by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 37 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Whose business is this?
— From: Habit Changers: 81 Game-Changing Mantras to Mindfully Realize Your Goals by M. J. Ryan
We’ve all been in situations where colleagues or teammates are not doing their fair share of the work that has been assigned to them. Regardless of the reason for this, we’ve ended up doing their work. In the business world, especially, sometimes we fall into the trap of believing that it’s easier for us to do the work than to delegate it; or that that it will take less time and hassle for us to do the work than to train others. In both scenarios, we end up with more on our plate than we can truly handle.
“Do you often find yourself feeling responsible for other people’s behavior? Do you try to control other people’s reactions at work or at home? Have you found yourself rescuing others by doing their work for them? Making others look more responsible? Seem more approachable? Sound more reasonable?” If you have done any of this, don’t feel bad, we’ve all done it. We operate out of good will to steer things towards the best possible outcome, yet we need to let others pull their weight and we should not take the experience away from them.
M.J. Ryan, the author of Habit Changers suggests setting boundaries by asking the question, “Whose business is this?” and then figuring out the answer with Byron Katie’s method. Katie says, “There are three types of ‘business’ in the world: God’s [or nature’s] (floods, earthquakes and other random acts of nature, yours (you and your response to what life presents to you), and theirs (what is the other person’s to handle and respond to).”
Ryan further says that this simple question serves to set and clarify expectations, as it is useful in any relationship where we are deeply involved, such as when her daughter was a teenager. Asking, “Whose business is this?” helped remind Ryan that “[she] could support her [daughter], and [Ryan could] care deeply, but her [daughter’s] business [was] hers to sort out.”
So, if asking this question helps set boundaries for parents with teenagers, it will definitely do wonders for other business and life situations where life can get equally passionate and intense.
ACTION
TODAY & FUTURE: Keep this simple question handy in your mind. Ask, “Whose business is it?” when tempted to take over any situation and do the work for your loved ones, your colleagues or your teammates. The answer will give you the clarity that you need to respond to the situation in the best way possible, whether taking charge if it’s your business, or letting someone else do it if it’s their business.
Know someone who is always rescuing others and could benefit from applying today’s idea? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
P.S. I’m delighted to announce that I’m the next guest in the Creative on Purpose broadcast. Please join me next week, on April 12, 2018, at 12:00 pm EST (GMT -4) via Facebook Live. We’ll have fun talking about lifelong learning, expanding our minds, how to always keep growing and the importance of challenging ourselves continuously. Looking forward to seeing you there!
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 5 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Active listening
— From Dynamic Communication: 27 Strategies to Grow, Lead, and Manage Your Business by Jill Schiefelbein
The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Wise words back then that still ring true today.
But in a world where we have little time, and a myriad devices clamoring for our attention, what can we do to truly listen, understand, and take action (if needed) based on what we just listened to? Active listening is the answer that Jill Schiefelbein recommends in her book Dynamic Communication.
“With active listening, you listen to someone and then repeat what you comprehended in your own words back to them. Essentially, you’re paraphrasing. The idea is that you create mutual understanding so that there are no ambiguities in interpretation. […] The true magic of active listening lies in your ability to understand the conversation from the perspective of your communication partner and your willingness to genuinely invest time in listening to their full story.”
“[Active listening] means that you listen without formulating your response.”
The story behind how active listening was born provides greater depth of understanding as to why this method—which sounds so simple—is so relevant and effective. “In the 1980s, two researchers… studied communication between emergency medical services (EMS) [paramedics] and patients. After many observations and experimental situations, what resulted was the need for a listening strategy that would ensure that the patient was not only heard, but also understood, so the best care could be provided as quickly as possible.”
With this in mind, and wanting to provide the best possible, uninterrupted listening experience to our conversation partner(s), the author provides the following strategies for being a better listener:
“Check your ego—you cannot truly listen if you’re more worried about your own personal outcome in a conversation than creating a positive outcome for all involved.”
“Stop thinking about your response—if you’re formulating your response in your head while the other person is speaking, you’re not listening!”
“Acknowledge feelings—you don’t always have to agree with what the other person says or feels, but good listeners and strong communicators acknowledge that those feelings were heard.”
“Nonverbally show engagement—a slight tilt of the head, a forward lean of the body, head nods, small ‘uh-huh’ utterances, maintaining eye contact…all these things encourage engagement in a conversation and are indicators of listening.”
“Admit when you didn’t listen—or at least ask someone to repeat themselves. ‘I didn’t quite catch that. Could you please repeat?’ It’s better to have the full picture in a conversation than to make a judgment call or decision on something without all the puzzle pieces in play.”
“Use active listening—make sure you heard what the person intended. So many conflicts could be avoided in the workplace and so many teams would run more smoothly if people would just check for mutual understanding. Do it. You’ll see a difference in the productivity, the relationships and the outcomes.”
ACTION
TODAY: Start practicing active listening at work and at home to the extent possible. Notice how your communications and your interactions change for the better. Share the secret of active listening as a strategy that works, even in life-or-death situations!
FUTURE: Make a point of practicing active listening as much as possible in the situations that call for it (“pass the gravy” hardly qualifies). Be especially aware of when your mind is racing to give an answer before the other person has finished talking. Bring your mind back into the conversation. Pause when the other person finishes so that you can take it all in, and then respond. If the silence feels awkward, just tell the other person, “I’m thinking about my response based on all you’ve said, give me a second.” Very likely they will say yes and be patient and grateful that you are giving so much thought and attention to what they are saying.
Know someone who could use some active listening skills? Please listen first to what they’ve got to say and in your response include a mention to today’s post. Or forward via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
P.S. – Want to instill the love of books in children? My friend Ryan Jennings, is launching today the first 3 of his children’s books. They’re awesome because children can pick the adventure path they want to follow: fun, fun fun! Learn more about the books and if you want to download them, Ryan has generously made them available for free for us Gurupies* for a limited time—thanks, Ryan! Here are the links: The Kiwi and The Boy, The Electric Eel and The Girl, and The Polar Bear and The Boy. If you do download them for free, please be kind and leave a review on Amazon, as that way more people will learn about the books and how cool they are for the children in our lives.
*Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Creativity, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes.
TODAY’S IDEA: Win-Win or No Deal
— From The 100 Absolutely Unbreakable Laws of Business Success by Brian Tracy
Following along the same path as yesterday’s post on Thinking “both,” I wanted to focus on its application in business by looking at Bryan Tracy’s Law of Win-Win or No Deal from his book The 100 Absolutely Unbreakable Laws of Business Success. This law states that:
“In a successful negotiation, both parties should be fully satisfied with the result and feel that they have each ‘won’ or no deal should be made at all.”
Tracy says, “Remember, you always reap what you sow. Any settlement or agreement that leaves one party dissatisfied will come back to hurt you later, sometimes in ways that you cannot predict.” And he goes on to tell a story of a tough negotiator who was boasting “about a hard deal he had wrung out of a [distributor] of his company’s products. He had demanded and threatened and negotiated an agreement that paid him considerably more, both in up-front payments and in percentages of sales, than any of the other clients for which this company distributed.”
The author happened to know the people on the other side of the negotiation well, so he asked them to tell the story from their angle. They confirmed the discomfort and toughness of the negotiation and said “they had agreed to pay higher prices and royalties on everything they sold, but they had not agreed to sell any.”
The deal backfired: “the businessman had negotiated a ‘win-lose’ with him winning and the others losing. But those on the losing side had no incentive to fulfill the implied commitment to market the products. They had no incentive to go forward with this person, and no reason to ever want to do business with him again.”
In a zero-sum game, someone always loses. In business it does not have to be that way: aim always for a win-win or no deal. Be clear in your intentions that what you want is the best for both parties. Now, “this doesn’t mean that you [or the other party] have to accept any arrangement that you consider second best.” On the contrary, “when you are determined to achieve a win-win solution to a negotiation, and you are open, receptive, and flexible in your discussions, you will often discover a third alternative that neither party had considered initially but that is superior to what either of you might have thought of on your own.”
ACTION
TODAY: If you are negotiating something today—even if its’ the smallest thing—that’s great! Think win-win, communicate it to the other party, and find out what it is that each of you wants/needs from the deal to consider it successful. Work together to make it happen. If you don’t have any negotiations on your plate now, think about one in the past where you experienced a win-lose (no matter which side you were on). The good thing about hindsight is that it’s always 20/20 and, with that view, you can reconstruct the deal (at least in your mind) to make it a win-win. Learn from it: what would you have changed for the better? How would you have structured the deal differently? Think creatively.
FUTURE: Think win-win from now on professionally and personally. Commit to doing deals where the Law of Win-Win or No Deal applies. Actively seek to find ways to achieve what each party needs and wants out of the situation in a satisfactory way and without feeling that you have to settle for less.
Know someone who could benefit from reading today’s post? Please share it via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Opportunity, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 8 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: The power of perception
− From The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday
Whenever we hear stories of tremendous heartache and hardship turned into triumph, we wonder how they did it and, also, whether we have what it takes. Ryan Holiday, in his excellent book The Obstacle is the Way, says, “through our perception of events, we are complicit in the creation—as well as the destruction—of every one of our obstacles.”
“There is no good or bad without us, there is only perception. There is the event itself and the story we tell ourselves about what it means.”
That, right there, is the power of perception: obstacles become obstacles in our minds; and it’s in there too that otherwise obstacles can turn into lessons, opportunities, advantages, and even miracles. It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters, said Epictetus, the eminent Greek stoic philosopher who was born in slavery.
“Just because your mind tells you that something is awful or evil or unplanned or otherwise negative doesn’t mean you have to agree. Just because other people say that something is hopeless or crazy or broken to pieces doesn’t mean it is. We decide what story to tell ourselves. Or whether we will tell one at all.”
Stories abound of shifts in perception; such as the boss who didn’t fire an employee for a costly mistake but instead turned it into a training opportunity. And there are countless other stories of blessings in disguise such as the one that Susan Kramer shares in her short and moving TED Talk.
ACTION
TODAY: Take a moment to think about a story you’ve been telling yourself about something that happened to you. What part is frustrating, challenging or simply bugs you? Why? What happens if you turn the story on its head, find a better story, or simply drop the story? Ask yourself the same question as Amy Purdy in her TED Talk: “If my life were a book and I were the author, how would I want the story to go?”
FUTURE: When faced with challenges or adversity, find a way to change the story. A shift in perception will get you unstuck and will change the feelings of resignation and helplessness into action and a new vision for the outcome. Remember that there is always a silver lining if we choose to look for it.
Know someone who needs to shift perceptions? Help them do so by sharing this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, please!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Planning, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 20 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: The Law of Navigation
— From The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell
John C. Maxwell, an authority in the field of Leadership, explains the Law of Navigation as follows: “Anyone Can Steer the Ship, but It Takes a Leader to Chart the Course.”
What he means by this is simple, albeit not easy. “[Leaders] see the whole trip in their minds before they leave the dock. They have vision for getting to their destination, they understand what it will take to get there, they know who they’ll need on the team to be successful, and they recognize the obstacles long before they appear in the horizon.”
Whether the trip or project is big or small, complex or simple, leaders learn what it will entail and plan accordingly from experience and/or by getting help from experts in the field. They are intentional and purposeful and they go through a planning process to maximize the opportunities to succeed.
When making a thorough assessment, it’s important to look both inward (to draw on experience), and outward (to examine conditions and get ideas and knowledge from other trustworthy sources). Leaders “examine not only measurable factors such as finances, resources and talent, but also intangibles such as timing, morale, momentum, culture, and so on. […] The secret to the Law of Navigation is preparation.”
Maxwell offers the acrostic PLAN AHEAD as a way for us to keep a handy reminder of the strategy to use when charting a course for navigation:
Predetermine a course of action.
Lay out your goals.
Adjust your priorities.
Notify key personnel.
Allow time for acceptance.
Head into action.
Expect problems.
Always point to the successes.
Daily review your plan.
“In the end, it’s no the size of the project that determines its acceptance, support and success. It’s the size of the leader.”
ACTION
TODAY: What trip (project/task/other) do you have ahead of you (or are you in already) where you have to lead people? Think of it and run it by the PLAN AHEAD steps that apply (depending on the stage that you are at). Where and how can you plan for a better outcome? Make a list of the people who can lend a hand or advice to steer you towards a successful outcome, call them if you can to get their advice, or plan to meet with them in a near future.
FUTURE: Practice reflecting on your experiences, both positive and negative, so that you can discover the valuable lessons in them. Do your homework ahead of time before embarking on any journey: find people who have been down that road and talk to them about their experience and get their insights. Also, find out which way you naturally lean towards: are you a can-do-anything optimist or a down-to-earth realist? Then find someone who is your opposite and include that person on your team so that you can have more balance.
Please share your project with me! I’d love to know what you’re working on. Where will you use the PLAN AHEAD steps? Anything I can help with? I’m happy to lend a hand if I can serve as a resource. Let me know and please don’t forget to share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter, if you know someone who can benefit from The Law of Navigation. Thanks!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Productivity, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 13 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Block the block
— From What to Do When it’s Your Turn (and it’s Always Your Turn) by Seth Godin
We’ve all been told that we need to be motivated in order to work or take action on something.
I think it’s important to make a distinction in terms of what we understand and call motivation:
Intrinsic Motivation – this is the reason WHY we do what we do and we take the actions that we take. We work because we need to earn money; we get together with friends because we want to have fun. These examples are simplistic, but they paint the picture. We seldom question this motivation and simply accept it as part of who we are and what we do.
But there’s a second kind of motivation, and that is the one we are talking about here:
Momentary motivation – this is feeling like doing something at a particular moment. Some people think “they need the right cosmic alignment and the proper mood” to start doing their work.
Writers, for example, often cite writer’s block as the reason why they can’t write. “But this is a form of hiding,” says Seth Godin. And I can only imagine that every profession has its own form of a block: the entrepreneur’s block, the lawyer’s block, the architect’s block, the coach’s block, the chef’s block, the nurse’s block, the designer’s block… you’re blocked when you simply don’t find the willingness within you (your mind is not collaborating…) to do the tasks that you must get done, at that moment, to accomplish your work.
What’s the way out? How can you block the block from happening again? Momentary motivation techniques might work, but to ensure that you get rid of the block once and for all, the best antidote is to create a habit.
“A habit of showing up on a regular basis, of writing when it’s time to write [or of (fill-in-the-blank) when it’s time to (fill-in-the-blank)], raising your hand when asked, pitching in every single time. The habit is part of what it means to do work. Your posture of leaning into this opportunity, of connecting and creating and picking yourself: this is your work. How motivated you are today has nothing to do with the opportunity and the obligation you face.”
Building a habit will add consistency to your work, give you a certain routine and schedule, and avoid the block.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the areas in your life where you sometimes experience a “block.” Make a list of the things that the block represents: what are you hiding from? It could be fear of failure (e.g. by being blocked you don’t write, and if you don’t write then there is no chance you’ll fail); it could be fear of success (e.g. by being blocked you don’t write and thus, there’s no opportunity for success, because you fear that if you succeed wildly your friends will leave you); it could be anything. This is as unique as you, be honest with yourself and give yourself the time to really dive deep and understand what the block means to you. It will be enlightening.
FUTURE: Based on what the block means to you, create the atmosphere and schedule the time so that you can build your habit, overcome the block and thrive. What will building your habit entail? Do you need to go somewhere to work without distraction for a period of time with certain frequency? Do you need to prep some physical or digital tools ahead of time so that you can perform? Do you need to declutter your desk (or the kitchen table) to work from there? Make it as easy as possible to create the habit so that you can have the odds in your favor to succeed.
Know someone who needs to get rid of the block? Help them get unblocked today by sharing with them this post via email, Facebook or Twitter!
