Today is Christmas Eve: the evening in which Santa Claus delivers millions of presents to the kids all around the world.
And today’s post is dedicated—with a BIG and heartfelt thanks—to all of the millions of helpers that make this incredible feat of happiness and toyness happen year after year.
In his book Thanks a Thousand, gratitude guru and best-selling author A.J. Jacobs went halfway around the world thanking everyone who made his morning cup of coffee possible. Along the way, he met Ed Kaufmann, head of buying at Joe Coffee (where Jacobs purchases his coffee every morning).
Jacobs recalls the conversation with Kaufmann, as the latter was surprised to hear that the author would be writing about him. “It’s kind of odd that you’re featuring me in your book,” Kaufmann said. “I’m usually more of a background guy. I’m a bassist.”
In his spare time, Kaufmann plays bass guitar in a rock band, so he meant that literally and figuratively: “I like being the bassist… Everyone wants to be the lead guitarist or lead singer, and we need those. But we also need bassists. I’m necessary, but I’m background.”
This concept struck the author and prompted him to dive deeply into it. Jacobs says, “In our society, we fetishize the lead singers. And not just in music. The front people in every field—art, engineering, sports, food—get way too much attention. The cult of celebrity has spread into every corner. We overemphasize individual achievement when, in fact, almost everything good in the world is the result of teamwork.”
And I would add to this that sometimes—as was the case in the book—some team members don’t know of each other’s existence. For example, the designer of the coffee cup lid, possibly didn’t know of the existence of the pest control people who make sure that the bags of coffee are not infested by moths in the warehouse; and these folks, in turn, had no clue about the existence of the people at the water reservoir who pick up animal droppings to prevent water contamination so that the water can be safely used in making coffee.
Yet, for those that do know who is in their team but fail to thank and acknowledge, psychologists have coined the term responsibility bias. Jacobs points out that, “For one thing, it causes a lot of pain and resentment among the billions of unacknowledged bass players in our world. But its long-term consequences might be even worse. By elevating individual achievement over cooperation, we’re creating a glut of wannabe superstars who don’t have time for collaboration. We desperately need more bassists in the world… The idea of the lone (person achieving success on his or her own) warps reality.”
And that is why I don’t want to warp reality and, instead, I want to thank ALL of you who help Santa Claus year after year. Millions of kids rejoice because of you. While Santa is indeed the lead singer, and his elves and reindeer are the lead guitarists, the rest of you are the bassists who help make it happen.
We would need Jacobs to write another book to figure out all the ways in which people help Santa Claus all over the world, but from:
The farmers who take care of the cows that produce the milk in the glass left for Santa
To the cookie makers whose cookies are left in a plate for Santa next to the milk above
To the schoolteachers who teach and help kids how to write a letter
To the paper mills that produce the paper in which the letters are written
To the camera makers for making memories of opening the gifts on Christmas Day…
Every one of us plays a role, especially, the parents: thanks for taking care and raising good kids so that Santa can bring them gifts at the end of the year. The world is a beautiful and better place because of all that you do for your children.
Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you for making this beautiful tradition happen. 🙂
A very merry Christmas to you and yours with much love and gratitude!
ACTION
TODAY: Think about the enormity of the effort—individual and collective—that represents bringing toys to all children in the world… No wonder there are so many big and small roles that people play to make this happen! Santa indeed has millions of helpers.
FUTURE: As you gather with your family to enjoy Santa’s gifts tomorrow, play the gratitude competition that A.J. Jacobs plays with his family (see Today’s Action here). In this case, modify it to suit Christmas and Santa Claus: think of the most obscure and furthest-removed role that you can think of in terms of helping Santa Claus. How about the mill workers who produce steel to make the nuts and bolts that hold together the sleigh? Or how about the rig workers in the North Sea who drill for oil which is then used to make the synthetic hair on a doll? Or the cotton farmer whose fabric was used for Santa’s clothes? You can spend hours having fun and being grateful! And for more on gratitude check out the series of videos where I interview A.J. Jacobs.
Please help me spread the holiday cheer by sharing this post with other Santa’s helpers via email, Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, thank you!
Nobel Prize laureate Daniel Kahneman and psychologist Dale T. Miller wrote a chapter in the book Heuristics and Biases, where they talk about “the power of backward thinking.” What they mean by this is the importance of using the past as a way to design a better future. “Reasoning flows not only forward, from anticipation and hypothesis to confirmation or revision, but also backward, from the experience to what it reminds us of or makes us think about.”
And in today’s book, Your Best Year Ever, author and leadership guru Michael Hyatt recalls a friend of his telling him: “An experience is not complete until it is remembered.” Thus, Hyatt says, “We can’t complete the past until we acknowledge what we’ve already experienced.”
In terms of looking ahead at the New Year, setting goals and making plans, it’s important to look at the past year (or the past in general) and learn from what didn’t go well, as well as build on top what indeed went well.
For this, Hyatt points us in the direction of the After-Action Review (AAR), an exercise used in the U.S. Army to improve performance.
“After an event, the goal is to understand what happened, why it happened, and how they can improve. Lots of businesses use this process, and we can use it too.”
The After-Action Review has four key stages:
Stage 1: State what you wanted to happen. “For the military, this is pretty straightforward. Think of it as the battle plan or the object of the mission. For us, this could be your list of goals from the prior year… Start by asking yourself how you saw the year going. What were your plans, your dreams, your concrete goals if you had any?”
Stage 2: Acknowledge what actually happened. “Ask yourself, What disappointments or regrets did I experience this past year? […] What did you feel you should have been acknowledged for but weren’t? […] What did you accomplish this past year that you were most proud of? Completing the past is not just about processing failures and disappointments. It’s also about acknowledging and celebrating your wins. […] To finish this stage, it’s useful two tease out some themes. What were two or three specific themes that kept recurring? These could be single words, phrases, or even complete sentences.”
Stage 3: Learn from the experience. “What were the major life lessons you learned this past year? […] If you have trouble identifying your key lessons from the year, one way to suss them out is to ask what was missing from your success… Listing these missing ingredients is an effective way to learn what went wrong and what it would take to go right in the future. [Lastly,] to retain these lessons, you’ll want to distill your discoveries into short, pithy statements. That transforms your learning into wisdom to guide your path into the future.”
Stage 4: Adjust your behavior. “If something in your beliefs and behaviors contributed to the gap between what you wanted to happen and what actually happened, something has to change. In fact, that gap will only widen and worsen unless you pivot. It’s not enough to acknowledge the gap. It’s not even enough to learn from the experience. If you don’t change your beliefs and how you act on them, you’re actually worse then when you started.”
And there you have it. The After-Action Review is one of the most powerful backward thinking exercises you can undergo to derive a lesson and move forward.
Happy backward thinking! 😉
ACTION
TODAY: As the year is coming to an end, set aside some time in your calendar to do an After-Action Review of this year. Give yourself half a day in your schedule to do it thoroughly.
FUTURE: Every time you come to the end of a year, a project, a sprint or a certain event, do an After-Action Review so that you can learn and internalize the lessons. They will become invaluable mindset assets for your future.
As I’ve been immersing myself in productivity and goal-setting topics in preparation for the New Year, I received this great newsletter from Laura Vanderkam.
The race to the end of the year is a sprint, and many of us are putting things aside to clear the way and finish our goals with a bang.
And sometimes what happens is that, “You’ve been working hard. You’ve hurtled toward a huge deadline. You made it happen. Now it’s time to deal with everything else in life that you put off. But you just…can’t.”
This is what Vanderkam calls a productivity hangover. And just as a regular hangover, the only cures are time and sleep.
“But if a vacation isn’t possible right now,” says Vanderkam, “a few other strategies can help.” And she offers the following activities with a preceding note: “You don’t need to feel motivated to get stuff done. Inspiration is like Santa Claus. Nice to believe in, but at a certain point you learn to make other plans.”
So, here are those other plans:
Make a list. “You’re not committing to actually doing anything. You’re just listing out the things you need to do at some point. I find that list-making takes less energy and produces less resistance than the actual work itself, and sometimes seeing obligations in black and white makes them seem less overwhelming.”
Work on something you like. “Surely something on your list is reasonably enjoyable (if not, you’ve got a bigger problem than a productivity hangover!). Tackle this task first. But…
Set a time limit. Yes, even with work you like! Assign yourself 20 minutes of this first task. That’s it. This strict limit has two upsides: first, you might accomplish more than you think you will, but just as important, after 20 minutes, you’ll be able to cross an item off your to-do list. You did exactly what you set out to do. This sense of success is highly motivational, and progress creates its own momentum.”
Pace yourself. “Study your list of obligations. It’s unlikely everything needs to be done today. So assign yourself three items a day (or so) over the next few days. Knowing when something will get done can help you relax, and getting through three things doesn’t seem too hard. No need to work yourself into a pity party over that. Continue to set time limits (an hour per item, max).”
Reward yourself. “Once you tackle your three assignments, celebrate. Go for a walk. Go buy (or make yourself) a cup of coffee. Read those articles you keep saying you’re going to read. Go chat with a work friend — well, as long as she’s not hurtling toward a deadline herself.”
Have you ever had to work when you did not feel motivated to do so? How did you find the energy? What did you think or tell yourself that made you do it? I’m very curious, please let me know in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: If you are sprinting towards the end of the year, you may have to put aside a few things to get other ones accomplished. Make a list of several things that truly motivate you, so that if you get a productivity hangover, you can fall back on those things that help you bounce back up faster.
FUTURE: Whether it’s a sprint in December or some other project that leaves you depleted throughout the year, go back to your motivation list and come back to this post to put Vanderkam’s suggestions into practice.
Know someone who would like this post? Please share it with your circles via Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn, thanks!
In parts 1, 2, and 3 of this miniseries we’ve been learning from A.J. Jacobs how to be more grateful and the importance of actively practicing gratitude towards our wellbeing. In today’s video (below), A.J. shares the importance of teamwork and seeing ourselves and what we do as part of something bigger, and he tells two great stories to illustrate this point. “We don’t do anything completely by ourselves,” he says. And that is true: we always have help and we can—and should—get it when we get stuck.
In the book, Jacobs mentions how we’re all interconnected and illustrates this point by mentioning the enormous efforts and logistics behind his cup of coffee:
“By the time I take a sip, the [coffee] bean has been on a nine-month-long journey of 2,500 miles across the equator. It has traveled by motorcycle, truck, boats, vans, pallets, shoulders, and forklifts. It’s been stored in buckets, bags, tubs and metal containers the size of a small apartment. It’s come down a tree, descended a mountain, docked in ports, navigated Customs, been loaded into a warehouse, rattled around in trucks.”
The author went on to thank virtually everybody in this supply chain. And when he realized that a lot of these efforts required steel, he decided to follow that trail and thank the people involved in making steel at the ArcelorMittal steel mill in Indiana.
“My coffee wouldn’t exist without steel. The ships and trains and trucks that carry the beans are made of steel, as are the stop signs and bridges and docks on their routes. Steel is in coffee scoopers and roasting machines, refrigerators and spoons […] brewing machines, and so much else necessary for my favorite drink.”
What struck Jacobs and made him realize that the loop was closing, was a conversation that he had during one of his final interviews with an engineer involved in forging steel. The engineer said, “Well, I’m grateful to coffee.” And then he went on to explain, “You have to thank the coffee itself. Because the steel workers drink a lot of coffee.”
Jacobs wrote that he loved the engineer’s point: “So meta, so recursive, and so true. You need coffee to make coffee. Coffee begets coffee.”
And he closes with a beautiful quote (both in the book as well as in the video) that recognizes how we are all interconnected. Our paths overlap and intersect everywhere. If we take the theory of the six degrees of separation—or the six degrees of gratitude that A.J. applied—we will see that it is, indeed, a very small world and that we need each other’s help all over the map to produce something as simple as a cup of coffee.
Today’s video (4:21 min) is the last in this miniseries on gratitude. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Let me know which was your favorite part in the comments here.
And if you are in New York, please join me on December 4 at the Business Library for a fireside chat on gratitude and business with the wonderful A.J. Jacobs. Here are the details.
ACTION
TODAY: Something fun to do: As part of the recent launch of his Thanks a Thousand book, A.J. decided to send 1,000 handwritten thank you notes to his readers. If you’d like him to send you one, simply go to ajjacobs.com/thanks.
FUTURE: Pick something that you really like and go on a gratitude trail. It doesn’t have to be as extensive as A.J.’s, yet you can make it as interactive and fun as you wish. Involve your loved ones, friends or colleagues. They’ll have fun too and you’ll build beautiful memories together. Spread gratitude and it’ll come back to you many times over.
As part of the research A.J. Jacobs did when he was working on his gratitude project, he got in touch with author and researcher Scott Barry Kaufman at the University of Pennsylvania. Kaufman taught a course on positive psychology and gratitude, and told Jacobs the following:
Gratitude has a lot to do with holding onto a moment as strongly as possible… It’s closely related to mindfulness and savoring. Gratitude can shift our perception of time and slow it down. It can make our life’s petty annoyances dissolve away, at least for a moment.
Jacobs then, aptly says, “It’s hard to be grateful if we’re speeding through life, focusing on what’s next.”
While life tends to be a whirlwind for most of us, we should really give a second thought to slowing down and taking in both the small and big moments. In today’s video (below), A.J. shares that the very act of stopping to smell the proverbial roses is what seems to be one of the keys to gratitude.
However, as much as we’d like to change our crazy, fast-paced present for what sometimes seems to be a much more peaceful past, A. J. warns us not to long for a false illusion of a better time. “The good old days were not good at all,” he says.
And in the book he backs this up by emphasizing, “I firmly believe most nostalgia for the glorious past is delusional thinking.” He mentions that he used to write a monthly magazine column in which he would research “just how horrible the previous centuries were… disease-ridden, dangerous, cruel, racist, sexist, smelly, superstitious, and poisonous.”
He goes on to explain that he focused on food, but he also wrote about “childrearing (opium lozenges to calm kids), clothes (iron corsets to shape women’s waists, and jobs (nightmen, the eighteenth-century workers who would haul manure from houses).” And, both in the book as well as in the video, he shares a mantra that will make you cringe and be happy that we live in this day and age.
While there are indeed enormous challenges today that we must overcome, “the solution doesn’t lie in a return to yesteryear.” Nor does it lie in pinning our happiness to the other side of the spectrum—the future—via the so-called hedonic treadmill that he explains in the video.
Check out the 3rd video (4:03 min) in this miniseries to learn more about cultivating gratitude from A.J. Jacobs (here are videos 1 and 2 in case you haven’t seen them).
Which is your favorite way of practicing gratitude so far? Let me know in the comments here.
ACTION
TODAY: As you are still enjoying Thanksgiving leftovers with your family—or simply during a family meal—do what A.J. did last year: “We held a family competition to see who could come up with the most obscure person on our dinner’s supply chain. My 12-year-old son thanked the farmer who grew the cranberries for the sauce (Not bad). Another relative thanked the trucker who drove the cranberries to the factory (Decent). Someone thanked the designer of the logo on the stop sign so the truck didn’t get in an accident (Getting there). My nephew thanked the miner in South America who got the copper for the wiring in the traffic lights. (Pretty good).” How fun is that?!
FUTURE: Whenever you feel overwhelmed by all the negativity in the news, take one minute to recognize something that goes very well in your life and truly savor the gratitude for such a wonderful thing.
Know someone who would like A.J.’s tips? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
In yesterday’s post and video, A.J. Jacobs told us how his gratitude journey had started and he shared some of the most important findings on the science behind gratitude. Expanding a bit on that, in Thanks a Thousand, he mentions, “gratitude is the single best predictor of well-being, and good relationships, beating out twenty-four other impressive traits such as hope, love, and creativity.”
Seeing this, it behooves us to learn how we can be more grateful to reap all these benefits.
Where should we start? Check out today’s video below (3:48 min) to see A.J.’s suggestions and tips on how to be grateful.
First, he points out the importance of being aware and noticing. The background for this tip comes from the book, where he explains that according to evolutionary psychologists, “All humans are genetically programmed to pay attention to what goes wrong [because] in Paleolithic times, it had survival value.” A.J. says, “Your one-thousandth great-grandparents needed to be damn sure they remembered which mushroom was poisonous.”
The result of this negative bias, nowadays, is that, “we are awash in modern-day anxiety. We often see our lives as problem after problem, crisis after crisis [and] many of us live in what some psychologists call the ‘deficit’ mind-set, not the ‘surplus’ mind-set.” As a consequence, “we spend far too much time fretting about what we’re missing instead of focusing on what we have.”
How to revert this? It’s simple. Notice the things around you. A.J. explains this on the video. He also shares a life hack for falling asleep in gratitude, and finally explains the transformative power of being grateful for all those things that we take for granted.
Enjoy!
ACTION
TODAY: When you go to bed tonight, don’t count sheep. Do the exercise that A.J. shares and you’ll fall asleep with a smile!
FUTURE: Start a new gratitude ritual: on a daily basis, make a point of noticing one thing that you would otherwise take for granted. Think of the many benefits you receive from it. You’ll be grateful instantly!
Know someone who would love any of these tips? Please share this post! Email, Facebook or Twitter.
TODAY’S IDEA: Santa Claus and his millions of helpers
