by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Creativity, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Resources, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 28 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: Let’s redefine failure
From Black Box Thinking: Why Most People Never Learn from Their Mistakes–But Some Do by Matthew Syed
We’ve all failed at something at some point. It’s not a happy day when that happens. It’s a mad scramble as we watch our project go down in proverbial flames. The memory of it is not a happy one either and, usually, we try to avoid bringing it up again, right? Ugh!
Matthew Syed in his book Black Box Thinking, says there is a better way: “If we wish to fulfill our potential as individuals and organizations, we must redefine failure.”
“We learn from our mistakes, it is as simple and as difficult as that. […] Sometimes committing errors is not only the fastest way to the correct answer, it’s the only way.” This is, obviously, easier said than done. The key is not in the procedures but in changing the attitude towards error that liberates individuals and organizations from the “twin dangers of blame and cognitive dissonance,” which is the default mode when things don’t go well.
James Dyson, the inventor of the famous Dyson vacuum cleaner went through 5,127 prototypes (!) before his technology was ready. As tragic as airline accidents can be, the findings are quickly applied and transformed into new rules for all aviation personnel in the world to avoid the same mistakes. (Read more in this book summary by Samie Al-Achrafi.)
Heather Hanbury, former headmistress of Wimbledon High School in London, created “Failure Week” after she saw her students doing well academically but struggling to reach their potential outside the classroom. The rigidity of the school system punishing mistakes was stagnating the students in other areas of their life. She said to Syed, “You’re not born with fear of failure, it’s not an instinct. It’s something that grows and develops in you as you get older. Very young children have no fear of failure at all, they have great fun trying new things and learning very fast.”
How can we, then, unlearn and redefine this acquired fear of failure? A trite—but illustrative—example that comes to mind is the one coaches sometimes use to exemplify why we should not give up: think of an adorable baby girl who is starting to learn how to walk. Would you give up on her simply because she falls constantly? Would you throw your hands up in the air in frustration and blame it all on gravity? The mere thought of it is ridiculous. However, we sometimes do this (metaphorically-speaking) to ourselves and to our projects.
Here are some questions and a few posts to help you redefine and reframe for yourself:
- How many times have we given up on something that we’ve considered a failure without giving it a fair chance? (Read: Move forward imperfectly.)
- How many times have we found the process frustrating as opposed to making the most out of it? (Read: Why 5 Times.)
- How many times do we bury as deep as we can within ourselves whatever happened, and waste the opportunity to learn from it? (Read: You are not your past.)
And I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from T. Harv Eker:
“Every master was once a disaster.”
ACTION:
TODAY: You are the only one who knows yourself best and who can redefine failure for you. What steps can you take today to reframe a recent “failure,” so that you can make space for the new learnings? Even in the worst of situations there’s always a positive thing if you know where to look. How about focusing on that? It may look like “Where’s Waldo?” at first, but don’t give up. This simple process will help you reframe and redefine!
FUTURE: As much as it’s uncomfortable to accept, there is no way we can avoid making mistakes in the future. So let’s reframe that too: instead of keeping our fingers crossed and holding our breath “so that nothing goes wrong,” how about trusting in our ability and willingness to be able to gather the information and resources to solve the mistakes to the best of our ability if and when they happen? Ah, what a relief that thought brings!
Know someone who could use some help redefining failure? Please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Growth, Habits, Leadership, Mindset
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 57 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA: You are not your past
— From A Second Chance: For You, For Me, And For The Rest Of Us by Catherine Hoke
Spoiler alert: The ideas in this book will change your life for the better. It’s all about love, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, and a keen eye for business.
Catherine Hoke is the Founder of Defy Ventures, an “entrepreneurship, employment, and character development training program for currently and formerly incarcerated men, women, and youth.” Defy teaches character building and business to inmates so that when they are released, they can become the CEOs of their new lives and new businesses, productive members of society, and legal, role models for their families and their circles of influence.
The statistics speak for themselves: under the regular prison system, 76.6% of previously incarcerated individuals will return to prison; whereas 95% of Defy “graduates” never go back. What is Defy doing that it has lowered the rate of recidivism (return to prison) down to only 5%? This book will tell you! It’s a combination of the story of Hoke, her healing and second chance, and the wonderful work that she does along with her team at Defy to give second chances to inmates who sometimes have never truly had a legitimate first chance (some of them are locked up before the age of ten for playground fights!). Here’s a TED Talk with more details and many success stories.
As all the (true) stories in the book unfold, we—readers—are taken into a parallel journey of our own, filled with paradigm shifts and empathic reflection, because Hoke walks us through the prisons we build in our minds. “We are all behind bars—the bars of perfection, the bars of shame, of judging and being judged.” This fits me, unfortunately, like a glove, as I am a recovering perfectionist and have also beaten myself much, over and over, for a long time, for many mistakes I’ve made in business and in life.
“What would it be like if you were known only for the worst thing you have ever done? Think back to the worst decision you’ve made, the one you regret the most, the one that caused you or others the most pain. Maybe it was something criminal. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was emotionally or morally or spiritually wrong. Maybe it was an act of omission. What labels could people have attached to your mistake?”
You are free to cast the first stone if you have never done anything wrong, but as the book says, “Aren’t we all ex-somethings?” We’ve all made big and small mistakes… and the beautiful idea that I want to take from the book for today is “You are not your past.” Focus on yourself today and on who you are becoming. Forgiveness is for ourselves: it’s a choice and a decision we make. “When we don’t choose forgiveness we live in the past.”
Don’t tie yourself to the past. Give up the hope of a better past because it just weighs you down. Instead, level up now and work towards the hope of a better future. “Forgiveness doesn’t mean the offense was okay. […] No one is suggesting the doormat model. Forgiveness is not about inviting people to hurt you again, break your heart again, disappoint you again. You’re free to refuse to work with someone or to not engage with someone you can’t trust. But when we forgive someone, we open two doors: a door for them to improve and demonstrate that they have a contribution to make to others, and a door for us, to find a path forward.”
ACTION
TODAY: Identify where you are clinging on to the past. Whether its business or personal, where have you not let go of something you did or something that someone did to you? Ask yourself if you like living with that feeling or if you’ve just grown accustomed to it. Think for a moment: wouldn’t it be liberating to forgive? Make the choice and try it, wholeheartedly. If the choice doesn’t work out you can always come back to where you were before forgiving, but I bet it will be life changing.
FUTURE: After you’ve done the action for today, know that after you think, “I choose to forgive me/him/her/them” you may not feel warm and fuzzy and your brain will fight you back. Maybe immediately, or maybe the following day (it’s a habit that needs to be changed), but your brain will tell you all the reasons why you want to revert to a state of unforgiveness. Every time that happens, choose forgiveness. Build the new habit. And choose forgiveness again. And again. “Forgiveness is as much about the forgiver as much as the forgiven. It allows us to take our attention off the past and put it on the present and the future, where it can do some good.”
Want to learn more about Catherine Hoke, the book or Defy Ventures? Here’s a podcast with Tim Ferriss. And if you know someone who needs to forgive, please share this post with that person via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Accountability, Goals, Habits, Parkinson's Law, Productivity, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 2 minutes 45 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA:
The to-do and to-be lists.
— From The One-Minute Organizer Plain & Simple by Donna Smallin
Donna Smallin, professional organizer extraordinaire, is a genius when it comes to productivity with easy, helpful, and actionable tips. She suggests creating a master list of to-dos. Then, taking that master list as a basis, take the items from there to create our daily to-do lists.
Further, she has some great ideas as to how to manage the master and the daily to-do lists:
- “Do at least one thing each day that will bring you closer to a long-term goal.”
- “Put the 80/20 principle to work. Only 20 percent of things in your to-do list are priority items…. focus all of your energy on getting those things done.”
- “Evaluate every item on your master to-do list. Move any tasks that would be nice to do, but aren’t necessary, to a separate “would be nice to do” list.”
- “Decide which one thing on your daily to-do list is the most important thing to get done. Do that first.”
- “The secret to getting through your daily to-do list is to put fewer things on it. Just list the three most important things to do that day. If you have time left over at the end of the day, you can always add another task from your master list.”
- “At the beginning of each week, create time in your schedule for each one of your priorities. Then schedule everything else around those things. If having more free time is a priority, schedule your free time first. Then schedule focused work time. Use the time in between for completing routine tasks.”
- “Apply the on/off rule to commitments: before you agree to be on a committee or board, get off a committee or board.”
And the last suggestion from Donna that I want to highlight today (because it’s one that I absolutely love and that is rarely talked about) is THE most important one of all:
“Remember that in the big picture of life, your to-do list is not nearly as important as your to-be list: schedule time to be with the people you love, in the places you love, doing the things you love to do.”
ACTION
TODAY: Create your master to-do list and your to-be list. Schedule your priorities from both to-do and to-be lists today and commit to honoring them. You’ll be glad you did!
FUTURE: As you plan your week/month/time ahead, schedule your priorities from both to-do and to-be lists in your calendar. Next, schedule focused work time, and then everything else. Parkinson’s Law will ensure that you finish your tasks in the time you have allotted for them. You’ll be surprised how much you can get done in little time if you are focused and intent on getting things done. (Expand on this idea by reading this quick post about Capacity.) Further, is there any way you can create synergy and overlap? E.g. Could you go for a jog (to-do: workout) with a friend whom you haven’t seen in a while (to-be: with friends, at the park) and catch up during your run?
Know someone who needs help with his or her to-do list? Someone that could use an a-ha! moment with the idea of the to-be list? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter, thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Habits, Planning, Productivity, Time, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes 55 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA:
9 Habits to stop NOW
— From: The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss
Tim Ferriss’ book opened up the doors to the wonderful opportunity of lifestyle design that has become the dream—or the coveted reality—of many people. Beyond the many fascinating ideas and amusing stories that the book shares, sprinkled throughout is a collection of tips and pointers to become super efficient and productive.
One of these tools is what Tim calls “The Not-to-Do List” where he offers a list of 9 habits that we should all stop doing right now for the sake of maximizing our productivity and keeping our stress levels as low as possible. “Focus on one or two at a time, just as you would with high-priority to-do items,” he says.
Here’s the list:
1. Do not answer calls from unrecognized phone numbers. “It just results in unwanted interruptions or poor negotiating positions.” There are services that can send you a text transcript of the voice mail message immediately after the call to save you time.
2. Do not email first thing in the morning or last thing at night. (I’m so guilty of this one…) “The former scrambles your priorities and plans for the day, and the latter just gives you insomnia.”
3. Do not agree to meetings or calls with no clear agenda or end time. “Request them in advance so that you ‘can best prepare and make good use of the time together’.”
4. Do not let people ramble. “A big part of getting things done is getting to the point.” This may not be as easy as it sounds in some foreign countries, where culture dictates that getting to the point is rude before you go through the appropriate initial niceties that a call or meeting demand. Yet you can always say something to the effect of: I have a hard stop at X time. Since I value our time together, I want to focus on [the issue], so let’s get started on this and we can catch up on personal matters another time, deal?
5. Do not check email constantly—“batch” and check at set times only. Set an auto-responder saying “Due to the high workload, I am currently checking and responding to email twice daily at 12 pm ET and 4 pm ET [or your preferred times and time zones]. If you require urgent assistance (please ensure that it’s urgent) that cannot wait until 12 pm or 4 pm please contact me via phone at [number]. Thank you for understanding this move to more efficiency and effectiveness. It helps me accomplish more to serve you better.”
6. Do not over-communicate with low-profit, high-maintenance customers. Analyze your customer base: “which 20% are producing 80%+ of my profit, and which 20% are consuming 80%+ of my time? Then put the loudest and least productive on autopilot by citing a change in company policies. Send them an email with the new rules as bullet points: number of permissible phone calls, e-mail response time, minimum orders, etc. Offer to point them to another provider if they aren’t able to adopt the new policies.”
7. Do not work more to fix overwhelmingness—prioritize. “If you don’t prioritize, everything seems urgent and important. If you define the single most important task for each day, almost nothing seems urgent or important. The answer to overwhelmingness is not spinning more plates—or doing more—it’s defining the few things that can really fundamentally change your business and life.”
8. Do not carry a cell phone 24/7. Take a digital detox at least one day per week. “Turn [it] off or, better still, leave [it] in the garage or in the car.”
9. Do not expect work to fill a void that non-work relationships and activities should. “Work is not all of life. Your co-workers shouldn’t be your only friends. Schedule life and defend it just as you would an important business meeting.”
ACTION
TODAY: Focus on not doing right away: select the one or two habits you are going to stop doing NOW. Write them down in a card and keep it near you and visible all day as a reminder.
FUTURE: Pick a couple of habits that you’d like to ditch within a month’s time. Tell family, friends or coworkers about this so that they can help keep you accountable. Further, keep yourself accountable with your favorite system (a journal, an X on a calendar, an accountability/habit app, etc.). After the time has passed, pick another one or two habits—or continue to reinforce the previous ones—and keep yourself aware and accountable of your progress until you have eliminated them. Repeat as necessary. For more on the topic you can read this earlier post.
Know someone who needs to stop doing these things right away too? Please share this post with them via email, Facebook or Twitter!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 31 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA:
Put doubts in your doubts.
— From: Simple Is the New Smart: 26 Success Strategies to Build Confidence, Inspire Yourself, and Reach Your Ultimate Potential by Rob Fazio
Whenever we are going to do something, whether for the first or the umpteenth time, doubts may creep in. It’s natural, but if left unchecked, doubts can sometimes take over and paralyze or derail us.
Rob Fazio quotes a successful strategy by Al Petitpas, renowned psychologist to athletes, that helps “turn [around] people’s level of performance in sport and life.” The secret? Putting doubts in your doubts. Here’s how it works:
1. Scan for your doubts. Make a list of your doubts. Fear is usually the strongest of all, but it could also be “something that seems as harmless as a gut feeling about who is watching you or the setup of a situation.”
2. Understand and verify. Once you have a list, you can understand the source of your doubts by asking: “Where are these doubts coming from? What are the triggers? Are they real or did you create them?” And once you’ve answered, then ask “Is there any value?” This is important to verify, because, “for example… if you feel unprepared… that may be a cue to prepare more.” This step helps you see what is real and valid, and what isn’t.
3. Identify what the doubts are preventing. Those pesky doubts always have a way of stopping us short, even if temporarily, when they appear. “The way to counteract this is by asking yourself a simple, yet powerful question: ‘What would I achieve if I didn’t have any doubts?’ This question gives us forward momentum [and creates] a vision of success that focuses on the positive.”
4. Put doubt in your doubts. Our doubts usually start with “what if…” and then we imagine the worst-case scenario. So, what if we were to turn that on its head? Shift the negative “what ifs” into “questions that guide [you] toward success”:
“What if…
→ I wasn’t afraid?
→ I didn’t think about what others think?
→ I was confident right now?
→ I was able to get out of my own way?”
5. Shout out the doubt. Take the questions above and transform them into positive, strong statements that you can believe and that resonate with you and your values. “You need to believe in yourself or no one else will.
→ ‘I wasn’t afraid?’ becomes: ‘I know how to manage my fear.’
→ ‘I didn’t think about what others think?’ becomes: ‘I care more about what I think than what others think of me.’
→ ‘I was confident right now?’ becomes: ‘I am confident and strong.’
→ ‘I was able to get out of my own way?’ becomes: ‘Who I am is my strongest asset, and I help myself win.’”
6. Replace the doubt with doing. Action cures fear. “This is where the focus happens and you shift from doubt to doing. Identify one situation where your doubts have held you back, and attack. Leverage your newfound confidence and lean into your discomfort.”
7. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. By building the habit of doubting your doubts and taking action “you will have more power and control over yourself and debilitate your doubts.” More importantly, you will be able to take action where necessary in the case of true and valid doubts (e.g. more preparation in the above example), or dispel them if they arise out of fear or out of another emotion that is not serving you at this time.
ACTION
TODAY: Take one of your doubts and run it through the steps above. What did you learn? I’m sure a positive mind shift took place!
FUTURE: Make some time in the near future to create a list of doubts and run each doubt through the steps above. Take action where you need to. Rinse and repeat as often as needed. I’m sure you will be able to lift a burden off your shoulders (the stress we undergo from our doubts is not only unnecessary but also quite draining), and have peace of mind knowing that you are moving forward towards the completion of your goals.
Like what you read? Then don’t doubt for a second and help us spread the word via email, Facebook or Twitter. Your friends with doubts will thank you!
by Helena Escalante | Goals, Growth, Habits, Mindset, Tools
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes, 9 seconds.
TODAY’S IDEA:
There are 4 steps that we must go through if we want to change something
— From: Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker (read a sample)
I’d venture a guess that when you look at the different areas of your life, you are pulled in two different directions. One side pulls towards feeling immense gratitude and counting your blessings. The other one pulls towards feeling that there is so much potential in you, that there’s so much more that you can do, that you are pleased but not satisfied in the area of XYZ and that if you could only… __________ (fill in the blank with your answer).
Whatever that answer is, it just means that you need to change a few things (big or small) to make it happen. However, change is easier said than done. That’s why I love what T.Harv Eker has to say about it:
“The roots create the fruits.” Imagine a tree with fruits. “In life, our fruits are called our results. [If you] don’t like them, there aren’t enough of them, they’re too small, or they don’t taste good […] you cannot change the fruits that are already hanging on the tree. You can, however, change tomorrow’s fruits. But to do so, you will have to dig below the ground and strengthen the roots.”
By digging below the ground, of course, he means taking four steps to transform our current mental blueprint and start yielding better fruits. (While in this book the methodology is applied to wealth, I believe these steps apply to all changes we want to implement.)
- Awareness: “You can’t change anything unless you know it exists.”
- Understanding: “By understanding where your ‘way of thinking’ originates, you can recognize that it has to come from outside you.” You didn’t come to this world knowing what you know. This thought that is not letting you get the best yield of fruit has had to come from some external source—family, school, culture, work, etc.—and you simply adopted it as true.
- Disassociation: “Once you realize this way of thinking isn’t you [and it isn’t serving you or holding value for you anymore], you can separate yourself from it and choose in the present whether to keep it or let it go—based on who you are today, and where you want to be tomorrow.”
- Reconditioning: Feeding your mind with new patterns of thought and actions that will guide you towards achieving your goals.
ACTION
TODAY: Set aside some time to look at the area(s) in which you’d like to yield better fruits. Examine carefully the actions that have led you there. It’s hard to look objectively at yourself, but one way I find that helps me do this, is to pretend that I am giving advice to my best friend. Detaching myself that way let’s me look at my situation differently. The “best friend” approach takes all judgment and criticism away and instead provides just constructive feedback and resources.
FUTURE: Disassociate yourself from thought patterns that no longer serve you by being aware of them when they pop up in your mind. “Unlearn” those things or habits that have not worked for you. Determine which new patters of thought and action you are going to learn next. A good way of doing this is modeling after someone who has already reached the goal you want to attain. Look for those people, ask them, or read about them, look at their mindset so that you can start emulating it.
My wish for you is that your tree of life will soon bear plenty of your desired fruits!
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