by Helena Escalante | Mindset, Networking, Planning, Resources, Tools
TODAY’S IDEA:
There is a method to “hack” networking events for best results.
— From: Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People by Vanessa Van Edwards
Happy Friday! It’s social Friday. And whether you are at a social event for business or pleasure this weekend, you may find yourself in a room full of strangers and need to make the most out of it. Instead of dreading it, now you can hack the social scene in your favor.
Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral investigator, and her team at Science of People studied superconnectors (those people who make the most quality contacts and who have the most robust network on LinkedIn). Science of People studied many networking events by placing cameras on the venues and looking at the patterns of people. They analyzed the foot traffic of those individuals who easily worked the room as a way to see if there were networking hacks that could be learned and applied by anyone. The verdict? Yes, there is indeed a way to work a room successfully!
Take a look at the room. “Whether you are at a networking event, holiday party, wedding, dinner at a friend’s house, or in a conference ballroom, most events have this basic setup… a social map… the start zone, the social zone, and the side zone.”
Image courtesy of Portfolio/Penguin
The start zone is where you check in, enter the room, hang your coat, etc. This is where you land when you arrive to the event and where you get prepped to network. This, as well as the side zone (where the rest rooms are or around the food tables, are the not the best zones to stay in, psychologically speaking, as people in these zones are not necessarily ready to network at that moment. Areas marked with X in the map are traps to avoid.
The social zone is the best part to stand in, optimally, as people exit the bar (areas marked with stars and the triangle between them). That is when they turn around, drink in hand, and are ready to meet and greet. At that point they’re thinking: “Who do I know?” “Who do I talk to?” And you become an instant savior if you stand there and say “Hi! It’s so nice to meet you.” It is right then and there that they will be ready to network and you can start making meaningful connections.
Who would have thought… Makes total sense, doesn’t it? Want to learn more about this? You can read here and here, and watch this five-minute video. Also, since I adapted this post from a longer book review that I wrote for The New York Public Library, you can read that here.
ACTION
TODAY: If you are going to an event today, put this to the test! If not, simply study the zones and make a note in your schedule to revisit this when you have a social event next.
FUTURE: Figure out when your next networking/social event is taking place. Make a note in your calendar to come back to revisit this post. Then when you get to your event, remember the social map, identify the zones and work the room. Once the event is over, analyze how you did compared to other times. What worked? What didn’t? How can you adapt the learning for future events?
Make a note in your calendar to come back to this post after your event and let me know how it went in the comments, please, I’d love to know.
Happy networking! 🙂
by Helena Escalante | Celebration, Goals, Leadership, Mindset
Neil Gaiman*
TODAY’S IDEA:
We all have impostor syndrome.
— From an anecdote in The Official Neil Gaiman Tumblr
Happy Valentine’s Day! Today is the day of love and friendship, and I hope you celebrate it with your loved ones.
As busy professionals, we are constantly juggling many priorities, and focused always on other people. We seldom stop to appreciate our efforts, to love and thank ourselves for what we do, and to celebrate our wins.
Why do we tend to neglect ourselves this way? Very likely because we suffer from impostor syndrome: we attribute our accomplishments to luck or some other factor as opposed to our efforts, and we fear that somehow, someway, we will be exposed as a “fraud” because we are not qualified or good enough to do what we do. Hmmm, sounds familiar?
The term impostor syndrome was coined by Pauline R. Clance who observed that “it’s not a syndrome or a complex or a mental illness, it’s something almost everyone experiences” and we need to “understand [that we] are not isolated in this experience.”
I know I battle impostor syndrome every single day (especially before hitting the send button on my daily emails!). And since I’m guessing that you might likely belong to this same club, I want to share this wonderful anecdote from Neil Gaiman, the famous English author, with you:
«Some years ago, I was lucky enough invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment they would realise that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had really done things.
On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall, while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people, and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”
And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter**, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.»
This anecdote is beautiful because it illustrates that no matter who we are and what we’ve done, big or small, we ALL feel the same way. We’re in awe of others’ accomplishments and doubt ours. Let’s embrace our shared human nature today, Valentine’s Day, and besides celebrating our love for others, let’s celebrate, thank, and love ourselves too.
ACTION
TODAY: I completely understand that this idea of celebrating our accomplishments and loving ourselves makes some of us squirm. Make this as big or as small a celebration as you feel comfortable: throw a party, or just meditate for 3 minutes, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that today you take a bit of time to think and give yourself credit for the things that you have accomplished. If you suspend any and all judgment as you’re doing this, a flash flood of gratitude will come pouring in.
FUTURE: Make this a habitual practice: as much or as little, and as often as you can (I strongly suggest though, getting out of your comfort zone in terms of frequency and intensity). Surround yourself with a circle of trusted people where you can be open about your accomplishments and where they will celebrate your wins and cheer for you.
And remember that I’m here cheering for you too! 🙂
*Photo: Kyle Cassidy [CC BY-SA 3.0] via Wikimedia Commons
** Impostor vs. imposter? Both are correct!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset
TODAY’S IDEA:
Random acts of kindness equal extraordinary teams
— From: The Best Team Wins: The New Science of High Performance by Adrian Gostick and Chester Elton
I usually share ideas from books that I have read, yet in this case, I have not read the book because it just came out today… I just ordered it and can’t wait to have my nose in it!
What I learned (and loved!) about the book is what I saw about it in a video (below) from Dave Kerpen (featured here a few times) interviewing Chester Elton, one of the authors of The Best Team Wins: The New Science of High Performance. Elton shares 3 takeaways from the book, including a great story about the astronauts at the International Space Station.
Whether professionally or personally, I’m sure that you are part of one or many teams. Thus, I’m sure you will enjoy Elton talking about the importance of soft skills:
«The International Space Station… over six months, had three Russians, two Americans, one Canadian… The Canadian was the Commander, and he said “we exceeded every goal the six months we were up there.” Six big guys in a little tin can. And he said, “The biggest reason why we succeeded was… yes, we were all technically proficient, we all knew our jobs, and we were really smart, but we had one unwritten rule that made all the difference and it was this: that every astronaut had to perform one random act of kindness every day… And the message is ‘I care about you, I’m supporting you, I’m cheering for you, I love you, and we’re in this together.’ And they were little things… ‘I’ll clean up… I’ll help you with the calculations… let me cook dinner…’ That one unwritten rule was the difference between us having a great mission and an extraordinary mission.” One random act of kindness.»
Below is the video so that you can watch it. Well worth 5 minutes to hear the latest on how teams perform best nowadays (the story of the International Space Station starts at the 4-min mark). Some things may seem obvious, but I find that sometimes I need someone to point out the obvious to me so that the idea can sink in.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: How about following in the footsteps of the astronauts and committing to perform a random act of kindness every day for your team members? I’m in!
Let me know in the comments or via Facebook or Twitter if you’re in too! Enlist your team members as well, and please tell them to join us.
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Tools
TODAY’S IDEA:
This person is my teacher
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
Years ago, I was going through a rough time at work because I had the boss from hell. My mother told me that I should think of that person as an inverse mentor, to learn how not to do things, and how not to treat people. That idea made me focus on something good that could come out of such a difficult situation. Since I was planning my escape, my new focus enabled me to be very clear—going forward—on the things that I did not want and that I was not willing to tolerate. (Thanks, Mom, I know you’re reading this!)
So, when I read “This person is my teacher,” in M. J. Ryan’s book, I knew I had to share it with you. The concept behind this Buddhist practice is powerful:
“It’s about seeing everyone who annoys, frustrates, angers or otherwise bothers you as someone who is providing you the opportunity to grow some positive quality in yourself—your equanimity, your kindness, your patience, your boundaries, your tolerance…It’s up to you to figure out what you are supposed to be learning.”
Give yourself the opportunity to keep growing and learning even in the most difficult and craziest of situations. By thinking “this person is my teacher” you’ll create awareness in you, and soon you’ll be making the most out of the situation.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: When someone or something is bothering you think, “this person/situation is my teacher” and figure out what you need to learn from that experience. It’s hard and it’s no fun when you’re going through it, but it will be worth it for you in the end.
I found this to be life-changing and hope you do too. Let me know if you got any a-ha moments in the comments, please!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Mindset, Planning
TODAY’S IDEA:
The ten-thousand-hour rule is only half true
— From: Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence by Daniel Goleman
A few years back, Malcolm Gladwell popularized the “10,000-Hour rule” in his book Outliers: The Story of Success. Briefly, the rule states that the key to mastering any skill at world-class level, is a matter of practicing around 10,000 hours.
However, Daniel Goleman, in his book Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence, states that the problem with the rule is that it’s only half true, despite the fact that it has “become sacrosanct gospel echoed on websites and recited as litany in high-performance workshops.” He explains, “If you’re a duffer at golf, say, and make the same mistakes every time you try a certain swing or putt, ten thousand hours of practicing that error will not improve your game. You’ll still be a duffer, albeit an older one.”
Goleman contacted Anders Ericsson, the psychology professor at Florida State University who is known as the world’s foremost “expert on expertise,” and the one who conducted the study of the 10,000 hours that Gladwell mentioned in his book. Ericsson said:
“You don’t get benefits from mechanical repetition but by adjusting your execution over and over to get closer to your goal. You have to tweak the system by pushing, allowing for more errors at first, as you increase your limits.”
The important thing to keep in mind is that this does not apply solely to the physical practice of something (sports, musical instruments, etc.). If you follow this advice of constantly improving and increasing your limits, you too can achieve the highest levels of performance in your field. This is great news because it means there’s hope for all of us.
My take on this is that the rule may not have to be so-daunting: while you may indeed need the 10,000-hours to achieve one of your goals with mastery, “good enough” sometimes works out very well too. And because good enough is a step on the road to mastery, you’ll have to go through there anyway. For example, if you are going to Italy on vacation and are learning Italian, with 10,000 hours you will likely be able to write an Italian best-seller, but with much less than that you will be able to speak well and have wonderful, memorable conversations on your trip.
Whether you want to achieve mastery or sufficiency, the best way to go about it is applying what Ericsson calls deliberate practice, “where an expert coach […] takes you through well-designed training over months or years and you give it your full concentration, […] and it always includes a feedback loop that lets you recognize errors and correct them.”
That’s the key formula: don’t spend the hours merely repeating something that doesn’t work. Spend the hours, instead, in studying people who have done what you want to do, hiring a coach to help you get there, focusing on improving, and getting out of your comfort zone. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until you reach your goal.
ACTION
TODAY: Look at your most important or pressing goals and determine which ones need mastery and which ones need sufficiency. (This mere exercise, to me, was an enormous eye opener. It took the weight off my shoulders because I had mistakenly believed that I needed to achieve mastery in many things, when in reality sufficiency was all I needed).
FUTURE: Plan for mastery or sufficiency accordingly. Look for your role models. Who has achieved what you want to do? Are they within your reach? Do they offer coaching/training or some sort of teaching? If not, who can they recommend you work with? Or ask around for a competent coach/teacher/mentor in that area. Figure out how long it will take to get to where you want to go. Commit. Get started. Don’t look back. Enjoy the journey!
Any major a-ha moments while reading this? Please let me know or leave a comment!
by Helena Escalante | Habits, Mindset, Planning, Time
TODAY’S IDEA:
Practice Proactive Procrastination
— From: Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon
For many of us, the best ideas strike randomly, and likely in a place—like the shower or the gym—where we cannot write them down. So we interrupt what we’re doing, scramble to finish, change the watch/ring to the other hand, or repeat the idea incessantly… until we can get to a piece of paper or favorite electronic device to write it down.
While ideas are very welcome at any time (see: 15 Famous Ideas That Were Invented in Dreams), I’ve often wondered if we could purposefully create those a-ha! moments to our benefit. Turns out, we can. Austin Kleon in his great (and beautifully designed) book talks about harnessing this power to come up with ideas by boring ourselves on purpose. He calls it “practicing proactive procrastination.”
“Take time to be bored. […] Creative people need time to just sit around and do nothing. I get some of my best ideas when I’m bored, which is why I never take my shirts to the cleaners. I love ironing my shirts—it’s so boring, I almost always get good ideas. If you’re out of ideas, wash the dishes. Take a really long walk. Stare at a spot on the wall for as long as you can. As the artist Maira Kalman says, ‘Avoiding work is the way to focus my mind.’ Take time to mess around. Get lost. Wander. You never know where it’s going to lead you.”
I believe we are ALL creative people. We all make use of creativity and imagination to solve our problems, to see things from a different angle, to come up with new and exciting projects, to surprise our loved ones, etc. And thus it comes as no surprise that more and more people are scheduling time to just think. One of the most famous examples is Bill Gates taking “Think Weeks,” but short of that, as Kleon mentions, even the time that it takes to iron a few shirts will produce results.
Maybe that is why Raymond Inmon said, “If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk.”
And don’t forget to take a notebook with you!
ACTION
TODAY: Take a few minutes to practice proactive procrastination today by going for a walk or simply taking time to think. Pick an issue that you need to solve and set the intention to find answers or solutions during your “think time.”
FUTURE: Plan to take some “think time” periodically, and schedule it in your calendar. By creating this habit, you’ll be able to harness the power the ideas to your benefit and your business and life will be better for it!
Let me know how it goes!
