post with them?). Yet, once you are aware of what is happening, include yourself in the solution by sharing your knowledge.
FUTURE: Make it a habit of being aware of the way you think and the things you say. Sometimes, for the sake of efficiency, we tend to eagerly push through with best intentions, and don’t notice that that there may be damage left in our wake. Avoid using these four-letter words in the contexts described above and involve others in the solution: collaboration and willingness to reach the goal are key.
Know someone who uses these words without knowing the impact they have on others? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
* For our international gurupies** whose native language may not be English, or for those of you who are reading this through translation technology: “The phrase four-letter word refers to a set of English-language words written with four letters which are considered profane… The ‘four-letter’ claim refers to the fact that a large number of (but not all) English ‘swear words’ are incidentally four-character monosyllables.” (Source: Wikipedia)
** Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Planning, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 50 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: The 4 Rs of listening
— From Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success–and Won’t Let You Fail by Keith Ferrazzi
In Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi highlights the importance of listening to be able to fully understand and help. He refers to the 4 Rs of listening by Dr. Mark Goulston, which are four different ways in which we listen to others:
Removed: “The kind of listening you do when you’re actually engaged in something else, like using your [smartphone]. You may parrot back what I’ve said, but you weren’t really paying attention.”
Reactive: “You are being somewhat more attentive. If I ask a question you reply with a straightforward answer. You’ve heard me, but you weren’t really mulling over what I’ve said.”
Responsible: “Takes place when you not only react to what I’ve said but reply with a further action or elaboration. This is the basis of all good conversation.”
Receptive: “This is the deepest form of listening. With this kind of listening you’re empathizing fully with what I have to say and feeling what I am feeling. This is the level of listening we all want to achieve [when we need help from others].” (Read Active Listening.)
“Only by listening carefully can you hope to achieve transformational change.”
There is a time and a place for each way of listening, we just have to figure out which one pairs up best with the occasion we’re in.
For instance, if I’m waiting at the Doctor’s office and I want to answer a few emails while I wait, I should plan and focus on removed listening. That way if, suddenly, I start paying attention to the TV on the wall, I can bring my mind back to my email before the nurse calls my name to go in, if not, I’ll have wasted my time and no emails will be answered. Or, if I’m in a meeting and I want to listen responsibly, when it turns out to be death-by-powerpoint (very funny video) and I’m tempted to make my to-do list for the weekend pretending I’m taking notes, I can go back to paying attention and asking intelligent questions as I had planned initially.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the best way to listen according to the situation. If you are waiting in line for your turn to be called, it’s perfectly fine to be removed and playing with your phone or answering email, since all you need to do is be attentive to hearing “neeeeext” from the clerk at the window for you to walk up. But this is not how you want to listen when your best friend needs advice; you need to be completely present and receptive. As you are going about your day into each different activity, figure out the way you’ll listen; and if you catch yourself deviating from it, simply take your attention back to the appropriate R for the occasion.
FUTURE: I learned a while back that it’s important to set an overall intention before going into a meeting, an event, etc., that way you stay focused on the goal. Let’s take that same practice a step further and also set a listening intention so that we can bring our best selves to the occasion, and let our ears and minds be where they need to be for the best possible outcome.
Know someone who needs better listening habits? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Opportunity, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 3 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Magic is about to happen
— From A Year Without Fear: 365 Days of Magnificence: 5-Minute Mind-Set Shifts by Tama Kieves
Someone recently described life as “a work in progress” and it deeply resonated with me. At some point or another, one or more areas of our lives are indeed works in progress, with all the chaos that this might entail: ups and downs, decisions, craziness… and lots of learning for sure! Our work is, in the words of Michelangelo, to discover the statue inside us and chip away the stone to reveal it to the world.
This made me think about a very brief but oh-so-beautiful idea from Tama Kieves, one of my favorite authors, that I’ll share in its entirety with you:
“In a Macy’s department store, I saw a sign in front of a boarded-up construction area.
It read: MAGIC IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
It didn’t read: DISASTER IN PROGRESS AND A LOSER CAUSED IT.
So, let’s place that MAGIC sign in front of the unpleasant aspects of our lives.
Reconstruction guaranteed.”
Next time certain parts of your life are under construction, shift your mindset and think of it as something beautiful and magical that is about to happen.
“It’s still magic, even if you know how it’s done.” –Terry Pratchett
And if you are in the New York City area on April 19, come hear Tama Kieves at the Business Library: guaranteed to cause some magic in your life! (It’s free.)
ACTION
TODAY: Examine which areas of your life are “under construction.” Shift your mindset and apply the “Magic is about to happen” sign instead. What would you like the outcome (that is, you) to be/do/have once this magic masterpiece is completed? Set that intention and take one action today that will start or further lead you down that path.
FUTURE: Resolve to change the “under construction” or “work in progress” sign in your life and business to the “Magic is about to happen” one. Visualize and determine what you would like the outcomes to be/do/have once the construction finishes. Set your intentions/goals and work towards them, yet be open to them changing and turning into something much better. How many times do we say, well, I set out to do this, and as it turned out, I ended up with this other thing/result that is so much better… You want to be open for the same to happen to you!
Know someone who needs some magic in their lives? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Marketing, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 5 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Persuasion
— From The One Sentence Persuasion Course: 27 Words to Make the World Do Your Bidding by Blair Warren (you can read the short original document published in 2005 here)
In this short but powerful ebook, Blair Warren boils down the concept of persuasion to its most basic principles that go hand-in-hand with some basic human needs. And he encapsulates them in one sentence. “Not a sentence that one delivers, but a sentence that one remembers. A sentence that can help guide your efforts from beginning to end in virtually every situation imaginable.”
And what is that sentence?!
“People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions and help them throw rocks at their enemies.”
Let’s take a quick look at these basic principles, “they are the tools for anyone who must connect with others and, more importantly, make these connections pay off.”
On encouraging their dreams…
“Parents often discourage their children’s dreams “for their own good” and attempt to steer them toward more “reasonable” goals. And children often accept this as normal until others come along who believe in them and encourage their dreams. When this happens, who do you think has more power? Parents or strangers?”
On justifying their failures…
“While millions cheer Dr. Phil as he tells people to accept responsibility for their mistakes, millions more are looking for someone to take the responsibility off their shoulders. To tell them that they are not responsible for their lot in life. And while accepting responsibility is essential for gaining control of one’s own life, assuring others they are not responsible is essential for gaining influence over theirs. One need look no further than politics to see this powerful game played at its best.”
On allaying their fears…
“When we are afraid, it is almost impossible to concentrate on anything else. And while everyone knows this, what do we do when someone else is afraid and we need to get their attention? That’s right. We tell them not to be afraid and expect that to do the trick. Does it work? Hardly. And yet we don’t seem to notice. We go on as if we’d solved the problem and the person before us fades further away. But there are those who do realize this and pay special attention to our fears. They do not tell us not to be afraid. They work with us until our fear subsides. They present evidence. They offer support. They tell us stories. But they do not tell us how to feel and expect us to feel that way. When you are afraid, which type of person do you prefer to be with?”
On confirming their suspicions…
“One of our favorite things to say is ‘I knew it.’ There is just nothing quite like having our suspicions confirmed. When another person confirms something that we suspect, we not only feel a surge of superiority, we feel attracted to the one who helped make that surge come about. […] It is a simple thing to confirm the suspicions of those who are desperate to believe them.”
On helping them throw rocks at their enemies…
“Nothing bonds like having a common enemy. I realize how ugly this sounds and yet it is true just the same. Those who understand this can utilize this. Those who don’t understand it, or worse, understand but refuse to address it, are throwing away one of the most effective ways of connecting with others. No matter what you may think of this, rest assured that people have enemies. All people. It has been said that everyone you meet is engaged in a great struggle. The thing they are struggling with is their enemy. Whether it is another individual, a group, an illness, a setback, a rival philosophy… when one is engaged in a struggle, one is looking for others to join him. Those who do become more than friends. They become partners.”
Lastly, in all of this information, did you notice there is something missing? YOU! “There isn’t a word about your wants, your needs, your hopes or your concerns. There isn’t a word about your offer or proposal. There isn’t a word about what you think. It is all about the other person… Can you even imagine how much more charismatic you will become when you come to be seen as the one who can fulfill some of their most basic emotional needs?”
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: Just as the sentence is simple, the action for today or the future is very simple too (yet not necessarily easy): whenever you need to prepare a document, a presentation, a campaign, sell a product, promote your business or your brand, or do any activity that requires persuading others, utilize one or more of the angles that the author mentions. Print the sentence and keep it handy so that you can reference it and use it often.
Do you want to persuade someone to read this blog? (Hint, hint!) Please encourage their dreams of professional growth and share with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 37 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Whose business is this?
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
We’ve all been in situations where colleagues or teammates are not doing their fair share of the work that has been assigned to them. Regardless of the reason for this, we’ve ended up doing their work. In the business world, especially, sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that it’s easier for us to do the work than to delegate it; or that that it will take less time and hassle for us to do the work than to train others. In both scenarios, we end up with more on our plate than we can truly handle.
“Do you often find yourself feeling responsible for other people’s behavior? Do you try to control other people’s reactions at work or at home? Have you found yourself rescuing others by doing their work for them? Making others look more responsible? Seem more approachable? Sound more reasonable?” If you have done any of this, don’t feel bad, we’ve all done it. We operate out of good will to steer things towards the best possible outcome, yet we need to let others pull their weight and we should not take the experience away from them.
M.J. Ryan, the author of Habit Changers suggests setting boundaries by asking the question, “Whose business is this?” and then figuring out the answer with Byron Katie’s method. Katie says, “There are three types of ‘business’ in the world: God’s [or nature’s] (floods, earthquakes and other random acts of nature, yours (you and your response to what life presents to you), and theirs (what is the other person’s to handle and respond to).”
Ryan further says that this simple question serves to set and clarify expectations, as it is useful in any relationship where we are deeply involved, such as when her daughter was a teenager. Asking, “Whose business is this?” helped remind Ryan that “[she] could support her [daughter], and [Ryan could] care deeply, but her [daughter’s] business [was] hers to sort out.”
So, if asking this question helps set boundaries for parents with teenagers, it will definitely do wonders for other business and life situations where life can get equally passionate and intense.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: Keep this simple question handy in your mind. Ask, “Whose business is it?” when tempted to take over any situation and do the work for your loved ones, your colleagues or your teammates. The answer will give you the clarity that you need to respond to the situation in the best way possible, whether taking charge if it’s your business, or letting someone else do it if it’s their business.
Know someone who is always rescuing others and could benefit from applying today’s idea? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
P.S. I’m delighted to announce that I’m the next guest in the Creative on Purpose broadcast. Please join me next week, on April 12, 2018, at 12:00 pm EST (GMT -4) via Facebook Live. We’ll have fun talking about lifelong learning, expanding our minds, how to always keep growing and the importance of challenging ourselves continuously. Looking forward to seeing you there!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 16 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Believe
— From Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin
The U.S. Navy SEALs are back, yay! In their fabulous book, Extreme Ownership, SEALs Jocko Willink and Leif Babin state that knowing the reasons why, understanding and, most importantly, believing in the ultimate goal, is the absolute basis for a team to work well together.
It begins with the leadership, but it must permeate to all levels of the team or organization. “In order to convince and inspire others to follow and accomplish a mission, a leader must be a true believer in the mission.” This resolute belief, the authors state, “is far more important than training or equipment. […] Actions and words reflect belief with a clear confidence and self-assuredness that is not possible when belief is in doubt.”
But what to do when belief is in doubt? It all boils down to one simple question: WHY? “Leaders must take a step back, deconstruct the situation, analyze the strategic picture and then come to a conclusion. If they cannot determine a satisfactory answer themselves, they must ask questions up the chain of command until they understand why.” When you don’t understand why your company established that new sales policy, ask why. When your client is giving you a particular instruction or a change in scope and path, ask why. When your favorite non-profit asks you to change your volunteer tasks, ask why. Leadership in this instance is wide and varied, and has nothing to do with rank.
At the same time, it is also important for you as a leader “to take the time to explain and answer the questions of [your] junior leaders so that they too can understand and believe… [you must] explain not just what to do, but why.” And also, goes without saying, but you must continually emphasize that you are open and accessible for your team members to further ask questions on their quest to understanding why and believing.
The authors share a case where many managers did not understand a new policy implemented by the CEO, and didn’t ask for clarification for fear of looking stupid (despite them all agreeing that the CEO was smart, experienced and not unreasonable). “People talk about leadership requiring courage. This is exactly one of those situations. It takes courage to go to the CEO’s office, knock on the door, and explain that you don’t understand the strategy behind the decisions. You might feel stupid. But you will feel far worse trying to explain to your team a mission or strategy that you don’t understand or believe in yourself. […] If you don’t ask these questions, you are failing as a leader and you are failing your team.”
And it goes both ways. It is the responsibility of the leaders to ensure that the team understands and believes; yet since leaders are not mind readers, the team members are also responsible for asking for clarification until they fully understand and believe too.
ACTION
TODAY: Where are you unclear about a directive? Who do you need to ask in order to understand and believe in the project or mission? Go ask why today, you’ll be glad you did! Conversely, if you recently started a project, who do you need to make sure is on board with you? Ask them if they need further clarification to fully believe in what you are doing.
FUTURE: I’ve found that Ask Me Anything (AMA) sessions at the beginning and end of a project—as well as throughout—are a wonderful source of information (above and beyond one-on-one sessions with team members). How can you make use of such sessions, that you can run in any scenario (from your family on the living room couch, to your teammates at work, to a group of volunteers at your favorite nonprofit, to your company’s Board members at the quarterly meeting) to make sure that everyone fully understands why, and thus is truly on board and believing in the mission?
Know someone who needs to believe? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
