by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 4 minutes, 5 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Active listening
— From Dynamic Communication: 27 Strategies to Grow, Lead, and Manage Your Business by Jill Schiefelbein
The Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Wise words back then that still ring true today.
But in a world where we have little time, and a myriad devices clamoring for our attention, what can we do to truly listen, understand, and take action (if needed) based on what we just listened to? Active listening is the answer that Jill Schiefelbein recommends in her book Dynamic Communication.
“With active listening, you listen to someone and then repeat what you comprehended in your own words back to them. Essentially, you’re paraphrasing. The idea is that you create mutual understanding so that there are no ambiguities in interpretation. […] The true magic of active listening lies in your ability to understand the conversation from the perspective of your communication partner and your willingness to genuinely invest time in listening to their full story.”
“[Active listening] means that you listen without formulating your response.”
The story behind how active listening was born provides greater depth of understanding as to why this method—which sounds so simple—is so relevant and effective. “In the 1980s, two researchers… studied communication between emergency medical services (EMS) [paramedics] and patients. After many observations and experimental situations, what resulted was the need for a listening strategy that would ensure that the patient was not only heard, but also understood, so the best care could be provided as quickly as possible.”
With this in mind, and wanting to provide the best possible, uninterrupted listening experience to our conversation partner(s), the author provides the following strategies for being a better listener:
“Check your ego—you cannot truly listen if you’re more worried about your own personal outcome in a conversation than creating a positive outcome for all involved.”
“Stop thinking about your response—if you’re formulating your response in your head while the other person is speaking, you’re not listening!”
“Acknowledge feelings—you don’t always have to agree with what the other person says or feels, but good listeners and strong communicators acknowledge that those feelings were heard.”
“Nonverbally show engagement—a slight tilt of the head, a forward lean of the body, head nods, small ‘uh-huh’ utterances, maintaining eye contact…all these things encourage engagement in a conversation and are indicators of listening.”
“Admit when you didn’t listen—or at least ask someone to repeat themselves. ‘I didn’t quite catch that. Could you please repeat?’ It’s better to have the full picture in a conversation than to make a judgment call or decision on something without all the puzzle pieces in play.”
“Use active listening—make sure you heard what the person intended. So many conflicts could be avoided in the workplace and so many teams would run more smoothly if people would just check for mutual understanding. Do it. You’ll see a difference in the productivity, the relationships and the outcomes.”
ACTION
TODAY: Start practicing active listening at work and at home to the extent possible. Notice how your communications and your interactions change for the better. Share the secret of active listening as a strategy that works, even in life-or-death situations!
FUTURE: Make a point of practicing active listening as much as possible in the situations that call for it (“pass the gravy” hardly qualifies). Be especially aware of when your mind is racing to give an answer before the other person has finished talking. Bring your mind back into the conversation. Pause when the other person finishes so that you can take it all in, and then respond. If the silence feels awkward, just tell the other person, “I’m thinking about my response based on all you’ve said, give me a second.” Very likely they will say yes and be patient and grateful that you are giving so much thought and attention to what they are saying.
Know someone who could use some active listening skills? Please listen first to what they’ve got to say and in your response include a mention to today’s post. Or forward via email, Facebook or Twitter, thanks!
P.S. – Want to instill the love of books in children? My friend Ryan Jennings, is launching today the first 3 of his children’s books. They’re awesome because children can pick the adventure path they want to follow: fun, fun fun! Learn more about the books and if you want to download them, Ryan has generously made them available for free for us Gurupies* for a limited time—thanks, Ryan! Here are the links: The Kiwi and The Boy, The Electric Eel and The Girl, and The Polar Bear and The Boy. If you do download them for free, please be kind and leave a review on Amazon, as that way more people will learn about the books and how cool they are for the children in our lives.
*Gurupie = blend of guru and groupie = how I fondly refer to the EntreGurus’ community, because we all follow the ideas of the gurus.
by Helena Escalante | Collaboration, Creativity, Goals, Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 1 second.
TODAY’S IDEA: Think “both”
— From: Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker (read a sample)
Why does it seem that some people live in a world of abundance and plenty and some others live in a world of scarcity and limitations? While we all live in this physical world, the difference, according to T. Harv Eker, is perspective. He says, “although you may not be able to have ‘everything’ as in all the things in the world, I do think that you can certainly have ‘everything you really want’.”
“Do you want a successful career or a close relationship with your family? Both!
Do you want to focus on business or have fun and play? Both!
Do you want money or meaning in your life? Both!
Do you want to earn a fortune or do the work you love? Both!”
People with a scarcity mindset feel as if they must choose one because they can’t have both. However, people with an abundance mindset think both, and understand that “with a little creativity you can almost always figure out a way to have the best of both worlds.”
And the beauty of both is that it not only applies to the things you want, but also to all areas of life. It’s a win-win for all involved. For example, when you are discussing outcomes with a client or coworker, think in terms of both of you getting what you want, as opposed to a zero sum game. Or, when you are negotiating the sale of your home, think of you as the seller, the buyer, and the real estate agents involved (if any) getting what each one wants. It is indeed possible.
For those that are still skeptical, Eker asks, “what is more important, your arm or your leg? Could it be that both are important?” Let’s go back to perspective: yes, both are important because each—in its own way—plays an important role. Why chose either/or when you can find a way to have both? It may not always be easy, and it may take a while before you get to have both, but keeping your goal in mind will help you get there.
Another very important area to which both applies is money and happiness. They are NOT mutually exclusive. “People who are rich in every sense of the word understand that you have to have both. Just as you have to have both of your arms and your legs, you have to have money and happiness.”
“From now on, when confronted with an either/or alternative, the quintessential question to ask yourself is ‘How can I have both?’ This question will change your life… it will take you to a universe of possibilities and abundance.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a way to get both from a project you have to get done or from a situation that you are going through. What can you do? How can you plan for it? Who is involved and who can help you?
TOMORROW: Make a point of thinking both from now on. Be creative and think of ways in which you and all involved in your projects can have what each of you wants/needs. A simple but effective technique is to take a piece of paper and draw 2 vertical lines to have 3 columns. On the left column, write what you want/need. On the right column write the second thing you want/need or what someone else wants/needs. In the middle column write the path that will enable you to get both. Remember that there is no shortage of ideas.
Know someone who could benefit from both reading this and using both in his/her life? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Planning, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 29 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: How to be wrong
— From: Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us by Seth Godin
The weather forecast is wrong a lot of times, yet we listen to it every single day. Isaac Newton was completely wrong about alchemy, yet he’s regarded as one the most successful physicists. Steve Jobs was wrong about his NEXT computer, and Apple is now one of the most successful companies in the world. And we can find countless other instances where the people and companies are wrong many times, yet they are successful.
Why?
Because, according to Seth Godin in his excellent book Tribes:
“The secret of being wrong isn’t to avoid being wrong!
The secret is being willing to be wrong.
The secret is realizing that wrong isn’t fatal.
The only thing that makes people and organizations great is their willingness to be not great along the way. The desire to fail on the way to reaching a bigger goal is the untold secret to success.”
“The truth is that they appear to risk everything, but in fact, the risk isn’t so bad. The downsides are pretty small because few of us are likely to get burned at the stake.”
Most of us battle an invisible jury in our minds that paralyzes us at the very first thought of a less-than-perfect outcome. If we let this fear stop us, we won’t be able to move forward. There isn’t an easy, failure-free way to move forward, but here are a series of steps that’ll enable you to do so:
- Become aware of your fear of being wrong.
- Recognize that it’s natural for it to appear.
- Thank the fear for trying to protect you.
- Set aside the fear and move forward to your goal, despite the fear.
- Be willing to go wrong and, when it happens, learn, learn, learn and apply those learnings towards the future.
- Rectify, clean up, set up a new path (now you know where NOT to go).
- Keep your goal in mind and keep going.
“The secret of leadership is simple: Do what you believe in. Paint a picture of the future. Go there. People will follow.”
ACTION
TODAY: Is there a project that you’d love to take back on because you stopped cold for fear of going wrong? Think of the worst possible outcome and how to mitigate it. Give it a shot and realize that failure is a natural part of moving forward. Every lesson gets you closer to your goal. Every NO gets you closer to a YES.
FUTURE: Next time you’re about to start a new project, allow additional time for the expected wrong ways that you will find. If you are open and cognizant that being wrong at times is part of any project, you will have less of a hard time recognizing the lessons to be learned and moving forward. Keep in mind that being wrong is simply a detour that opens up a myriad possibilities; it is not a dead end and, never, a final state.
Know someone who needs to be ok with being wrong? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Mindset
Estimated reading time: 1 minute, 54 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Start at the epicenter
— From REWORK: Change the way you work forever by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson
When we’re starting a new business or a new project, we sometimes get muddled in the details and forget to focus on the core, or what Fried and Hansson call the epicenter. “There are forces pulling you in a variety of directions. There’s the stuff you could do, the stuff you want to do, and the stuff you have to do. The stuff you have to do is where you should begin. Start at the epicenter.”
Focusing on what’s important is always at stake, yet this is such a simple idea that sometimes we forget about it and we need someone to point out the obvious. The authors give the example of a hot dog stand: “you could worry about the condiments, the cart, the name, the decoration. But the first thing you should worry about is the hot dog. The hot dogs are the epicenter… a hot dog stand isn’t a hot dog stand without the hot dogs.” You could take away the toppings and still have a hot dog stand (despite many people not liking your plain hot dogs), but you cannot take away the hot dogs.
“Which part of your equation can’t be removed?”
The best way to find out your epicenter is to ask “If I took this away, would what I’m selling [or working on] still exist?” Keep asking and removing things (figuratively) until you cannot remove anymore. “When you find [the epicenter] you’ll know. Then focus all your energy on making it the best it can be. Everything else you do depends on that foundation.”
ACTION
TODAY: Think of a project you are starting or have recently started. Where have you gone off on a rabbit trail? Get yourself back on track: figure out your epicenter and focus on strengthening it, as everything else depends on it.
FUTURE: Whenever you start new projects add “search for the epicenter” during your initial phases to your checklist. Review it often as your project grows and expands. Focus always on the epicenter as the basis: always keep your epicenter strong, and—very important—share the epicenter with your team(s) so that they can focus on it and contribute to strengthen it.
Help someone find their epicenter by sharing this post via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Collaboration, Goals, Growth, Leadership, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 49 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: No bad teams, only bad leaders
— From Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin
Leaders make all the difference. That is why we see companies and organizations get in trouble or get out of it when a new leader comes in. And it runs the gamut from the leader of a nation to the leader of a children’s game. Whoever is at the helm sets the stage to foster radical change or fully preserving the status quo, and everything in between of such a wide spectrum.
Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, former U.S. Navy SEALs and experts in leadership, say that there are no bad teams, only bad leaders. “Leadership is the single greatest factor in any team’s performance. Whether a team succeeds or fails is all up to the leader. The leader’s attitude sets the tone for the entire team. The leader drives performance—or doesn’t. And this applies not just to the most senior leader of an overall team, but to the junior leaders of teams within the team.”
In Extreme Ownership, Willink and Babin emphasize that “leaders must accept total responsibility, own problems that inhibit performance, and develop solutions to those problems.” Only in this way will the team members see that the role they play and the efforts they contribute can improve the team’s work and bring about the highest performance.
Further, the leaders must be aware that in terms of setting and enforcing standards and expectations, “it’s not what you preach, it’s what you tolerate.” This is important because “no matter what has been said or written, if substandard performance is accepted, and no one is held accountable—if there are no consequences—that poor performance becomes the new standard.”
By accepting total responsibility and accountability, leaders set an example of excellence, high standards and performance that leads the team to become the best version of itself.
Likewise, at a personal level, you have what you tolerate. If you tolerate lateness or being out of shape, then that is what you have. If you tolerate love and good will that is what you have. The way you lead yourself is also the way you lead the various teams in your life. Take extreme ownership of your personal and professional life and lead yourself to becoming the very best YOU that you can be.
ACTION
TODAY: Think of the two most important projects that you lead right now: one at a professional level and one at a personal level. What are you tolerating? What can you improve as a leader? How can you take extreme ownership of both projects? Take at least one step today towards improving your leadership (even if that step is just writing down your thoughts to put them into action later).
FUTURE: Make a list of all the projects that you lead in your life (both personal and professional). What are you tolerating in each? Count both the good and the not-so-good standards and behaviors you tolerate. How can you take extreme ownership and improve your various teams so that they can reach their goals and excel at what they do? Share the concepts of extreme ownership and the importance of being a good leader who sets and enforces standards with them, so that they can be empowered by those principles as well!
Know someone who should enforce better standards in the team he/she leads? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Creativity, Goals, Growth, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes, 13 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: We learn by copying
— From: Steal Like An Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative by Austin Kleon
From a very young age we are told not to copy, but the truth is that “nobody is born with a style or a voice… In the beginning, we learn by pretending to be our heroes. We learn by copying.”
“You learn to write by copying down the alphabet. Musicians learn to play by practicing scales. Painters learn to paint by reproducing masterpieces.”
Yet it’s important to make a distinction between copying and plagiarism. “Plagiarism is trying to pass someone else’s work as your own. Copying is about reverse-engineering. It’s like a mechanic taking apart a car to see how it works.”
“The writer Wilson Mizner said if you copy from one author, it’s plagiarism, but if you copy from many, it’s research.”
The people whom we copy are usually our heroes, those that we admire the most, whose work we love and are inspired by. The trick is not just to copy the style but “the thinking behind the style. You don’t want to look like your heroes, you want to see like your heroes.” The goal is to see the world the same way they do, to “get a glimpse into their minds. If you just mimic the surface […] without understanding where they are coming from, your work will never be anything more than a knockoff.”
Then something remarkable happens: from imitating all our heroes and seeing the world through their eyes, we find the confidence to create our own style. We take from all of our heroes, mix it up, and out comes our own voice. This is what makes us different from one another and how we can best contribute.
ACTION
TODAY: Who has done what you want to do? Set a time today to make a list of your heroes. Then find out who are your heroes’ heroes. Make a list too, you’ll want to copy and learn from them as well. Remember you are part of a creative lineage.
FUTURE: Set up some time in your calendar to “do research” according to Mizner. Where you start, how and who you copy is up to you, but dive deep into the style and thought. Copy, copy, copy from all of your heroes and their heroes, reverse engineer the heck out of each, understand, improve, and then copy some more. Eventually you’ll start seeing your own style emerge. Don’t forget to share it with the world. Give credit to your heroes, as they served as teachers and mentors, but don’t forget to give yourself credit too!
Know someone who is trying to find his/her own style? Please share this post via email, Facebook or Twitter!
